Hanan Adi

Germany

Senior Peer Reviewer. Former Write the World young writer, now mentoring other WtW young writers through peer reviews!

Message from Writer

Your voice matters.
Cherish it.
Hone it.
Use it.
------------
Hey, young writers! I am so glad to be back to work on Write the World for a stint! As Senior Peer Reviewer, I hope to be able to use the experience I have had in my craft to help you recognize the full potential of yours.

Thanks to the WtW Team for having me on again. Let's make this a fulfilling year!

Peer Reviews

Slithering Strength

PROMPT: How to be a Good Creature

Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts! I have never touched a snake before. This is a really unusual experience and it was nice to hear what you learned from it!

6 months

Soundtrack To My Imagination - Althaya Shaw

PROMPT: Music Is

I can't highlight the title of this piece, but I wanted to. I found it a catchy way to immediately forge the connection between music and your writing/daydreaming. Well done all around! Thank you for sharing your reflections!

6 months

Gone

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Really good start! I am curious to learn more about the backstory and eager to get to know the characters more deeply. It would be great if you could keep working on this! Thank you for sharing!

6 months

In Your Own Bed

FREE WRITING

I may not manage to sleep well and timely every night, but doing so on most nights is already a significant difference and a huge step in the right direction. Every effort counts, and I think it is admirable that you take this matter seriously! Thank you for sharing -- now show this essay to everyone you know!!

6 months

Crumbling Citadel

FREE WRITING

Hey, Ailbhe! Your story fits right in with this site, as far as I can see! Pretty much all kinds of writing are welcome here. Once a year there is usually even a Fantasy Writing Competition, if you would be interested. Welcome to Write the World and I hope you have lots of fun here! All the best, Hanan

6 months

millstone | #allin200

FREE WRITING

A lovely, imaginative story! Thank you for sharing. It was a pleasure to read.

7 months

thorns | #apoemaday22 #oddsbodikins

FREE WRITING

I can relate so much to this. I am leaving my teenage years behind soon, but I can vividly remember how much I yearned for the attention and approval of so many people. I often ended up acting like somebody else entirely, just to feel accepted by them. But afterwards, I would always feel sad and empty. This is such a beautiful message and a really important one for young people to hear, who are beginning to discover themselves and to shape their own lives. Thank you so much for sharing!

7 months

The Light in the Dark

PROMPT: The Light Gets In

Thank you for sharing this lovely reminder!

7 months

the song of deliverance; a miracle in the face of demons REVISED VERSION

FREE WRITING

This is a lovely work of art. I love the juxtaposed loftiness and tenderness, and the theme of innocence throughout the whole piece. If you could clarify the meaning of the narrator's death in the end, I think this would help readers derive a more decisive message from the piece. Thank you so much for sharing and keep writing! I would love to read your future drafts of this piece, too, if you decide to publish them! You've really wound me up in this storyworld.

7 months

Afraid of Falling; A Very Honest Paragraph On How I Feel

FREE WRITING

Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts so candidly. I am sure there are many more young writers out there than you suspect who can relate exactly to this confession. You are a skillful writer with lots of heart. Stay strong and keep writing!

about 1 year

140 Characters or Less

PROMPT: Tweet-Tales

Kudos for trying out a new writing format! I highly encourage you to keep experimenting and practicing with such "tweet-tales"; I have a feeling you could become really good at this. I think you did well in building tension and conveying a complicated emotion with such a restricted character-count. The particular technique here that makes your writing effective, is, in my opinion, your building of tension in the story through the introduction of a new question in the reader's mind with each sentence. It is a technique worth utilizing, not only in your future pieces in this format, but in all your writing in general. Once more, good work and thank you for sharing. All the best to you!

10 months

Black Hole (haiku)

FREE WRITING

This is such a deep state of heart and mind that you convey so aptly. I mean to be the complete opposite of condescending when I say the skill you display in this single piece is rare for your age. I confess to having a difficult time finding words of my own worthy of appearing next to yours. Thank you very much for sharing. It was a pleasure to read and to review. As a last note: if you ever feel you need to talk about something, just drop a comment on one of my pieces. Write on and take care.

12 months

Stuck

FREE WRITING

This has got to be one of the best things I've read on WtW. I love rhyming poems. Well done.

over 1 year

a wish of mine, i suppose

FREE WRITING

"watcha think of the writing that comes out of hungry, sleep-deprived me? should i tap into her more?" Sometimes I wake up extra early in the morning (read: sleep-deprived!), just to write. It actually helps me to concentrate: when wide-awake, my imagination is very active and goes all over the place; when tired, my brain finds it a lot easier to just think about one thing at a time. (Of course, the fact that the world is so quiet so early in the morning helps as well.) I just have to make sure I catch up on that sleep later on. :) Stay healthy! And, by the way, I loved this piece! The humbleness of these two is seriously cute.

over 1 year

Moon

FREE WRITING

Really nice work! Keep writing!

over 1 year

Tiny Little Excerpt from SP Vol. 2.

FREE WRITING

I do not know where this excerpt occurs in the larger work, but I think it would make a great first/last sentence of the story/chapter. It has that power that would either grab the reader into the story or let him/her leave it thinking, "Wow." Just one further suggestion in the highlights. Thank you for sharing!

over 1 year

Books are Many Things

PROMPT: Book Love

The highlights offer some comments/suggestions on structure and clarity. Just take whatever is helpful. :) What really gripped me about this poem was the two wonderful metaphors you used, Pandora's box and Narnia, for two different kinds of books you read. The comparison to Pandora's box was especially unusual and striking, and made me think of books in a way I never had before. I enjoyed your poem and I look forward to your future drafts (if any)!

over 1 year

Down the Twilit Street I Roam

FREE WRITING

You're making progress! Keep up the good work! <3

over 1 year

How we ended up here?

FREE WRITING

Dear Marilou, Don't apologize for your English, it's really good! Overall, I found I could truly relate to this piece. Sometimes I find myself so frustrated with everything being the way it is. Frustrated with my parents, with my peers, with society, with government--with the whole world, really. But a large part of dealing with that frustration is finding someone to talk to who understands. I am really glad you shared this because I can relate so well to how you feel. I hope knowing that makes you feel a bit better. :) All the best to you! Remember, life sucks, but you're still awesome. :)

over 1 year

Down the Twilit Street I Roam

FREE WRITING

This is a really nice poem. Keep up the good work!

over 1 year

To a girl someplace far

FREE WRITING

I called the speaker in this piece "the narrator" because I was not sure if it was actually you speaking or if this is a work of fiction. Either way, it is so poetic; and if it is true, then this girl someplace far is very honoured to have this written for her. Thank you for sharing this! I truly enjoyed it.

over 1 year

MONEY is not everything

FREE WRITING

Well-thought-out, well-structured, and truly relevant to our day -- I loved this. It made me think. It was not only so interesting to read; I also had so much fun responding to your thoughts. Thank you so much for sharing your ideas in such detail. Happy writing!

over 1 year

Cold

PROMPT: Car Stories

First of all, welcome to Write the World! Second of all, even more welcome to Write the World! Third of all, I hope this helps somewhat. Gruß! <3

over 1 year

The Winter

FREE WRITING

On the one hand, this is a well-crafted descriptive piece of one tired person's walk home through the snow and harsh weather. On the other hand, it is a beautiful metaphor for life. The rain may fall and the wind may howl, but we have it within ourselves to push on, no matter what, until we reach a better place. A very unassuming but worthwhile piece to read. Thank you so much for having the courage to share it, Jenah (if that is your name). Peace. <3

over 1 year

Qayıdış (A Returning)

PROMPT: The World Anew

I can relate to this! Sometimes you travel somewhere, and from what you have heard about that place you think you will be more at home there than here; but then once you are there you realize you miss all sorts of things, and it is such a breath of fresh air to be back! "A symphony of familiar but fresh noise" perfectly captures that feeling. Thank you for sharing this!

over 1 year

Villain argument

FREE WRITING

Thank you for sharing this. The world needed it.

over 1 year

Fruition

PROMPT: Unlikely Places

Congratulations for trying your first fantasy! It is always scary stepping into a new genre for the first time. As an avid fantasy writer myself, I'm proud of you!

over 1 year

A Letter to Goodness

FREE WRITING

Thank you for being brave enough to share this even when you were worried it might be too long. Trust your gut. ;) Gruß <3

over 1 year

An angel cries

FREE WRITING

Dear Paulina, First of all, don't apologize! This piece is so much better than you fear. I personally loved it. I feel like you show a lot of empathy in being able to put yourself in the shoes of a character whose perspective is not typically explored in real life or in literature. Good work on this, and welcome to Write the World. :) --Hanan A.

over 1 year

in defence of living

FREE WRITING

A couple of months ago I published a story here on WtW called "Le Pain de Molière." I reckon you were the only one with the patience to read it through and actually enjoy it. I just want you to know that I appreciate your interest deeply, and that I am so grateful that you took the time to let me know how much it meant to you. Your comment makes my day every time I return to it. Happy writing. Gruß <3

over 1 year

The Big L

PROMPT: This I Believe

I would just like to add one thing. I agree with your argument, and my comment is not meant to refute your belief, but simply (hopefully) to widen your understanding of loneliness. I experienced loneliness due to judgement -- my own and others' judgement -- many years ago. However, I have come to believe that loneliness can also be caused by factors other than judgement. I am lonely. My loneliness is not due to judging myself badly or fearing the judgement of others, but rather due to the uniqueness of my life experience and my inability to find someone else to whom I can relate on a deep level. I feel isolated by everything that I have lived through, I have never found anyone who has gone through the same. This is a different (and less common) kind of loneliness than you describe here, and I just wanted to point that out. I have just realized that my comments are probably useless, since I have not answered your request for "any advice on how to make the piece better." Whoops . . . Thank you for sharing your thoughts! They were a pleasure to read.

almost 2 years

Traveling

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2017

Dear Josie (pronounced with an "s"), A few months ago you remarked on my review of your character study "That Time of Day": "I wish that I could receive such a thoughtful and helpful review for every piece I wrote." I hope this review will prove as thoughtful and helpful as that old one, Josie. And I'm glad you reached out, even if it took you a year. I take reviewing very seriously and it means more to me than you will ever know, when someone appreciates and benefits from my work. Better late than never. Thank you so much for all your kind and encouraging comments. And thank you for sharing your work, and happy writing. Your friend, Hanan A.

about 3 years

Why I Write

PROMPT: Why I Write

Dear Mahlatse, I read your interview on the blog many weeks ago, and I read this piece soon after you published it, but I just never had the time to review it until now. I want you to know that I love this piece, I love your boldness, and I hope you will keep on writing and keep on showing us what a wonderful person you are. Your spirit is something that is as needed in this world as it is rare. Cherish it. Share it. Your friend (and fellow Rebel), Hanan A.

over 3 years

The Maiden of Olde Orleans

PROMPT: History Alive

Dear Grace, I really enjoyed this ballad. Will I be presumptuous to guess that my ballad, "When the Longships Came," which you "favourited," inspired yours at least somewhat? I apologize if I am mistaken. I find it apt of you to try to relate the whole ballad in archaic voice ("thou hast" and the like), both since ballads are a traditional kind of verse, and because this one tells the story of something that happened many ages past. However, dear Grace, I will caution you as to how you use this voice. As it is not commonly used nowadays, it is very easy to stumble into pitfalls and conceive false ideas of how archaic language works. I read a lot of old works, in which the natural voice of the writer was what now we call the "archaic voice." Thus I am not an expert, but still quite familiar with archaic language. I hope these few clarifications may help you. In archaic English -- - Past tense verbs are not conjugated. "Rode," not "rodeth." - Plural verbs (verbs with plural subject) are not conjugated. "They tell," not "they telleth." (Doesn't feature in your work, but as an example.) - Infinitives are never conjugated. "To save," not "to saveth." - " 'st " ending is only ever used for "thou." "She was," not "she wast." - Adding "th" to the end of the word does not make it plural. Add "s" as you normally would. If you would like it, here is my suggestion for how you could go about making a piece sound genuinely archaic. It is what I used when I was less fluent, and I still use it now and again on my harder projects. 1) First, write the whole work in your normal voice. Use "you," not "thou," etc. Just write everything naturally. 2) Next, highlight all *singular present tense verbs only*. Not past tense, not future tense. E.g., don't highlight "they told" (plural past). Don't highlight "she shall save" (singular future). Etc. 3) Conjugate the highlighted verbs. (*Only* the highlighted verbs.) Add " 'st" if you are talking to "thou." Add " 'th" if you are talking about he/she/it. 4) Congratulations, you're done! 5) Or almost. Reading a lot of old works really is the only way about it. Please don't think I'm patronizing. Really, I'm not. But I speak from experience. You might have to revisit a grammar book on a few points, but it'll be worth it, I promise. This was a really good effort, Grace. I'm glad you're proud of this piece. Be proud of it. It's a true achievement. Be also proud of the fact that you created it, that it is wholly yours, that no one can change it without your permission; yet you can change it if you find that in some way it could be better. Thank you for sharing this, dear Grace. Yours, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

home sweet home

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

Dear Phoebe, Thank you for sharing this piece. I would love to know what you truly meant by it! Yours, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

I miss you

FREE WRITING

Dear Neasher, I hope you are well. Thank you for sharing this with us. The emotion in this poem and your efforts to craft it (making it rhyme, for instance) prove that this is a topic that you genuinely care about. Since this turned out well, maybe for future topics you should think about things that you care about, that move you, that make you want to take action and/or change things. What lies closest to the heart makes the best writing. Stay strong and write on. Your friend, Hanan A.

over 3 years

Just Dolls

FREE WRITING

Dear Anna, This story is amazing. I can't decide whether the dolls better symbolize people or dreams. On the one hand, just like people, the dolls are made out of "clay" and "dreams," sometimes are kind and sometimes are cruel -- but ultimately, they have the potential and the desire to do miraculous things. They desire to love and be loved; they desire to be watched over (as if by a mother), yet to be let alone to make their own choices (asking for their minds and hearts) . . . On the other hand, dreams, too, can "vie" for attention in the dreamer's mind. They, too, in a way, beg for life, beg to be given a chance, because once they are fulfilled, or are on the path to being fulfilled, they become wonderful, beautiful things. The girl seems not to take her dreams seriously, just sees them as idle entertainment. I feel a bit sorry for her: even though she can make new dreams with the remains of the old, she doesn't recognize the individual worth of each one, doesn't see that if given the chance, they could be much more than useless reveries. I know I've gone on for ages. Possibly I've put you to sleep! But anyhow, at least you know how much I have enjoyed your story. Keep writing, my friend. Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

Diversity?

FREE WRITING

Dear Kyra, This piece is powerful. Your passion is amazing. Thank you for sharing it. Thank you for being brave enough to speak out. We should all be this brave. Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

Hubris

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Dear Sophie, Thank you for sharing this piece. It's a fun read, sort of draws on and adds to a thought that often hangs around in my head. I'm happy to find someone who thinks in this regard the same way I do. I really enjoyed this! Thanks again! Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

But Is It Love?

PROMPT: Countdown

Dear Paris, Thank you for sharing this piece. It's an interesting spin on a classic and taken-for-granted tale. I enjoyed it, and I am curious to see how you may develop it further, get creative, and have fun with it! Of course, you don't have to take all my suggestions. They're just what works work for me, so maybe they'll work for you, too. I really hope they help, anyhow! Keep writing, dear. Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

Everyone, Emery

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2016

Dear AJ, This is an unpredictable and interesting story, and the character of Emery is heartwarming! I am a little confused about the theme of this piece, if you intended to portray one (I think it would be great if you did!). Do you mean to say that Emery IS special just because she believes she is special? that people can be amazing even though they don't stand out? Is the "you" in the story supposed to symbolize the matter-of-fact people who sometimes unintentionally destroy our dreams? You don't have to, but it would be really nice if you could clarify what the whole message of Emery's story is. It's a beautiful story as it is and giving it a message may make it even more meaningful to readers. Maybe you could also hint at the end whether Emery eventually will realize that she is/isn't special? You don't have to; this is just a thought. Thank you for sharing this! I really enjoyed it. Congratulations on publishing your first piece. Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

Life

PROMPT: Countdown

Dear Faith, I enjoyed this analysis of our history. It is thoughtful and thought-provoking. Thank you for sharing, and good luck on all future efforts! I also wish to thank you for all the wonderful reviews you've done on my writing! You have no idea how much it means to me, that you read my pieces, you enjoyed them, and you took the trouble to tell me so in detail, over and over again. I'm so touched, Faith . . . I think every writer dreams of the time when her (or his) work can connect to readers so deeply, and you make me feel that maybe realizing my dream may not be so far away after all. I am glad my writing resonates with you. I hope you -- and others -- shall continue to find comfort in it always. You have asked me many questions in your reviews, and I have decided, in order to save the confusion, to answer them in the comment section of each respective piece. So please drop by again! However, the questions you asked me in "A True Letter" are a bit more personal, so I shall answer them here instead. *What happened to make life so miserable?* I was very lonely. My friends had all stopped speaking to me, and I never knew why. (I still don't. They're all gone.) My life was suddenly empty and I realized -- I didn't have any purpose in life. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. *When did you first read Tolkien?* I first picked up Tolkien two years ago, when I was lost as described above. *Are things better now? Are you happier now?* In some ways, yes. I have found purpose (writing and dreams), and am more confident with sharing my work and my voice. Yet all this time, I have been searching hard but still haven't found a real friend. Any friend I make just forgets me and leaves me after a few weeks, and I never know why. It's one thing to be forsaken once by someone you love. That's devastating enough. But to be forsaken over and over again -- every single time -- to be scared to love new people because you know they'll break your heart in the end -- to be unable to help loving them all the same, even if all they do is smile at you, because no else ever does . . . I just wish someone could understand. Anyway, I've gone on too long about myself, but I hope maybe you understand a bit better now. Thank you once again for everything, and I hope to talk to you again soon. Please keep coming to my profile (although I apologize if I don't publish so often -- I am a busy girl)! I feel so glad and lucky to have a constructive supporter like you around, and I am happy to be your friend. Thank you for everything. Love, Hanan A.

about 4 years

As Peaceful As Falling Asleep

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2016

Dear Faith, I enjoyed this a lot. Thank you for sharing, and good luck in edits. Warmly, Your friend, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Countdown - Leaving (first published writing)

PROMPT: Countdown

Dear Anthony, Thank you and congratulations for sharing your first piece! It was a pleasure to read, and I hope you shall publish more soon. Welcome to Write the World. I hope you shall find us an encouraging and constructive community! In case you would like to develop this piece further, I have highlighted a few areas that I thought might benefit from a little extra attention. However, these are just my personal views, and if they do not prove helpful, you are absolutely free to disregard them. All the same -- I do hope they will prove helpful! Congratulations once again on publishing this, and good luck on all your future efforts! Warmly, Your friend, Hanan A.

about 4 years

For Love

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2016

Dear friend, I hope this helps! Good luck in edits. Congratulations and thank you for sharing your first piece! Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Voyage to The End

PROMPT: Twenty-Six Sentences

Dear Lucy, I love this idea. You've executed it wonderfully. Despite the language constraints, your piece never sounds forced and you even manage to relate a touching message by the end. Bravo! I hope you shall publish more such pieces in the future, and thank you so much for sharing this! Warmly, Hanan A.

almost 4 years

Time

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

Dear Jeremy (or Flynn), Thank you for making me smile. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

$30 copay

PROMPT: Letter Writing Competition 2016

Thank you for sharing, Phoebe! If there is anything that I missed, post a comment and I'll see to that. And you can always write back to me if you would like to discuss in greater detail. Good luck on edits. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Hate is Taught

FREE WRITING

Dear friend, Thank you for sharing this piece. I hope more people will realize how much we must do away with hate and embrace peace. The world could be so much more beautiful. Let's make it that much more beautiful. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Our Moment

PROMPT: Dear Me

Dear Max, My last comments are in highlights. Thank you for sharing this letter! I loved it. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Embarrassment

PROMPT: All in a Minute

This is a realistic, relatable, and well-illustrated incident. Well done, my friend! Good luck on all your future efforts. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

A Boy I Knew

PROMPT: Illumination

Well done once again, Elaine Louise! Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

The Correspondence Between Two Christmas Decorations

PROMPT: Letter Writing Competition 2016

You are so creative! Good luck on your future drafts! Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

To My Future Self

PROMPT: Dear Me

My dear Grace, I thank you for reminding not only yourself, but all of us to appreciate ourselves and our lives, no matter who we have been and no matter who we will be. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Falling Off

PROMPT: Playwriting Competition 2016

Dear AJ Nair, This is a brilliant piece of work. (As I interpret it) This play portrays how society has unfortunately more appreciation for material rather than abstract richness. The world tends to pay greater attention and respect to people like Theo, who may be dull and characterless but are financially successful. Meanwhile, the world is less appreciative of geniuses like Vince whose ideals appear lofty and abstract, perhaps even utopian. However, it is because of other people's lack of appreciation that these abstract ideas never get realized or materialized. Because of this unbalance of appreciation, many bright and potentially marvellous people are denied the chances they deserve. This is a moving story of one man's dream to rise to greatness amid the people he cares for -- although, or because, they totally disregard him. Thank you so much for sharing this story, AJ. I sincerely enjoyed it. I hope you will be able to reach many more people with your message, and help them to realize the necessity in our world not merely to appreciate but also to support -- to hold the ladder for -- the dreams and ideals of our ambitious ones. Good luck on all edits and future efforts. Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Untitled

PROMPT: Mysteries Abound

Dear Emily, This is a well-written and thought-provoking piece that touches on a number of disputable aspects of our current society. I love your frankness. You are clearly not afraid to speak out about what you see. I laud you! As usual, your unique descriptive style evokes vivid pictures and also gives us reason to ponder about your work long after we have finished reading. Thank you for sharing your voice; good luck on all future efforts; and, as a good friend of mine always says (I am sure you know her!), kudos to you on a great write! Your friend, Hanan A.

about 4 years

A Little Less Lonely

FREE WRITING

Dear Elaine (or is it Louise, or Elaine Louise?), Thank you so much for writing and sharing this rhyme. I think it is beautiful, reminiscent of the days of simplicity, the days when nature was less subdued and less harmed. Your simple language, and your mention of commonplace yet beautiful things, such as roads or stars, both help evoke this sense of innocence. Additionally, it is amazing that you could so subtly yet clearly weave a metaphor for life throughout this poem. You convey to a reader: life sometimes seems to be a "road to nowhere," and sometimes we lack the guidance we seek: but knowing that we are not alone helps us along the way. Thank you for this message of hope! Furthermore, the conciseness, metre, and rhyme of your rhyming lines is admirable, and it threads the poem together with a sing-song lilt. I know from experience that this is really difficult to do, and you do it wonderfully, and I congratulate you! Thank you once again for sharing this with me. I hope someday to tread that neverending road with you -- if, in living virtually alongside you, I do not metaphorically tread it with you already . . . Warmly, Hanan A.

about 4 years

Emerald Eyes

PROMPT: Monologue

Good morning, friend! This is an engaging and mysterious story. You well portray how it is to be rejected by someone you love and/or want to help. You also clearly portray the devastation and despair of one who is a victim of betrayal. Well done! I find it an interesting climax, that the narrator in the beginning is whole and the second character is broken; yet the narrator ends up broken and the second character is disburdened and apparently whole. The irony keeps me wondering even after I have finished reading. I have a few remaining comments in the highlights, just where I felt your phrasing was a bit awkward. I hope I have been helpful. All in all, good effort! Thank you for sharing, and have fun play-writing! Your friend, Hanan A.

about 4 years

God: A Work In Progress

PROMPT: 180

Dear Annie, Thank you for writing and sharing this piece with us all and with me. It is such an open and dignified confession that I cannot help warming to you and hoping that your situation will improve. My advice is simply this: follow your heart. I find that I have the greatest peace within myself if I just do what my heart tells me to. So if your heart tells you to pray, then pray. Pray away. There are always doubts, of course, always doubts. You just have to ignore them. Ignore them completely. Listen to your heart. Your heart is certain, and your doubts are not, so why listen to the doubts? Go on, Annie: pray. I think capitalizing "God" is a good idea; "God" is a name, after all. Catholicism is not the only religion that believes in God. Just because you believe that Catholicism is "phony," that does not need to bar you automatically from all other monotheistic religions. I encourage you to seek the truth. Find the doctrine that makes perfect sense to you. The one that banishes all your doubts. The one that sets your heart at peace. Follow your heart, Annie. It will take you to amazing, unimaginable places. Follow your heart. You pray for "a sign that I am wanted and needed in this world." Perhaps I am not much of a sign, but . . . I want and I need you in this world, Annie. Part of what keeps me alive is my faith in the people who will, no matter what, just try to do what they believe is right. By choosing your own path -- for instance, praying even when you have atheist parents and doubts about God -- you prove to me that you're brave enough to do what you believe in your heart to be right (at least for you). Indeed, I don't think your situation is as bleak as it may seem. The fact that you are already beginning to trust yourself -- to ignore, once a night, your doubts about praying -- tells me that you have already made a headway in achieving peace within yourself. I'm so sorry for making this so long. I hope I have been able to help somehow. I wish the best for you. I've never read The Help, but I confess, I often write my prayers down, too. Take care, Annie. Just follow your heart. Follow your heart. Your friend, Hanan A.

about 4 years

10 Ways to Fall

PROMPT: 0-9

Good day, Iris. You have a distinctive perspective on numbers in this piece. There are many recognizable symbols and some also that are sort of hidden, that make a reader have to think a little more about them. And the numbers add well to this narrative, so I would say it was worthwhile that you mulled so long over this prompt. Well done, Iris, and thank you for sharing this! I would also like to thank you for reviewing my piece, "The Débutante." I am glad you liked it. Your review is constructive yet very encouraging. In fact, it would be wonderful if I could discuss with you how I might incorporate your insight, and hopefully answer some questions you asked me in the review, and clarify a few areas you may have been confused about. If you wouldn't mind discussing my piece with me, please send me a letter! Here is my email address -- go ahead and laugh at the ridiculous name; this is what happens when a girl creates her email when she's nine -- hananbunny@gmail.com. Whether you choose to write to me or not, thank you so much in advance! Have a lovely day, Iris, and thank you once again for everything! Your friend, Hanan A.

over 4 years

The Memory Of Us

PROMPT: 0-9

Hallo, Ellen! This is a very real portrayal of betrayal and heartbreak! I think many readers (including myself) can relate to the strong feelings in this piece. It almost feels like sympathy, although we ourselves sympathise with the narrator, too. Thank you for sharing this, Ellen! Well done and happy writing!

over 4 years

The First Time

PROMPT: Paradoxical Phrasing

Dear Vani, I LOVE this. It's so accurate, interesting, and even motivating. I even like how you titled it, not mentioning WHAT you're doing for the first time, making readers wonder, but also emphasizing the moment's significance in your life. As if it's not just any first time; it's THE first time. Almost as if you were born (or reborn) in that moment. Well done! Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Vani! Keep writing. Warmly, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Aurora Borealis

PROMPT: Other Worldly

Hullo, David! I know you've published this piece ages ago, and maybe you've edited it on your own and simply haven't republished it, but I've reviewed it because I like it. Your experience in Iceland is exciting to read about, and your message is both mind-opening and inspiring. Really well done! Thank you for sharing it with us, David.

over 4 years

Graduation Day

PROMPT: After... After... After

Dear Emily, I love this! The images, the mood, the subject, all are wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing!

over 4 years

A Beautiful Thing

PROMPT: Flashlight

Good day, Suri. I have a few suggestions in highlights, hopefully to help you make your great poem even greater. Thank you so much for sharing your piece with us. It was a pleasure to read. Good luck on all your future efforts, Suri. Your friend, Hanan A.

over 4 years

say the word, and you'll be free

PROMPT: 0-9

Hallo, Phoebe. I have provided a few suggestions for you in highlights. I hope you continue working on this draft. I admire your voice here; it is so honest and thought-provoking. I am proud of you for being brave enough to share your experience with religion. Oftentimes this can be a really difficult topic to discuss, because the purpose of life and of death -- of everything we do -- is such a momentous question. Thank you so much for sharing, and have a lovely day. Your friend, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Numbers.

PROMPT: 0-9

Good day, my friend. Congratulations on publishing your first piece! Thank you for joining Write the World and contributing to our community. I hope you shall find that we are an encouraging and constructive bunch! I really like this piece: the mystery of it, the manipulation of the numbers, even the sense of extemporaneity and freedom of the journey. It almost makes me want to run somewhere, anywhere, just to run and to forget my limits. I'm glad the girl found someone to hold her and help her in the end. Thank you for sharing this! Good luck on all your future efforts, my friend!

over 4 years

If At First You Dont Succeed..

FREE WRITING

Good day, my friend. You mention that you tend to speak about dark topics; however, I think this poem has a good balance of "dark" and "light" in it. You accurately depict the suicidal feelings of the narrator (you?), yet you also leave readers with a message of hope. And anyway, sometimes it's wise and brave to discuss the darker topics of our existence -- it helps us to understand them and to make important decisions regarding them. Congratulations on writing this amazing piece. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing it, and good luck on all your future efforts! Your friend, Hanan A.

over 4 years

a forgotten sun.

PROMPT: Time Traveler

Good day, Kruthi! I have a suggestion (in the last highlight) for your ballad. And a quick proofread should soon fix any typos. Your ballad is beautiful. I love your unique use of figurative language to create lifelike images and stark contrasts. Your message is so clear and so moving. Thank you so much for sharing your valuable insight and your special writing style. I wish you good luck in all your future efforts, and I hope you will publish more such work soon, Kruthi. Warmly, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Slang Around the World

PROMPT: Local Tongue

Good day, Vani! I find it amazing that you've lived in so many places and have experienced such different cultures and languages! I am also in love with language and find dialects so interesting. Therefore, I did not find your piece boring at all. Maybe to hook in the less language-loving folk on the site, you could begin your piece with a sentence in one of the dialects you mention here. For example, "Can also can, cannot also can," is something most non-Singaporeans are probably unfamiliar with. Starting your piece with this phrase may make more people curious to find out what it means or where it comes from. I would also like to thank you for your super encouraging review on my piece, "The Query." I am so glad you like it. To answer your questions, I could write a whole essay on why I like writing/reading old English more than modern, but in short, there's a sort of elegance in old language that, as you say, is musical, powerful, and deep. And as for the bothersome last line in my sketch, I agree that it's off-putting, so I changed it. You can see the new line now; please tell me your thoughts in a comment! In fact, if you have any thoughts at all on any of my pieces, I invite your comments; I always read and consider them. Thank you for your warmth and enthusiasm in both your reviewing and your writing! Good luck on all your future efforts! Love, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Canon In Love Major

PROMPT: Flashlight

Dear Theresa, I appreciate so many aspects of this poem. I like how you titled it, "Canon in Love Major," playing on theme of music used throughout and also implying the "major" love you have for the one to whom you speak. Just a thought: in "love minor" may also have worked, since minor keys usually imply music of a more sad or distressed nature. I also like how you use short stanzas to emphasize the small ways that you and your love interact. It would have been nice if the rhyme scheme were maintained throughout, so that the poem could better mimic a song or a piece of music (which usually has a distinct rhythm or "rhyme"). I would have enjoyed to know in the end who is the object of your love, the same way I'd like to see a mystery revealed after wondering for so long. I think the meaning of your poem and the image of your love could even be strengthened when we know who it is you are secretly admiring/who is secretly admiring you. However, these are just matters of opinion and choice. I'm so sorry that you are lonely and sad, my dear Theresa. I understand completely -- because so am I. I too experience people misunderstanding me, thinking me "psycho." Yes, writing does provide an outlet for the pain, but sometimes writing is not enough. I know that. I know. Nothing beats having a true friend. I suppose I am a very poor example of a true friend, but if there's anything I can do to make you feel better, just let me know, won't you? You can speak with me by commenting on this piece or on one of my pieces; I'll keep a lookout for you. Please, please, don't be shy. I know the agony of loneliness. I don't want anyone else to have to go through the same, ever. Take care, dear Theresa. Hanan A.

over 4 years

Why?

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Domini. My few final comments are in the highlights. I really enjoyed reading your essay, not only because your voice is engaging, but also because it really made me think about the situation of societies in which catcalling is rife. I hope soon we'll be able to make a change and see a decrease, if not a total eradication, of harassments made in this manner. Thank you for sharing your op-ed, Domini!

over 4 years

dying weeds

PROMPT: Quartet

Good description, friend! You create a really vivid image here. I like! I don't know how close my interpretation comes to your intention, but art is often ambiguous, depending on one's perspective. Nonetheless, if you wonder how I imagine your character as a farmer waiting to die, I shall gladly provide an explanation. As for word choice, I have commented in highlights. All in all, this piece is great. Thank you for sharing it! and good luck on your future efforts, my friend.

over 4 years

The Question That Matters Too Much

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Good day, friend. This is a great memoir! (Unless I am mistaken,) It really captures your reflective and appreciative spirit. Just saying, this memoir is only five words long -- if you like, you can add an extra word to expand the meaning of your memoir, even so. I have a suggestion for your title, although it's fine as it is, too. I just thought that maybe if you titled it, "It Matters too Much," then the memoir would feel more impactful. Calling the memoir "The Question" implies that there are other things, such as statements, commands, emotions, etc., that also matter "too much," reducing the significance of the Question. On the other hand, just saying "it" emphasizes the singularity and immediacy of the Question, as if "it" is the only thing on your mind. What do you think? Thank you for sharing your wonderful memoir with us, and have a splendid day, my friend!

over 4 years

Modern radical feminists will have their male tears and drink 'em, too

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Phoebe. Thank you for sharing with us your fabulous op-ed. I expect the occasional typos in the essay will be corrected during proofreading? I highlighted one area where I was confused, but otherwise, everything is fine. I would like to thank you as well for reviewing my piece, "After We Do." I am so glad you like it; I hope that someday soon, we'll all be able to "join hand-in-hand" and make the world a more wholesome place, in matters of equality for women, and in all matters in the world that are now amiss. Have a splendid day, Phoebe, and good luck in the competition!

over 4 years

Read, Read, and Read Again!

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Hanna. Thank you for sharing your op-ed. I have included a few suggestions for you (just take whatever's useful). I have also highlighted a couple of typos to give you a headstart in proofreading. I hope you continue working on your piece even though it's too late to resubmit it to the competition. It's a good argument and deserves your effort. Have a great day, Hanna!

over 4 years

Should Children's Beauty Pageants Be Banned?

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

I know this review comes a bit too late for the competition, but you can still work on your piece. It's never too late for improvement! Don't you think? Thank you for sharing your op-ed with us, Madi. Good luck in the competition!

over 4 years

Engi

PROMPT: All in a Name

Good day, Engi, my friend. Other than a few grammar slips, which proofreading should fix, I like your essay just as it is. It's funny and relatable, yet unique. I am glad you decided to share the background of your name with us. I hope that in the future, you'll be able to find out more about your name -- and not just get lost among engineering sites and bold, italicized blue tabs that say, "Did you mean [misspelling of Engi]?" Have a nice day, Engi.

over 4 years

She left last night

PROMPT: Quartet

Good day, Hailey. Thank you for sharing your character with us. I am curious to know more about her. Did you think her up for the prompt, or is she character from another work of yours? I am glad you liked my piece, "After We Do"; you are welcome to all my other pieces as well. I also saw your response to the "After" prompt. Just a friendly note: a quiet request entices me much more to review a piece than a demand . . . maybe you would like to alter your message to readers on that piece? Thank you for sharing your work with us, and happy future reading and writing, Hailey. Warmly, Hanan A.

over 4 years

After the Sunrise

PROMPT: After... After... After

Good day, Abigail. Welcome to Write the World. Thank you for sharing your charming piece with us. And to comment on your footnote: your whole passage is one sentence, all the "after" phrases are subordinate clauses, and there's no limit to how many of those a sentence can have. So, actually, yours is a perfectly grammatically acceptable sentence. A lovely sentence. Thank you also for your kind review on my piece, "Count the Stars." I am so glad you enjoyed it. I hope you will enjoy my others as well; you are welcome to them anytime. Happy reading and writing! Warmly, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Would You Trade your Books for Digital Versions?

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Milady. I have a few suggestions in highlights for you as you continue working on your piece. Thank you for sharing your message of hope for us book-lovers! Thank you also for a very encouraging review on my piece, "Words to the Walking Dead." It is warming to know someone enjoys my work and cares to tell me so. Thank you for stopping by me, and please come again, Milady!

over 4 years

The War For Women's Rights

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Brooke. Thank you for sharing your argument with us. Thank you also for your encouraging review on my piece, "Words to the Walking Dead." It makes a big difference to know that someone reads and appreciates my work, and then takes the time to tell me so. People like you are great motivation for a young writer like myself. Thank you so much! You are welcome to all my other pieces as well; I hope you enjoy those too. Good luck in the competition, Brooke.

over 4 years

Donald Trump?

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Thank you for sharing your piece, friend. Politics sometimes are hard to speak about because they are full of controversy and debate. It's good that you are able to brave opposition and take a stand. Just be sure to provide clear evidence to support your stand, and be brave enough to explore the opposition as well. Have a nice day.

over 4 years

Fragile Men

PROMPT: Op-ed Competition 2016

Good day, Kara. If I sound too critical, I am sorry, but I am aware that this is an essay for a competition, so I try harder to alert you to possible areas of improvement. Thank you for sharing your valuable insight on this understated problem. I hope you will be able to convince others as well to take a stand against bullying of males. Good luck in the competition, Kara.

over 4 years

that time of day

PROMPT: Living People

Good day, Josie. I found a few errors you missed in proofreading; I hope that helps. Nothing was lacking in this story. It was an interesting character study. I would also have liked to know more about Laura and her hobbies. It would have been nice to see the contrast between her pastimes and her genius younger sister's pastimes, and also to see what activities they still enjoy doing together. However, I am also aware that you may have been simply making a character sketch of Claire for the prompt, so that's all right. And if you prefer your story as it is, without incorporating my suggestions, that's fine, too. I like your story. It shares a warm message of the unbending bonds between members of the family. I also thought that the details you included for each character were interesting. I like how you chose to relate the background information while Laura was cutting the lemon -- it felt like a natural place for the action to pause and for the narrator (and reader) to reflect. Thank you for sharing this piece, and happy writing, Josie. (And you can't hear it, but I do pronounce your name with an "s" and not a "z.")

over 4 years

Contradiction

FREE WRITING

Good day, friend. I have highlighted two areas where I was confused, but otherwise everything is fine. Thank you for sharing this piece, and happy future writing.

over 4 years

Variation Singlish

PROMPT: Local Tongue

Good day, Annabel. I actually can relate well to Singlish because I have cousins in Singapore. When they came over last year, they told me that some of their friends actually greet each other with bad words. I was so shocked that they would be so rude, especially to those they loved. However, when I think about it, maybe being "rude" is really just a sign that you have full confidence that the other person will not get offended at what you say. You have full confidence that that person likes you no matter what. You are totally comfortable doing anything around that person. So it's not really being rude; maybe it's more like saying, "I trust you 100%." Do you think so? This piece is so realistic and funny -- I like the added bit of Australian brogue, too. You transcribe the accents well. I can practically hear them. Congratulations on publishing your first piece! Welcome to Write the World. I hope you shall find us a fun and constructive bunch, and I hope to see more of your work soon. Hanan A.

over 4 years

Life On A Number Line

PROMPT: 0-9

Good day, Cindy. I have highlighted two places in the narrative where I was confused. Otherwise, it is clear and flows well. The numbers add to the narrative in many ways; I admire that you were able to use them so much to your advantage. I admire your ability to suggest without stating outright what is going on -- for example, this passage: " 'Hey, how many calories is this?' / That day, a disease had set inside you . . . burning through hopes and replacing them with splintering, gnarled yearnings for an image you’d never be satisfied with." Although you do not outright state that the character becomes anorexic or neurotic, readers can construe this outcome from the clues: what the second character asks, and the consequent reflections of the narrator. All in all, this piece is great. I notice that you are new here. Welcome to Write the World. I hope you shall find our community friendly, encouraging, and constructive. Congratulations on publishing your first piece; I hope to see more of your work soon. Warmly, Hanan A.

over 4 years

From Afar

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2015

Good day, Molly. I am aware that this piece may be part of a larger work, but I think since we are not reading the larger work yet, it would be all right to change little bits about this piece to make stronger on its own. My last few comments are in highlights. Thank you for sharing your piece. I hope you continue to work on this piece even though the competition is way over. It deserves to shine. Happy writing, Molly.

over 4 years

A Guide To Being Human

PROMPT: 0-9

Good day, Raiquia. I don't think you are crude and evil at all. I feel instead that you are thoughtful and maybe frustrated or sad about the state of humanity. Your piece allows us to think about our situation and urges us, although not directly, to try to improve it. I have a few suggestions for you in highlights. For example, adding some positives here and there to give readers hope, and to acknowledge the humans who try to be good and the general good side to humanity. I like your sardonic humour and your shrewdness; I hope people like you (and possibly me too) will together help to remind ourselves and our fellowmen that we can choose what it means to be human -- and we can choose good things. Thank you for sharing your satire, Raiquia.

over 4 years

All I am

FREE WRITING

Good day, friend. I have a suggestion: I think your verse could sound nice with a consistent rhyme scheme. As it is, the rhythm feels a bit haphazard. A more consistent rhythm flows in the mind like repetition or like sighing, further enforcing the idea that your melancholy won't let you go. A rhythm also is easier to "catch" and can make a poem more memorable -- much like songs with a "catchy" beat. Otherwise, I like your poem. You already have a headstart in making a rhythm with your mesmerizing repetition in the first line of each stanza. You use not only descriptive but also symbolic images to portray your melancholy. I hope you feel better now, or if you still feel this way, that you will feel better soon. I'll be here to help out, if you like. Thank you for sharing this piece.

over 4 years

The Perils of Growing Up

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Good day, Leanne. I have a suggestion for this piece -- you may take it or leave it: perhaps you could change the title to something more relevant to your memoir? If you meant for the title to be serve as an antecedent for "it (all)" in your memoir, then I think this is not completely necessary. Readers can guess that you mean growing up because growing up is usually the biggest factor in personality change. And being still a dreamer is not a peril of growing up; rather, it is something that has endured growing up. I think something like, "I Grew Up" would be more suitable. It doesn't hint at something beyond the scope of your memoir; it sounds nice as a beginning to the memoir, if you read the title and memoir together as a sentence; and it serves as an antecedent for "it (all)," if you like. Welcome to Write the World, Leanne. I hope you shall find our community helpful and encouraging and fun -- not only in matters of writing, but of friendship also. Congratulations on submitting your first piece. It is perfectly-worded; your power of suggestion is wonderful. I hope you share more with us soon. Until next time, Hanan A.

over 4 years

The Tower

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Thank you for sharing this piece. It's hilarious and relatable. I hope your own drafting goes better than it does for the protagonist (and me, sometimes). Happy writing!

over 4 years

A character in 4 details

PROMPT: Quartet

Welcome to Write the World, Daria! I hope you shall find our community friendly, constructive, and encouraging. I hope as well that we shall not only help you to develop and to hone your craft, but also open to you the pleasures of company, inspiration, and teamwork. Thank you and congratulations on sharing your first piece! Good luck on your future writing; I look forward to seeing more of it soon.

over 4 years

Tattoo On My Heart

PROMPT: Poetry Writing Competition 2015

My last comments are in highlights. Thank you for sharing your poem, Ethan!

over 4 years

Opposite Side

PROMPT: Ripple Effect

Good day, Ethan. This piece is not really about the environment, but I agree that it can be applicable. Our actions toward the environment will be reflected in its demise -- or its rise. Ethan, let's make it rise.

over 4 years

Pitter Patter

FREE WRITING

Good day, Harshita. I have one suggestion for your poem. Your poem describes how the rain and some other aspects of your home are comforting to you. For example, "The pitter patter of the rain/Washes away all the pain." Yet I think you could show even more strongly how these things are comforting if you created a comparison. You could show how your life is/would be without these things, and then show how your life is with them. For example, you could show yourself troubled or sullen in your bedroom -- until the rain starts, or until you pick up your pen. This way, readers can see even better what a positive effect rain and writing have on your life. I think a before/after comparison like this for your other images -- the cookie-dough smells, the chattering children, etc. -- could really strengthen the message of your poem. Overall, I like your poem. You use special details to create such a pleasant picture of your home. You share with us the things that mean a lot to you, the things that help you move on in life -- the things that make you enjoy it. The simpleness of these things -- the rain, new books, cookies -- also reminds readers that they can find comfort in the little parts of home that make it home. Thank you for sharing your "home" poem, Harshita.

over 4 years

My Six Words

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

One last thing, Stewart -- you don't have to answer -- but to whom do you speak in your memoir? Most likely, not to me. Is it to the world? to your family? your mother or father? your brother or sister? your best friend? your backyard tree? Thank you for sharing the touching story of your life.

over 4 years

Warehouse Wandering

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2015

Good day, David. I have a suggestion for you: what if you tried to evoke the mood of the piece by altering the sentence structure/paragraph breaks a little? I like, for instance, how you made special paragraphs for the word, "Well." Not only humourous, but it helped with the pacing. It sounded like the narrator was looking around for a moment with his hands on his hips, and helped me to visualize the scene along with him. So you have a headstart; what if you tried to evoke mood similarly with the first sighting of the man? I think that could make the encounter more impacting. I have included highlights for specificity. Your story flows well and is suspenseful. It also holds an interesting message of confidence -- that even beings that appear evil could be uncertain, insecure, even afraid. And your descriptions -- so clear. Thank you for sharing, David!

over 4 years

Beautiful

FREE WRITING

Good day, Veronica. I hope confiding your bad experience to us has made you feel better. I have highlighted a few typos in your piece to give you a headstart on proofreading. As a rule, I proofread at least twice before I publish anything. I think it's a good rule. It saves me the embarrassment later when I return to a piece a notice mistakes everywhere. As for the style, your conversational tone makes for an engaging read. Now and again, I did feel you included unnecessary details or words. I have added highlights for clarity. Your piece is interesting, clear, and very relatable. It highlights a common issue among us fellow adolescents, and serves to remind us how we need to learn to back each other up and encourage each other to stand up for ourselves -- rather than just picking on each other and making people miserable. Veronica, I'm willing to back you up if you need it -- if you ever feel like you want a helping hand, know that I'm here, and I will do what I can, as a fellow-writer and as a friend. Sincerely, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Alice

FREE WRITING

Good day, Georgia. I have highlighted a few areas where I felt you could have been more concise. Especially since your piece is about something shocking -- a girl's mysterious disappearance and the reactions of those who love her -- then terse sentences could convey your message effectively. Thank you for sharing your piece with us, Georgia. It is so modest and touching. I hope writing and sharing your writing has provided you a comforting outlet for your longing for Alice. I also hope that we can work together to hone your outlet and to help you to communicate better your other feelings and ideas. I give my sympathy and my best wishes. Sincerely, Hanan A.

over 4 years

How Friendship Feels

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

I like this description. It is worded so concisely and precisely that it sounds like an adage. I wouldn't be surprised if it became one, give time. Thank you for sharing this, Colette!

over 4 years

Exploring Self Disclosure in Social Media

PROMPT: YOUTHspeak

Good day, James. You've got an interesting essay here! I have a suggestion for you as you continue to work on it: Try to structure your paragraphs so that each one begins with a topic sentence and ends with a conclusion. The conclusion could restate the topic sentence and/or incorporate extra commentary based on the paragraph. I think this structure may help to organize your information better and to help relate the facts more closely to the reader's own life. I have included a few highlights (marked with a *) for specificity. The other highlights are merely my suggestions for rewording awkward phrases or sentences, or suggestions for further expansion or exploration of other interesting areas of the essay. It is surprising how much people can tell about us without us even telling them! Your essay makes us ponder about and consider more deeply what sort of an impression we intend to make on others, vs. what impression we actually do make on them. Thank you for sharing your essay, and good luck in the competition, James.

over 4 years

The Enigma

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2015

Good day, Ella. Your story is suspenseful. You judge well how much of each aspect of a story you should include. There is enough background information for me to understand the purpose of the story, but not so much that it slows the story down. Characterization is done more by actions and dialogue than by telling. You also do not dwell overlong on anything like the sketchbook or the journey, but you describe it just enough for me to get a good picture of what's going on. Only the execution of the plot to kill Star does not seem logical to me. Perhaps if you could provide or at least hint at some motive for the long delay, extra effort in training Star, reason why she didn't defend herself, etc., then the story could be more believable, hence relatable, and suspenseful. Thank you for sharing, Ella.

over 4 years

Writing as an Art, as an Outlet, as a Vision

PROMPT: YOUTHspeak

Good day, Crescencia. I have a few more suggestions for you as you continue to work on your engaging and thoughtful essay. **Long paragraphs are all right, but short ones are more reader-friendly. A long paragraph may appear unwieldy or even physically daunting to a reader. I would recommend dividing your long paragraphs into smaller ones. I have added a two highlights for specificity. *Your conclusion sums up the main points, but is very brief, and I think could be stronger. I feel a good conclusion should invite the reader to recall and reflect upon the arguments and examples given in the essay. For example, you could add in conclusion something to this effect: "In its entirety, writing is truly an art form, an outlet, and a vision. Writing, like any master's painting, reflects the values of its day, but also challenges them. Writing, like all communication, enables one to vent his emotions, but also to explore their causes -- and their cures"; then you may lastly add an example of how writing is a vision as well. If I have sounded too critical, please understand that I understand that this essay is to enter the YouthSpeak writing competition (unless I am mistaken). I don't mean to be harsh, but I do want to alert you to possible weaknesses so that you will be able to build your essay even more strongly, and impress the judges even more than you have impressed me. I enjoy your essay, Crescencia. Thank you for allowing us to reflect upon the significance of the work we writers do; and thank you for helping non-writers to appreciate our work as well. Thank you for sharing your essay of insight and hope. Happy writing!

over 4 years

On The Surface

PROMPT: Life Through A Window

Good day, Annabella. What a relatable method of giving much-needed advice! I believe many girls will be able to feel like the protagonist ("you"), for envy for the apparently privileged in society is not uncommon. Using the second person was a good move for this piece, because this situation is a common one for many girls; they will effectively feel like the protagonist. I have only one suggestion for this piece and for your future second-person P.O.V. writing: try not to state outright everything the reader feels, and let the reader feel that way of her own accord. I have highlighted a few lines to explain better what I mean. All the same, no need to worry; the instances of this mistake (if it is one) in this piece are hardly any. I am just highlighting them so that you may be aware of them and maybe help prevent you from making the same mistake in the future. All in all, your characters are relatable, your language concise, and your imagery clear. You effectively show the gratuitousness of envy and judgement by appearances. Thank you for sharing us your story and your message, Annabella!

over 4 years

Unseen but Unavoidable

PROMPT: The Unseen

Good day, Jadah. This is a bold and thoughtful piece. It is true that many people judge and are judged by outward appearances, which is often unfair because people cannot help the way they look, and what looks pretty to one person may be plain to another. It is good that you question this practice and explore individuality. This is my view: one can be who she is or wants to be, if she dares. For to do so, one must be brave to face the isolation of nonconformity. However, she will, hopefully, experience the satisfaction that she is paving her own path, the one she believes is right for her. There are probably also some people who dare to be themselves but refrain out of wisdom, at least for the moment. For example, I've heard of a young Muslim convert (I forget her name) in Czechoslovakia who knows her community hates Muslims and that to declare her true faith could mean death. If she wishes to do more good to the world before she leaves it, then she will need to be alive for longer. In this instance, hiding her individuality is not lack of bravery, but evidence of prudence and selflessness. Thank you for sharing, Jadah. Keep wondering and keep asking. Be yourself -- dare yourself to be yourself. For I believe you can. I believe you can.

over 4 years

What Can You Hear Through the Leaves

PROMPT: Friendship Narrative Competition 2016

Good day, Mary. I think this piece would benefit if you continued it, at least so that readers can conjecture the fate of the narrator. Overall, you've done a good job. Thank you for sharing, and have a nice day, Mary!

over 4 years

Cracks

PROMPT: Fissure

Good day, Mina. I hope this isn't too late to help out on a first draft! I would suggest you clarify what is cracked and how. I have difficulty deciding which cracks are literal and which are figurative, and which may be both. I also am confused about the identity of the narrator. I have highlighted lines for specificity. Anyhow, I think you are off on a strong start. You clearly have some symbols budding with your mirror and your cracks, which adds depth to the poem. The rhythm is so "wondering" that it is mesmerizing. The uncertainty also makes me pity the narrator. I don't even think your ambiguity was a bad idea. It's clever to be able to incorporate so many ideas into the same few words. I just think that if you narrowed down your ambiguity, so that readers have a surer idea of who/what the characters are or could be, and so understand more clearly their relationship, then your poem could really shine! Thank you for sharing your draft, Mina. Good luck on edits and don't forget to share us your next draft, too!

over 4 years

shifting sands

PROMPT: Friendship Narrative Competition 2016

Good day, Danae. I only suggest that the characters be built a little stronger to make them feel realer and so that readers can get all caught up in their conflict. You've made a great headway in your realism by mimicking a natural conversation. If you do not wish to interrupt the natural flow of the conversation by adding character-strengthening details, then you can display the girls' characters by their thoughts or actions instead. I am interested to see how their characters affect the turns and choices in their lives. If I have construed correctly that Karyn lacks confidence, then I think it was clever symbolism that Karyn is moving while Alli is not. It seems Karyn finds it difficult to keep her ground, both figuratively and literally. Good job! Your descriptions are also vivid and interesting -- "the whole world was caving in at the edges," "the hush in a bomb shelter as explosions riddle the unseen sky above," "car-rides through endless olive groves," etc. The neighbour praying was a scene especially harrowing to me. All in all, you've done well. Thank you for sharing your story, Danae!

over 4 years

War

PROMPT: Countdown

Good day, Mist. I think a few of your lines could be reworded for clarity; I have highlighted them. You ask if this would work as a story. Isn't it a story already? I think it flows well. Do you mean you wish to know if it would work as a normal kind of short story? I think that could work as well, with a few changes (apart from the format). I would suggest briefly clarifying the backstory, or perhaps even giving a glimpse into the soldiers' personal lives, to allow readers to relate more closely to the soldiers. I would also suggest adding in a theme or some sort of conclusion, so that readers are left with something to think about or something to apply to their own lives, despite the characters being in a different world with different lifestyles, etc. Additionally, a relatable message in a story can really move readers, and I think that that was part of your goal in writing this. Good job, Mist. You effectively created interest, tension, and a symbol in just ten short sentences. If you do ever write this in short story format, please publish it here so I can read it!

over 4 years

Whistle Blow

FREE WRITING

Good day, Juliette. Your story can be difficult to read, so I have two suggestions. I do not mean to preach grammar, but some of your commas are oddly placed, which makes the reading confusing. I have highlighted a few instances in which the comma usage confused me and may similarly confuse other readers. Shorter, indented, and well-spaced paragraphs are more reader-friendly than long ones, which tend to be daunting. Short paragraphs also can add to the mood of the piece by affecting how one reads it. For example, the tension in a scene can be stressed further by using short, choppy sentences or sentence fragments. Similarly, certain thoughts may be isolated in their own paragraphs to focus readers' attention on them. I have highlighted a few suggestions as to where you could include logical paragraph breaks. Otherwise, your sentences flow nicely and your descriptive style makes the reading engaging. Your subject, your clear imagery, and your courageous characters all contribute to a vivid and moving scene of one of life's grimmest and most deplorable realities. Well done.

over 4 years

We

PROMPT: Collective Voice

I am a little confused about who the speakers are. At first I thought they were the souls of the sad: the college student is overworked, the man is poor, the mother longs for something (I imagine she misses her dreams she had to forsake for motherhood) -- but then when you mentioned that they are "the small child hanging from the monkey bars," then sadness didn't quite fit in. Then I thought they were strangers or people in general, but people recognize other people, and can find them. Then I thought they were souls in general, but all souls do not speak as one. Perhaps the speakers' lack of identity is supposed to heighten their mysteriousness; after all, they do say, "You will never know who we are, what we are -- why we are." In this case, I think you have done a good job. On the other hand, if readers are supposed (ironically) to be able to tell what/who the speakers are, then I think you could add a few more clues. Where they are, what they do, why they do it, etc. I do think it would be nice to know who the speakers are, even if just at the very end of the piece. It's like reading a whodunnit without finding the culprit. The mystery is fun, but . . . in the end, we really do want to know what was behind it all; we do want to see everything click into place and the whole story replay like clockwork. Thank you for sharing this spine-chilling and captivating piece, Ava. Have a lovely day.

over 4 years

A Runaway's Thoughts

FREE WRITING

Good day, Kitty. Did you know, in medieval times, if a serf ran away for a year and a day, he/she was considered a free person? This holds some hope for our Runaway, if this law is reestablished in the modern feudal system. There are a few redundant or confusing details in your piece, which I have highlighted. Everything is good otherwise. You paint a clear scene with many details -- the sand, the waves, the sun. You portray the pain of the Runaway in a relatable way. You also help readers appreciate their own happiness better, and to make them hope for your character. Thank you for sharing your story! Have a great day.

over 4 years

What They Want Is To Lack

FREE WRITING

Good day, Jeremy. Even though this style of writing is new to you, I think you have done well. Your voice in this piece is fresh and conversational, which makes this piece engaging. I have a few suggestions, which I have highlighted in the document. Thank you for sharing your creepy but hilarious experience -- and your expedient to missed hairs. I also thank you for a very encouraging review on my piece, "Count the Stars." It cheers me up very. Have a nice day, Jeremy.

over 4 years

1

PROMPT: Friendship Narrative Competition 2016

Until the background information was revealed, I was a little confused which character was in trouble. Before then, Mina is punching passersby and running in the lead, yet Mina doesn't even know where or why they are supposed to run. Even if Mina were the faster runner, she'd be following Omari, because escaping is Omari's idea and necessity. I think this story could be more gripping if this was clear from the start and readers could focus on Omari's problem, without having first to figure out whose problem it is exactly. I also wonder what it would be like if you could incorporate the necessary background information through dialogue or some other means instead of speaking directly to the reader. There is nothing wrong with speaking to the reader, and your story isn't slow. Just remember that giving the background information outside the action does stall the action of the story. I am curious to see how incorporating the background information in the action would affect the story -- I think it could make it even more suspenseful. Thank you for sharing your fantastic story, Aoife!

over 4 years

Family Friend

PROMPT: Friendship Narrative Competition 2016

My main suggestion is to set up the background of this story more explicitly. You mention that Sanson and Peter's parents are "away," but I don't have any idea how long or why they have been away, and I do think it affects the current situation. For example, if the parents were a long time away, then it would explain more why Tari is so convinced, after such a long friendship, that Sanson is leaving her. However, if the parents were away only a short time, perhaps that could hint at Tari's secret insecurities that make her crave Sanson's constant attention, and make her hurt when she does not receive it. The length Sanson's parents have been away -- in other words, the length Sanson has not been able to be with Tari -- could say a lot about what kind of a friend Tari is to Sanson, and could make her more "alive" and understandable to readers. It could also explain the relationship between Sanson and Tari more clearly, show why they so badly need each other. Apart from that, your characters are relatable. You show the love between Sanson and Peter perfectly, and I like the unexpected twist at the end. Sanson finds a friend in Peter -- and I am guessing that Sanson will win Tari again, too, fitting him with two best friends. What a fulfilling ending for Sanson's depressing day! Your message to readers is clear and filled with hope. Thank you for sharing your story!

over 4 years

Apologies

FREE WRITING

Thank you for sharing your thought-provoking thought, Sarah! Good job doing your "research" too. 109 "sorries" in a day is a lot! I wonder, if you asked your other friends to count their days' apologies as you did, what their figures would amount to . . .

over 4 years

The Creature House

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2015

Good day, Jenneth! I know the competition for this is WAY over, but I thought in case you were still working on this novel, or you just like feedback, I'd give my impression. Just a last random comment: avoid redundancy in adjectives. In the first sentence, "The house was a silent creature, quietly sitting on the street corner as always," the word "quietly" is unnecessary, since you already mentioned it was "silent." I think that adding "quietly" belittles the already complete image of the house being a "silent creature," by implying that the said image is insufficient. But don't worry! I don't notice any more of this redundancy in the rest of your piece, so perhaps this comment could just be something for you to apply to your other writing, in case unnecessary words slip in now and again. All in all, Jenneth, your piece is fantastic! Your description, your characters (I love your reasonable, bold Tony!), your tension: it all flows together seamlessly. You are a good writer. How is your novel going?

over 4 years

Evil Hilltop

FREE WRITING

There's just one thing I'm confused about, Tori. I can't tell exactly how the hospital changed your perspective of itself and/or life. You mention that you "grew grateful for the history and spooky stories this building brought to our small home town," but I don't see how the history/spookiness impacts the town for the better. Similarly, you mention that the hospital, "gave me an appreciation for things in life," but you do not mention expressly why. Is it because you see how things become when they are neglected, so you are urged to look after your own things better? I understand that the hospital affected you, but I don't really understand HOW it did that. Perhaps if you could show more transition between your initial sheer fear of the hospital and your final appreciation for it, readers would be able to understand much more easily what meaning this old building holds for you, your town, and your life. Otherwise, you make it clear that the hospital is implanted unforgettably in your memory -- I'm not likely to forget it soon myself! Your vivid description makes visiting the hospital a very real experience for me. Now I am curious about its history and the stories its "echoes of heartbreak" reveal! Thank you for sharing, Tori!

over 4 years

Altiara

PROMPT: Setting as Mood

There is only one thing about this piece that was not absolutely clear: I couldn't tell whether the narrator liked Altiara Beach or not until I read the last sentence. Perhaps this was because the connotations of the descriptive words were for most part neutral. I think this piece could be more impactful it evoked some strong emotion from the beginning and throughout, not just in the last sentence. Maybe you could use stronger connotations in your description. For example, you could say, "The water looks as idealistic as an oil-painting," to paint a positive picture; or, "which fills the wind with its pong," to paint a negative picture of the beach. There are also many ways you could go about painting a contrast between what the beach looks like (gloomy) and what the narrator feels about it (home). For example, you could incorporate both negative and positive aspects of the beach, side-by-side. Another possibility would be to paint the beach completely negatively, and then in the last sentence, reveal why the narrator feels so inexorably, passionately attached to this place nevertheless. Otherwise, your descriptions are lucid and I can picture the beach perfectly. Adding backstory also was a good idea -- it brings out the contrast between the perspectives of the two characters, and invites readers to choose their own view of the grey Altiara Beach. Wonderful! Thank you for sharing, Gabby!

over 4 years

Other Religions

PROMPT: The Unknown

Hallo, Crys! Thank you for sharing your insight! A thoughtful and open perspective such as yours is very valuable, and I believe it is people like you who make this world more understanding and caring. I know some about Muslims, so just in case you were wondering: The reason they don't eat pork is not so much the mere fact that they are Muslim, but rather because they believe swine are impure animals, and thus unfit for human consumption. Also, I know some "directionally challenged" Muslims who carry a compass/GPS with them wherever they go, and also with the advent of new technology on phones, computers, etc. it is really easy to find out where one is on the globe, and hence gauge the "Qiblah" (direction to pray). Thank you for this piece, once again, and I hope you find your answers soon!

over 4 years

Go To Seed

FREE WRITING

Thank you for sharing this touching story, Robert! I have one suggestion: I am not certain about the meaning of this piece. If your purpose is simply to relate an event in the narrator's life, then that is perfectly fine. However, if you want to portray the significance of this event to the character of the narrator, you may need to be a little clearer. Is the narrator is more caring of his brother now? Maybe the narrator has become more careful about life? You may want to increase the contrast between the image of the narrator before the incident and after it, so that readers really can see how and why the incident changed the narrator. Of course, if this piece was not meant to have any particular theme except to relate an event, you can ignore the above paragraph. However, I would recommend a theme all the same: an internal message to which readers can relate often really moves and impacts readers. I see your story has great potential in the narrator's bittersweet memory of a harrowing incident, which already touches me, and I think I and other readers could be even more affected by knowing the deeper meaning behind this incident, by learning from it, and by reflecting on our own lives because of it. This might be a good thing to consider when you're working on other writing as well -- on which I wish you the best of luck and success. And once again, thank you for sharing this nice story!

over 4 years

Born in Hell

PROMPT: Open Prompt

You've written a convincing tragic ballad: there's a legendary hero with a tragic flaw that leads to his death. You are also learning to use figurative language to reinforce your images, such as, "His mount was like an angel with white wings." So mostly what can be improved is how smoothly your piece reads. I think this is where most poets -- even professionals! -- stumble, so if you could work on making your ballad read smoothly, that would REALLY make it shine! Congratulations, and good luck with all your future work!

over 4 years

To The End Of The Road

FREE WRITING

Thank you for sharing this hopeful story, Tatiana! I would only recommend that you insert perhaps some dialogue and paragraph breaks. Dialogue would bring these characters to life and make them more believable, closer, and more memorable to readers. They seem a little cold and distant right now. Paragraphs are also more reader-friendly, and help to divide and organize thoughts more effectively and hence memorably. As for the title, what do you think your message is in this piece? Perhaps something that relates to the goal of the little girl would be a good idea. Maybe, "To Conquer," "Racing/Pedalling to the Sky," "Try," "Just Keep Going," etc. I really like your idea of taking a commonplace event and making it special. Often, people don't take the time or make the effort to notice what deep messages are portrayed by the most mundane things. I think people could live a lot more wholesomely and would be happier if they noticed how special even the little things are. Thank you for spreading the message! Any comments for me (such as the answer to my question above), please post as a comment! Have a wonderful day, too.

over 4 years

Chocolate

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

Is this story fiction or true? Do tell! Thank you for sharing, Julie!

over 4 years

The Woods

PROMPT: Returning

I didn't know whether the narrator was supposed to be you or not, so I just said referred to her as you because this prompt asked you, specifically, to imagine returning someplace. I hope I haven't mixed anything up here! Also, just a thought, do you think it would make a difference if you called this piece, "My Woods"? Thank you for sharing, Anyar!

over 4 years

A Conversation with my Future Toddler

PROMPT: Child Narrator

Good day, Annie! I like the interesting perspective you have chosen for this piece: kind of like looking into the past and the future at the same time: you are a grown woman, knowing the world, while you converse with a young child, knowing almost nothing of it. I mostly would suggest you make your answers to your toddler clearer -- even I had trouble understanding what you were saying sometimes! I have highlighted a few lines in the piece to explain in greater specificity what I mean. Anyhow, good effort. I really liked the contrasting voices of this piece. Thank you for sharing! If you have any comments for me, you can post them on this piece and I'll answer when I see them. All the best, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Borrowing Voice: Off the Page by Jodi Picoult

PROMPT: Borrowing Voice

Good day, Jess. Thank you for sharing this piece. I think you have a good premise for a story and could draw readers into something adventurous and suspenseful! Mostly I suggest that you add more backstory for the man in trouble: explain why asking the under-qualified prince is his last resort, what happened to his daughter, etc. That would make the story more convincing, I think. I only mean to help, so if any of my suggestions aren't really helpful or don't suit you, of course you don't need to use them. After all, this is your piece and you know best how you want it to be! If you have any further comments for me, just post at the bottom of your piece! I'll be on the lookout for them for a few more days. Thank you for sharing and take care, Hanan A.

over 4 years

Hues

PROMPT: FACT

Dear Ms. Hammond, Thank you for sharing this piece. I have enjoyed reading about these two different girls who nevertheless share a strong bond in friendship. You paint clear pictures of each character and your vocabulary is commendable. Moreover, you leave me curious to know more, which is great! I have done my best to be helpful and constructive and gentle, but of course, if any of my suggestions don't work, feel free to disregard them. If you would like to discuss or comment on anything I've said, post at the bottom of this piece. I'll hang around a few more days to check for your comments, if any. Once again, thank you for sharing, and keep writing, dear. Hanan A. P.S., I called you Ms. Hammond because perhaps I thought you'd like to sound "important" or "grownup-ish" once in a while, but if you'd really rather "Grace" then I will definitely call you Grace.

over 4 years

What Really Happens When Posting My Work

FREE WRITING

Good day, Audrey. Thank you for sharing your experience. Ironically, it makes me feel better to know that I am not alone in this plight. (I really hope that does not sound mean!) I think this scene would work well in the present tense, since you are in a sense describing a process, one that happens again and again, unlike a past event, which just happens/happened once. You don't have to take my suggestions, of course, if you think the better of them. But I hope all the same that I have helped in some way, and have not sounded rude or harsh, because I really don't mean to be, all right? I'll hang around this piece for a few more days, so if you have any comments for me, just post them and I will answer. Have a nice day.

over 4 years

My life in six words

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Thank you for your memoir, Alyssa! I admire your conciseness and ability to capture a common adolescents' plight in a unique way. I think many people will be able to relate to your life because at this stage in our lives this is often how we feel: insignificant, struggling with troubles, getting our true selves smothered. Keep writing, my friend!

over 4 years

Glacier's peak

PROMPT: Imagined Scene

Maya, thank you for sharing your experience with us. Mostly, I would recommend adding some more description to your piece. You have made a good start with your "mountain-tips forming rows one behind the next . . ." with which you set the scene for readers. Perhaps adding more of your personal feelings while (imagining) sledding on the glacier would be a good move. This way, readers can really feel close to you as they share your imaginings, and they may be even more sympathetic when your counsellor taps your shoulder and urges you onwards, because they feel like they've shared an exhilarating experience with you. I hope my comments have been helpful -- go ahead and forget any of them that aren't. Also, if there is anything you would like to discuss about this piece or my critique, then feel free to post a comment. Have a lovely day, and keep writing, Maya, my friend!

over 4 years

Time is not on thou side

PROMPT: O’Clock

Just a couple last comments: "thou" in the title should be "thy." The possessive of "thou" is "thy." ("Thine" is used instead of "thy" when the thing being owned begins with a vowel: "thy voice"; "thine eyes." If the possessive pronoun and possessed object(s) are separated by a modifier that does not begin with a vowel, then "thy" is used: "thy very eyes.") In all, I like and agree with the theme of this poem. You clearly show your love for Shakespeare and his profound effect on literature to this day. You are also experimenting with archaic voice, which is a bold endeavor. I'd suggest you read more books and poems (not necessarily Shakespeare) that have such voice so that you may become more familiar with how it is used. Tolkien's "The Silmarillion" is a good example of archaic speech, for one. Lastly, I want you to know that, if I have sounded harsh in my review, I sincerely apologize. It's really just because I am so excited to read your poem and to try to help you, so maybe it sounds like I am shouting and demanding. You certainly do not need to take all of my suggestions; just take whatever you find useful and forget the rest. All the same, I have tried to comment thoughtfully, to make you think about not only how you may strengthen this poem, but any other of your poems. I hope I have succeeded. Thank you for writing this, purplpeanut (I'm sorry I don't know your real name). Have a lovely day!

over 4 years

One Night's Notice

PROMPT: A Signature Capability

Good day, Suri. Thank you for writing this nice story. Your characters are convincing, though I would recommend that the story include more about Agha's past efforts before the "big change," just so readers feel more caught up in the tension. I think it would be a good idea if the story created more of a conflict for both Agha and readers. (I would recommend Nathaniel Hawthorne's "The Birthmark" for guidance.) I felt mostly like, "Agha, answer your fiancée! Can't you hear how lonely she is?" However, I think the story would impact me even more if I felt like, "Concentrate, Agha! Never mind her. -- No, wait, poor Flavia. Agha, say something to her, at least! -- No, wait, your life's work . . ." Am I explaining well? Greater conflict would be more "heart-wrenching." You craft a thought-provoking story about deciding priorities, and how our decisions may affect us, for better or for worse. Agha is obviously in his element while attempting creation, yet to fail after all his effort, and to lose his fiancée to boot -- was it really worth it? Is it too late? Should he adjust his priorities from now on? Readers are able to relate to Agha because, although I doubt many have attempted what he has attempted, we all often struggle to decide what it is in life that we most value. I think this is a very nice story. Thank you for writing it. I hope I have not sounded harsh in my review. I just sincerely want to help you to improve, and maybe my earnestness sounds demanding. Of course, you do not have to adhere to all my suggestions -- just take whatever you find useful. I hope nevertheless that most of it has been useful. Thanks once again for the story. --Your friend, Hanan A. P.S., Thank you for reviewing my piece "Killing Stars"! I am so glad you liked it. You are welcome to all my other pieces, too. Since I couldn't reply directly to your review, I posted a comment on "Killing Stars" to thank you. P.P.S., I apologize for any typos in my review, if any have slipped my editor's eye.

over 4 years

Florice

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2015

This piece was interesting and unusual. I am left wondering what will become of the poor suffering people of Florice, how Erica will save them, and how those who remain will survive. Good effort! Keep writing!

over 4 years

Wet Socks

PROMPT: That Sort of Person

I really like this sentence because of its depth. There are countless ways to say someone is selfless, yet it is another thing to show the selfless things one does. Your sentence clearly portrays the persistent philanthropy of your character--she will actually follow people just to do them good. This sentence also works as a metaphor--at least the way I see it: your character understands what it is to suffer, not necessary just from wet socks, but other discomforts, and makes a conscious effort to alleviate others' discomforts because she has herself experienced it. I love this sentence. Merry writing, girl!

almost 5 years

Skies of Speckled Stars

PROMPT: Poetry Writing Competition 2015

This reviewer has found it a pleasure to review this author's work. She sees much potential in imagery and symbolism. If the reader of this review happens to know the author, this reviewer begs the reader to find the author and give her a double-scoop of caramel ice-cream. The author certainly deserves it. And... I knew I wouldn't be able to maintain anonymity... Great job, Grace, and now go get your ice cream!

almost 5 years