Annabella Twomey

United States of America

lover of reading, writing, exploring, and creativity

Message from Writer

I love any type of constructive feedback that will help my writing! Please feel free to be as critical as you want if you feel like you know something that will greatly improve the piece you are reviewing.

Peer Reviews

Him 2

FREE WRITING

I enjoy reading these chapters, great job! The one thing I will say is that the ages of the characters (If I'm remembering correctly they are around 7 or 9?) don't seem realistic for their actions/relationship. They could certainly like each other at this age, but I feel like it is a little unlikely he would say all the things he says and Venus's mother would more for the young children. Although it does seem possible that he could want her to move, but I feel like parents wouldn't actually consider it when they were that young. I would either make their ages older or make their relationship a little more innocent. But that is an easy fix, so great job and you should definitely continue with this piece it is fun to read! :)

about 4 years

Foreigner

PROMPT: The Unknown

Great job with this piece! I love your small, detailed descriptions to hint at one's culture without directly saying it. To possibly develop the piece a little bit more, you could possibly introduce a small conflict, something that the narrator struggles with in learning his friend's culture, providing an even deeper sense of an "unknown." Just an idea you could explore, awesome job!

about 4 years

What If.

FREE WRITING

I love this poem! I particularly like the repetition of "What If" within the poem. For possible revisions, maybe you could zero in on one specific area of society that you would like to change. You could start with general statements of change that you already have in this poem, but then focus it a bit more with a specific need for improvement in a topic you personally care about? Just an idea, but awesome job!

about 4 years

People

FREE WRITING

Great job with this piece! I love your little descriptions and the basis of the poem. This is just a thought, but since sometimes you describe actions that most humans find normal as differences or oddities, you could find a way to tell this from an alien/other-worldly perspective. Just an idea!

about 4 years

A Game of Chess

FREE WRITING

Awesome job! I love how you took the game of chess and personified it. It is a great way to visualize this game. See comments for small revision ideas :)

about 4 years

My Hope

PROMPT: A piece of good news.

Great job with this piece! Your epiphanies that you had are spot-on and it's great that you have come to peace with yourself and who you are! One thing I would add would be what sparked this "healing journey." Was it an event? Inspired by a person? I would just add that and you will have a really strong piece!

about 4 years

Writing Her

FREE WRITING

Awesome job with this piece! I love the way you switch between describing the ocean and "Her." If possible, I would go into a little more detail about her, more descriptions, and her actions/personality traits, just to give more visual to the poem. Great job!

about 4 years

The End of Endings

PROMPT: The Unknown

Awesome job! I love this piece and the way you connected many different feelings/emotions and the contrast of knowing/not knowing. As I said above, it could be interesting to reference events to and how those connect to endings. Great piece!

about 4 years

Stairs of life

PROMPT: Photo Prompt

I love this piece! As I said above, a very creative interpretation of the photo. If you wanted, you could also add an aspect relating to the crowdedness and business of the photo and relate it to heaven? Just a thought...great job!

about 4 years

Him 1

FREE WRITING

Great job with this story! I loved how you started when they were young children, as a sweet innocent relationship, and foreshadowed to how it would develop later on. It made me want to know more! I think there are some details that were confusing to the reader, but could easily be fixed, such as dialog, or logistics of the situation (see comments for more in-depth ideas), but those can be easily fixed! Awesome story, hopefully you post more!

about 4 years

If Looks Could Kill

PROMPT: Poetry Writing Competition 2015

Awesome job with this poem! I love its quickness and the creative rhyming! I am definitely not completely positive who the speaker is (I tried some guesses above), but there are some possible ideas for things to add. Great job!

about 4 years

Same Old Story, but a Different Way

PROMPT: Five Beginnings

I noticed a theme between these beginnings about being dead, or the living dead? Was that intentional? It was really cool, anyway, and I am definitely interested to see the full version of any of these stories. Great job!

about 4 years

Love

PROMPT: The Unknown

Great piece! I love your mix of questions and details that you think about! I feel as though you could maybe add a few more details at what you think it means to be in love. I understand you're saying you don't know much about this but even just adding your ideas could paint a better picture for the reader. Awesome job!

about 4 years

A Work in Progress

PROMPT: Poetry Writing Competition 2015

Beautiful poem! I loved your sensory details! I feel as though you could even expand upon them, adding more phrases or unique aspects (see comments for details). Great job!

over 4 years

within galaxies

PROMPT: Poetry Writing Competition 2015

This is an amazing poem, I love it! For possible revisions, maybe make the mood of the poem a little clearer. I am not quite sure whether this is a happy, positive portrayal of music, or more of using music to avoid things (e.g. the last couple lines), or a mixture of both. Maybe implementing your personal feelings could be helpful as well. Great job!

over 4 years

In Too Deep

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2015

Amazing job with this story! I loved the basis, the reflection, and how you described the connections you had with the character! See comments for small ideas for improvements just with stylistic things. Great piece!!!

about 4 years

Supernatural

PROMPT: Other World

Great job with this piece! Just a little more description of the actual storm and you will have a really captivating piece!

over 4 years

Empty Stomachs

PROMPT: Two in a Canoe

I think it could almost be better if they don't really make it to their final destination or the reader is left hanging at where they are going next, because I feel like it creates more suspense and I kind of like not knowing. Maybe there could be more conversation at where they are TRYING to go, but they don't actually make it by the end of the story. Great job with your dialog!

over 4 years

A World of Equality

PROMPT: What's up in your world?

Amazing job with this piece! I love the structure, the medium you chose, and your narrating voice! I would just rework that one stanza I mentioned (see comments) and your piece will be very powerful! Great job!

over 4 years

Finding the Words

PROMPT: Why I Write

Great job with this piece! I like how you touched on a number of different aspects of writing. For possible revisions, I feel like this piece could be better broken up as a poem (you mentioned you think in poem stanzas?). You could divide your different parts into general topics and have stanzas with a couple lines or so. Just a thought...Great job!

over 4 years

The Test Paper

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I love the descriptions in this piece, great job!

over 4 years

15

FREE WRITING

I LOVED this poem! Great job with the different stanzas! I liked how you balanced positive and negatives rather than relying heavily on one. Amazing job!

over 4 years

Why I Write

PROMPT: Why I Write

Great job with this piece, it is beautiful! I marked some ideas for you with the comments, I feel like you could possibly add one last broader line to end it and make it a little stronger. Awesome job!

over 4 years

Perceiving Ely

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

Awesome job with this piece! I feel as though you could go into a little more depth about the place you are. A possible idea, because there is no giant conflict since it is such a short piece is you could possibly turn this into a poem? It has a lot of descriptive elements so it could be great in that genre. Great job!

over 4 years

I Remember This

PROMPT: Story of a Scar

Great job with this piece! It's a very intriguing story idea and was interesting to read! I also loved how it wasn't a literal scar, but an emotional one.

over 4 years

Live, Laugh, Write About It

PROMPT: Why I Write

Great job with this piece, I felt like I really related to it! I love your endings and how you connected your experiences with how you write. I thought you could maybe make your reading as a child sound a little more positive (see comments for details) but that is just additions. Awesome job!

over 4 years

To Write Is

PROMPT: Why I Write

Great job with this piece! I like the rhyming although I think for the end you could circle back and end with a more general statement about writing. I think having examples is good but I don't know if ending with them works as well. Perhaps going back to reliving moments (you could use the word "dream" if you wanted to rhyme?) Amazing job!

over 4 years

Elaria

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

This is a great piece! Awesome job with your descriptions of everyone element, the buildings, the people, the background. I loved the twist of the city fading at the end, as well!

over 4 years

"...We tend to quit"

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2015

Great job with this piece! I loved the choice of topic and how it ended!

over 4 years

My Last Day Dream

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2015

This is an inspirational story! It was obviously a horrible thing to go through but it's very powerful knowing you came out ok on the other side. It is very empowering and great job capturing it!

over 4 years

The Thread Master

PROMPT: Doorbells and Dogs

Great job with this story! The words you were given were not easy/obvious and you were able to form a great story with a tangible plot. See comments for more ideas :) Awesome piece!

over 4 years

Lunch with the Devil

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Great job with this story! It's a seemingly simple idea, a girl torn between two lovers, but the way you incorporated the devil was a very original and creative way to do it! I really liked the voice in the story it felt realistic and relatable. :)

over 4 years

Scandal on the Tennis Court

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2015

Great job with this story! I think I mentioned all my ideas for additions above but I think you have a solid base and it can only improve from here! :)

over 4 years

Nordel

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

Great job! The idea of this city is very unique and I think can be improved just by adding more details! Bravo!

over 4 years

Wild

PROMPT: WILD

Great job with this piece! I love how you traveled to different scenarios/landscapes, as wind does in real life! I would just fix your tenses because they switch between past and present. You gave a great sense of imagery.

over 4 years

man on the moon

PROMPT: Lunar Phrases

I like the simplicity, but also the beauty of this piece! You defined a large concept in very few words, something that can be hard to do! Great job!

over 4 years

Monday

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

Great job! I thought you exemplified Kayla character traits quite well. If you did continue writing about this character, it could be interesting to incorporate a hidden passion that she has that she is sort of embarrassed to show to her "friends" but really enjoys.

over 4 years

This is Not a "Coming Out" Story

PROMPT: Open Prompt

This is an AMAZING piece! The way you described yourself, this as a "coming in" story, and the rainbow of the gray area was beautifully written. This is an inspirational story you could share with others to help them feel comfortable in their own skin. I think you really accomplished that factor. Bravo!

over 4 years

Catfish & the Bottlemen

PROMPT: Album Review Competition 2015

Great job! Your descriptions eloquent and I really like the structure of your review. You didn't just talk about the album, but the story of the band and the lead singer and the quotes fit perfectly with the review.

unknown

Tension In The Car

FREE WRITING

Great job in this story! If I were you, I would give a specific example of an argument, maybe even an scene with dialogue to give the reader a better sense of the mood you are very well describing. Awesome piece :)

over 4 years

Give Me a Chance?

FREE WRITING

This is a great piece! And if it is a true story, don't be too hard on yourself! Being 100% yourself is the best motto that comes out of this story and I've learned from experience that it is true. I've found that I genuinely love the people I'm with when I am myself. When I try to be something I'm not, the people I end up attracting are not even that fun or enjoyable to be around. No matter how many friends someone seems to have, they've all experienced it as well, because it is humanly impossible to like every single thing about a person. Just finding the people who accept you is the most amazing thing. I love the title as well!

over 4 years

What Really Happens When Posting My Work

FREE WRITING

I like the shortness and conciseness in this piece! And it is definitely relatable for sure!

over 4 years

I Hid The Key Inside The Green Gummy Bear

FREE WRITING

Wow this is an awesome piece! I particularly love your symbol of the gummy bear and your metaphor about leaving the door open just a crack. See comments for ideas, there are just some small things you could do to make your writing flow a little more :) Very compelling, great job!

over 4 years

Where It Begins

FREE WRITING

I love your descriptions in this piece! I can honestly picture the scene based on your words. Great job!

over 4 years

الفصل

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

over 4 years

Dear Emily

FREE WRITING

This story is filled with emotion and heartbreak! I'm wondering if you could add a part as to how Emily died in this story. You don't have to outright say it, but you could almost allude to it, even using the smallest details, and leave the reader to infer. You really conveyed the emotion well, great job!

over 4 years

Have A Burrito

FREE WRITING

I like the creativity of this story! It takes a fantastical idea-superpowers- and places it in a generally simple setting: babysitting. I thought you portrayed the relationship between Damini and Emma quite well. However, there are some areas that could use some more description or details, such as who is actually causing the lightning, and possibly the world they live in? Are there powers a secret or do they live in a world where everyone has them? Could be interesting to explore...See comments for more ideas. Great job!

over 4 years

Sneezes.

FREE WRITING

I love this idea-how you analyzed a simple, common custom and looked toward its greater meaning! I would just say looking at the arrangement of your sentence structure and some wording edits could be beneficial, but you have great content and an interesting topic. Great job!

over 4 years

The mystery of the missing make-up

FREE WRITING

I love your writing style! You did a great job at portraying the fiery relationship of these two sisters-something I'm sure many readers can relate to! I think after reading things, readers are left wanting to know more about them as princesses. Without adding more to that aspect, it almost seems unnecessary to the story because there isn't as much detail about it. But if you added more about the princess/queen aspect, it could be really interesting to see how it plays out in relation to the story. Great job!

over 4 years

The Big Reveal

PROMPT: All in a Name

unknown

Life Through Two Windows

PROMPT: Life Through A Window

I thought it was a great idea and an inspirational look through a window. I like how the narrator also "looks back" at their own window in the end because it is a nice way to wrap up the story. Great job! :)

unknown