Ash

United States

Female. Youngest of six. Pretty (?), sarcastic, Tom-boyish, and very much a geek.

Message from Writer

I guess I should say honest feedback is best but nothing crazy brutal. That said, please don't go to the other extreme and try to spare my feelings. Be descriptive and truthful because I really want to improve.

Peer Reviews

Five Natives of the Other Realm

PROMPT: That Sort of Person

How close am I with my guesses? :)

about 5 years

The Giveaway

PROMPT: Six-Word Story

I love your sense of humor.

about 5 years

But it Didn't

PROMPT: Six-Word Story

I like the emotions you decided to convey. Rather than blunt sadness, regret, or anger, you establish a blend of emotions. Nice job!

about 5 years

he didn't

PROMPT: Six-Word Story

Nice job!

about 5 years

Sixteen

PROMPT: Six-Word Story

about 5 years

Untitled

PROMPT: Six-Word Story

:)

about 5 years

Publisher's Anxiety

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really love this piece because I'm in the same boat as you. Granted, I've gotten better, but when I stop to think, 'huh, I just published this,' my next thought is immediately, 'oh dear god, what have I done?' I love what you've done, and I can't wait to read more of your work in the future!

about 5 years

The Car Ride

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Just some minor spelling and grammar errors. Nothing too major. Nice job!

about 5 years

Locks

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really liked this piece. There weren't that many errors, but you need to pay attention to what exactly you're trying to convey to your readers. Your descriptions are beautiful, but be aware that lengthy descriptions can sometimes end up confusing the readers instead of helping them. That being said, I really loved your story!

about 5 years

Poverty

PROMPT: The Unknown

You did a great job with this prompt. Yeah, there's a few minor errors, but you nailed the description. Good job!

about 5 years

all i've never known

PROMPT: The Unknown

I like the insights you provide. One small thing though: the very beginning of the piece is set up like a poem, but then you start using paragraphs. You probably want to have the first few lines combined into one paragraph so that they fit better with the overall style of the piece. Besides that, I think you did a spectacular job with the prompt.

about 5 years

Love

PROMPT: The Unknown

I really like the structure of this piece and the phrases you use. It would be interesting if you talked about the different types of love since you didn't specify in the beginning ( though I quickly realized you were talking about the romantic sort). The Greeks had four different words for the word love for a reason : love's complicated.

about 5 years

Humans

PROMPT: The Unknown

It's extremely interesting that you decided to write about humans. Most people would rule it out as a topic on the grounds of they themselves are a human, but think about it: how many things do we actually know for sure about our race? We're still unlocking the mysteries behind human nature and our brains in general, and of course, there's still the great nature vs nurture debate. I really enjoy your piece, and I would like to see you elongate it and expand on your ideas.

about 5 years

Marks

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I don't normally like short pieces but I feel like you did an exceptional job. Nice work!

about 5 years

A Dream come True in Reality.

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really liked your story. It's interesting to see a piece where the main characters are so invested in their faith since it's a topic most people try to veer away from. Yes, there were some spelling and grammar errors, but you have a solid plot. Just a little revision and you'll have a truly awesome story on your hands!

about 5 years

Where Have All the Humans Gone ?

PROMPT: Open Prompt

:)

about 5 years

Success in High School

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really liked your essay. I found it very informative and I think you make some insightful observations.

about 5 years

A Letter

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Loving the title.

about 5 years

The Test Paper

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Is there a reason you don't include the word 'the' before nouns such as 'pen,' 'desk,' 'heart,' 'chest,' etc? It just is very noticeable that the word is missing. Besides that, I really enjoyed the piece. Great work!

about 5 years

Love

PROMPT: Open Prompt

A lot of people end up elongating the piece just to add more words, not realizing they're actually weighing down their piece. Your piece may be short, but it doesn't feel like you left anything out. Nice job!

about 5 years

Lessons and Losses

PROMPT: Open Prompt

You have a habit of saying things like, "in the next paragraph, I'll take about X." You don't want to keep drawing attention to the fact that the audience is reading an essay. It pulls them out of the story you're telling or the point you're trying to make, creating a less effective piece. You have to assume the reader is going to read the entire piece and will paste together all the ideas you've introduced and summarized in the closing paragraph. Adding the words, "in this essay" or "in the next paragraph" or even "I'll tell you a story" just weighs down your piece and makes it less appealing. Which is a real shame because you have a very nice story here filled with life lessons, wit and humor. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, and I want others to as well.

about 5 years

Olinda

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

I enjoy the formatting you decided to use. Just a few errors here and there, but I want to definitely see you write a story with this setting in the future.

over 5 years

Ossibus: The city made of bones

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

You repeat the word "dust" a lot. Use a synonym. Besides that, I love the city! You gave very detailed descriptions and I appreciate that.

over 5 years

Home

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

If it helps, I normally only know the ending and the beginning of my story when I decide to write. Sometimes I just know the protagonist's personality and the beginning line. And throughout my interactions with fellow writers, I can tell you there are very few authors who actually know what they're doing when they write a piece. So do yourself a favor and change your message to the readers from a disclaimer. Disclaimers discourage people from reading your work. If you don't think it's great, why will others? Overall, I really liked the story you were telling. Yes, there were some spelling and grammar errors but those can easily be fixed. Nice job!

over 5 years

Aviaria

PROMPT: Invisible Cities

Nice job! I'd really like to see you write something with this place.

over 5 years

Primrose Path

PROMPT: Open Prompt

It's a really good read. I'd like to see where you take this story.

over 5 years

On The Borderline Character Study

PROMPT: Inventory

Nice job! I really like these characters and can't wait to read a story with them in it.

over 5 years

Does God Exist? Why Care?

PROMPT: Open Prompt

You might want to bring into the last paragraph the fact that people are afraid of endings: they don't want to believe that life ends. It goes against our survival instinct. Others rationalize their beliefs because life has been filled with so much struggle and pain, they should get a reward of some sort (afterlife). Still others recognize a god of some form because they believe there has to be more to life than just living. Including different viewpoints help strengthen your piece and ultimately the conclusion you come to.

over 5 years

It's time

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Don't be sorry about spelling and grammar mistakes: everyone inevitably makes them, no matter how hard we try.

over 5 years

Memorial Day weekend

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really like your story. It's short, but that doesn't have an effect on your writing. You gave description when you needed to and showing the narrator's thoughts always helped bring the scene alive. Good job! :)

over 5 years

I Never Made It to the Interview

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

I really love this story, and honestly, it doesn't need that much word. Some grammar issues and word replacements and a minor rewrite and you should be good to go. Your plot is good and so is your character. She doesn't feel flat. She's a saint, a seductress, an overly-prepared slightly nervous adult, and a bit clueless: in short, she's a real person.

over 5 years

Me? You?

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

I really like how you ran with the mirrored image concept. After all, that's basically what your polar opposite is anyways. Nice job!

over 5 years

Who is she

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

Just some small grammar and spelling issues. As for plot and characters, something a lot harder to fix, you did great. I love the polar opposite you created!

over 5 years

Lunch with the Devil

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I'm not really sure how complex these characters are. We don't get to learn that much about Liz or Matthew or even the devil, so I can't say they're that complex. Rachel has a mild complexity. She has conflicting emotions and motivations, which are always good. Then again, we don't learn too much about her personality, save that she's stubborn yet weak-willed and is reasonably good at faking confidence. But is showing off her personality that vital to the story or the message your conveying to your readers? I really don't think it is. Despite some confusion and grammar flaws, I love this story. As I've stated fifty times all over this review, you did a good job slowly revealing information to the reader. The reveals didn't come out of no where but they weren't a forgone conclusion either. Also, my thoughts while reading are indicated with brackets.

over 5 years

الفصل

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

I really like how you wrote this more in a poem format than a narrative but still tell a story.

over 5 years

Alice's Infinite (Not Really) Bag

PROMPT: Inventory

Are the patches, keychains, and/or sewing patterns magical or do they have any ties to magical elements? You could definitely write a story about Alice. I'm not sure if you have enough info here to write a novel, but she's fleshed out enough to warrant quite a few short stories at the very least.

over 5 years

A trip down memory lane - Part 4

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Despite the grammar issues, I'm really enthralled by your story. I'd really like to see how Nikki's actions around her peers differs from how she behaves with her family.

over 5 years

Zooming In

PROMPT: Zoom In

You did a great job on this prompt, just some minor grammar issues and such. Overall, a very good read.

over 5 years

& counting

PROMPT: Subtotals

You might want to group similar subtotals together, like putting the subtotal of songs you can play by heart on the piano next to the subtotal of songs you've played on your oboe. Putting the lucky pennies subtotal in front of the number of regrets you have would ease the reader into the topic you're hinting at since they have similar emotions tied to them. I really like your list of subtotals. They revealed a lot about you. Grouping subtotals that deal with similar concepts can add clarity so that every reader can fully understand what you're trying to convey.

over 5 years

Monday

PROMPT: Polar Opposite

I really like how you responded to this prompt. The environment is "real," as in, believable. Fictional characters tend to greatly resemble ourselves, which is why we get the saying, "write what you know." Kayla isn't a flat character but is fully fleshed and three-dimensional. I can tell you put a lot of thought and effort into this story and it didn't go to waste.

over 5 years

Free

PROMPT: WILD

This went with the prompt just fine. A prompt can be thought of as a diving board. You have to jump off it, but you decide if you're going to do a cannonball or a backflip or whatever. You included wild in the first line; that's all you "had" to do.

over 5 years

He, She, and I

PROMPT: WILD

The prompt accepts your apology, albeit begrudgingly.

over 5 years

WILD

PROMPT: WILD

I like how you chose to write poetry and used a rhyming/ repetition scheme. You kept the ideas so that they were more applied to the general, allowing you to share your world experience and what you've learned from it with the reader.

over 5 years

Home Stretch

PROMPT: Borrowing Voice

I really enjoy the piece. It has a lot of memorable lines that I'm sure any student, regardless of age, can relate to. The ending isn't as memorable in comparison to the rest of the piece and I feel like it's mainly filler. It's well-written, but it's a little disappointing when such a bright, insightful, and fun character uses such a tired-old phrase in the last sentence. Overall though, I think you created some very interesting characters and did justice to such a well-known situation.

over 5 years

Seven

PROMPT: Borrowing Voice

You left out commas and apostrophes. Besides that, you have a very solid piece. You can be more descriptive by giving examples of how the narrator was "wrapped up in her own world" so that the reader gets a stronger sense of her character and simultaneously the man she's talking about. It's a very short piece, but I feel like you did it justice.

over 5 years

Borrowing Voice: Off the Page by Jodi Picoult

PROMPT: Borrowing Voice

I really enjoyed the piece. Just a few minor issues with tone and grammar.

over 5 years

Meg's Backpack

PROMPT: Inventory

I love how you got really specific. Sure, you didn't give me the name of the penpal or where he/she is from, but that isn't really necessary to Megan's character. So not only were you specific, but you were specific in the details that mattered. I really liked your piece. How well did my inferences match what you pictured each item to represent?

over 5 years

Malil

PROMPT: Inventory

I'm really curious what Malil is carrying her stuff around in. Old worn and torn backpack? Is this all in some vehicle she managed to get her hands on? I'm really interested in the character and want to get to know more about her. The list has piqued my interests.

over 5 years

Give Me a Chance?

FREE WRITING

A very good piece. There's just a few spelling and grammar problems here and there. You make some very insightful observations in your story and it's interesting to look at all the evidence you give to support your claims. Over all, I think it's a very enjoyable read.

over 5 years

Two Hearts

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2015

Your beginning immediately grabs my attention. I like how the narrator occasionally contradicts him/herself. It creates a very memorable voice. I really liked the switching the focus between the two characters. The repetition worked well and helped validate why they would give each other their hearts. Yes, I definitely liked the two points of view.

over 5 years

Ouch

PROMPT: Countdown

I really think you nailed the ending. The highlighted parts are a little shaky, but overall, it's a very good piece and a great response to the countdown prompt.

over 5 years

Emma Clary

PROMPT: Inventory

Your items are very vague so it's hard to really get a lot of info about what type of person Emma is. You have a great starting place, but you should go back and add some more detail. Is her phone a smart phone or is it a flip phone? What color is it? Is it cracked and shattered or is it in mint condition?

over 5 years

Nothing's Changed

PROMPT: New Year Competition 2015

The snow wasn't inspired by Snowpocalypse we New Englanders are experiencing by any chance, was it?

unknown

When They Come For Me

PROMPT: Living in Music

I like your approach to the prompt. You told a story, rather than writing an essay about why you liked a particular song. I think your problem is moreover with grammar than anything else. That said, I don't think you've really addressed the prompt. Take a good look at the guideline questions. If anything in your piece is taken directly from lyrics, you may want to put them in quotes to help get your point across. Overall, nice job and good luck!

unknown

Mind of the Blind

PROMPT: Twenty-Six Sentences

I like the idea behind your piece, very unique. The only problem is it gets lost sometimes with the execution, the worst being at the third sentence. No big mistakes or anything though. May want to look up some synonyms for friend or maybe name him/her. Probably just me being picky, but you use the word friend back to back for the J and K sentences. Overall, very good. Best of luck!

unknown

Lucky or not?

FREE WRITING

unknown

Ungrateful Beauty

PROMPT: Life Through A Window

unknown

Life Through Two Windows

PROMPT: Life Through A Window

Take out the last sentence since the one before makes a more powerful statement, prompting the reader to really understand the whole reason behind the story. Also, I want to say that I really enjoyed your story and that I wish you the best of luck with the Kickstart challenge. You just need a few tweaks here and there and you'll have a phenomenal story on your hands!

unknown