I’m calling for help 
Maybe I’m just thinking of myself
But I need you
I need someone 

But no one seems to care
No one seems to be there
Maybe I just need to stop 
Thinking of myself 
Thinking of my pain
While watching the rain

But I can’t 
No matter how hard I try
They’re demons are inside
Making me cry 
This is not how I want to live
I don’t want to lie

Life is good
If only I could
Be free from the demons
Who have no reasons
To give me scars
But do it anyway

I’m selfish
And helpless
I’m drowning 
While counting
The scars 

I’m screaming 
While beaming
Pretenidng like 
Everything’s fine 
Leaving little sign’s
No one sees

I’m sorry 
For being stuck in the past,
I’m sorry
But I don’t know
How long I’ll last

I’m sorry I’m

Selfish. 

My laughs
My smiles
They’re real
Around you

I feel content 
Around you
And I feel comfortable too 

I care about what you say,
I care about what you think,
And I will not just today,
But always, everyday 

I may not always be there, 
But I’ll still care,
You can come talk to me, 
If you need it

I’m not sure 
What was your imagination,
And what was real

But the friendship is real, 
I’m real,
And so are you,
Through and through,
We’re friends, 
So let’s just be
That’s enough for me

You’re not a shadow,
Not a star,
But you light up the dark, 
With your smiles
So please don’t be so harsh
With yourself 

I need you,
I care for you,
Don’t convince yourself 
Your worthless 
That’s too hurtful 
You’re worthy

It’s okay 
Not to know
Real and fake,
As long as your happy
That’s all it is
Even though things can be crappy
Nothing else...

Dear my inner demons

What is your reason
For making me feel this way
my insides screaming and pleading 
But you still stay 
And bring hell
Turning me into
an empty shell
I’m trying my best 
To be less depressed 
To feel less stressed
To love and accept me,
But with you around,
I’ll never be happy or free
Can you stop 
Creating these feelings
Can you stop
Creating the bleeding 
Stop making me cry
I don’t want to die 
I can’t take this anymore
You’re hurting me to my core
I need a break to breathe
I need you to leave
I’ve been a polite host
Too polite almost
And now you’ve overstayed your stay
So I’m not sorry to say you leave today
You say you’ll go
You don’t though
You lied 
You hide
And strike at my lowest point 
You disappoint me
Leave me numb
In a sea
I drown 
With tears and a frown
I’ve crumbled  ...

I have no more secrets,

No more sleepless 

Nights,

But I still have my 

Fights 

I still am 

Weak

And a 

Freak.

No more sneaking

And hiding

Lying and smiling 

More sweetness 

Less secrets 

But still, 

I’m struggling

To win these battles

I’m fumbling 

I’m not free

Yet 

From these demons 

Haunting me

I can’t give up 

Give in

I have to win 

But they’re there 

And their will is strong

Maybe I was wrong

To try and quit 

But now everybody knows

What I used to do

What I want to do

Screw

These feelings inside

These demons inside 

I have no more secrets,

But the demons 

Are still inside. 

What does it mean to be okay?

Does it mean

Not breaking down 
And crying
Every night
Trying 
To be silent?

Does it mean

Not degrading yourself 
Wanting to be more lean
Wanting to be more
Keen?

Does it mean

Loving yourself 
Loving life
Not needing to go to bed
Clutching a knife?

What does it mean to be okay?

What does it mean to be sane?

What is pain?

Do my scars 
Look as pretty 
As the stars?

Are my smiles and laughs,
Fake or real,
Or are they just for the photographs?  

Am I okay, 

Am I sane?


 

Ever since that day,
You’ve never loved me the same way
Now he’s the one 
You go to to have fun

Ever since that day,
You’ve turned your back away
From me
I’ll never be free
From you scolding me 

Ever since that day,
My world has turned grey
I don’t know what I did 
But ever since you don’t see me as the good kid

Ever since that day, 
You’ve treated me like prey,
Hunting down my happiness, 
Without tenderness

Ever since that day, 
I’ve had to pay,
I’m always to blame, 
And full of shame, 
I hope you don’t think
Toying with me is a game 

Ever since that day, 
I’ve had to convey 
Everything inside with writing,
Can we please just stop fighting

Ever since that day, 
There are many things I want to say, 
I’m sorry, I love you 
But what did I do 

Every since that day, 
I hope that someday
I can make my...

Lush, dark green grass stands proudly in the outstretched field. The sun, sinking behind trees, leaves traces of yellow and orange on a leisurely darkening sky. A tree standing alone in the middle of the meadow has a swing resting down from its branch. The air is crisp, as the wind whispers and a horse snickers. A smooth, uncluttered path weaves its way through the field, telling stories of all those who’ve walked on it. The field is calming, and you know that it will keep all your secrets and forgive all your misdeeds. The single tree watches as you walk by, and it greets you, telling you to be at peace. This is where you share your brightest laughs, and take the best pictures, of flowers, fields, and setting suns. This is where you huff and puff, sweating on a hot summer’s day, shoes digging into the ground, as you run, trying to beat your previous time. This is...

I guess 

We don’t tell each other about

The messes

In our lives

Only saying 

The lies

But that doesn’t mean

We aren’t as close as we used to be

We only see each other through a screen

But whatever happens,

Just know, 

I want you to be happy and laughing,

You can tell me anything,

You don’t need to hide tears

Behind a smile,

You don’t need to hide fears

Behind a laugh

Because I’ll be here

For you. 
 

I looked to the the sky, 
As the clouds moved through, 
There was no sunlight 
No blue. 

The world gets dimmer, 
As its beauty escapes my fingers
Down a drain 
As the dismal grey sky lingers. 

I want to see the stars, the sky,
But when darkness 
Covers the land, 
The only thing to see are the heartless. 

But then a modest ray of sun peeks out,
Guiding me to a flower,
Showing me that not everything
In life is so sour.

The flower 
Gives me hope 
And tells me
Not to mope. 

Not all the beauty
Was drained 
There is always more
To be gained. 

And when I look
To the sky,
The sun comes out
 So I hang my head high. 

The clouds turn 
From grey to white,
And they become
Fluffy and bright. 

Think positive, 
It’ll all be okay,
The sun will come,
To brighten your day. 

I want to be like you

So secure 
And care too little 
To be affected by anything 

Pure laughter 
A smile sealed on your lips 
Never shedding tears 

Down to earth
Energetic 
Carefree

I'm the greatest
I'm the best
Why am I so cute? 

How 
Tell me
How 
Can you care so little?

I know I worry too much,
I know I cry too much,
I know I stress too much,
But you don't
At all.

As I hold back tears
Sitting in my room
So stressed
And worried 

I hear you from your room
You're laughing 
Always laughing 
Talking to a friend 
Or two 

I want to be like you

I want to think 

I'm more than good enough
I'm cute 
I'm thin 
I'm smart 
And I'm worthy

It's getting better

But I'm not there yet 

I want to be like you,

And not at the same time.

You're fat
You're ugly
​You're stupid 

You tell me,

Laughing at...

Stress and anxiety 
They run through my veins.
Silent hot tears burn my cheeks
What will tears bring you, what will you gain?

I blink a few times 
To stop the tears,
As I sink into my bed
Wanting to disappear.

I read the sticky note 
On my ceiling 
Over and over and over again.

It’s okay.
You’re fine.
Everything’s fine.

I suppose this isn’t bad,
I’m just scared
To be scolded or to make someone sad,
I’m not sure if I dare
Be honest.
But they can see my transparent lie 
I guess I’ll try anyway. 

This’ll just be a fuzzy or nonexistent 
Memory 
Someday
So it’s not worth stressing over.
It’s not worth crying over.

Some tears are not worth it. 

 

I’m afraid,

Of failing
Of grades
Of hurting

Of...

Losing someone

And 

Regretting.

Regretting 

I wasn’t there for them enough

I didn’t make them smile enough

I didn’t show I cared enough 

All the while

They can’t even here my 

Sorry.

Under a 

Starry 

Sky,

I 

Cry. 

I don’t want to be caught

In the past

Because this life goes by 

Too fast, 

If we fought 

Or we’re fighting,

Let’s just not,

Let’s make amends,

And think happy,

Before this all ends.

Because 

I’m afraid 

And I don’t want to be. 

I never want to say goodbye,

No, it’s not a lie,

I am afraid. 

So even in this crappy

World, 

Let’s just try 

And

Be Happy.

 

A butterfly
Sits on my wrist
Flapping it’s beautiful wings,
It tells me I don’t have to cry,
That everything will be okay,
It tells me
Its name
It tells me
I'm not to blame 
For the things I 
Cannot control.

A butterfly 
Sitting on my wrist
Tells me to breath, 
And resist 
The demons
Feeding off my happiness
And energy. 
When it goes away
It doesn’t say goodbye
It says see you again sometime
I’ll be back to make your day
Turn from grey 
To sun 
So just wait for me
I'll come.

A butterfly
That was on my wrist
When it's not there,
I don't know if I 
Dare
Get out of bed, 
Face the day,
Face the dread. 

A butterfly 
On my wrist 
Saved me 
From the dark
In my mind,
And now,
I hope that last time 
It fluttered away
Was the last time
I’ll need it to stay.

 

A butterfly
Sits on my wrist
As it flaps it’s beautiful
wings
It tells me I don’t have to cry,
Everything will be okay,
It tells me its name
Which is the same
As my loved one
And it tells me
Not to take the blame
So much. 

A butterfly 
Sitting on my wrist
Tells me to breath, 
And resist 
And when it goes away
It doesn’t say goodbye,
It says see you again sometime
I’ll be back to make your day
Turn from grey 
To sun 
So just wait for me
To come.

A butterfly 
On my wrist 
Saved me 
And now,
I hope last time 
It fluttered away
Was the last time
I’ll need it to stay.

 

A sinking sun under the horizon, leaving streaks of warm orange, yellow, and pink, as if painted on the sky.
Being able to make someone truly smile, when all they wanted to do was curl up on their bed and cry. 
A soft breeze blowing crisp orange leaves out of their tree, the wind guiding them, so they are not lead astray.
Someone telling you that they are grateful for you, and that you’ve helped them in many ways. 
Waves crashing on a sandy beach, while letting the velvety, warm sand slip through your hand. 
The sound of pure laughter, the brightest memories, family and friends, and being in your own dreamland.
 

1) I love that I can smile through a workout. (They bring-a part of me- joy, what can I say? ;P) They’re also good for not only physically health, but also mental health, and they also make me feel refreshed/energetic afterwards. Nothing matches the feeling of finishing a workout. It’s also a great way to start the day!

2) I love that I try my best to make people smile. Even if I don’t always succeed, I tried. And I know I’ll always do just that.

3) I love my long brown hair and bright sky-crystal eyes. Even though my hair can be (*drum roll*) naughty sometimes(heh so funny). And I think my eyes may possibly be considered pretty to some souls....

4) I love that my personality type is a Mediator (INFP). To sum up, a mediator is someone who is open-minded, empathic, and generous, and creative. People of this personality type are daydreamers(definitely me) and feel others pain as...

I wanted to remind you, you are not alone. I’m here with you, even if you don’t think I am. You may think you don’t matter, that you are a nobody, but you matter to me. And we’re all just nobodies, aren’t we?  All we are are specks of dust in a star in the endless universe of life. It’s sad, but everything ends. Famous names being tossed around, they’ll also be forgotten one day. So just try your best, it’s okay if it doesn’t work out. It’s okay if you feel down sometimes. It’s okay to hate the bad things life throws at you. But don’t let your mind abuse you. Stop putting yourself down because you don’t deserve it. I know you might be shaking your head, but it’s true, so I’ll say(write?) it again. You don’t deserve to make yourself unhappy. 2021 is a clean slate, a fresh start. Don’t live your life as your enemy. Turn...

We all know what you’ll say, 
When you answer “are you okay?”
Always a lie,
Please don’t silently cry,
I know that the answer isn’t always yes,
So you can just confess,
And tell me what’s wrong,
It’s okay not to be strong,
I know this life can be hard,
And it’ll sometimes feel like we’re barred,
Locked inside a box in our mind,
But what if I told you we’re blind,
Blind to the beauty in our lives,
We don’t need to live just to survive, 
There is so much more than just pain and stress,
Please promise me that you’ll do your best,
Not to focus on the bad,
But instead be glad,
To see good in your day. 

Instead of “are you okay?”

I should ask

“What good happened in your day?”

There are always angels.
There is always light.
There is always a way.

I thought you would be filled with 
Sadness,
Guilt,
Dismay.

I thought I’d break you
my words
Would 
Break you.

I thought you wouldn’t be able to 
Face me
or you would
Snap.

But you said it’s not me.
It’s not my fault.
I don’t ruin things.
It’s not me.
You kept saying,
And every time you did,
I believed you a little more...

We all have times where we could’ve 
Done better, 
But that doesn’t make us worthless. 
You told me.

I’ve waited 14 years to hear those words.

And you’re right.
And I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I didn’t come to you sooner.
I’m sorry about my scars. 
I’m sorry about what I did to your daughter,
What I told her
Every second
Of every day.
I’m sorry I kept her up all night
And made her silently cry.

I wasn’t aware that
Among the darkness, ...

The stars that sprinkled the night sky were mesmerizing. As I stood on a narrow, almost empty road, which lie on a small field, I kept a watchful eye for shooting stars. When a soft breeze blew through, I felt a chill run down my spine. I shuddered.

“Cold?” Andrew’s soothing low voice filled my ears. He’s a tall guy, with dusty brown hair, and the kindest hazel eyes. I nod slightly.

“A bit,” I reply. 

“Here.” 

He steps closer to me, until I can hear him breathing. He’s wearing a hoodie, so he has no jacket to offer me. Instead, he hugs me. My cheeks burn red. The temperature increased, alright. 

What am I doing? He’s been my boyfriend for over a month now!

I bury my face into his chest so he can’t see me blushing. He just laughs. And we stay like that until he asks if I’m warmer. 

“Y-Yeah, thanks.” I look up at the sky....

What I didn’t know,
Heaving my backpack,
Wishing I could stay home,
Learn from my room,
if only I knew

Sitting at lunch,
Staring at space,
Wanting to play with my dog,
Wanting to not see the grey brick building
Every morning
If only I knew

In the crowded halls,
Where I was never noticed anyway,
I wanted to come home
To my safe place,
if only I knew

But time has gone by
Time leaves me 
Frozen and confused
Because I’m still in yesterday,
In last month,
In last year,
And now there’s COVID
but I still sometimes think
I can leave my house 
without a mask

How funny,
It’s been 10 months
And I’m still sometimes stuck in 
2019
Wishing to go home
And have time
Time with my family,
Time with myself, 
And now it might feel like it’s
Been awhile,
But trust me when I say
Today will be last year
In a blink of an...

I want you to rip out my heart,
Shatter it like an ugly piece of art,
Hurt me, break me,
And let yourself be free, 
Push me away and shove me down,
Into the ocean of my mind and let me drown,
But first make me think you care,
And say that you’ll be there,
Before bringing the pain in reality,
And make me see,
Since I am blind,
No one cares about what’s going on in my mind,
Nothing’s about me,
I wish I could flee,
Because I’ve hurt plenty,
Way too many,
So I beg of you,
Hurt me till my skin turns blue,
Leave behind me, the tears in my eyes and the bruising,
Don’t worry this is what I’m choosing,
Rip my heart from my chest,
This is for the best.

Trust me.

I wish I could tell you,
The things I cannot put into words,
But if I did, would you leave me too?
I feel like a songbird,
That’s voice has been taken away,
I was on a path,
But I’ve led myself astray, 
And the aftermath,
I’m alone,
Alone and cold.

But even though I don’t see you,
I know you’re there,
Just promise you won’t leave me too,
And show you care.
I’m helpless,
I need you,
I’m sorry, that’s selfish,
But I need you, 
Your the only person left
I trust…

Lend me your hand,
And I promise,
I’ll do anything for you,
I love you.

As the stars fade,
The sky lightens,
Orange and yellow
Peer above the horizon, 
The darkness that was 
Hiding me and my salty cheeks
Leaves.
I'm saddened
About facing another day,
Without protection 
From the star filled sky,
But I know the night
And its darkness,
Will come back
To obscure the puddle
Of tears
That lies on my bed
Soon enough.

So

Goodbye

At least,

for now.

The Moon and I,
We walk together 
Along the dark path of life,
As her light 
Brightens my face,
She helps me smile,
And teaches me her grace.
 
I ask the Moon,
All that I wonder,
I ask her
The meaning of this life,
I ask her
For guidance,
For answers, 
That I do not know,
She always answers. 

She leaves me,
When the sun peeks over
The horizon, 
So bright,
She leaves me,
When my worries and problems 
Come out of the shadows 
And into the light. 

But when the colors of the day,
Melt to darkness,
The night comes,
The Moon comes,
And together we talk,
I tell her
About my pain,
And she tells me that my tears
Remind her of rain.

The Moon and I,
We’re both lonely,
We’re both scarred, 
And we both cry,
Together,
The Moon and I.

Fire cannot put out fire,

Darkness cannot drive out darkness,

We should not fight violence with violence,

It only doubles it. 

We need to end this cycle 

Of revenge,

Of bloodthirst, 

And learn to forgive. 

It’s hard,

But if we can learn to do this,

The world would be a better place.

And the world would be a better place,

If we could only learn to accept each other,

As we are,

And not make others change for us,

Or change for others.

If we could only 

Make others comfortable in their own skin,

And let them feel

Loved and cared for.

The world would be a better place. 

I don’t want to talk about me,
I’m too depressing,
I’m I waste of space,
And I don’t matter, 
No matter what you say,
I won’t budge,
Because I really don’t.

I want to know if you’re okay,
I want to know what’s troubling you,
And why you aren’t talking to me.
Please don’t say otherwise,
Because deep down,
You know it too. 
Don’t try to flip this and ask me,
Because I’m through with myself,
Have been for awhile.
But I’m not through with you.
I still want you to be happy
More than anything. 
I’d risk everything 
For the people I care about,
Inculding you, 
To be happy,
Even just for a little while,
Even my life.

I want to know if you’re happy,
Don’t flip this on me,
Because I’m asking you.

Just let me know, okay?
 

I m  a g i n e

        Being a dog, 
Not a    
    Care in the entire 
                                w
                                    o
                                        r
                                            l
                                                d
Not knowing of the
                                Darkness
and
                                 Madness
 
    Of this planet.

I m a g i n e

    Only the voices
Of your
    Loved ones and being
               
        c u d d l e d
And 

       S n u g g l e d.

Smiling 
    As you
        get chased
            and play tug a war.

So happy
    When you
        Go for a walk
            and run your heart out.

So free
    When you
        Get to swim 
            Or play in the snow.
                                          
Just 

    I m a g i n e

Not knowing

Things that...

Attention Seeker.
You say.
Overdramatic.
You say.
Ugly,
Fat,
Stupid,
You say. 

I’m all torn up.
I don’t know why,
But your words sting
Worse than a bee.

I don’t want attention.
I know that I suck
That I’m an a pile of worthless garbage  
And a waste of space.
(Thanks for the daily reminders)

I sit alone in my room,
Swallowed by darkness,
Hurt,
Not willing to go to others
When I’m in pain. 
Not wanting their eyes on me,
Or my tears.

How does that make me an

Attention Seeker?

TW: Sorry for some bad language!

I gave you 
My glass heart,
Because I love you,
But you threw it 
On the ground.

Yet I kept giving 
It to you,
And you kept 
Shattering it.

Almost every time you
Shattered my glass heart,
You glued the pieces
Back together,
Told me I was your baby.

But the next time
You shatter it,
The pieces get smaller,
And smaller 
And harder to glue back
Together.

You tell me,
I’m a piece of shit,
Then you say,
You love me.

You heal me,
Just to hurt me again,
An endless cycle 
Where I feel 
Broken and 
Confused.

Tell me,
Why are you gluing 
The pieces of 
My glass heart 
Back together,
If you’re just 
Going to shatter it again?

If it’s actually true,
That you didn’t leave me,
That I make your life bright,
That you’d do anything for me,
Then why
Did you ignore me for the past, 
I don’t know,
Three weeks?

How come you say
You didn’t know I was hurting,
That you didn’t know anything, 
When I told you,
Over and over again.
Maybe I can’t communicate well,
Or maybe you subconsciously ignored my words.

If what you say is actually true,
Then why
Do I feel so 
Alone?

You were my friend.
But we didn’t always get along.
We’d get in big fights I never wanted to be in.
You told your other friends in our class about me.
You told them I was an idiot. A brat.
You even told me that you did this a few months later.
We laughed about it.
I pretended it didn’t bother me.
But it did. Greatly. 

Well one of those other friends hated me.
And I think it was because of the things you told them.
I don’t want to sit on the bus next to her!
One of them said. When I was a foot away from them.
No offense. 
They said, yet, a few days earlier I heard them saying this to one of there friends:
Just because you say no offense doesn’t mean it’s still offensive.
So yeah. I wanted to yell at them but I just shrugged and even tried to smile.
Another time, when we...

You’re lucky.
You don’t have to have me in your life anymore. 
You’re probably happier.
I know I would be.
And I’m sorry.
Sorry for breaking you.
My problems and I were a too big weight to carry.
Don’t deny it.
Because if they weren’t, we would still be talking. 
We’d still be telling each other every little thing that happened in our day.
Coming to each other when we had questions.
But we don’t.

It doesn’t matter if I’m okay.
Not anymore.
Probably never did.
It doesn’t matter if I’m hurt.
It doesn’t matter that you left when I needed you.
I don’t hold a grudge.
Not really.
But I’m envious. 
You don’t have to talk or listen or be with me.
You’re lucky. 
So lucky.

Way too many mistakes and heartaches. 

I’m a glass,
Nothing special,
Nothing spectacular,
But I’ve been shattered,
Over and over,
My pieces cut people,
I don’t mean them to,
It was an accident,
And I’ve been
Glued back together,
Some pieces missing,
I am not what I used to be,
I’m scarred,
I’m a glass,
And I’m broken.

I want
To hold someone close, 
And as I do, 
I want to take away all the pain, 
and hurt
they have felt. 

Let all that,
the negativity,
the bad memories,
the hate, 
flow down a 
river, 
and be replaced with 
light and warmth. 
With happy memories. 

Anyone who's struggling, 
anyone who needs it, 
I'll hold them close, 
And let them feel
happy, 
comfortable, 
safe. 

I'll give away
all my energy and light
If I have to. 

Because I want them
to be in a good place, 
A happy place. 

As I hold them close,
I want to take away all the pain.
 

My mind peacefully returns from sleep,
With the rising orange sun to greet me,
As it peeks through the trees outside my window,
And I smile rests on my face,
As I stare at its beauty.
I curl up,
Feeling safe and free,
Glad to open my eyes for another day,
Glad to be alive,
To be breathing.
Finally, I was content. 

 

Don't you remember?

Those days we spent, making crafts and playing in your yard,
To forget, I believe that's pretty hard,
Laughing and careless, not knowing the things to come,
There were many good memories, that are making me numb.

Don't you remember?

We used to play pretend, 
Trying to make reality bend,
So many things that we would imagine,
Even that there was a dragon. 

​Don't you remember? 

How we exchanged letters,
Making each other feel so much better,
Pouring our heart and soul's on to the page,
It was like we got an escape of our minds cage. 

Don't you remember?

How we trusted each other with our deepest secrets,
Our secrets that made us sleepless,
And our friendship bracelets,
True friendship, I finally tasted. 

​Don't you remember? 

How I said, I'm here for you, 
I meant it and it's still true,
I made you those promises,
I'm intending to keep those too. 

Again TW: Very serious issues... 

Tell me,

HOW. 

How can one create a war,
Killing MILLIONS
No matter what excuse you have,
None condone the valuable lives 
That are being lost. 

Tell me,

HOW.

How can people be mean, so so mean,
To the point that they are,
Creating people to feel-no be- depressed,(and worse) 
And for what?
To feel good about themselves 
By putting others down?

How did we evolve to be like that?

Tell me,

HOW.

How is society like it is?
How did it become like this?
Pushing people to hate themselves,
To be unhealthy, 
And far far worse.

Tell me,

HOW.

How can someone be mentally and physically
Okay with ending everything for someone,
Ripping them away from their loved ones,
Forever,
I don't get it.
What's wrong with us.
What's wrong with our minds?

I'll never understand. 
Even if you explain.
I'll never understand. 

The sunset, sinking into the hills, the sky orange and pink, warming my heart. 
I sit in the grass, next to my brother, his dark almond hair, drooping over his hazel brown eyes. 
My ears fill with soft laughter, so pure, as the beauty of the sunset reflecting on the peaceful lake keeps a smile on my lips.
The water droplets from swimming in the placid and glassy lake, drying off from my creamy tan skin.
The heat from the beating sun lessening as day begins to leave, and nature begins to prepare for the night.
The feelings of sadness and hopelessness, the anxiety and confusion, dissolve from my mind.
My dog, running around in joy, but stinking that gross wet dog smell, looking so free. 
The tree's green leaves, blowing gently with the soft wind, and my whole family, standing close by, watching the sunset.
The low murmurs of their voices, and the beautiful glistening in each of their...

I know
Your hurting,
I know
Your torn up inside,
And all this time,
You've been sharing your smile
With the world,
So I think it's time,
I share a smile with you.

I can't handle,
Knowing you're not okay,
Watching my phone,
Waiting for you to text me,
And tell me the truth,
But knowing,
You won't. 

I can't handle,
Knowing you're crying,
And not having a shoulder,
To lean on,
So let me,
Please,
Let me be that shoulder,
Take my hand,
Let me lead you off
This island your stranded on,
And let us go
Back to where things are 
Calmer.

Don't hide from me,
Please,
I won't pretend like everything is okay,
Because I know 
You're hurting,
Please,
Grant me one wish,
Let me be your shoulder to cry on. 

No words come to mind,
I am speechless, what to say,
Except for THANK YOU!

How can I make you happy?
Because I want to,
More than anything,
Please,
Just let me make you happy,
Show me how,
That’s all I want,
That’s all I’ve ever wanted,

Tell me anything you want,
The worst of it,
Even if it rips at my heart,
If it makes you happy,
Do it,

Leave me,
Abandon me,
Even if I cry all day long afterwards,
If it makes you happy,
Do it,

If you want to stay with me,
Help me,
And let me share a smile with you,
If it makes you happy,
Do it.

All I every wanted was for you to be happy. 

That’s all I want.

I’m lost under an ocean,
Drowning,
Looking up at the water’s surface,
How it looks so beautiful from here,
My tears are swallowed by the water
Surronding me,
My hair is softly flowing up and down,
Tickling my face,
I feel myself 
Slowly sinking
To the depths 
Of the darkness,
But then I see you
In my mind,
Alone and hurt,
And I want to get to you,
But my lungs are filled with water,
My arms and legs aren’t responding,
But I’m searching for you,
I’m coming for you,
To help you,
Just wait a moment,
Wait a little a longer,
As I try to get back to the 
Water’s surface,
And find you. 

If my phone was a person,
        She would love to sing and dance and play music more than anything,
            And she’d probably win world’s most indecisive person,
           She loves among us,
                 But also loves to study,
If my phone was a person,
         She would have very light golden hair,
            And skin so pale it was almost white,
         With extremely dark brown eyes,
If my phone was a person,
        She’d be small and skinny,
           And extremely light,
          Spending lots of time watching Netflix,
        And eating Oreos or popcorn.
If my phone was a person,
        She’d be a little cracked, 
            But only a little,
          And wouldn’t hide it,
If my phone was a person,
       She’d be an amazing artist,
         Who often drew on herself, 
        And she loves trying different hairstyles,
            And baking(but was...

Playing cards late into the night...

I miss you,
Your bright gray hair,
And those beautiful blue eyes,
I inherited from you,

Hearing your laughter...

The way you smiled,
We smiled,
Finally, it wasn’t fake,
And it was so easy,

The sun brightened the grass...

As we played
In your yard,
Making up our own games
With your ball,

The freshly fallen snow...

Glittering in the sun,
We came during winter,
Sitting in the sunroom,
Drinking hot tea and eating zopf(a kind of bread),

Not a single tear...

I miss it,
The calm air,
The inner and outer peace,
My anxiety no longer feeds off my fears,

I miss those memories with you. 
 

I miss you,
The old you,
The not shy you,
The bold you, 
Not this new you, 
I miss you,
The old you. 

I miss when you smiled
Because you were happy,
I miss when you laughed
Because you were amused,
I miss when you didn’t worry
What you looked like,
Or your size and shape,
I miss when you didn’t 
Cry so much,
And I miss your quirky little self,
I miss being your friend,
I hate being the enemy,
The one that’s always to blame,
I miss when you were the sun
In my life,
I miss being your protector, 
The one you always counted on,
I miss the days when we’d play pretend,
I miss those times when you stopped 
Worrying so much,
About everything,
I miss back then,
When you were so innocent,
When you were too young to make mistakes,
And too naive to know the truth
About this dark world,
And I hate the...

Summer: She has long, straight black hair, which is sometimes dyed for fun. Her eyes are ocean blue. She is one of the skinny girls, and she always seems so confident. She loves being outdoors more than anything, and she’s very adventurous. She’s open with everyone, and is a more extroverted person. She loves to sing her heart out, whether it’s in car rides, in the shower, or in her living room. She loves performing for people. Very talented in many areas, but hates school. Loves Netflix and chill.She gets bored easily. She’s very loyal and caring to her loved ones, and has many friends, a few very close ones too. Everyone sees her as the funny, loving, always smiling one in the friendship circle(and maybe a little crazy too). 
Drama club, Anime club, Environmental club(Possibly debate team?).

Autumn: He has curly ginger hair, which he never brushes. He lets his hair droop over his hazel eyes. His formal clothes...

Keyboard clicking rapidly, 
The stillness of the dark night,
Dishes being washed,
The low murmur of people,
Talking, 
Forks clanking against plates, 
Swshhh,
As the kitchen sink water turns on,
Ding,
A notification, 
An email - 
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
The oven goes off,
Being silenced in a few seconds,
Squeak, 
Spueak, squeak, 
You really need a new chair,
Squeak,
Cause it's blocking your writi-
Squeak,
-ng flow, 
This is 
And evening at home. 

"Hey, you. Give me this."
"Hey wait! That's my lunch!"
"Not anymore. Now it's the floor's lunch."
"Why'd you throw my lunchbox on the floor and step on it???"
"Sorry, what'd ya say? I couldn't hear you, you're as quiet and squeaky as a mouse. And your face kinda reminds me of a tomato, round and red, ready for picking. Oh, sorry, you're also so tiny, like a bug. Didn't mean to push you, haha."
"What do you think you're doing? Pick on someone your own size!"
"What's this? Oh look, it's the teacher's pet. You think you're a little savor, don't you? You better get out of here, before you get beat up too."
"Try me."
"Ha, and she even thinks she's brave. Run along, teacher's pet, before you're late and you lose your title.
Glaring at me won't do ya much."
"Just leave Lily alone. Come on, Lily, let's head to class."
"Right."
"Run along,...

What if I tell them?

I can. 

I trust them. 

But on what level? 

Part of me wants to, but another part, a bigger part, knows it's best
to say no. 

They will never look at me the same,

They will never talk to me the same, 

They will never think of me the same,

If I speak my unspoken words. 
 
Just one sentence can change everything. 

I knew it was for the best, I don't regret it even looking in their puppy dog eyes. 

But still I wonder, 

what would of happened if a spoke my unspoken words?

The single
Raindrop
Flying from the dark clouds
creating a storm. 

The single
Raindrop
So inconsiderable, 
Starts
The downpour. 

And the rain 
is just made up of
insignificant droplets
which are significant after all...

 

Please,
Help me to understand, 
You can’t forgive me,
For being nice to 
And being friends with
A new girl,
Who was new to 
Public schools?

Please,
Help me understand,
You can’t forgive me,
Because I felt left out,
Unwanted and unneeded,
Of all the things you guys did,
So I started hanging out
With someone else?

Please,
Help me to understand,
You can’t forgive me, 
For something that happened
Long before quarantine started,
And that something 
Was being friends with someone,
Who is energetic and fun,
Kinda like you?

I get your pain,
I really do,
Because I was in it
Long before you,
But I’ve chosen to 
Forgive and forget,
Not to live in the past,
But to live in the now, 
All the great times 
We have had these last few months,
That I will remember for lifetimes,
Won’t you?

Please,
Just help me to understand,
What did I do wrong?

 

I still see your path,
10 feet away from mine,
Even with some trees 
In between them,
I see the road your walking on,
Right next to mine, 
And up ahead, 
I see that they intersect,
Like they did 
Just a little ways 
Behind us,
I see the intersect,
An intersect we’ll create,
Because we have that power,
Even against the universe,
Only we can make our paths
Intersect again,
And every time our paths
Head in different directions,
It’ll be more meaningful 
To spend that time with you
When they’re together again, 
But I still see your path,
Don’t you see mine?

I feel like my heart was just ripped out of my chest,
All this pain inside of me,
As I read those words,
Piercing me,
I can’t do this, 
Not like this, 
But I guess I should’ve known better,
Not to let my heart out in the open,
Exposed, 
I’m hurting,
No one notices,
No one,
I don’t know why I thought they would, 
I guess because I notice and care about them 
Over my own problems, 
But I see now, 
It isn’t the same with them,
I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest, 
Why can’t I just make people smile?
Why must everyone always be hurting, 
And ripping each other’s heart’s out?
I’m drowning
In my own tears,
No one can hear me,
My voice is long gone,
My heart was just ripped out of my chest.

I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore,
Whether my smile is truthful,
Or just another lie,
Everybody lies to me,
So much, 
Can’t I get a break from the lies,
Can’t I know the truth?
Can’t I know what you are hiding from me,
Can’t I tell the difference between real and fake?
If I can’t,
I’ll go hide in the dark,
And put a lock on my chest,
So no one can reach
My broken heart,
But why am I even trying,
My heart has been 
Shattered and torn so many times,
Tiny pieces are all that’s left,
Or is that fake too?
It sure feels real, 
And yet,
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. 
 

I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore,
Whether my smile is truthful,
Or just another lie,
Everybody lies to me,
So much, 
Can’t I get a break from the lies,
Can’t I know the truth?
Can’t I know what you are hiding from me,
Can’t I tell the difference between real and fake?
If I can’t,
I’ll go hide in the dark,
And put I lock on my chest,
So no one can reach
My broken heart,
But why am I even trying,
My heart has been 
Shattered and torn so many times,
Tiny pieces are all that’s left,
Or is that fake too?
It sure feels real, 
And yet,
I can’t tell what’s real and what’s fake anymore. 
 

There is something I want to ask you,
But I can’t,
I literally can’t,
If you say no I’ll be embarrassed,
If you say yes then well I guess I’ll feel hurt,
But I’d need to tell you something,
I don’t know why, 
But I need to tell you,
Ask you,
I want to, 
But I don’t know if I can,
So many people already know,
Why am I doing this,
I don’t want you to be hurt,
But I want to ask you,
Please 
I’m going to cry,
I need to ask you,
I can’t, 
I can’t,
Why does my heart feel so heavy all of a sudden,
Why can’t I do this,
I don’t know if I want to ask you,
You might lie anyway,
But I’m not sure,
I don’t know 
I want to ask you,
But how in the world would I word it,
How in the world would you react?
You’ll say no, 
I’m guessing, ...

My eyes flicker,
Taking in all the words,
Each one,
Making my bones ache
More and more,
I don’t know what to say to those words,
What to do,
I haven’t known lately, 
But what I’m I supposed to do
When a person I care about
Thinks I don’t want them in my life?
When the person that makes me smile
Blames themself for my pain?
What I’m I supposed to say
When they don’t tell me 
Enough to help them,
Enough to understand?
Because I care about them,
They are someone
I wouldn’t replace or forget,
If I had the choice,
But their words
Leave me
Wordless. 
 

I’m waiting,
For you to say something,
Anything,
I send my messages,
But you never answer,
You don’t care,
I guess,
Why’d I think you would?
No one cares about me
After all,
No one cares,
I’m cast aside,
Sitting alone,
Empty,
My last strand of hope,
Torn away from me,
I’m just sitting here hopelessly 
Waiting for a response I fear I’ll never get.

I don’t want to go to you
To hold me up,
Because you’re breaking too
And I couldn’t
Do that to you,
I’d rather
Be your pillar,
Hold you up,
I can’t
Let you do that 
For me,
I don’t want to
Make you crumble more,
Because my weight
Is too much,
I’d rather
Help you,
In a sense,
Helping you
Is helping me,
So if you want to help me,
Let me help you, 
Lean on me as much as 
You want,
And don’t worry about me
Breaking more,
Because I’m so broken already,
I can’t save myself from 
Going under
The water,
But at least 
Let me save you.
 

I don’t know anymore,
I don’t know what’s happening,
Or what I’m doing,
What I’ve done,
Anything. 
I don’t know anything. 

I’m just so angry,
For no reason,
And confused,
Because I...
Just don’t know.

Why don’t you answer me?
What I’m I doing wrong?
I’m on the brink of tears,
I’m so confused, 
Too much is happening,
It’s too much,
Just stop, just stop. 
Eyes becoming moister, 
By each passing second.

Every morning
I just want to go 
Back to sleep 
Where I forget
About worries. 

Every evening
I just want to stay
Up all night,
Wallowing in my sadness,
Swimming in the pool 
Of my tears,
Writing my heart onto the page.

I’m so sorry if I’ve been distant,
But please,
Don’t become distant yourself,
It adds to the weight
I’m carrying around 
On my chest.

I’m so sorry if I’ve hurt you,
It seems if I feel I’ve hurt someone,
The pain I feel is double or...

She’s the only one I don’t lie to, 
She knows and understands
More than anyone,
Anyone in the entire world
What my position is
So when she texts,
Are u ok?
I tell her the truth,
I tell her what’s on my mind,
What happened,
If something did happen, 
Which is sometimes an entire rant,
Because she was there for me,
She doesn’t sugar coat anything,
And I trust her,
Even if I don’t see her often anymore,
She was the first one I told,
And 
She’s the only one I don’t lie to,
When she asks

Are u ok?

You’re off,
You’re not as smiley
Or chatty,
Though it’s subtle, 
The energy coming from you,
It’s different, 
The way you text,
It’s different.

You’re off,
Maybe it’s just me,
Paranoid and delusional 
As usual, 
But then 
The way you write your 
Poems,
What they’re about,
Something’s off,
And it might be my fault.

I said I wouldn’t ask questions,
Yet I feel like a part of you
Wants me to,
But who am I to say,
You never tell me 
What you actually want to do,
If you want to talk about it
Or not, 
So I’ll just wonder from afar.

You’re not okay,
Are you?
You’re off.
 

I’m drowning inside and no one can seem to hear my cries, 
Above a puddle of tears with moist cheeks and red eyes, 
The happiness and energy I had long ago died,
Replaced with stress and emptiness but don’t worry guys,
I’ll come up with a compromise, 
This is not my demise, 
Yet I’m so unwise,
I watch the beautiful sunrise,
But I deserve to agonize,
I’m in a world of hurt,
And no one can seem to hear my cries. 
 

I’m trapped in a box,
A box in my mind,
Trying helplessly to escape,
But I’m pinned down,
As darkness surrounds me,
Moist cheeks 
And
Flakey eyes,
From the demons
That lay within, 
I’m trying to hear 
What they have to say,
But they are tearing me 
Apart like paper,
Destroying me 
As easily as crushing a leaf,
Careless, hurtful and mean,
The demons within,
They’ll go away,
They’ll leave me,
Right?
Vanishing from
Existence and
Returning me to 
My old self
When they’re done, 
When they’ve had their
Fair share,
But now,
I’m trapped,
Their trapping me,
In this box,
Filling with water,
Drowning,
But I’ll escape,
Somehow,


...Right?

 

I want to,

I really want to,

Ask you more,

Ask you to tell me,

Tell me why,

Tell me how,

Tell me when,

But I won’t.

That’s too many 

“Tell me”’s 

For me,

If you don’t want to talk,

I won’t make you say anything,

I’ll sit with you,

I’ll cry with you,

Because that’s what a friend is for,

But I’m not gonna squeeze words from you,

Not anymore,

I want to ask 

But I won’t. 
 
 

I couldn't bring myself to smile today,
As I slope down the hall, 
They came rushing through,
A big smile and cheery voice,
Which made me feel worse,
My drained energy, 
I drag my feet toward my room,
Hi, hello, hi, hi,
Their voice sounds like they had
A billion Coffees, 
Hi,
I let out so soft I couldn't hear it myself,
Even so,
I didn't turn around, 
My back toward them,
Jazzy?
I manage to turn around,
Hi,
I say again,
Louder,
But with an edge of sadness,
Which I tried to cover up,
But it was so hard,
So so hard,
To get my lips up,
Which usually it isn't, 
I fought my lips 
To smile,
Even though I just wanted to cry,
My eyes so empty,
I tried to make them look energetic, 
With fail, 
So I swiftly turn around,
Almost there,
Steps away from my room, 
Are you okay?

...

Yeah. 

I close the door behind...

I don’t care.

Three words,
I hear almost
Every single
Day of my life,

I don’t care.

People don’t care,
Which is fine, 
But
My mind has started to try
Telling me
I don’t care
As well,
Even when I do, 
I do care,
But now I’m wondering
Do I care too much?
Is that what my mind is
Trying to tell me?

I care so much
It breaks me
Into pieces,
Tiny pieces,
And no one knows,
So what if 
I care less?

I’ll still care,
But not enough
To be hurt,
Broken,
Used,
And 
Destroyed.

I don’t care,

I think in my head,

I don’t care,

I say when they tell me
My shirt is inside out or
I’m eating or breathing wrong.

But it’s not right,
That isn’t me,
I care
Even when people doubt I do,
I do care,
I worry and wonder,
Hoping for the best
For everyone,
And no one knows it 
Or...

I don’t care.

Three words,
I hear almost
Every single
Day of my life,

I don’t care.

People don’t care,
Which is fine, 
But
My mind has started to try
Telling me
I don’t care
As well,
Even when I do, 
I do care,
But now I’m wondering
Do I care too much?
Is that what my mind is
Trying to tell me?

I care so much
It breaks me
Into pieces,
Tiny pieces,
And no one knows,
So what if 
I care less?

I’ll still care,
But not enough
To be hurt,
Broken,
Used,
And 
Destroyed.

I don’t care,

I think in my head,

I don’t care,

I say when they tell me
My shirt is inside out or
I’m eating or breathing wrong.

But it’s not right,
That isn’t me,
I care
Even when people doubt I do,
I do care,
I worry and wonder,
Hoping for the best
For everyone,
And no one knows it 
Or...

Focus

On the positive,
The good things,
What you like about yourself,
Comparing yourself to others
Takes up too much space
In your mind. 

Focus

On those happy moments,
At least one good thing 
That happened today,
Know that at least one person
Wants something you have,
Be grateful.

Focus 

Not only on the places you can improve,
But the places you did well, 
Because I guarantee you can do
At least one thing well, 
And that there is at least one thing
Unique to you. 

Watch,

As the river flows to its final destination,
Twisting and turning and overcoming hills and mountains in its path,
As you and I will overcome our obstacles as well. 

Watch,

As the birds fly so far away, 
Finding their way all by themselves to safety and warmth when winter comes,
As you and I will find our own paths. 

Watch,

As the sun rises, 
Lighting up the world for another beautiful morning,
Even when it seems hopeless, it does get better, the sun will come. 

My best friend Jj is a confused soul that wonders the big questions,
        She contradicts everything she writes,
 My best friend Jj has long silky almond brown hair, which she's too lazy to brush most days, 
           Letting it curl up, 
                And she has blue eyes,
                  Some say they're grey or green or a mix of all three,
                    Which she loves,
My best friend Jj doesn't eat seafood and sucks at writing and drawing but aspires to be better,
  My best friend Jj dances in the shadows, where no one can see her,
                And she spends her days in different worlds of her imagination,
                  Mentally leaving her body,
My best friend Jj values relationships and the people she loves in life, 
                Her life goal to make them happy, even at the cost of her own happiness, 
                   Smiles come easily to her lips even when...

A smile for you,
For you to be happy,
I don't want you to hide,
Hide behind a fake smile,
Don't use your smile as cover,
Let your smile show your true intentions,
Let it show your pureness,
Because you don't deserve to be afraid, 
You don't deserve to hide,
You deserve to smile,
And if you need it,
I'll give you my smile. 

An endless cycle,
A circle,
Where there is no end,
No stop, 
No way to get off,
It'll go on for infinity,
And that's what it's doing,
So how about
We learn from the past,
Accept it,
And move on?
No one needs to be sorry
Anymore, 
We should just know 
We are there for each other,
I am here for you, 
If you let me be. 

No one needs to be sorry
Anymore, 
To stop this endless cycle. 

I'm sorry,

You say,

Over and over,

Can you forgive me?

You ask,

Again and Again,

But for what?

You've never burdened me

With your problems,

Or anything, 

And you've never hurt me,

So why say sorry?

If anyone should be sorry,

It should be me,

Because I'm the one that's actually

Burdened and hurt you,

And for that I'm truly sorry,

But you don't have to be. 

At all. 

Sorry isn't enough for me,

Because you don't have to be in the first place.

I'm sorry. 

If you told me,
I'd break,
Break
Further
Than I 
Already have
Into so many 
More pieces, 
Talk to me
If I did something
Or if it wasn't me 
And you just 
Need to let it out,
Talk to me,
Don't leave me 
To assume 
What's happening
Behind your smile,
Don't leave yourself
To be hurt alone, 
Tell me,
Before the tears,
Before they come,
Before the hurt,
And before the crimson,
Because I care for you,
And I want to be here
For you but
You have to let me.

Know myself.

What do I want and need, what are my goals and what's my purpose?

Do I 

Know myself,

Or I'm I just someone living in a random person's mind and body,

And this isn't really me?

I know my purpose, 

I know my hobbies,

But do I really know myself?

I don't know what I want or need,

I don't know my thoughts,

There are so many things left unanswered,

So many things confusing me, 

So many different sides to me, 

And I'm not sure which one is me,

Really me,

Maybe they all are, 

But now I'm thinking

Do I really 

Know myself? 

 

We need more kindness,

Especially in these times,
Of sorrow
And loss
And hopelessness, 
We need something 
To smile about,
To lift our sprits,
And kindness can do that.

We need more kindness,

To balance out the cruel,
The vain,
And the mad, 
Who can somehow 
Kill and torture other people
Without blinking an eye,
And kindness can even the score,
If there is enough of it. 

We need more kindness,

So that less people would feel
Sad and empty,
Hurt and lonely, 
Kindness can help drop the percentage, 
Of the depressed and disordered,
Maybe not alone,
But it can help. 

​We need more kindness, 

Kindness toward not only others,
But to nature,
To the environment,
And play the part we were meant to play
In this world,
Help the Earth live for millions of more years,
And help us live our short lives
Happier.

We need more kindness, 

For kindness is underrated, 
And it can help solve so many problems, ...

The birds are singing,
Wind's howling, tree's creaking,
Suddenly silence. 

Mistakes,
Heartaches, 
Go away,
This feeling of emptiness in me,

I'm waiting 

For the sun to come
Through my dark storm clouds,

I'm waiting

To be heard,
To be seen,
To get a voice.

They care 
About me,
Yet they dare 
To say things about me,
I hurt inside,
But better smile, 
Better lie,
I sigh,
I can't do this,
As a tear comes to my eye,
I don't want to say goodbye,
I don't want to leave,
I'll miss you,
I love you. 

I can barely hold my pencil, 
Reading over your letter,
Eyes drooping, 
Emotions and thoughts 
Fleeing like the sun did hours ago,
The night so still,
Not even the crickets tonight,
The only sound is the music, 
The sad songs with minor Melodys,
Flowing through my ears,
As I slowly waver back and forth,
Mind and body unsteady,
As the seconds tick by,
My fingers dragging over the keys,
Wondering how this sounds,
As they wander to my phone and your letter,
The stiffness in my bones,
The only thing keeping me upright,
I feel weak,
So weak.

Am I turning into the person you hate most in the whole world, 
Or do you love me and need me like a flower loves and needs the sun?

Do I bring pain to your life everyday,
Or am I your reason to smile and get through the longest of days?

Am I a failure and a disappointment, 
Or am I a hard worker that makes mistakes that you'll forgive?

Which is it?

I love you,
A promise I always will,
I admit,
My love has faltered for you
In the past,
But it won't,
Not anymore. 

I love you, 
More than the moon loves the stars,
Or than the pencil loves the paper,
More than the leaves love dancing in the wind,
But I need to know,
I need you to tell me,

Do you love me?

Do I make you happy?

Am I enough for you?

Do I make you happy or sad?

Which one is it?

Tell...

What's the point?

That's what I ask myself when I'm extremely hurt or I'm angry. 

What is the point?

Of this?

Of life? 

Of anything?


 

Three words,
At the tip of my tongue,
​I need therapy,
But they don't come out,
My throat choking,
My eyes flicking nervously,
I need to tell you,
But then you'll ask why,
And I can't,
I can't tell you, 
Tears,
They're coming,
I can't,
I can't see the look on your face,
I can't put it into words 
In a letter,
I can't let that hurt
Come for you,

"I'm happy if my kids are happy,"

You say,
And I can't, 
I can't,

"Then you are happy,"

I say,
Since my siblings are,
Since I am,
I am happy...
Right?

But

I need therapy, 

And I...can't tell you. 

The light,
Orange, 
Faded from the sky,
Dark blue,
Lighter than the sky
At midnight,
But stars already appearing,
The colors,
Reflecting against the water,
Beautiful,
I stare, 
Mesmerized. 

I know I can’t.
    I know I can’t.
            I know I can’t.

I can’t be perfect, that I know. 

But I still want to be. 

I want to live up to the high expectations of others.

I want to make people in my life happy.

I want you, the person through the screen I do not know, to feel good.

I don’t know how.

I feel I make people sad, with even the slightest glance.

I want to be what people want me to be. 

I want to be what people want to see.

Because I am no one without everyone. 

I want to be perfect.

But 

I know I can’t be perfect. 

Because perfect doesn’t exist. 

It’s all my fault,
Everything,
Your tears,
Your conflict, 
I can do more,
I’m not enough,
You left her 
For me, 
But all I do
Is make you 
Sad.
I love you too,
But I’m I 
Worth it?
It’s all my fault. 

My inner demons,

Why do you love feeding off my tears?

My pain?

Why do you love creating the hurt in me,

Out of thin air? 

Why?

Do I really deserve this?

Do the people around me deserve this, 

What you do and say without my permission?

Stopping me from doing what I love,

Being who I am, 

And just keeping me in the shadows?

I can't.

I can't live with you,

With these tears that have no reason

To be here, 

The lifelessness in my eyes, 

And the feeling of drowning,

Rushing through me, 

Because of you,

Because of all your hurtful words,

Spinning in my head, 

When I'm awake or asleep, 
 
Because of you, 

My inner demons,

But I know, 

People have far worse inner demons, 

So I guess I got off lucky. 

 

You didn’t do anything,
I’m not ignoring you,
You don’t need to do more,
You are doing enough, 
No need to be sorry,
You didn’t do anything wrong.
Don’t listen to the people 
Telling you you are mean
Or bad or ugly,
You aren’t. 

It’s just...
Me. 
 

Why, 

Do you like being that?

Blowing up about 

Every little thing, 

Making problems,

And moist cheeks,

Flakey eyes, 

Tears, 

Were they don’t need to be,

And then making me feel guilty 

For hating your actions,

With your sweet side,

Living me to be hurt,

And confused, 

Giving me headaches.

I’m blaming you,

I shouldn’t, 

It’s my fault,

My inner demons,

Ruining your life,

Why do I like being like that?

I don’t.

A promise is a promise,

You won't lose me,

Sure,

It's a possibility 

That we grow distant,

But not for other few years,

And we don't have to,

Because we know now 

That we can tell each other anything,

At least,

I hope that's how you feel, 

I will never turn my back on you,

Or leave you if you don't want me to,

I promise, 

And 

A promise is a promise. 

I need your smile, 

Your light, 

Your happiness, 

And curiosity, 

With me,

I need your spark, 

Your fire,

Your flower, 

You are my world,

If I were to lose you,

I'd lose everything,

I'd lose meaning,

My heart and soul, 

You're drifting away,

But I know you will never stop

Loving,

You're so far away,

And I'm longing,

I need your smile,

I need your spark, 

And I need...you. 

 

I read it,
Over and over,
And I wonder,
How anyone would 
Like it,
Anyone would 
Like me,
Because 

It's so bad, I'm so sad.

The memories

Linger,

In my mind,

They will never go away,

They hurt,

The pain,

Will stay with me,

Even when I'm happy,

Even when I smile,

The memories will never go away.

A key to a chest,

Of our happiness,

We all have one,

Whether it's an activity, 

An object,

A person or pet,

We need to find our key,

And help other's find theres, 

Work hard,

Smile,

And enjoy the good times,

Because that's all that matters. 

  The trees of the forest, 
  tall and brown

  The blanket of snow, 
  crunching under our boots

  The blanket of snow, 
  glittering, shimmering 
  In the light

  The blanket of snow,
  As white as marshmallows 

  My brother and I, 
  walking and 
  talking 

  Our golden retriever, galloping toward us, 
  A big slobbery pink tongue, 
  Happy. 

  If only time would freeze
  In this moment, 
  This perfect moment 

  If only all the worries and problems
  Of the world, 
  Would disappear for a moment,
  Just for this moment.

Lies, 
Rolling off our tongues,
Like second nature,
Because we do it everyday,

How are you?

Good.

Everyday,
The same,
Everyday,
We wish we could say otherwise,
Yet,
We don't. 

We just lie. 

I volunteer 

I can’t, 
I can’t let Prim go in there,
I can’t watch her die,
As tears threaten my eyes,
I love her. 

I will die for her,
She is my sister,
My little duck,
The girl I protect,
I volunteer. 

The girl on fire

They’re calling my name,
Katniss, Katniss, Katniss,
Giving me all this fame,
Because I am 
The girl of fire.

They’re calling me,
The girl on fire,
Because I burn
With determination
And with revolution. 

Peeta 

Lost in a sea
Of blue eyes,
Blonde curls, 
A warm touch
Of the skin. 
Like a dandelion in spring, 
Bright yellow, 
Rebirth
And the promise
That life can go on.

Gale’s flame

Flame, 
Burning 
With hatred,
And with rage,
Unable to be 
Controlled,
Wild,
Burning down
Everything 
That comes
In its path,
Leaving only 
Destruction. 

Deep in my mind, 
Is an ocean, 
Polluted with negativity, 
With hate, 
Hate of myself, 
Hate of people who 
Don't care about anyone but 
Themselves 
And kill the environment. 

Deep in my mind, 
Is a Meadow, 
With flowers, 
That bloom for a
Month a year, 
And are withered and 
Grey, 
Every other month
Of the year. 

Deep in my mind, 
Is a room, 
No light, 
No furniture, 
No nothing,
Where I sit, 
Teary and broken, 
Knowing people have
Endured more.

Deep in my mind, 
You'll find a lost girl, 
Trying to find her way, 
Her purpose, 
Just wanting to help people, 
Wanting to make everyone
Happy, 
Not knowing how, 
But wanting. 

I'll never stop caring, 
I'll never want anyone to get hurt, 
I'll never yell for the small things,
Or even most big things, 
I'll try to be my best self, 
But that doesn't stop me from thinking 
I hurt people, 
I hurt you, 
I hurt them, 
Maybe all I did was breathe, 
Or walk weird, 
Or my tone didn't come out right, 
Whatever it was, 
I hurt someone, 
And it will never be undone, 
I wish I could erase that, 
I wish they would see I didn't mean it, 
Whatever it was,
I wish, I wish, I wish,
But I can't erase the past, 
The memories, 
Even so, 
I'll never stop caring. 

I’m weighing you down, aren’t I?
Clipping your angel wings,
Making you fall from the sky, 
You used to hold me close as I cried, 
Whispering in my ear, 
But now I cry alone, 
Now I cry harder, 
Because you are no longer here, 
I weighed you down, 
So you let me drown, 
You are an angel from the heavens, 
You had to leave me, 
But you still worry and care, 
Like the angel you are, 
But I am a too heavy weight to bare.

 

When you
Pretend, 
You want to 
Get away
From life, 
Make a new 
Reality, 
Because the
Real one
Is unbearable, 
You have to 
Alter it
So you can be 
In control, 
And 
Satisfied. 

We tell ourselves,

I'm not enough,

But, 

What is enough?

 

You know, don't you?

You know it 

Because of my clumsiness, 

The hints I didn't mean to let slip, 

But you don't say anything,

You stay silent,

Is it because you don't want to believe it? 

Is it because you don't think it's true?

I told you, 

I told something 

That gives it all away, 

But, still, 

You remain silent, 

But you know, 

Don't you? 

There is no one under the filter, 

If you're looking for a 

Beautiful, amazing, smart, great person, 

You have to look elsewhere, 

I wish I could say that were me, 
 
But I can't, 

Because no matter how hard I try, 

I can't be amazing, 

I can't be what people expect of me, 

So I let the filter be my identity, 

Fixing my imperfections, 

It's glued to me, 

My soul, 

There is no one under the filter.

Now I’m hesitating, 

I said I would give it her, 
But I can’t, 
I don’t want her to hate anyone. 

Now I’m hesitating, 

What will she think? 
I feel light headed, 
My thoughts swirled and unclear. 

Now I’m hesitating, 

To even write it down, 
Feeling so guilty, 
This is so hard. 

Now I’m hesitating,

Should I give it to her? 


 

There is a lightbulb above my head. 

The light finally flicks on, the ideas start to flow. 

An idea to write,
An idea to help the world, 
An idea of the answers, 
An idea of how I’ll impact things today,
An idea for plans to success, 
An idea in my mind, 

Finally, I see the light of the that lightbulb above my head. 

Tzz-tzz 

And it’s out again, just like that, leaving utter darkness. 
And it’s out again, before I could write anything down. 

Leaving me idealess and lightless. 





 

I cry
In the rain, 
So no one 
Can see 
My pain. 

I scream
During the thunder, 
So no one
Can hear my demon, 
And confront her. 

My tears
Not visible,
With the raindrops
Falling 
Down my face.

My voice, 
Swallowed up
By thunder,
Lungs on fire
Voice fading, 
Tenison rising. 

Hurting inside, 
Confused and
Drowning, 
Help nowhere
To be found, 
I cry in the rain. 

Concrete Walls,
Many windows, 
A yard with the
Greenest grass, 
A sunroom, 
Paintings
Of meadows
And fruit, 
Where all
The Good 
Memories Lie, 
Where all the 
Stress vanishes
Without a 
Trace, Not to
Be found, 
Where I can 
Stop to smell
The roses, 
Listen to 
Nature’s sounds,
During the 
Whitest Winters, 
The Hottest Summers,
A place full of warmth
And where
I can finally be me. 

 

A knot sitting in my throat, 
Unable to untie it, 
A swallow, 
But it’s still there, 
I want to say I love you, 
But I’m afraid that it won’t come out right, 
It’ll sound forced, 
I’ll choke on my words, 
It’s always at the tip of my tounge, 
Something stopping me, 
I don’t know why,
I wish I could say I love you. 

 

Thank you

For 50 followers! 
Each one of you, 
Are amazing!

Even if you aren't
A follower,
You are amazing!

Thank you

For reading my writing!
Helping me grow as a writer, 
And grow as a person!

Thank you

Write the World 
For making me practice
Writing(even tho I suck)!

Thank you

For being such great individuals, 
Amazing, talented, beautiful people, 
That I look up to!

Thank you.




 

“Can I trust you?” I ask, my voice low.

My best friend, on the other side of the screen, locks eyes with me, with a nod. 

“With anything,” She answers honestly. 

I sigh. 

“It’s the secret,” I say, as I watch her voice light up with excitement. A few months ago I let it slip I have a big secret, though I thought I wouldn’t tell her. At least, not for another few years.

“...I can’t say it aloud. I’ll write it in code and send you a picture, so you can solve it.” She agrees.

My tone is serious. This wasn’t one of the unimportant secrets a 10-year-old kept about who her crush was. If this got out, I would probably be miserable. People could pity me, yell at me, think of me differently, or give me hell. Or, worst of all, they could blame themselves. But I trust her - possibly. She had told me things no one...

“Can I trust you?” My voice low, so no one else can hear.
My best friend, on the other side of the screen, looking me in the eyes, with a nod. 
“With anything,” She answers. 
I sigh. 
“I’ll write something in code and send it to you. It’s my secret.” My tone was serious. This wasn’t one of the unimportant secrets a 10-year-old kept about who her crush was. If this got out, I would probably be miserable. People could pity me, yell at me, think of me differently, or just ignore me. Or, worst of all, they could blame themselves. But I trust her - possibly. She had told me things no one else knows about her the previous night. It’s only fair, a voice in the back of my head repeated. But this was slightly more significant. And I definitely couldn’t  tell her verbally. At least, I don’t want to try. I sat at my beige wooden desk,...

I'm trying to love you, 
But you make it hard. 
Whenever you make a mistake,
You put it on me. 

I cry for you. 

Whenever you are
angry, 
I blame myself. 

I cry for you. 

When you tell me you used to be 
happy
But you aren't anymore, 
Because of them. 

I cry for you.

When you mock me,
pick out all my flaws, 
I'm saddened and I cry. 

When you say I hurt you, 
I don't know
what to do but cry.

​I don't want to cry for you anymore. 

I still love you,
but my tears don't mean anything to you, 
so I'll save them for someone else. 

I won't cry for you anymore. 

What is beauty? 

The setting sun, orange and red and pink 
filling the horizon.  

A flower blooming,  
as dew drops sit on its petals.  

The cool water,  
sparkling in the afternoon sunlight.  

Beauty is defined as qualites that please the senses, 

especially sight.  

But I believe in inner beauty, 

You don't need makeup to be beautiful, 

because as long as you try to bring joy and pleasure 
to your day and the people you see, 

You are beautiful. 

I don’t know 
If I know, 
But just imagine 
I do, 
Or don’t. 
Which ever ones 
Easier, 
I guess. 

I want to 
Know, 
And I believe 
You know how
To put it into
Words. 

You are a
Writer
After all. 
A great 
Writer. 

Just know, 

I know you can do this, 

You’ve told me this much, 

So this...thing can’t be that much different, 
Right? 



 

My question is 
Simple, 
Like a spaghetti, 
No sauce, 
No cheese, 
No nothing. 
Just some strands 
Of pale yellow, 
Raw and hard. 

My question is
Not much, 
Like a room 
Without life, 
No Beds or Desk
Only a few rays of light, 
Revealing the open space, 
Except for maybe a carpet
And a blank journal. 

My question is
Predictable, 
Like a storm 
When grey clouds 
Circle the sky, 
Ominous, 
Telling you 
To get ready 
For a downpour. 

My question is

What is the thing you haven’t told me yet? 
 



 

You’ve given me 
The note, 
And a few more letters,
And I have given you my 
Fair share as well. 

But now I gave you that 
Letter, 
Trying my best to expand, 
To explain, 
What you wanted to know. 

But now, 
It is I, 
That wants to know. 
It is I, 
That asks for 
At least 
One more letter from you,
Explaining and expanding, 
On what you told me. 
On what you didn’t tell me, 
But want to, 
And just don’t know how. 

Take a deep breath, 
Step back, 
Find the right words,
Like I did. 
Sorta did. 

It doesn’t have to sound good, 
Nothing I write does, 
But actually writing it is what matters. 

Tell me, 

Will I get at least

One more letter from you? 

Yes,
I’ll tell you, 
If you want to know, 
If you really want to know, 
I’ll tell you. 

I told you this much,
Haven’t I?

So 

Yes. 

You ask me how you can help, 
It’s only one word, 
Distractions. 
Distractions 
Help me, 
More than anything. 
Distract 
Me from sadness, 
From pain, 
From the longing...
But I don’t want to pressure you, 
So don’t worry, 
Because even with distractions, 
It might happen, 
But, just know, 
I’ll be okay.

On the other side of the screen, 
I see you. 
But I’m wondering if I actually 
See you. 

So focused on what you’re writing, 
Not on science, 
But on you’re writing. 

I read your words, 
Questioning if you should tell me, 
And how. 

Tell me anything, 
But take the time that you need, 
And go one step at a time. 

Write it down, 
If you need to. 
That’s helped me. 

Tell me anything, 
I won’t judge, 
But I will listen. 

Write a lettter, 
Or a poem, 
Read me what you wrote, 
Or give it to me. 

I won’t hate you, 
I doubt I ever will, 
Just so know, 
So you remember,

You can tell me anything. 

A year ago, 
I didn’t think we’d be talking. 

A year ago, 
I didn’t think we’d be as close as we are. 

A year ago, 
I didn’t think I’d tell you any of my secrets,

Let alone my biggest one. 
And I didn’t think you’d 
Tell me yours. 

But here we are. 

So much can happen in 
A year, 
And so much did. 

A year ago, 
I didn’t think I’d be writing this, 

Or doing anything close to what I am now. 

And I don’t know what will happen 
In a year, 
More people I’ll meet, 
Things I’ll learn, 
See, 
I don’t know. 

I just hope, 
That we will be 

Best Friends

At least for another year.
 

You ask me (again)
If I’m okay. 

You say I seem off, 
But I guess I always am.

You say I never answer 
Truthfully, 
I guess I don’t. 

Truthfully, 

It’s hard to explain.  

It’s not what happened in my day, 
Or anything of the sort. 

Truthfully, 

It’s just those days where you feel sad, 
For almost no reason at all. 

Truthfully, 

I don’t really know myself. 

I’m just overworked, 

I don’t know what I want, 

I’m scared. 

Scared because

I don’t want to hurt anyone, 
And I’m afraid I will,
Just be breathing, 
Or talking. 

Truthfully,

I don’t know if I’m okay, 
But you needn’t worry,

Because I promise that 
I will be fine. 
 

Earth day, 
 
         Happens once a year,

Earth day, 

        Tells you to appreciate the Earth for one day,

Earth day,

        Tells you to plant a tree for that one day, 

Earth day,

        Why can’t earth day be everyday? 
        Why is it that it’s only for that one day, 
        That it tells you to be kind to the Earth? 

Earth day needs to be every single day. 

Because Earth, our home, needs it. 

I’ll miss you Summer, 

Getting to go out in shorts,
And short sleeves,
Warm sunny days, 
The sun beating against my skin. 

The ice cream,
The ice water and tea, 
Picking berries from my mom’s garden, 
And making my own smoothies. 

The many swims I took, 
Doing whatever I want all day, 
And having enough time to 
Learn new things. 

I’ll miss you Summer, 

But everything has to come to an end, 
This isn’t a goodbye, 
But rather, 
A see you later. 

In the meantime,

I’ll welcome Autumn with open arms.  
 

I didn’t want to put a weight 
On your chest,
I didn’t want to burden you
WIth my problems, 
But you really wanted to know,
So I told you. 

There was that letter,
The letter I couldn’t even finish
Writing, 
And you forgave me,
For everything. 

You forgave me before 
I even had the chance to 
Say sorry, 
So now I’m saying 
Thank you. 

Thank you for taking it so well,
For being be my side,
Thank you for letting me tell you, 
And for proving that 
We really are each other’s best friends. 

Thank you. 

Leaving you in the dark, 
Of not knowing fully, 
So I wrote a letter, 
Explaining everything. 

But I couldn’t find the 
Write words,
And it brought back
Tears and pain. 

I kept re reading it, 
And the guilt and sadness came back,
Like a knife stabbing through 
My heart,
Every time I did. 

I tried, 
Tried to push through, 
Because you deserve to know
Everything, 
But I can’t.

My pencil lay on its side, 
With white poke a dots 
Looking so happy,
Yet being partly to blame for the words, 
That lie on that paper. 

I grab my
Half written letter,
Fold it up neatly, 
Til I get tenser, 
And crinkle it to a ball. 

Shoving it in my desk,
Never to be read by anyone, 
Never to bring more
Pain than needed.

I wish I could erase those 
Memories,
As easily as I could erase those
Words, 
On that paper.

And I’m sorry, 
For not giving it to you,  ...

I stare.
The screen reads 30 followers. 
I’m happy, 
Overjoyed,
And 

Surprised.

I can’t believe people actually 
Read
My not so good(terrible) writing.
Even though I’m not that great of a writer, 
Thank you!

Every like,
Comment,
Follow, 
Is another block
Building my 
Self confidence.

Everyone on write the world is
Amazing, Brilliant, and a Great writer!
I look up to so many of you guys,
Even if I don’t know you.

Write the world has helped me 
Practice my writing, 
And learn that I love it.

The community is great and
Positive,
Again, 
Thank you to all of you!








 

They gazed deep into each others eyes. Holding each other firmly by each other's arms. Lilly started to cry, for the first time in a long time. She looked around at the city around her, polluted and destroyed. Jack gently pulled her face to him, so they met eyes again.

"Jack," She said softly, glancing down at her feet, then back up to him. "I'm scared." Jack wiped the tears that fell down her face.

"Me too," Jack said. “But let’s not think about that. Let’s think about now.”

“I can’t!” Lily sobbed, putting her head on her boyfriends chest. He held her in his arms, never wanting to let go. He then kissed her on her head, closing his eyes as he too, felt tears rushing down his face that he could not stop. They stood in the middle of a city, that stretched hundreds of miles, with smoke filling the air from a near by factory. The world...

I’m blanking. 

I have been, 

Recently.

The days are just 
All
Pushed together,
The words,
And the actions.

I’m trying, 
So so hard,
To remember. 
Remember what you said,
That meant a lot to you.
And I’m so so sorry,
That I can’t. 

I usually do listen, 
To everything, 
But
I wasn’t myself 
This past week. 

I’m so so sorry, 
I’m trying so so hard,
To remember.

I just wasn’t myself.

 

I know that
I don't know you, 
I know that
I don't know
What you look like,
Sound like, 
Or you me. 
I know that
I don't know
What you like, 
Don't like, 
Love or 
Hate. 
I know that I don't know. 

But 
I know
I would risk my life 
For you,
Because, 
I know,
You deserve it. 

When ever you feel down,
Just know, 
Someone out there, 
Someone random, 

What let you live 
Over them. 

No, 
My life isn't terrible, 
Or even bad, 
I have great friends,
Great family, 
Great support. 

But,
I want you to know, 
That I, 
Someone out there,
Someone random, 
Would risk my life
For you 

Because you deserve it. 


 

She gave me a letter,
That told me how she felt, 
On the pages lied the truth, 
Which left my heart to melt. 

I had my guesses, 
But I was left in the dark,
Of not knowing why,
And then there was a spark.

A spark of our friendship,
Coming back to life from the Ashes,
Like a phoenix,
With bright, fiery wings it flashes.

I’ve changed 
From this experience,
Growing, understanding, 
And having more resilience. 

Now I know,
I need her by my side,
Because she makes me happy,
And gives me pride. 

Like the stars,
Lighting up the sky,
She’s so bright and cheery,
I hope we never say goodbye. 

Thanks to her, for giving me the letter,
-I think we can agree-
Because it changed me, 
And she changed me,

for the better. 
 
 

You're texting me, 
That you're 

Waiting. 

Waiting

or me 
To write this. 

Waiting 

for the answers

Waiting

for the secrets

Waiting 

To ask that question,

And
I'm waiting 
Too. 

We are just two souls,

Not knowing when it's the 

Right time, 

To say what we want to say, 

Which leaves

Us both 

Waiting. 


 

A fire, 

What does it mean to you?

Burning rage,
Destruction, 

Or 

Energy, Light,

Rebirth?

A dandileon, 

Just another weed,

Or a misunderstood flower?

Rain, 

Tears and sadness,

Or a crucial part for a rainbow?

I stare at the darkness
Through the window, 
And wonder 

What is meaning of life?

I did need you,
And you did me, 
What we lacked
Was the other one of us

We were like 
The missing pair 
Of a set of gloves, 
Hoping to find one another
But not being able to 

Until now. 

What we lacked
Was each other's laughter,
What we lacked
Was each other's voice,
What we lacked 
Was our talks, 
Memories of something that was, 
That left a hole in each of our hearts.

We tried to fill the hole,
But our attempts failed,
And now we know,
What we lacked

Was each other. 

I sit on the bed, all day, listening and watching. I see all the secrets, I hear all the truths. And it hurt, as I got punched and pounded against a wall. If I had a nickel for every time a tear was shed on me, I would be rich. Each night, I get a large, heavy head resting on me. I sing it to sleep, and tell it stories of the factory and how scary the big machines are, compressing me together. I whisper my stories, my thoughts, my jokes, in their ear. But they don't listen, at least not all the time. Sometimes I hear them muttering while they sleep, I feel their heartbeat, and I hold them tightly. I tell them they'll be okay but they don't hear me. Sometimes they'll wake up screaming, sweaty, and teary. Then they'll pull me close, hugging me, as they mumble it was just a dream to themselves, over and over....

The single
Raindrop
Flying from the dark clouds
creating a storm. 

The single
Raindrop
So inconsiderable, 
Starts
The downpour. 

And the rain 
is just made up of
insignificant droplets
which are significant after all...

Listen to the silence, 
not a sound. 

Not even the
crickets 
singing, 

Not even the 
birds 
chirping, 

Not even the
howling winds, 
making the trees dance. 

Let everything go

calm and quiet, 

not like before,

when your mind was 

raging 
with thoughts, 
with problems, 
with worries, 

leaving your 

mind and body
 
sore and weak, 

and leaving you to 
want to sleep, 
close your eyes, 
disappear from the world,
and empty your mind, 
as you listen to silence. 

In a moment, 
you'll be awoken, 
to the blasts of sounds, 
but for now, 
calm yourself, 
as you

listen to the silence. 

I'm trying 

to love myself, 
love my body, 
accept my mistakes
and flaws. 

I'm trying

to tell people how I feel, 
how I actually feel,
And to not put myself down
so much. 

But it's so hard, 
Or maybe 
I'm not trying hard enough. 

I know your there for me, 
I know I can tell you anything,
But I won't, 
Not because I don't trust you, 
But because 
I don't want to hurt you. 

I hear your 
laugh,
I see your
smile,
And I don't want to 
drag you down, 
Into the ocean, 
Of my mind. 

I am trying, 

And I know one day, 
I will tell you everything, 
When it's all in the past,
But now we're living it, 
and I can't risk anything. 

I am trying, 

To stop, 
Stop all these thoughts, 
Engraved in my mind.

But, to be honest, 

I would rather someone else stopped feeling
this way, 

Over me, 

Any day. 

But

I'm trying. 

I sat at our usual table, picking my chair and taking out my lunch. I felt tired, and I didn't even know why. Maybe from smiling, pretending to be something I'm not? My blue eyes were droopy and my chocolate brown hair grew fizzy and knotted, even though I had just brushed it that morning. 
As I sat there, I watched the kids in my grade running and shouting and the teachers helplessly trying to get them under control. My friends talked, and as I spoke, I felt like my words just floated up into the air, going past the ears of everyone. I shuddered, pressing my arms close to my body to try and keep in warmth. 

And, as I sat there, surrounded by people, I felt so alone. I stared off into space, finally letting my muscles relax. I thought about what had happened. The pain I'd felt before all this. My eyes grew moist, but I never...

Perfection, 

Is an Illusion. 

We might see
Models and think to 
ourselves,
I want to look like that. 
I know I do. 

We might see
People who have
everthing, 
material speaking. 

We might see 
Someone who has
perfect grades, 
And are the kindest and 
smartest. 

We might see
people who do so much 
positive change, 
and wish that we could
do that too. 

But everything and everyone has flaws, 

We should strive for perfection, 
But accept that we will never reach it. 

And we should focus more on what makes us
happy

Instead 

of 

perfection,

because 

perfection 

is an 

Illusion. 
 

I don't want you to 
Feel like you'll hurt me,
I don't want you to be 
Afraid,
I know everyone has flaws, 
But you don't have to be
scared. 
No matter what happens, 
Just know, 
that I'll be okay.

Be there for them, 
try to make them happy,
and as long as you are happy,
I will be too. 

You may or may or may not
believe me, 
But 
I want you to trust me,
With all your heart, 
When I say 
It'll be okay. 
 

To my middle brother, 

Thank you for all your humor. If I ever want to chill, you're the person I'd go to. Whether it's just sitting in my room, on our phones as you talk about rap artists, or whether it's when you blast your music on the speakers, and we do crazy dances. I would never dance like that in front of anyone but you. 
I know I can be exasperating sometimes and I really don't want to be. I'm sorry. But I guess it's just the nature of siblings. We get on each other's nerves a lot, but ​maybe it will make us even stronger. Siblings fight a lot after all, right? Since we have to live with each other all the time, and we see each other's weakness and strengths among other things. 
But I appreciate what you do for me. Because siblings are people that will be there for you when no one else will....

You always ask me,
And I always answer
the same.

I know I look sad,
And sometimes I am.
But,
Usually,
I’m just thinking or
Tired,
Or happy with a
Frown.

But thank you, 
Thank you for asking, 
Because at least I know
You care.
You show you care about my
Feelings.
My
Thoughts.
About me.

And I hope I do the same for you.

You always ask me, 
If I'm okay, 
I am. 

But thank you. 

What is the difference between a friend and a best friend? 

A friend is someone who can make you smile

A best friend is someone who knows how to get you to
laugh so hard your belly aches. 

A friend is someone you can talk to 
about the smaller and meaningless things

A best friend is someone you can tell anything. 

A friend is someone you can talk to during the day

A best friend is someone who would get out of bed
in the middle of night to be there for you. 

A friend might not keep your secrets

But you can trust that a best friend will. 

Like a four leaf clover, 

best friends are hard to find, 

but lucky to have. 

I have found a four leaf clover, 

And I didn't know how lucky I was to have her, 

Until recently.

I lost my best friend, 

Until recently. 

We reawakened 

our bond, 

told each other the 

Truth. 
...

Dear my eldest brother, 

Thank you for always being there for me. For having my back, for cheering me up when I cry or when I'm down, for letting me be able to talk to you about anything, without judging me. I appreciate you, and everything you've done for me. Even the small things, like taking the blame for something I did or helping me out with homework. You always understood what I needed and you understood me. I have countless happy moments with you, that if I listed them all, this letter would be a book. You know how to make me smile, and I don't think I could repay you for every time you did. For every time you ensured that everything was going to be okay and why. For every time we went on a walk, kayaking and more. All I want is for you to be happy. Promise me you'll be happy and healthy, and stay...

I think I didn’t fight it

Because I didn’t notice it at the time. 

I think I didn’t fight it

Because quarantine just made it hard. 

I think I didn’t fight it

Because deep down, 

I missed our friendship. 

I missed hanging out with you. 

Her and I are still friends. 

We still talk.

But, 

Deep down, 

I think a part of me knew, 

If I was really close to her, 

Than I couldn’t be really close to 

you. 

And,

Deep down,

 a small part of me made that choice.

I remember that day, sitting and talking
about life and playing truth or dare
but never really having any good truth or dares. 
We sat six feet apart, 
I made a bracelet for you and you for me. 

We watched the sun set, 
Beautifully warm colors over the hills, 
And it reminded me of
How beautiful a friendship can be.

I want you to be able to trust me,
And a least now I know you can a little,
Because you shared some of your secrets. 

I will always cherish that day, 
Because I was content in those moments, 
It will always be a fond memory.

And like that beautiful sunset, 
We can have a beautiful friendship
As long as we are both willing to put 
in the time and effort.
 

A part of you 
Trusts me. 

A bigger part 
Doesn’t. 

That’s okay,
I mean, you have to
Trust
Your gut, right?

You may not trust me, 
I don’t really know what to feel 
So I’ll just accept it. 

But first, let me ask you a few questions. 
 How long will it take for you to trust me?
A week? A month? A lifetime?

If you never do, I guess that’s okay too. 

But what is friendship without trust?
Are we just two people, telling each other
random things, talking, but there is no real trust? 

I know I hurt you,

But I don’t think I’m understanding

Any of this

Clearly enough. 

I hurt you, 

By doing the exact same thing
I did for you years ago, 
By helping out someone who came to a new place,
And who had no one. 

I hurt you, 
By doing the exact same thing
You did to me, 
By hanging out with someone else, ...

Sometimes I feel like
everything is an illusion. 

Like what I do or say doesn't matter. 

I know there are consequences 
but I sometimes feel like
I'm just a small grain of
insignificant 
sand on the beach of life. 

But life matters. 

Your life matters. 

Your emotions matter. 

The people around you matter.

What doesn't matter is anyone's race, gender, or sexual orientation.  

All life is valuable. 

Be kind to others, but most importantly, 
be kind to yourself. 

Even though it's the longest thing you will ever experience,
life is short. 

So you shouldn't spend your life 
not loving or taking care of yourself and saying you aren't enough,
because you are. 

I know it can be hard to believe,

I know I can't just say it and you will automatically 
think it, 

and, to be honest, 
I don't know if I 
believe it myself. 

But I truly want you to believe it, 
so I'll just keep saying it until you do. 

The night grew chilly. Bright stars dotting the cloudless night sky. The white horned moon, faint and young. I pointed out all the constellations my parents had taught me. They stood by me, as we stopped walking, in search for shooting stars. A long moment of silence, as a held my breath waiting to be amazed. 
My dog sitting beside my dad, flopping his pink tongue, as he too, waited patiently. We waited. And waited. Until we started walking again. Then, right before I looked away, I saw it. A beautiful blue line that streaked across the sky. For reasons I did not know, the shooting star filled me with light and joy. 

"Did you have a wish?" My mom asks. 

 Even though I believe in hard work and dedication, a little help from luck and wishes can go a long way. 

I simply shrug. But I do. I wish that I can help the world and the people, plants,...

I wanted to fly. 

I stepped to the edge of the diving board. 

My heart racing. 

It's so far down, 
but that means more time to 
fly. 

I felt myself start going 

Up and down. 

Up and down. 

Until I finally let myself jump. 

It's like it's going in slow motion, 

As my hair springs upward, 

And just for a tiny fraction of a second,
I didn't remember anything, 
my memories, 
or who I was. 

All I thought about was 

Flying. 

I just wanted that instant to freeze,

and the rush of emotions, 

happiness, excitement, adrenaline, 

to stay with me. 

And just like that, 

In a flash, 

I felt the water, 

welcoming me to start a new 

journey. 

Trust, 

like launching myself into the air, hoping that you'll catch me. 

Trust, 

like a flower, heartwarming and beautiful but can be destroyed easily. 

Trust, 

When it's broken, like a glass, it will never be the same again.

My firm grip, 

loosning,

I know you're there to catch me, 
but right now I'm so high up that

I don't see you...



 

I'm trying to love you, 
But you make it so hard. 
Whenever you make a mistake,
You put it on me. 

I cry for you. 

Whenever you are
angry, 
I blame myself. 

I cry for you. 

When you tell me you used to be 
happy
But you aren't anymore, 
Because of them. 

I cry for you.

When you mock me,
pick out all my flaws, 
I'm saddened and I cry. 

When you say I hurt you, 
I don't know
what to do but cry.

​I don't want to cry for you anymore. 

I still love you,
but my tears don't mean anything to you, 
so I'll save them for someone else. 

I won't cry for you anymore. 

You gave me a letter,

You told me how you felt, 

And I thought it was very brave. 

We had a rough patch, 
  
but we're still friends. 

We always were and I hope
we always will be. 

I wanted to be there for you,
but I guess I didn't show that clearly. 

You thought I didn't notice
you, or the way you felt. 

But I did. I just didn't say it 
because I was just dealing with my own things
at the time. 

And I just want to let you know,

I know how it feels to be jealous. 

I know how it feels to drift apart from someone. 

But I also know it doesn't have to be the end of the friendship. 

We can always drift back. 

During the time we didn't talk, 
I forgot how lucky I am to have you as a friend. 

I will cherish the memories we shared together,
and await for better ones...

Playing cards with you
late at night, 
not having a care in the world.

On the water with you 
kayaking and swimming
and eating. 

Going on a walk together,
just the two of us,
talking about school and life. 

When I cry, 
you hold me close,
and I feel your warmth,
as you give me some of
your light. 

Whenever I feel like 
I'm drowning,
your always the one 
that pulls me back up 
to the surface. 

You are the person 
I can count on
to be there for me. 

You are the person 
I can tell anything 
without being afraid of being judged. 

You are the person
I can get help from
when I need it. 
 
You are the person everyone needs in their life. 

You make me happy.

If only 
I could go back to that time
where I was young and bold
Where I didn't know that much of the world
And it's darkness. 

If only 
I could be there, 
just for a moment, 
forgetting everything 
that happens later, 
and tell them how much they mean to me. 

If only
I wasn't afraid to be 
myself
because of what other people
will think. 

If only
I could change the world
with baby steps or with giant ones
or even change just one person's 
life for the better. 

If only.

I work so hard to make you happy, 
But you never notice. 
I work so hard to help you, 
but you ignore me.
And then you blame me for not helping

You say I'm crazy 
Just because I care too much
You say I'm mean
Just because I try to block out the hurtful things
You say I'm helpless 
Just because I show my innocence 

And every mistake,
every flaw, 
I apologize and try to make up for
you bring back to me
even if it happened years ago.
I already have enough to deal with
And now I have to deal with your words, 
telling me I bring pain into your life, 
never have anyones words hurt more. 

The worst thing is, 
you don't know how much you are crushing me. 

You love me...

I love you...

But you will never know how much I'm hurting inside. 

 

What is beauty? 

The setting sun, orange and red and pink,
filling the horizon. 

A flower blossoms  
as dew gradually collects on its petals. 

The cool water
sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. 

Beauty is defined as qualities that please the senses,
 
Especially sight. 

But I believe in inner beauty. 

You don't need make up to be beautiful,

because as long as you try to bring joy and pleasure 
into your day and the people you see, 

You are beautiful. 


 

You ask me if we can be best friends again

You tell me I hurt you

You say I've done things to you

You say I've said things to you

But, to be honest, 
I don't know what I did to you. 
And I'm sorry if I hurt you
I don't wish to do that to anyone 

Yes, we can be friends again 
We can rebuild what we had
Step by step
I know I've already said this, 
But I'm sorry 

And I forgive you. 

I curl up in the hay, and look up at the stars through the holes in the barn roof. As I recollected my thoughts, I was still bewildered at the events that happened that day, and for a very long moment, I thought it was all a dream. But as I look to my right, it's still siting there. The dragon hatchling. I pet it gently to make sure it still feels real, and its orange eyes open up and it perks its head up.  "Sorry for waking you," I whisper. It crawls into my lap with a soft squeal. "I assume that was you forgiving me?" It squeals again. I smile as we exchange a look. "Hey, Nuri. Do you like that name? I just came up with it for you." Nuri seemed to be happy about her name before snorting some sparks. I swiftly patted them out so nothing went up in flames. "Okay, Nuri, we have a...

What is beauty?

The setting sun, orange and red and pink
filling the horizon. 

A flower blooming, 
as dew drops sit on its petals. 

The cool water, 
sparkling in the afternoon sunlight. 

Beauty is defined as qualites that please the senses,

especially sight. 

But I believe in inner beauty,

You don't need makeup to be beautiful,

because as long as you try to bring joy and pleasure
to your day and the people you see,

You are beautiful. 

She inhaled. The scent of coffee and freshly baked bread filled the air. But Lua barely had an appetite. Insead of eating, she looked over to the edge of the brown wood porch to the view. Enormous green snow capped mountains surrounded her. They were breathtaking. A lake, sparkling in the morning sunlight and little houses dotting the mountain side. A breeze blew her strawberry golden hair into her eyes as a single tear fell down her cheek. It’s been over a month since the accident, and Lua’s still recuperating. Mentally and physically. Everyday since then she wishes that it was her and not her sister. She wishes she could trade her life, so that her sister could be sitting there instead of her. And now as she sits there, staring at this incredible view, she imagines Coral, not only her sister but her best friend.  

The sound of laughter, of children playing in the grass. The sound of the piano, as I sink my fingers into the                                                   keys. 
The feeling of the hot blinding sun against my skin.  The feeling of cool water, welcoming me, as a swim I feel free. 
The sight of the blue fluffy clouds, spinning across the blue sky. The sight of the green leaves, dancing with the wind. 
The scent of afterain, the crisp fresh air, like the world awakening. The scent of dinner, just being served.
The taste of the ice cream, cool and sweet. The taste of the banana bread, fresh from the oven.

Be in the moment and be present. Cherish every minute before it becomes another memory. 

 

  The trees of the forest, 
  tall and brown

  The blanket of snow, 
  crunching under our boots

  The blanket of snow, 
  glittering, shimmering 
  In the light

  The blanket of snow,
  As white as marshmallows 

  My brother and I, 
  walking and 
  talking 

  Our golden retriever, galloping toward us, 
  A big slobbery pink tongue, 
  Happy. 

  If only time would freeze
  In this moment, 
  This perfect moment 

  If only all the worries and problems
  Of the world, 
  Would disappear for a moment,
  Just for this moment.