AspenbytheOcean

United States

I go by Aspen(he/him)
Ftm trans
Pan/Greyromantic
Pan/Demisexual
3 cats
Favorite poem: Plurality by Louis MacNeice
Favorite desert: tiramisu
The best way to spend a free day when I'm alone is fishing with a cast net until tired and sunburned.

Message from Writer

I welcome and encourage any intellectual debates. I'll listen to pretty much any topic, and feel free to challenge what I say. This community is full of talented writers, and we're all on here to improve, so you can always look forward to improving your work.

I'm writing a book called "The World of a Thousand Suns" and I'll post some of my favorite parts here. I also write songs, but I'm not too great at poems. I'll post more when I'm feeling confident to share my writing.

"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." - George Bernard Shaw

Published Work

Dear Future Me: Happy Pride Month?

Dear impatient future me,

Yes! It's summer finally! You are really happy right now because it's the first day of pride month. Your smile was extra huge and beaming when you saw the container of baby powder sitting on the bathroom counter for months to be occasionally used that for some unknown reason has the pan flag on it (Mom hasn't realized it and that's what makes it priceless). Summer is around that corner, and while that might mean relatives that don't support you, awkwardness in public, and dysphoria (especially chest dysphoria because of the beach), it also means a blank canvas. It's a summer. Anything can happen, but you already know this because you've lived it. I really hope you thanked your uncle for helping your dad come around to support you. You're probably reading this because you can't wait to get chest surgery, hormones, and most importantly actual friends in person. It's a lot better where you are...

Distracting From Dysphoria

The waves smiled at the drowning of the new sun. They lapped as peaceful as ever with her death. The sky turned red in agony, and in the sea she bled. She touched the clouds in desperation, tainting them from a white to a pinkish red. Her efforts were useless. No one can escape the inevitable. No one can change their being. And so she died slowly. The world went from red to purple like a healing bruise, and finished it’s transformation at a dark blue. What it was always meant to be. At peace and whole. Alden felt the coolness of night and embraced it. The sun was never meant to be. No, sorry that’s not right. She was never meant to be. She was not him and he could never be her. Lost in the beauty of the night, Alden forgot his body. His soul seemed to drift in the stillness of the night air. He didn’t think...

Dysphoria and Finding Myself <3

Strumming a rubber-band between my fingers
Listening to music for instruments rather than words
Looking into the cracks of a piece of wood
Trying to find a pattern
The best water is one with minerals
Something to rid my mouth of the taste of my own saliva
Looking in the mirror
Finding patterns in my eyes
Feeling my face getting rough
Stubble growing on my face
Just don't look down
My pencil wrists
Curves all over
And an over-sized chest
Make my breathing quick

Quick
Put on a sweatshirt
Say something manly
Find something else to distract myself
Touching my face again
Running my fingers through my short hair
Turn the tap on
Listening to the constant and steady stream of water
Splash a bit on my face
Look up again
The stubble above my lip looks a bit darker

Darker
My thoughts fall into the same pit
I can't be a man.
I'm overly nice.
I speak in higher...

Ocean

    I was always the shy kid. I still am quite reserved in what I say and how I act. Some people mistake it for formality and reference my family name, but I’ve gone through more than enough trials in my lifetime. I’m just Ocean. No last name. Nothing binding me to where I came from and what I was except the memories I have of those places. Places overlooked. Roses hide thorns in plain sight. And the wounds I carry are just as invisible. No one needs to know what I’ve been through. No one needs to trouble themselves with me. And yet some people stick around. Sometimes I feel guilty for their company. I imagine them carrying some of the weights in my soul. Then I realize it’s just an illusion and they really care about me. More importantly, I truly care about them.
    Still the law of gravity applies in my mind, and the weight of some memories...

Humanity Series Part One: Flicker

It's like a natural switch, something that you can make likely to happen but never cause yourself. It's that moment you see a snowflake for the first time. It's like you're seeing the world for the first time, and like an overexcited puppy your grin turns into a laugh. Sometimes, when you're really lost in this feeling, your smile turns into an inhale of surprise and wonder. You then exhale and see your breath and marvel at this superpower. In your mind you're a dragon, and each breath you exhale is fire. You do this until you're out of breath and then your mind falls back to Earth. You're back in your body and you remember the math quiz you have on Monday. Two days later at the beach, you feel it again. You have your favorite pair of swim goggles on and you repeatedly dive to the bottom to look at the shells in the sand in search of...

Trash Trains

ATTENTION ALL COASTAL HUMANS WITH LESS THAN OPTIMAL BEACHES

Okay, so hear me out. I want to raise awareness for the terrible state our world is in with the level of pollution that we have. I know people don't like being told this, but I thought up a way to make this fun. So my idea is basically we make this fun and attractive to kids. You know those large plastic tubs you have in the garage that have useless junk in them? Well, grab some of those and decorate them like a train. Each tub can be like a caboose, and each caboose can get different types of junk. You can also fold cardboard up like a sled and tape it underneath each caboose to make it easier to carry on sand. Get a few friends to help you with this project. Also, bring a toy horn or other interactive thing relating to trains. So basically, this summer everyone...

Star Stuff

I used to look up into the stars at night and wonder where exactly we are. I'd see shooting stars with their quick bursts of light and imagine that they were just like fireworks, that they did their light show and fell back down to Earth. I didn't know if there were aliens, but there are plenty of things already on this world that seem alien. Have you seen a bobbit worm? That thing is so freaky. If that's not alien, I can't imagine what is. The ocean is another place of wonder. Something touches you and swims off, so you'll never know what that was. But most of us wonder who we are and how the universe works, so for your entertainment I have created fantastical answers to some of the most frequently asked questions. Enjoy!

Question 1: Why can't we see the stars in the daytime?
The sun is so hot it burned them. New stars are created...

Monday at Midnight

Monday at midnight 
That's when it's due
Not a dumb school assignment
But a letter to you
I have to tell you how I feel
Although my words can't convey it
I have to say "I love you"
But I'm not really feeling it
This feels more like a chore than anything
More like a societal expectation
But I do it anyways

Oh...
Oops you like me back
What does that even mean?
Do I have to be your girlfriend?
Can we be not friends but something in between?
I don't like kissing you
I feel weird when you hold me
You look at me weird when I try to be myself

Sometimes I like dressing up as a boy
Does that mean anything to you?
Does it change how you feel?
Maybe I should think about how I feel first

I should have seen this coming...
We broke up

...
Also I'm a guy now

...
Does that mean...

Night Terrors

Shadows in the room at night
Creeping past the windows
I tell myself it’ll be alright 
Until they finally meet me
In creeps the trepidation
A flash of lightning
The echoing roar of thunder
I sit up alarmed
And feel the noise revibrate through my chest
Go back to sleep I tell myself
Laying back down I feel myself falling
Not just falling asleep, but falling
Down 
Endless 
Spinning
A million different feelings and sensations all at once
An eternity in an instant
Always I am running
The rooms move on too quickly
What am I looking at? 
Why am I thinking this?
Just as quickly as it starts, it ends
My cat is slapping me on the face asking for food
Unknowingly saving me from myself.

Legacies

The best of us are gone
Their legacy will not be fleeting
To those who cannot see 
Keep up! Haven't you been listening?

Against hate and dispersal
Against unspoken qualms
For all love universal
To seeing beyond your flaws

Together minds alike 
Unite with a single dream

Hope for a better tomorrow
Courage to make a difference today
Strength to continue onward
Love prevailing always

But the best of us spent 
Their lives uplifting others

Humanity Series Part One: Flicker

It's like a natural switch, something that you can make likely to happen but never cause yourself. It's that moment you see a snowflake for the first time. It's like you're seeing the world for the first time, and like an overexcited puppy your grin turns into a laugh. Sometimes, when you're really lost in this feeling, your smile turns into an inhale of surprise and wonder. You then exhale and see your breath and marvel at this superpower. In your mind you're a dragon, and each breath you exhale is fire. You do this until you're out of breath and then your mind falls back to Earth. You're back in your body and you remember the math quiz you have on Monday. Two days later at the beach, you feel it again. You have your favorite pair of swim goggles on and you repeatedly dive to the bottom to look at the shells in the sand in search of...

Ghost Boy

A million different eyes all looking around and none of them watching you. A million ways your feet can travel and you chose this path. You're a spectre to them, and you love this feeling. You love running in the dark unchecked. You love the secret and wild spaces. Have you felt the morning dew before the sun has risen? Have you gone inside an old bridge only to be surprised at all the spiders and bats? You have memories and stories that could fill a thousand books. You visited me in the dark and wild places. I took your hand and showed you the best place to watch a sunset and where the fox den full of fox kits was. You know what I want, and I know you'll never do it. It could be so easy to run away and forget this. To hide in plain sight even, but for some reason you choose not to. I'll never...

Yes, You Can Eat the Bushes

Me: Okok, I know what you're thinking. Listen, those are rosemary bushes. You can use the leaves for seasoning and the seeds taste great. 

You: Gestures to the plants by the river and looks skeptically at me. And what about those?

Me: Those are blackberries.

You: Accidentally touches the thorns on the blackberry plant. Ow!

Me: Yeah, they're spiky so be careful.

You: Nope, never mind. Moves away from the river and back onto the trail.

Me: Points to a tree with blue berries. And those are blue elderberries. Grabs a few and pops them in my mouth as we walk. And that's a jackrabbit, those are quail, ooh that's delicious there's wild grapes over there.

We approached the ranger's hut and the parking lot. 

You(in a tone that's clearly not interested): Well, thanks for the tour. Your hands go into your purse looking for the car keys. This place is nice and I'll visit again soon.

Me(aware of your...

See You Soon!

To my partner:

It’s daytime and I’m missing you. Breathe in. Breathe out. Check my pulse. I’m still alive but maybe not quite functioning. At least not properly. Accelerating thoughts. I know all of my worries by heart and here they come racing at me again. I’m not sure why I want to share this. Maybe if you tell me you feel the same way sometimes I might not feel as out of place. I am honest with you, but some part of me wants me to keep my thoughts to myself. They’ll hate me. They’ll think I’m sick in the head.But every time I share with you a bit of what I think, you help me with my anxieties and make me feel at peace. Thank you for that. Thank you for helping me become who I am today. Thank you for giving me confidence and security. For growth and for trials that come with a relationship. I’ll...

Oak Trees

    Oaks were always my favorite tree. They were immense and always provided a sense of security. The flesh of their small, circular acorns could be used as a sort of permanent marker on sidewalks. I loved to throw acorns at targets and I soon became an expert at hitting squirrels that were on the phone lines. Oftentimes during storms, one of the main branches from an oak tree would break off from lightning or simply ripped off by hurricane force winds. The oak would heal with a large portion of where the branch used to be missing. Animals of all sorts used this as shelter, so why couldn’t I? The densest populations of oak lay between the beach and the first few pines I stumbled upon.
    I could hear the roaring of the ocean nearby. This island had no protection from hurricanes and tropical storms except in the thickest part of the forest and even then it wouldn’t be enough...