yapyapxy

Singapore

Senior Peer Reviewer
the world is wide enough

Message from Writer

Former Write the World young writer, now mentoring other WtW young writers through peer reviews! :-)

I still write, here and there and on and off; you can check out my blog at daybreakandtheuniverse.wordpress.com or my photography on Instagram @partemis_

Peer Reviews

Taking Flight

FREE WRITING

Hi Chloe_Cat! I hope you're keeping safe during these times. First off, I wanted to applaud you for trying new genres! It can feel a little foreign and you might not be too familiar with some techniques, hence why I suggested some of Lydia Davis's works :) For now, it seems like you're focusing a lot more on the narrator's experience and emotional journey of what it means to be "taking flight." That's totally fine, but I wonder if you've thought about weaving in other details or experiences about the narrator's backstory. This would clue the reader in on the stakes she's up against when she decides to up and leave, which would potentially make them feel more invested in why she would want to be free. Other than that you're off to a good start ~ Happy writing and all the best!

8 months

the end

FREE WRITING

unknown

Dear America (2)

FREE WRITING

I like the idea of this piece, of directly talking to America. One thing I was unsure of is who exactly "America" is and who "they" are - in my interpretation, I think "they" might refer to the children and "America" refers to the older generation. However, I get confused in some places because it wouldn't make sense - who is the "we" in "hope we have left"? So I think another "they" might be people of America while "America" might be the systems in place, in which case perhaps you can consider describing more about the systems for those who might not be so familiar with America. :') I like how you used "you" while talking to America because it makes the piece more personal. Mostly I'd say to add more details instead of sweeping through general ideas as now it comes across as a little fragmented and random. For instance, I'd love to hear more about "your precious capitalist system" rather than moving on immediately to "the weight of their words". One last suggestion - you can try experimenting with structure! Such that there is a gradual flow of ideas or maybe let the ridiculousness of the examples you are listing (of the many ways America is out of hand) lead up to the burst of anger. This suggestion is entirely up to you to follow of course haha. All in all, I enjoyed reading this piece (reminded me a little of Hamilton!) and hope to see you take it further. ;) Keep writing and all the best in your future endeavours! Hopefully, we'll come out of this pandemic as better people and societies :'(

8 months

In The Eye Of The Storm

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really like the premise of this story because I feel like we don't read enough about refugees who might not have the chance to voice out their stories. You have some really nice turn of phrases that I would love to see throughout the piece! :) On the whole, the narrative is quite clear, but I think more specificity can add to the engagement of this piece. Don't be afraid to add details! Gritty and grisly details will make the scene more real and engaging. Go really deep and imagine as though you are there at sea on the ship - what would you notice? What would you, as Izhan's father, think of? What would you as a refugee feel and desire? What the one thing that is driving him on? Knowing your character can add depth to the descriptions and their thoughts! I think it would be interesting to drop vague details of how Izhan died - and what reminds the protagonist of his death. It would give us a glimpse of the added pain and suffering and cause the reader to sympathise more with Adel-jan. One last suggestion would be to spend a little more time shaping the characters emotionally and physically, so as to make them seem more real and significant. Mama Aiya feels a little convenient for me now haha so I'd love to understand more about their relationship dynamics and who she is - did she know Izhan, for instance? How close were they? All in all, commendable effort!! I hope you do well on your assessment hehe and all the best in your future writing endeavours! Cheers, Xin Yi

8 months

I am still in love

PROMPT: Love After Love

I couldn't help but notice that you like to begin lines with "and", so I wondered if it was a stylistic choice. I felt that some lines might have come across more straightforwardly without the "and" (I feel that "and" sort of cushions your words, which you don't always need to!) thus it might have been more interesting because then the narrator would be unabashedly declaring her love, rather seemingly than saying it as an afterthought. Had a newfound appreciation for the slow pace of this poem after visiting mountains in Iceland... truly, nature can inspire such profound sentiments. :D I liked the quote at the very first stanza, and wondered if you would continue the repetitions of "after after after" haha I guess that's something you can consider experimenting with although the poem currently stands fine as it is. :) Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this otherworldly piece and wish you all the best in your future writing endeavours! :) Happy writing ~

9 months

yellow and blue

FREE WRITING

I like the feeling of capturing a memory, which I feel this does because it transports you to the moment of writing in the morning. This piece felt more like a sketch - the scenes flit quickly and the crux of the picture somewhat buried in the drafts. The main comment from me would be that there seems to be only one main experience for now (the physical experience contrasting night and day) so perhaps it'd be interesting to compare the colours/feelings/thoughts of night and day too so as to lend more significance and meaning to your last line. a minor point; I wonder about the significance of the title - because I feel that if the colours had been an inspiration for the piece (or maybe these colours are what the piece is supposed to bring in mind), then why not explore more with how you can tease out what you wish to evoke ;) All the best in your future writing endeavours ~ I hope this review sparked some inspiration :D

9 months

so much is happening and here we are

PROMPT: Zoom Out

I really like the title! For me, the title conveyed a sort of quiet acquiescence with how things are now, and I wanted to know what was the significance of her situation to the narrator. I was hoping for what is the "so much is happening" to be revealed in the piece - what has happened while the narrator was in the hospital? So what of "here we are" - does this realisation change the narrator in any way? Though the sense of being in limbo was not fully explored in the piece, I still appreciated the somewhat unfinished mood this piece ended with. While the prompt focuses on the surroundings, I liked how you included the narrator's relationship with her roommate - I was lowkey hoping for more details haha. I noticed that the details went from the narrator's focus on her physical experiences to her longing, and to the world outside. Besides exploring the contrast of being asleep/awake, you can also think about contrasting the darkness of the hospital room against the brightening of the city. I hope this review helps you! All the best in your writing endeavours ~

9 months

let me fly on wings of paper

FREE WRITING

Lovely idea, and a wonderful first stanza. It felt as though the entire piece could be stronger because the details felt a little abstract for now, and there was not enough time to connect with the imagery before the author moved on to another idea. I hope the questions in the highlight act as a sort of inspiration for you to add on to the poem; for now, I feel that there's more "telling" than "showing" going on, so it seems like there's only one interpretation at times, which takes away some intrigue and freedom for readers to imagine. Nonetheless, all in all, a commendable effort! I like how you repeated the first stanza with a different tone, thereby suggesting that there's a sort of character development within the poem i.e., from a wish to a desperate need. Moving forward, I would suggest exploring more "show not tell", experimenting with rhythm and forms of poetry, and to not be afraid in adding details to your poem! I think that details can make a poem stand out, and though there were some details in this poem they were quite abstract (because a world like "politics" or "anger" has many connotations and varying degrees of interpretation) and thus this made it unclear as to what the narrator is trying to express. Keep writing, keep spreading your wings of paper :D Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours; I look forward to you expressing more of your ideas! :)

9 months

The Adventure Begins #romanticize

FREE WRITING

An interesting premise that promises magic, romance, and adventure! You clearly have a knack for show-not-tell and I'd love to see more of it when it comes to Elyse and Liam's relationship. The story set up also reminded me of Pixar's Brave, and Lloyd Alexander's The Chronicles of Prydain and Princess Eilonwy, so I'm wondering (just a little challenge for you) how would your protagonist stand apart from theirs? ((psst this question would be more important if you are ever thinking of publishing a book)) I really like how the writing was really easy to read – it felt like I flew through their mishaps! I enjoyed getting to know Elyse (and even Henry) and would love to hear more about this world. I like how you intersperse a little humour in Elyse's day-to-day life; it's not easy to get laughter from a reader! Not much major criticisms! I'm actually fairly impressed heheh I think I can see your writing style shining through – hence why I picked on the many "suddenlys" hahah I think you could push yourself to experiment with different words and even sentence structures to bring out the changes in rhythm and scene. Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours; I hope this review helped you! May you keep writing and adventuring :D

9 months

Who will be Responsible for our Lives?

PROMPT: Environmental Journalism Competition 2020

This is one of the few essays I'm trying to review so it was refreshing to read about a topic I care about too! I think the title was very promising and sets up a compelling argument for why we should care about climate change. You have insights on the reasons why efforts are floundering but often did not go very in-depth on the reasons. Your op-ed shows your own voice, which is great, and you also backed up your opinion. I think you can consider adding more personal anecdotes or stories about environmental efforts from your country to make your perspective more compelling – readers will understand what is your stake in the matter, and should they identify with you, they will see their stake in the matter too. Perhaps it was because you didn't stick to addressing one specific audience throughout the piece and this confused you as you went on – you started off with the people who are relying on the efforts of the youth without doing anything, then moved on to corporations who are exceedingly selfish, then towards the youth who needs to take action but left out saying specifically how they could take responsibility. It diluted your message regarding who exactly is responsible, and towards the end, I was unsure of what was the message you were trying to convey. However, I did like the fact that you always circled back to the theme of responsibility! One suggestion for structuring your piece (though you don't have to follow this) would be that you could state at the start that we are all responsible, albeit in different ways, and then tried to persuade the reader how each type of people can take responsibility – politicians listening to the science, corporations focusing less on profits, youths being unashamed to make our voices heard, etc. I felt that you were addressing mostly environmentalists and youths (though for the first half it was just the general public) and this affected the details you might have otherwise given – statistics, perhaps, about how dire the situation is, or a description of the world's climate situation. Details may add persuasiveness as they can show the seriousness of the matter, so don't be afraid to go into detail (though not for too long, else readers lose track of your argument). Perhaps you can look at other op-ed pieces on the environment and consider whether adding more detail would accentuate your argument. I hope the feedback helped! :) Keep writing and I hope you inspire some action with your writing. Definitely keep reading environment op-ed pieces, or just op-ed pieces so you can glean some insight as to how to make your piece more persuasive. The fight for climate change is a difficult one, but I do believe in the power of words, so I hope we all keep at it in our own ways. :')

10 months

Anyone

FREE WRITING

I liked how it starts off with one scene, one moment, before we see the many moments of emotional struggle the narrator undergoes through the repetition of the motif "walking away". The turning point of "someone" to "anyone" was carried through the piece and I thought it was interesting that we could compare the walking away imagery! One lingering thought was that I would have liked to know a little bit more detail of what being "someone" means to the narrator, like how we understand what it means to be "anyone" at the end of the piece. If you ever want to experiment more with writing I would suggest playing with the lengths of the sentences – rhythm can affect the mood of your scenes e.g. the long sentences at the start and the one sentence at the end made me feel a bit breathless as I had to read at quite a fast pace – it felt as though I was the narrator forgetting to breathe as I experienced those moments. Perhaps you can consider mirroring the rhythm of the writing to the pace you want readers to feel about the scene! Lastly, don't be afraid to spend more words describing what you imagine – the setting, character's physical looks, thoughts, etc. because I liked some of your descriptions (and lowkey wished you went on haha). Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours and I hope this helped you! :)

10 months

Schools of the Future

PROMPT: Classroom Manifesto

A commendable effort; I think that you're not that familiar with how to best structure your essay, but that can always be improved! For one, the ideas seem a little disorganized currently, as what I'm promised I'll read about in the first paragraph is not necessarily developed or elaborated. More details would definitely help me understand the issue better as well as believe you when you say why we need new solutions. I also get a little lost towards the end of your paragraphs as to what you're arguing for, as the point itself was not that specific and clear. For instance, in your second paragraph, you argue that the educational method is problematic but did not specify how so – I thought it would be about "inefficiency" as mentioned in your introduction, but it was not elaborated. It seemed as though you were talking about standardized learning towards the middle of the second paragraph, but it could have been a lot stronger had you included more research or statistics to persuade the reader what exactly the problem of standardized learning lies in. Does it kill the interest of smarter students? Does it really benefit everyone? What are the proven drawbacks? Your essay could do well with a lot more research to add to its credibility, as well as some analysis on what solutions have been implemented, whether they're effective (and if not, why?) or what else needs to be changed. This will let the reader empathize with the severity of the issue and let us know why things must change. One thing you could consider is to add what people of the opposite belief would say (because readers may wonder if what you say is really true). This shows that you have considered both sides of the debate, and after you have torn down their argument, it would further prove to the reader why is your solution or idea still better. This will sway the reader to believe that your ideas are worth considering when they begin to tackle how to change the educational system. Perhaps you could read some other argumentative essays and glean some insights from how they have made their points clear: this one argues on why we need lectures [https://www.ukessays.com/essays/education/argumentative-essay-on-universities-lecturing-systems-education-essay.php] which I found the reasons to have been quite thoroughly broken down and therefore, very persuasive. I hope this feedback helped you! There is no right or wrong way to structure an argumentative essay, but there is a more persuasive way that can be achieved with a clearer structure and more specific arguments. You've gotten off to a great start because you clearly have ideas on what you're writing (sometimes it's difficult for me to take a stand!) and you do have personal experiences that exemplify the problems of current public schools, which can make your essay more compelling. Keep writing! You'll only get better :D

10 months

(why angels cry)|a prayer for strength for my girls #apoemaday31

FREE WRITING

Honestly, I really loved this poem because it speaks so much with so little words. I have a soft spot for angels because I think that it is such a lovely word. I think this poem beautifully captured the selfless souls we expect of angels, and yet add a twist – that sometimes angels may be more helpless than we think. My interpretation was that ultimately, this poem means to stand as a testament to the horrors these girls face in their home country and bears witness that we are with them. I loved the repetition, and the development of the way the angels cried: for insanity, sanity, anger, then our plight. I feel that this is how many of us feel about this world: from disbelief at the chaos to wishing the world will be alright, to being angry at the way things are, to a sort of helplessness that is rooted in hope (because even if angels are crying, and the world seems like nothing is quite right, angels are ultimately a symbol of hope). The only critique I would have is how the second stanza doesn't really have a clear evocation of the idea of "sanity" unlike the first or third stanza. To cultivate poppy fields for opium that might potentially ruin families is quite insane of mankind to have created, for instance, and that a woman's worth is compared to material goods yet they should not be (therefore, diamond tears) generates a lot of unfairness, sympathy and anger from the reader – I felt that it was harder to see the connecting lines between sanity, a shipwreck, and the brief description about angels. Unlike the first or third stanza describing the reasons behind the angels' tears, the second stanza's purpose seemed a little more obscure (and it got a little confusing about the heart of stone). This might just be me though! Nonetheless, brilliant work! Hugest of kudos to you for committing to the "a poem a day challenge"! I'm impressed with your varied interests across your poems; I really liked how you explore challenging topics, and yet add an unexpected point of view with topics that were familiar e.g. (voyage), (traitor)... I do think you've got something really, really special going on and I hope you'll take your time in and enjoy your writing journey! We all face burnouts but the important thing is to understand what you and your body needs. Wishing you all the very best in your writing endeavours!

10 months

Greenview

PROMPT: On Belonging

This poem felt like a simple yet fulfilling kind of happiness, which made me feel warm after reading it.

unknown

the silver tears of fallen wishes are a beautiful despair that reflect my depthless, porcelain heart #kickoff

FREE WRITING

This felt like a form of prose poetry for me, and I would've liked for the writer to challenge the form further by pushing for more of the out-of-this-world descriptions! Don't be afraid to experiment with metaphors and work your magic on readers. :) On that note, it was a magical read that made me forget about reality for a moment! The writer had lots of pretty description that carries strong imagery which made me feel immersed. Most of my comments are in the highlights :') One last comment would be that the despair in the title didn't really come through in the piece – I felt that it had a little to do with the structure, as I kept wondering where the piece was going. At the end, I thought, oh, perhaps the narrator was just exploring the world she somehow ended up in. We still don't really have a reason behind the narrator's despair – it would be really intriguing if perhaps the piece was interspersed with flashbacks about the wish the narrator had made. Nonetheless, brilliant effort; I enjoyed your style of writing. Nothing that can't be improved through edits. :) keep writing ~ Even if you aren't a poetry person now, it doesn't mean you can't be on in the near future! ;) Your descriptions strike me as poetic, so if you're scared about venturing into full-out traditional poetry, you can try prose poetry! Go wild!!

10 months

Early Release

PROMPT: On Belonging

My interpretation is that of schoolgirls being released early from school – are these moments what instills a sense of belonging in the author? (is my interpretation correct? haha) I liked the quick pace of this poem, which you created using appropriate line breaks – I thought this matched the line "the pace/of parallel bodies" well! I would have loved to read more of this poem; it felt like it ended too quickly, because the rhythm had me reading it quickly. :') I liked the imagery which you cleverly showed more than told us. On the whole, the entire piece was consistent and cohesive in terms of style – my only issue would be with the ending, which I felt could have been better constructed. I had the sense that this poem was about girls since the poem stated "our hooting/girlish voices", so the last sentence felt like a repeat of information and didn't add as much as it could have in order to end with a punchier ending! Definitely keep writing more, I'd love to read your astute observations! :D

10 months

we are not meant to know | #apoemaday19

FREE WRITING

I found your thoughtful poem on the eternal question a unique take: many have tried to define the afterlife, and here is the poem stating we don't know, because we are not meant to know. That was quite interesting to me! My main concern is for the second last stanza as it was the most confusing for me because it didn't seem to link to the previous stanza – it felt quite abrupt and a little unnecessary ( I felt that the poem could've done without this stanza as although it introduced something new, the poem didn't stay long enough on the new idea for the reader to understand what the author was getting at). Another minor thing would be the poem's structure: I wondered why the structure of your similes was only repeated twice instead of thrice (I was thinking of the power of three) – was it intentional? Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed reading (and re-reading) this piece that made me feel as though my afternoon has slowed down a little – I love pieces that make me forget the sense of time passing! You definitely have a way with words and description – I especially loved the third stanza which I felt captured a vivid image of countless lives that the passage of time has seen, yet carried through a sense of loneliness (as we all are on the path to the afterlife alone). ((I wish I came up with that stanza!)) Kudos to you for keeping up with the a-poem-a-day challenge! It's not easy, but you've come along so far with such wonderful pieces. I hope the feedback helped you! Keep writing :)

10 months

A Friend's First Smile

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2020

Some suggestions ahead! You can choose not to follow them if you wish; I am just placing my thoughts here in the hopes of sparking your creativity with this piece. Test the limits of your style! :) I noticed that you ended off each scene with a colour that brought across a certain mood and thus, a certain suggestion about Sammy's character; I would've liked to see this metaphor used more throughout the piece! You can even experiment with shades. If you'd like to be more creative with the transition of different scenes, you can give each a brief title to signal to the reader that some time has passed, e.g. something to do with the main colour of each scene: green birthday in May to blue waves in April, or orange company to lonely blues (not very good examples, but you get the idea!). Since the title was "A Friend's First Smile" and the first few sentences had the word "first", maybe you could end off with "first" in a sentence somewhere near the end of the piece, so as to make the title more significant. (It might just be me who feels like this makes the piece feel more complete, though.) Once again, I enjoyed reading this piece and I hope to see you write more! :D Cheers, Xin Yi

10 months

prayer of brightness

PROMPT: Intentions and Invocations

This was for me a startling spot of timelessness and gratitude that took me momentarily away from the busy day-to-day life. I'm so glad you wrote this! I enjoyed reading the poetic metaphors and I did feel a tad brighter after reading this piece. Keep up the good work and happy writing!!

almost 3 years

Running into Trees

PROMPT: In The End

I'm not sure if you meant it intentionally, but this scene also reminded me of Percy Jackson (since the actor was Logan Lerman and he goes on adventures in strange places/meets strange creatures). Haha. In any case, I found this piece interesting - the who/why/where is never fully explained and yet I feel sympathy for poor Logan struggling through the woods alone with not-so-helpful advice from strangers. Thank you for your review; I appreciate the thought! To answer your question, I can get inspired by anything I experience - a movie, a song, books, people I know, people I don't. Imagination is both a gift and a curse, I guess. Most of the time, though, it is what I feel that propels me to want to write something. Keep up the good work and happy writing!

almost 3 years

Time

FREE WRITING

I quite enjoy reading pieces on time, and I do feel that your piece carries an important message. A minor letdown for me was that the beginning to middle didn't pack as much punch as the middle to end did - it would be such a pity if someone stopped reading halfway! A suggestion would be to reconsider how your structure can mirror the sensation of time going faster and faster - shorter lines, perhaps, or monosyllables. Regular verses give a sense of steadiness which I think you can jazz up to fit the idea of time going by too fast towards the end! Another suggestion is to consider how you can contrast the differences in the past and now without telling the readers explicitly - perhaps you can consider experimenting with past and present tense, or italics, or even first or third person perspectives. I love the imagery at the end, I felt it gave the poem a little twist as the mood changed from mere remembrance to nostalgia and melancholy, and perhaps even regret towards not appreciating the dew drops while they still existed. I definitely hope to read more from you. Happy writing and happy new year! :-) Cheers, Xin Yi

almost 3 years

This Year

FREE WRITING

unknown

False Moon

FREE WRITING

unknown

I Say to Her

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2017

Definitely an interesting read, but I was mostly confused as to who the "Her" in the title referred to -- there was a point where I thought it might have been the sun. My suggestion would be to reconsider the order of lines and ideas and stanzas, see if they can be arranged in a more cohesive manner that transits smoothly from one scene to the next. The ideas are there, but right now they're not very clear and I think this compromises the message gleaned from the piece. Nonetheless, commendable writing and all the best for the competition!! Hope this review helped you in some way. Cheers, Xin Yi P.S. I'm curious as to what influenced the title of the piece (or how you came up with the title), partially because it's difficult for me to decide on titles xD

over 3 years

Along My Harbour

PROMPT: Dual Existence

Loved the little snippets of smoothly incorporated childhood memories while describing the place - it makes me curious as to what Darling Harbour looks like! It has such a charming name as well n_n My only comment would be that the later half of the first paragraph is somewhat disconnected; perhaps you could work from a small detail before panning out to a larger scene. For instance, focusing on the sand that held up see-saws, to the aerial view of the playground to across the harbour (assuming that the sand was part of the playground)? This is just a suggestion though! Other than that, I thought this was a delightful read and I enjoyed reviewing this as well! Hope your examinations went well and happy writing! ^ ^ Cheers, Xin Yi

over 3 years

Blue bird

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I loved the last line, as highlighted. I felt that the piece built up sufficiently well such that the impact at the end is maximised. Is there a reason why you chose a blue bird as the speaker? I feel that if you want to capture how unsuited this bird is to a life of captivity, a bird meant for the wild (or has connotations with freedom or the wild) may be more appropriate thematically. This review is also in part to thank you for your kind and thoughtful reviews! I know how much each review means and I certainly enjoyed reading and reviewing this piece. Hope you keep writing too!! All the best and keep up the good work :')

over 3 years

The Box

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2017

I truly enjoyed the idea and theme of this piece. It taught me that no idea is too complex to be broken down into simpler parts, even "what is art?" or "is there value in being an artist?" (of course!) A suggestion would be to relook at the tenses and see if they can somehow better help bring across the idea you wish to convey. Maybe they can be arranged or edited differently to lend fluidity to the transition of the different scenes, or even to link them together. I felt like the plot twist was somewhat too quickly introduced and hence predictable; perhaps you can describe the young artist toying with different ideas before he settles on the final one - but of course, this is entirely up to you! I can see this being shortlisted as one of the winning entries xD and I wish you all the best in the competition! Happy writing ~

over 3 years

Penny for your Thoughts

FREE WRITING

I found this to be thoughtful and contemplative - which was interesting! I'd certainly look out for the elaboration should you choose to do so ;-) that being said, I am also currently happy with the direction of this piece and think it offers its own special mood with the abstract descriptions. Hope to see more of your writing!

over 3 years

Autumn

PROMPT: Living Locales

On the whole, I enjoyed the piece a lot because autumn is my favourite season; I felt that this piece really lifted the autumn scene to the state of a sentient, breathing creature. :') It's just a suggestion but perhaps the writer can consider writing this in the present tense. I think that may better capture the feeling of being there at that instant in time, amplifying the magic of the moment. Additionally, to better bring out the effect upon the speaker, perhaps it may be fitting to include more descriptions of the mood and atmosphere . Maybe auditory or sensory descriptions, or just to elaborate on the rich visuals. For instance, I wonder how does the leaf land "onto the golden heaps" - is it soundlessly, gently, or immediately camouflaging with the heaps upon descent? I felt that this was a thoughtful and sweet tribute to autumn; I hope to read more of your pieces on WTW! Happy writing :-)

over 3 years

Sick

FREE WRITING

I loved the unlikely attitude of the speaker, and how the poem changes its line of thought at the end. I thought it was a nice addition of positivity which contrasted with the previous stanzas. :-) Keep writing and keep up the great work!

over 3 years

Make Your Own Expectations

PROMPT: Timeless Counsel

Timeless and empowering advice. :") I identify with the last line to a great extent, and feel that yes, it is definitely important to love the person you are, and be the person you want to be. Nonetheless, I feel that the idea can be further explored to exemplify how to "Make Your Own Expectations" because I feel that making expectations which are too lofty may instead lead to disappointment (resulting in dejection with many doses!). A suggestion would be to consider how you would want to present this piece - would it be an essay, or from a scene such as the one in your piece where you faced the doubts about not going to college before extrapolating it? Perhaps having a clearer flow can help emphasise the message you want to leave the readers with. Apart from a few spelling errors, this is a piece with lots of potential with regards to where you wish to take it. Love the advice and hope you find happiness no matter the decision you choose to go with! :D

over 3 years

I remember white

PROMPT: I Remember

Thank you for sharing such a personal story, it must've taken quite some courage to do so! I hope the memory is not as painful as it used to be. This personal piece evoked my own sentiments of regret for not spending more time with my grandfather. I loved its cohesiveness and flow, and the repetition of how the same colour white manifests in so many different moments. Apart from some minor grammatical errors (was "fathers" a stylistic thing? I'm not sure because some writers like to skip the apostrophe), a suggestion would be to have some paragraphing for the ease of reading. Perhaps you can consider turning it into a poem (this is a minor, minor suggestion), with the repetition of "I remember" because I feel that the imagery might be better emphasised, but that's just an idea! Another suggestion would be to think of how the narrator can describe the colour white in various ways in order to create a more striking imagery - the starkness of bright, white bedsheets, maybe, or the glossy white icing. I feel that might aid the readers in better understanding the narrator's moods as the piece progresses - especially if they begin to see white in a pallid, sickly hue (versus pure, or clean). Keep up the good work and all the best in your writing endeavours! (I hope the suggestions didn't sound too harsh!)

over 3 years

Question Everything

PROMPT: Beyond Reason

Lovely ideas and it certainly made me think in a different manner. I would like to see other types of questions as well (not only questions which challenge different perspectives) to lend your poem diversity but otherwise, I enjoyed reading this poem! Wishing you all the best with your writing endeavours! Keep up the good work :-)

over 3 years

A soldiers Prayer

FREE WRITING

I loved the simplicity yet deep implications of this piece - there is a strong and recurring idea of the sacrifices soldiers give up for their nation. I think that the thoughts of soldiers are not explored much, especially on WTW where most writers are students who have not undergone the experience of serving the nation in the military. This was hence a refreshing read and also very compelling. One small issue I have would be the choice of title capitalisation, but that is a very small issue. Great work, wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours! P.S. Thank you for your lovely review! I hope this one made your day as much as it made mine :-)

almost 4 years

falling for you

PROMPT: Becoming Human

I found this poem quite satisfying, not at all weird!

unknown

Clouds

PROMPT: The Peace of Wild Things

I enjoyed reading this poem tremendously and I felt this to be potentially appealing across periods, places, and people. After all, who hasn't admired the clouds in some way or another? (If they haven't, they ought to read this! hehe) Effectual choice of words that I feel captured not only the majesty of the clouds, but also expressed the admiration of the speaker for the wild things. I felt that the poem got stronger and more cohesive towards the end. If there is anything to be revised I might suggest looking towards the first stanza for a less forceful way of rhyming (stress and distress are hard rhymes) but it is still your piece after all. You can choose not to follow this suggestion. :) Why I suggested soft rhymes is because it is able to echo the nature of clouds without you adding more words, which I feel can be particularly effectual here. What could I possibly add? Great writing, amazing piece. I'd love to see more of your works here on WTW. All the best in your writing endeavours! - Xin Yi

almost 4 years

Typewriter

PROMPT: Becoming Human

I felt this to be a wonderfully abstract yet pertinent representation of what it means to be a human. It is a timely reminder to readers that what is new is not always better than what is old; there is a subtle beauty to old things as well. My suggestion would be to consider adding more physical description to better aid the visualisation of this particular scene and add character to the typewriter, though the poem has its own merits in this form as well. I enjoyed this piece and hope to read more from you. All the best in your writing endeavours! :) - Xin Yi

almost 4 years

It's all in the paper

PROMPT: Icicle

I enjoyed reading this piece with its thoughtful idea and message. I do believe that paper is powerful, and the implication of the last line made me think about how our society discourages certain truths, which is a fact both sad, but also important to recognise today. A suggestion would be to add a stanza regarding the effects of paper, to show how it is the "core of our society" - the small ways it changes our lives, or how we cannot function without it, perhaps. Another idea would be to describe paper physically, adding imagery and sensory details which can foreshadow or hint at the power of paper before delving into the forms paper exists in. This reminded me of this video I once saw, a poetry recital with the poem "Paper People" [link here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z94sQNlQge0 ], perhaps it might inspire you in some way ;-) Commendable effort and hope you keep writing! All the best in your writing endeavours :-)

almost 4 years

Fishtank

FREE WRITING

I enjoyed this thought-provoking read, and felt that this piece have a lot of potential, to question the morality of fish tanks, as well as to add depth to this curious natural phenomena. Perhaps you can consider letting the intensity of the moment of suicide parallel the slowing of thoughts. I felt that it was not immediately obvious that the fish had jumped out of the tank (I had misread it as regret being part of life as a domestic fish). Perhaps the addition of another stanza on what the fish was thinking of while committing the act will further emphasise the act of suicide itself, since you have raised the motivations and consequential regret the fish might harbour. All in all, good job and I hope to read more of your works on WTW! :-)

almost 4 years

The Scribe

PROMPT: Why I Write

This is a piece that pulses with confidence and ownership in being a writer. It is a very different read for me, certainly, as a writer who sometimes question my own writing ability. This piece not only serves to show readers the confidence cemented in your writing abilities, but also compel budding writers out there who may feel that sometimes they are not enough that you are, if you believe. I feel that this piece has the potential to resonate with a more pointed title, although it is fine as it stands. Commendable effort and I look forward to reading more of your pieces on WTW! Thank you for sharing this piece of writing. :-)

almost 4 years

Uncommon Dance

PROMPT: 1 Photo, 100 Words

I like the theme of your piece and the message we are left with, I feel that in our busy lives, we often forget to appreciate the artistic beauty of nature. This piece has a lot of potential to stand out as something uncommon and alluring. At the end of the day, the writer knows best what it is they want to convey to the readers. Don't feel pressured to accept every comment on your piece! I hope this review helped you and I look forward to seeing more of your pieces on WTW :-)

almost 4 years

See you.

PROMPT: Signing Off

This piece is unflinchingly honest and sincere, always reflecting on what has happened -- not blaming, but evaluating. I felt that this is what marked the maturity of the writer. I feel that the writer's tone was consistent and engaging throughout, it lent a strong personal voice to the letter. I would suggest adjusting the flow of the letter, such that the feelings experienced by the author is chronological and readers can chart the growth Change has made within you (pardon the pun). The unexpected magnanimity of Change can be also placed towards the end to surprise the reader, although I only suggest this as a consideration. I believe it is fine where it stands now. All the best in writing and may the force be with you on the long road ahead. :-)

almost 4 years

Les Misérables

PROMPT: Monologue

I feel that the monologue had lots of potential to explore about what goes on in the minds of the celebrities you see, and so I felt that the title was apt. It would be pretty ironic if the cast for Les Miserables are indeed The Miserable seeing as they should revel in the glory of acting in such a famous musical. There's definitely room for exploration with this character and I look forward to more of your writing! Keep up the good work :-) Also, a huge thank you for all your kind and sweet comments, they never cease to put a smile on my face. ^_^ I hope this review helped you and made your day as much as they make mine!

almost 4 years

How I Found Something To Love In December

PROMPT: My December Competition 2016

Reading (and reviewing) this honest mix of narration and story-telling is a joy. It reminded me of a diary entry or a blog post, as though the writer was telling the story to a confidant. A suggestion could be to add more details, or character quirks (both the writer herself and Alex) as it can make the scenes more memorable and the relationship dynamics more interesting to the reader. I look forward to more pieces of writing (with this Alex) from you! ;) At the same time, I would like to thank you so much for your kind and lovely reviews, every one of them means a lot to me and I hope this one does justice to your work! Happy writing! Sincerely, Xin Yi

almost 4 years

Pain

PROMPT: Emotion by Association

unknown

Messenger

PROMPT: Book Review Writing Competition 2016

unknown

Life in a Nutshell

FREE WRITING

I know you aren't looking for reviews per se, but I felt that I had to share my thoughts on this, and "gage" was nagging in my mind, hope you don't mind! I really liked this piece, it's poetic, paradoxical and straight up my alley ;-) I'd also like to thank you for the uplifting review you left on my piece, Censored, it made my day so I hope this makes yours as well! I think you have lots of potential, and interesting insights that would be a pity if not shared. Keep writing, and all the best! :-) - Xin Yi

about 4 years

When the Sky Cries

PROMPT: Beats and Pulses

Kudos for trying a new style! It always seems daunting for me haha and it was refreshing to read a non-linear style. Now you made me curious about which band it is!

about 4 years

Hunting

PROMPT: Countdown

I feel that there's tension in this short story as well, how the father was "accidentally shot" but yet eaten by the wolves - perhaps his death is a mystery? In that case, it makes me want to find out how the narrator "knew". Besides this review, I also wanted to thank you for leaving me with so many positive reviews! They lifted my spirits and I hope this does too. I loved how this piece focussed on a simple hobby and event, but was able to bring about the sense of loss and of happier days (or how the story may not be as simple as it seems). Nice work! Keep writing :-)

about 4 years

Bound To Be Broken

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2016

I loved how you spoke about an important issue (child marriage), and I feel that this piece will definitely impact those who read it. Best of luck in the competition!

over 4 years

Emilia and Jonathan

PROMPT: Letter Writing Competition 2016

I liked how the voice of Emilia was strong and consistent throughout the piece! The informal way of writing also helped made me feel closer to her. Hope my comments were helpful, you don't have to edit according to them if you don't like it. :)

over 4 years

Human Behavior

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I liked how the poem was structured such that it was an observation in the first two lines of each stanza followed by a contradiction, it creates a kind of pattern for the readers to expect. I particularly liked the stanza about Darkness, Blood and Water (stanza 4), but I couldn't decide on the purpose of that stanza, Water seemed to pull the direction of the poem in a different direction. I really liked this piece and it's effort to rhyme! I felt that it made human behaviour somewhat beautiful and poetic despite its flaws. :) Nice job!

over 4 years

LaCrone

PROMPT: Living People

The interesting title drew me in. I found her last answer particularly interesting, "falling in love" and made me want to know more about Ms. LaCrone and her thoughts. I feel that she's a mysterious person, and more of her backstory can definitely be fleshed out in a longer story. I really liked the slightly informal setting, it set me at ease while reading. There were a few typo errors here and there, but all in all I found it an insightful piece into her character. Nice job!

over 4 years