37_apollo

United States

Ej
Freshman in high school
Queer
Saggitarius
ENFP-t
Slytherpuff
Fiction and *mostly* poetry
ANGSTY
Joined 8/5/20
He/Him
Child of Apollo
ya boy is back gremlins

Message from Writer

Most of my writing is just from the top of mind, get-it-on-the-page stuff. It doesn't always make sense, so any help with it is greatly appreciated!

Published Work

Home

What is a home?
"Home is with family."
What family?
The one who doesn't understand,
or the one that is chosen?
Home
What does it mean?
A place with blood kin
or where you are truly yourself?
How do you know where you put your hat,
how can you decipher where the heart lies?
No one can tell you,
and that makes the journey all that much harder.

a monologue from the sirens in the odyssey

We sing our songs, for years upon years we have continued to lure those unsuspecting creatures into our clutches, and thus, their demise. The men of this world are truly disgusting animals, the women, still affected, are not quite so idiodic as to venture within our reaches. But those men of the earth, those who would leave their wives, their children, who kill others of their own for sport, they are the ones who suffer. Until this day. I will grant the gods this, he is not the most disgusting that has come within our reach, but he is quite far from the best, and yet, for some intolerablereason our own god of the sea has granted him protection. Our beauty is meant to make those who would cause suffering and pain to those who did not justly deserve it, and yet those who are meant to be the law of all good in this universe have stopped us...

bad memories and the past

i sit here, repressing and replaying those old memories, those bad memories. the human brain really is idiotic to bring those back up now. sitting in a room with my parents, panicking because of things they did years ago. i can't reasonably blame my parents for what they did, its nothing compared to what i did, but i can't sit there without having a panic attack. i try to just stick it out, we're in the middle of a global pandemic after all, what else am i able to do?

The Drabble

The art of hiding

Every day she would awake. Every day she pretended to be okay. If only that was the truth. 
On the surface, it was perfection, all smiles, and happiness. But down beneath, the sleepless nights, inability to eat, looming fear and dread. How she wished to be free.
Yes, her mother was loving, her fathering kind, her friends there for her, and yet it was an insurmountable struggle each and every day. Some days it seemed as if things truly could and would get better, but on others it felt more like falling into a dark well with no way out.

a stupid little poem that got deep way too fast

Someone
Someone to lay with
To take care of 
To love 
To not let the darkness take over
To protect 
To be protected by
To defend 
To be accepted by
For my origins
My identities
My personalities
For all of my short comings
My failing
My losses
For the things I am too much of
The ones I am too little of
And for all those unsatisfactory in the middle
For those I choose to be
For those I don’t
For those I have come to terms with
Those I haven’t
For all the skins, people
I have had to become to fit in
To be accepted 
To be me
Not ****
Not **
Not ***

I am Ezra
I am Ezi
I am quirky 
Fun loving
Crazy
Mentally unstable 
Depressed 
Anxiety ridden 
Ezra
With all the knots and kinks that come along from that
From being him
From being me

The stars in our minds

    I mean, the day started off pretty normally, nothing out of the usual. There is always that blatant ignorance from my parents, but like I said, normal for me. Things really only got bad later in the day. Now some background, my friend Ren, he’s kind of a wanderer of sorts, so him not being in class when the bell rang wasn’t the most alarming thing ever. No, the alarming part was that his boyfriend, Taurus, wasn’t there. Taurus is one of those dudes who is somehow always five minute early, and it’s always five minutes never more, and never less (well, aside from that one time he was four minutes early, my girlfriend Olivia and I never let him forget that). 
    Well, I guess I’ll set the scene, so to say. The school really did not think things through when they put Olivia, Ren, Tauri, and I in 3rd period art together, but I digress. Olivia and I...

I hate you, hospitals

chairs in stoic little lines,
not a trash can in sight,
the tv plays; some old movie,
the floor, not even enough for the top to spin.
I hate this place.
I hate this waiting.

a letter of platonic love to you

letter of platonic love to you,
     thank you. thank you for helping me through hard times, and being with me through the good ones. thank you for listening to my random ramblings and thoughtful musings. you are amazing and gay. very gay. you are my family, maybe not by blood, but I would choose no others than you to be mine. from chaotic conversations on life over copious amounts of sugar and in the rain, to chaotic sidewalk chalk, and burning old/bad memories, to climbing trees and teaching very valuable life skills (... that last part was supposed to be sarcastic but it's actually true... so... yeah). even just knowing some of you for a little over a month, I wouldn't trade those times for anything in the world, aside from there being no covid. I honestly don't know where I would be right now, physically or mentally without all of you, so this is my thank you. ...

I love them, my chosen family

Who am I?
This slip of paper stares up at me,
how am I supposed to know who I am?
Well, that's not entirely true...
I know who I am,
I don't want you to know.
You sent me to this school,
you forced me into dresses and skirts,
and for what?
Who am I?
I'm not your child, I can tell you that.
I push away these emotions, not now,
but sometimes they must come up, and with those, I have chosen
as my family, my chosen family,
and I love them.
I love them more than anything else on this earth. 

Give us this day

May the stars reflect our light,
may the winds cease their cool relent,
and the burdens of life be alright.

And should the children play,
let them frolic in peace,
yes, oh please, give them this one day.

I give everyone nicknames and hashtags, please don't hate me :)

Theo: #Stomptheo2020 (The-h03)
Gabe: #transspiderverse (Gaybe)
Finn: #Yourgaydad (Fettuccine)
Leila: #Iconiclesbian (Lesbian)
Lennon: #Iwillfeltyouthings (Lemon-boi)
Willow: "Yourvodka_auntie (Will-oh-no)
Denize: #Favoritecousin (Deebs)
Luke: #Christianboyo1 (Lukewarm water)
Adele: #Straightestlesbian_thevibestho (Bert)
Anna B: #Concernedsaneone (Banana)
Anna L: #Demonoficepens&phonewhos_nickname_is_supergirl (Bandana)
Nina: #Iswim&sleep_thatsallIdo (Ni-no)
Madeline: #Gaybutcatholic:/ (Madman)
Jana: #Iswimbuthavetim_foryou (Sleepy yawn-a)
Helen: #Pleaseplay_basketball_withme (Happily Happening)
Luka: #Rebelteen_Iweardresses_sueme (Bazooka)
Hannah: #Iwillstealyourkneecaps_andfeedthemtoyou (Hanhaha)
Connor: #Basic_cishet_whiteboi (Corner)
 

That Sort of Person

To Finn

Finn is that one person who you can always talk to, not matter what, and yet she is still one of the most hyper people one the earth, and you can't help but love her for it.

My love, my life

The first time 
I saw her,
she was reading a book
in the coffee shop.
So immersed in the story
her tea left beside her,
cooling and forgotten.

The second time
was at the public market,
this time she was with two boys.
This time a caught her gaze.
She smiled at me
before being pulled off
to the macrons.

Now I see her,
sitting on the chair
across from mine.
Reading, in that same way
as the first time I saw her.  
My love,
my life.

nononononono

I think I like him,
jesus christ,
I think I like him.

Why do I do this to myself?
I always make new friendships,
new community relationships so hard,
so strained.

But by god.
He is amazing. 

But no.
No!
Stop it, not now.

Why brain?
Why now when we are literally in the middle of both a personal strained relationship with our own family, 
and, and a PANDEMIC.

 

Shouldn't this be normal? (Validation)

Why does it feel so good?
Because it's validation.
But, don't I already get that?
It feels so good because you get that on a daily basis.
That's, surprisingly depressing.
Such is life.
Yo right, you right.

Written Script of a Conversation

"Why is it that you know me better than my own family?"
"I don't know."
"When does it get better, when will this all end?"
"Ezi, I don't know."
"But I can't do this, I can't continue to do this!"
"I know, and I wish I could help, but there's nothing either of us can do right now."
"I feel horrible, my issues are so insignificant to those of others. I shouldn't be complaining."
"Remember our saying for 6th-grade? You, my friend, have the right to be depressed."
"Cheesecake!"
"Cheesecake."
"Chocolate milk?"
"Oh dear god no."
"Fun times, that was a good year."
"Yeah, it was."
"And then the 7th-grade injuries came."
"Our legs really do hate us."
"DAMN YOU LEGS!"
"DAMN YOU!"

Life on the Outskirts

on the sidelines,
never noticed.

they see,
they watch and take-in

the world, the beings moving through
life, day-by-day.

easily forgotten,
a slip of the mind.

hiding in the shadows,
how did we not see...?

All Talk

Why am I actually like this(?)

The red roses in the early morning light reflect the beauty that you emulate, a stunning creature of beauty that stings those who get to close.
Ouch. Can't deny it though.
Words spew forth from my lips, unburdened.
You got that right.
Why thank thee.
You can stop now.
Okie! Wanna go roll in the street?
But... it's dark out...
All the more fun! Common!
I guess...
Yeeee.

When will it End?

The darkness consumes,
eating away until you are an empty husk of your former self.
You get to a certain point, 
a point when you know you can never come back.

You do that one thing, that one thing that's supposed to make it all better,
they say it makes it better,
why then, is it now worse?

"It gets better." 
Why? Tell me this, I did what they said to do,
I did everything right, and yet
it is still not any better than when I started.

Now, in this day and age, it is easier,
I can hide behind a mask, I can mask all of that pain. 
But at some point it will grow to be too much,
how can I be expected to live with this.

I cannot go on...
But I must, because those I love,
I care for them more than I care for myself.
And I am unable to hurt them in that...

The Sidewalk Loiterers are Back

The first of the chaotic souls has arrived! A tomato plucked from its nesting place,
flung into the crashes of metal and blaring of horns.
Another soul joins the weekly disturbance in the neighborhood. 

"The sidewalk loiterers are back" they will say.
Remarks and laughter fill the air, 
the purple-haired lesbian has arrived.

Off to the branch of the tree, waiting yonder.
The chaos migrates.
Personal artifacts left in the grass, no consequence to such insignificant decisions in this time.

The final being arrives, completing the week's quintet.
The hyper dog arrives, Sprout, why?
Break out the sugar!

Cards Against Humanity,
Oh dear god no.
I am a concerned being of this earth.

"Off to the murder shack!"
We climb, 
life choices? What life choices?

The wind blows,
voices float up to the trees,
voices of joy, of happiness, of comradery.

The darkness has long past fallen, 
chaotic children in the trees, the roof is a passed memory.
MCU character...

The Sidewalk Loiterers are Back

The first of the chaotic souls has arrived! A tomato plucked from its nesting place,
flung into the crashes of metal and blaring of horns.
Another soul joins the weekly disturbance in the neighborhood. 

"The sidewalk loiterers are back" they will say.
Remarks and laughter fill the air, 
the purple-haired lesbian has arrived.

Off to the branch of the tree, waiting yonder.
The chaos migrates.
Personal artifacts left in the grass, no consequence to such insignificant decisions in this time.

The final being arrives, completing the week's quintet.
The hyper dog arrives, Sprout, why?
Break out the sugar!

Cards Against Humanity,
Oh dear god no.
I am a concerned being of this earth.

"Off to the murder shack!"
We climb, 
life choices? What life choices?

The wind blows,
voices float up to the trees,
voices of joy, of happiness, of comradery.

The darkness has long past fallen, 
chaotic children in the trees, the roof is a passed memory.
MCU character...

Forevermore (sequel, I guess???)

Talulla, 
goddess of this earth
once before.

now, ruler of the skies
the flowers bow down to her.
A regal sight to see.

We used to run,
we used to play.
She would braid my hair,

I would put flowers in her.
The faeries would dance around us
as the crickets played the music.

Days passed, long ago.
Happier times to reflect on,
to rejoice in once more.

Then it's back to this world,
dark and lonely, 
Why is the real world so dark?

Hours pass to days,
which pass to weeks,
months, years.

I am lost without your guiding touch,
comforting presents,
grounding hug at the end of the day.

I have grown, can you see Talulla?
I am big like you now,
like you were.

Fabrics through the house,
they sway in the wind,
the bloodied ones are gone.

I can still see you,
Talulla. The cookies need help.
They need help...

Fluctuation

Truth is hidden beneath,
deep under
where no one 
who isn't looking for it
will find it.

A truth, 
sheathed behind
yet another layer.
Paste on a fake smile.

Around some, 
that truth emerges
from its dark home.
Free for a while.

Then it's back to hiding.
The exact opposite returns
proclaiming itself to the world,
and the truth dies a little bit more.

Fluctuation

Truth is hidden beneath,
deep under
where no one 
who isn't looking for it
will find it.

A truth, 
sheathed behind
yet another layer.
Past a fake smile.

Around some, 
that truth emerges
from its dark home.
Free for a while.

Then it's back to hiding.
The exact opposite returns
proclaiming itself to the world,
and the truth dies a little bit more.

Fluctuation

Truth is hidden beneath,
deep under
where no one 
who isn't looking for it
will find it.

A truth, 
sheathed behind
yet another layer.
Past a fake smile.

Around some, 
that truth emerges
from it's dark home.
Free for a while.

Then it's back to hiding.
The exact oppisite returns
proclaiming itself to the world,
and the truth dies a little bit more.

Reinvention - A New Year

A new year,
a new reinvention.
Every person,
every year,
I am someone new.
Who will I be now?
The shy and quiet one?
The gossip?
The teacher's pet?
The class clown?
"A new year, a new me"
That's not even the half of it.
Modifying myself to appeal to others,
why am I this way?

Overused Themes? Nah...

So many poems about rainbows,
well, GUESS WHAT?
Here's another!

Too much writing about the night sky,
the stars shimmering from above.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Thousands of pieces regarding love,
that mysterious feeling that most experience throughout life.
HERE YOU GO!

Home

What is a home?
"Home is with family."
What family?
The one who doesn't understand,
or the one that is chosen?
Home
What does it mean?
A place with blood kin
or where you are truly yourself?
How do you know where you put your hat,
how can you decipher where the heart lies?
No one can tell you,
and that makes the journey all that much harder.

One Sentence Challenge: Through It All

Eyes that help my heart, comfort when my parents kicked me out, when my friends left, when everyone on the planet believed the rumors... he was there, to care and to protect from the world, from the psyche - thank you, love, of my life. 

26 Sentence Challenge: Together We Fall

    After the rain. Before the sun. Caught in the mist between the past and the present. Day in, and day out, I wait to be released from the Earth's crushing embrace. Evermore, they call me, everlasting. Fingers of soil claw at me, I cannot stay here. Gone to the winds are my brothers, my sisters, torn down by those to many in numbers, the ants of the Earth. Help us, save us, we plead, we are dying by the hundreds. I wait, it will be my turn soon, the sharp blade of an ax, or the burning fires of the bellow, I do not know. Just you wait, we will be gone, and you will have no one to save you. Killers, the lot of them. Long have I stood here, watching and protecting these murderer's ancestors. Must I go now? Now, when all is changing, might I see this Earth a thousand years more from now? Only,...

Mixtape: My Story (Grades 5 - 8)

"Once Upon A December"
Anastasia

"This is Gospel"
Panic at the Disco!

"Alone, Pt. II"
Ava Max

"Not Alone"
Starkid (AVPM)

"Who Am I?"
Les Miserables

"A Whole New World"
Aladdin

"CaliforM.I.A"
Starkid (Black Friday)

"On The Edge"
Come From Away

"Dear Maria Count Me In"
All Time Low

"To Have a Home"
Starkid (AVPS)

"Borderline"
Thomas Sanders

"I don't know my Name"
Grace VanderWaal

Why

Why am I like this?
I shouldn't be this way.
My issues are so small,
so insignificant.
Attention seeking,
Drama Creating
Gossip.
I don't deny the things my own mind already tells me,
but it hurts more from those I see every day,
from those I once considered closer than family.
 

How to Know?

What do you do
when one thing,
one small thing
finally feels right.
It took so long,
for even just one
of the many things 
that has never felt right,
to finally feel right.
Now that it has happened,
I don't know what to do.
Do I go all the way,
or continue on 
in spaced out increments?
How do you know?
Why is it so hard to know?
Why is it so hard?
Why?

Musicals

Background,
full action.
Never between,
one or the other. 

Refuge

Refuge

Refuge. Love, acceptance, care. Refuge, a place to be with others, to find peace. A second home.
My solace, my refuge. 
Both a figurative and literal place of belonging. I find refuge in stories, music, books, films, underneath the starry sky. I find my abstract refuge in other worlds. Refuge is found in the arms, the company of my companions, my closest confidants. My literal refuge is found in the vicinity of those who understand my soul. Refuge is a place and feeling of belonging, of happiness.

Days Together

    Mary Ann and her date-mate, Lue, sat outside of the coffee shop, eating their pastries. “The weather said it was to storm today,” Mary said as she munched on a muffin, “Well then, would thee, my fair lady, grant me this wish of a waltz in the tears of the sky?” Lue asked. “Why do you do that, Lue.” “Must I proclaim to thee that I, so brave and noble, have once more taken thy book of such sonnets from thy living rooms?” “Shut up” “As thee wish, m’lady.” The breeze picked up, dragging cigarette butts and paper napkins from the cobblestones beneath their feet. Lue stood, and with a sweeping bow, offered Mary their hand, “Why to thank you” Mary said, and with that they were off, running and dancing their way through the pattering wind and rain, sunshine beaming down, as the two of them ran into the house, a glittering rainbow graced the sky, the end of...

Wheeling

Where you know every face
Every name.
Where the mountains surround,
Valleys and fields.
Small town life,
The desolation of the empty storefronts,
Half a ghost town.
The other half,
A vibrant and friendly community,
Somehow I wish...
I wish to go back
To those carefree days.
 

Forevermore

Shimmering lights
dancing like faeries
across my vision.

Sister
where have you gone?
The cookies need to be baked yet.

A waltz through a forest of silk,
tapestries of lives from the past.
"Talulla, come help me."

A mess of fabrics,
"Talulla?"
A patchwork of red.

Eyes
a sea of white

Hair
a waterfall of curls

Hands
a picture of relaxation 

Chest
a painting in reds

Life
a soul wandering the fabrics of this house,

forevermore...

Life on the Outskirts

on the sidelines,
never noticed.

they see,
they watch and take-in

the world, the beings moving through
life, day-by-day.

easily forgotten,
a slip of the mind.

hiding in the shadows,
how did we not see...?

"My Heart is Like"

Sing a Song

My heart is like song with no words.
A tune with no story,
Half finished.
Rewritten time and again,
No story has yet to fill the void,
Someday I hope
That there will be words that complete this one piece of art.

Flash Fiction Competition 2020

Blood of my Love

Amar was here. He was just here. He was so happy, so cheerful.
Now, he is gone. I'll never be able to remind him to get bananas...
He was only grocery shopping, getting soup. Soup!
But he never came home. Our room; untouched, a museum.
His last words were, "I love you." 
I didn’t say them back...and now I never will.
When I saw him, it wasn't him, it wasn't Amar. Too much blood.
I move through life robotically without Amar. Without him here to ground me.
To protect me from the demons.
To protect me from myself.

Flash Fiction Competition 2020

Blood of my Love

Amar was here. He was just here. He was so happy, so cheerful. He is gone. I'll never be able to remind him to get the bananas... His last words,
"I love you."
Grocery shopping, he was only getting soup. Soup!
But he didn't. Our room; untouched, a museum.
He said, "I love you." 
I couldn't say it back... I never will.
When I saw him, it wasn't him, it wasn't Amar. Too much blood.
Robotically, I move through life.
Without Amar. Without him here to ground me.
To protect me from the demons.
To protect me from myself.
 

Life on the Outskirts

on the sidelines,
never noticed.

they see,
they watch and take-in

the world, the beings moving through
life, day-by-day.

easily forgotten,
a slip of the mind.

hiding in the shadows,
how did we not see...?

Last Day in Tampa

Sleeping in.
Not yet packed roommates
Taking too long...
No waffle lines!
Cocoa for one.
Conversing with new and old companions,
Lectures. 
Gazing at maps
On too hot buses.
Clapping hands.

Flash Fiction Competition 2020

Blood of my Love

Amar was here. He was just here. He was so happy, so cheerful. He is gone. I'll never be able to remind him to get the bananas... His last words,
"I love you."
Grocery shopping, he was only getting soup. Soup!
But he didn't. Our room; untouched, a museum.
He said, "I love you." 
I couldn't say it back... I never will.
When I saw him, it wasn't him, it wasn't Amar. Too much blood.
Robotically, I move through life.
Without Amar. Without him here to ground me.
To protect me from the demons.
To protect me from myself.
 

Flash Fiction Competition 2020

Blood of my Love

Amar was here. He was just here. He was so happy, so cheerful. He is gone. I'll never be able to remind him to get the bananas... His last words,
"I love you."
Grocery shopping, he was only getting soup. Soup!
But he didn't. Our room; untouched, a museum.
He said, "I love you." 
I couldn't say it back.
I never will.
When I saw him, it wasn't him, it wasn't Amar. Too much blood.
Robotically, I move through life.
Without Amar. Without him here to ground me.
To protect me from the demons.
To protect me from myself.
 

Where Have They Gone?

Love,
How can I love
When all I know is hate?
When all I have seen is pain?

Where did you go?
Oh, dove of peace,
Where have you gone?
What have we done?

Joyous oh glee,
Why did you leave?
The world misses you
I miss you.

The world is so dark now
Without the light of hope to help us.
Our souls are dying, drowning
In a sea of hopelessness.