Bluesno

Australia

Disabled
Ravenclaw
Feminist
Nerd
Gay
Human
Not too crazy
Introverted
Bookworm
Human
She/her
"For she be but little, she is fierce

Message from Writer

Lets try to be more positive!
I found this quote on the internet

7 Steps To Happiness

Think less : Feel more
Frown less : Smile more
Talk less : Listen more
Judge less : Accept more
Watch less : Do more
Complain less : Appreciate more
Fear less : Love more

Published Work

Untitled

she built up walls 
so tightly cemented
 she is quiet but strong 
 for those walls she builds 
 get knocked down frequently

she tries not to show it,
but she is hurt,
deeply,
through to the centre,

she pretends,
that she is fine,
but when you look at her,
she is not

when is it time
to show that you care,
without making her think,
that you think she's lying,

when is it time,
to see through the blinds,
that cover her mind,
and try to make sense of what's going on

Untitled

she built up walls 
so tightly cemented
 she is quiet but strong 
 for those walls she builds 
 get knocked down frequently

she tries not to show it,
but she is hurt,
deeply,
through to the centre,

she pretends,
that she is fine,
but when you look at her,
she is not
 

Untitled

She built up walls  so tightly cemented
 she is quiet but strong 
 For those walls she builds 
 get knocked down frequently
 

Words

There are so many words,
In the english language,
Yet people seem to favour,
The ones that feel the most,

It gets confusing,
Because,
When you get called so many names,
How do you know what you truly are?

Am I smart, 
Funny,
Happy,
Or friendly,

Am I weird,
Dumb,
Stupid,
Or insane,

But wait,
There,
Is,
More, 

Am I a nerd,
A smart alec,
A teachers pet,
Or an idiot,

The thing is,
With all these names,
Is when we say them,
We don't think of the outcomes,

What if I told you,
That all the names,
Descriptions,
Insults,

What if I told you,
That I, and lots other people,
Have been called,
Everyone of them,

Why,
Are we so focused,
On not getting called names,
When we call everyone them?

There are so many words,
In the english language,
Yet people seem to favour,
The ones that feel the most,

It's time, 
So start thinking before we speak, ...

Challenges

There's this part of me that hates you,
There's this part of me that loves you,
There's a part of me that admires you,
There's a part of me that is jealous of you,

You say that you struggle with friends,
That you don't have many,
But then I see you,
And you look so happy,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To not hate you for this,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To keep going.

I see you,
I see you laughing,
I see you smiling,
I see you laughing,

In reality,
I'm the one with no friends,
I'm the one, 
Who no one really likes,

In reality,
I'm the one people whisper about,
I'm the one they talk about,
I'm the one they avoid.

When I see you,
With those friends,
I tell myself,
Not to interrupt,

Because what if I embarrass you,
What if I upset you,
What if I say something,
That makes...

Challenges

There's this part of me that hates you,
There's this part of me that loves you,
There's a part of me that admires you,
There's a part of me that is jealous of you,

You say that you struggle with friends,
That you don't have many,
But then I see you,
And you look so happy,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To not hate you for this,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To keep going.

I see you,
I see you laughing,
I see you smiling,
I see you laughing,

In reality,
I'm the one with no friends,
I'm the one, 
Who no one really likes,

In reality,
I'm the one people whisper about,
I'm the one they talk about,
I'm the one they avoid.

When I see you,
With those friends,
I tell myself,
Not to interrupt,

Because what if I embarrass you,
What if I upset you,
What if I say something,
That makes...

Challenges

There's this part of me that hates you,
There's this part of me that loves you,
There's a part of me that admires you,
There's a part of me that is jealous of you,

You say that you struggle with friends,
That you don't have many,
But then I see you,
And you look so happy,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To not hate you for this,

Do you know,
How hard it is,
To keep going.

I see you,
I see you laughing,
I see you smiling,
I see you laughing,

In reality,
I'm the one with no friends,
I'm the one, 
Who no one really likes,

In reality,
I'm the one people whisper about,
I'm the one they talk about,
I'm the one they avoid.

When I see you,
With those friends,
I tell myself,
Not to interrupt,

Because what if I embarrass you,
What if I upset you,
What if I say something,
That makes...

December Grab Bag

a writer is a writer

What makes a writer a writer?
A writer is someone who believes they can have an impact.

A writer is someone who wants to share what they love.

A writer is a writer is a writer.

There is no one defining thing that makes a writer a writer. 

Anyone can be.

They just have to believe that they can. 

Pandemic Memoir

Pandemic in 6 words

if you blink, you miss it

Untitled

The world goes by in a flash,
If you blink, you will miss it,

Life can change in a flash,
One wrong turn and it's gone,

Everything changes in a flash,
If you don't stop, you won't see it

 

Christmas

C is for countdown, is it time yet
H is for happy, everyone is smiling
R is for reading, taking a break,
I is for inspiring, all of those special things,
S is for summer, at least, where I live,
T is for together, it's family time now,
M is for magic, it's that sort of time,
A is for awesome, looking at the lights,
S is for surprise, you never know what's coming

Taken


I wake up with a start. Something feels wrong. The last thing I could remember was looking at this perplexing mirror last night at a party. It said something along the lines of ‘I will take you to the place you dream about.’ Apart from that, I can’t remember anything.
I wake up in my bed, lying on my back, spread out. But something feels off.  I look around the room. There is an oak cupboard in the corner, and a crate beside my bed and an old looking clock on that. I look at the clock sitting beside me and hear a woman’s voice.
 “Jaimie, you have 10 seconds before I come in there. Get out of bed, or so help me!”
 
Wait…she said Jaimie.
 
My name is Aimee.
 
Not Jaimie.
 
This doesn’t feel right.

The woman comes in. I try not to gag as the pungent smell hits me. She smells like rotten eggs...

Would You Unfollow me if I told you..

That I'm gay?

That I'm disabled?

That I can be pretty horrible?

That I dream of horrible things?

That I'm really not ok?

Would you unfollow me if I told you...

 

untitiled

I made a massive mistake this week. 

I hurt someone who didn't deserve it.

I pushed someone too far.

I 'practiced' on the wrong person.

Every time I get close to someone,

I destroy it. 

Every time I find a friend in someone, 

I break it. 

It feels shit for me.

But then I think,

How does the other person feel?

I combine that with how I feel,

And I turn into a pit of emotion.

How can I go back in time,

How can I change it back,

How can I say,

That I'm sorry

.

She has scars,
Both metaphorical and physical,

She has love,
Both metaphorical and physical,

She has friendship,
Both metaphorical and physical,

 

Help

I made a mistake yesterday,
And I'll probably do it again today,
A mistake isn't just a mistake,
But then, what is it?
 

Untitled

Lost,
In my own thoughts,
Lost,
The friend that I hurt

Lost,
Far too many things,
That I didn't need to lose,

Lost,
The friends that cared,
Because I opened my big mouth,
When I just couldn't not,

Lost,
And feeling crap,
Because I can't keep my own mouth,
Firmly shut.

Learning,
What I can and can't say,
What's right and whats wrong,
What should stay in my head,

Learning,
That I have to pay for my mistakes,
That words have meaning,
That I majorly stuffed up,

Learning,
To sit with my shit feelings,
To think before I speak,
To be careful of what I say


 

Time

What is time?

Time is, 
How we keep track of our lives,
How we get everything done,
How we manage to be us,

Time is,
How some relationships end,
How we die,
How we manage to be us.

In 100 years,
1200 months,
5241 weeks,
36500 days,
8763000 hours,
52560000 minutes,

We can do so much,
Because, 
We have so much,
Time,

Time, 
Can build things,
Time,
Can destroy things,

Because,
It,
Is,
Time

Sorry

I'm sorry if I hurt you,
Because I didn't mean to,
But that doesn't mean,
That I didn't hurt you,

I say things,
With out thinking at all,
I think that it's fine,
But that's just wrong,

My words hurt people,
My words have an affect,
My words are in my control, 
So it's my fault.

I'm sorry if I hurt you,
Because I didn't mean to,
But that doesn't mean,
That I didn't hurt you,
 

How

How,
Do you tell someone that you care,
How,
Do you tell someone that you are there,

How,
Can you love someone who doesn't let you,
How,
Can you unlock their heart,

They block you out,
They don't let you in,
How do you know,
That they're still in there,
Somewhere,

She's in a hole,
With no where to go,
How do you prove,
That by talking to you,
There's nothing to lose,

How,
Can you love someone who doesn't let you,
How,
Can you unlock their heart,

How,
Do you tell someone that you care,
How,
Do you tell someone that you are there,

How?

Random questions that I wish I had the answers to.......

  • Are we supposed to remember everything?
  • Why do we have regrets?
  • Why do emotions suck?
  • Why are periods such a damn taboo?
  • Why are women less than men?
  • Why do we have religion?
  • Why don't we treat each other equally?
  • Why do people like writing about disabilities when they don't even have them?

All Talk

An Overheard converation

Why did you break up with her?

Because I thought it was the best thing to do.

Why did you think it was the best thing to do?

Because that's what my parents said, and because I was nervous about doing this all for the first time.

Why did you listen to your parents?

Because I thought I had to. 

Do you miss her?

What do you think?

You seem upset about this whole situation.

Well, that's because I am!! I wish I could turn back time and not have broken up with her! I saw her today, and damn, she looked so cute!

What can you do about it now?

Absoloutely nothing. WHY IS THIS SO HARD!!!

The Mirror (Review for review!! :))

I never should have trusted that mirror.
 
I woke up with a start. Something felt wrong. The last thing I could remember was looking in this weird mirror last night at a party. It said something like ‘I will take you to the place you dream about.’ I think I passed out after that.

Somehow, I was in my bed. Wait… It is not my bed. I look around the room. It is completely empty, apart from the bed that I am lying in and this wardrobe in the corner.  Ok. This is getting weird. I look at the clock sitting beside me and hear a woman’s voice. “Jaimie, you have 10 seconds before I come in there. Get out of bed, or so help me” She starts counting down from 10. Wait, she said Jaimie. My name is Aimee. Not Jaimie. There is something very wrong about this situation.

The woman comes in. Internally, I gag as the...

The Mirror (Review for review!! :))

I woke up with a start. Something felt wrong. The last thing I could remember was looking in this weird mirror last night at a party. I think I passed out after that.

Somehow, I was in my bed. Wait… It is not my bed. I look around the room. It is completely empty, apart from the bed that I am lying in and this wardrobe in the corner.  Ok. This is getting weird. I look at the clock sitting beside me and hear a woman’s voice. “Jaimie, you have 10 seconds before I come in there. Get out of bed, or so help me” She starts counting down from 10. Wait, she said Jaimie. My name is Aimee. Not Jaimie. There is something very wrong about this situation.

The woman comes in. Internally, I gag as the pungent smell hits me. She smells like rotten eggs and vomit at the same time. "Jaimie, why aren't you up?" she demands....

The Mirror (Review for review!! :))

I woke up with a start. Something felt wrong. The last thing I could remember was looking in this weird mirror last night at a party. I think I passed out after that.

Somehow, I was in my bed. Wait… It is not my bed. I look around the room. It is completely empty, apart from the bed that I am lying in and this wardrobe in the corner.  Ok. This is getting weird. I look at the clock sitting beside me and hear a woman’s voice. “Jaimie, you have 10 seconds before I come in there. Get out of bed, or so help me” She starts counting down from 10. Wait, she said Jaimie. My name is Aimee. Not Jaimie. There is something very wrong about this situation.

The woman comes in. Internally, I gag as the pungent smell hits me. She smells like rotten eggs and vomit at the same time. "Jaimie, why aren't you up?" she demands....

Dreams

I dream,
About being a doctor,
I dream, 
About being a friend,
I dream,
About getting married,

I hope, 
That these dreams never end,

I dream,
About being a wife,
I dream,
About being a mother,
I dream,
About having grandchildren,

I hope,
These dreams never end,

I dream,
About dying,
I dream,
About the end,
I dream,
About running away,

When will,
These dreams come to an end,

 

Dreams

I dream,
About being a doctor,
I dream, 
About being a friend,
I dream,
About getting married,

I hope, 
That these dreams never end,

I dream,
About being a wife,
I dream,
About being a mother,
I dream,
About having grandchildren,

I hope,
These dreams never end,

I dream,
About dying,
I dream,
About the end,
I dream,
About running away,

When will,
These dreams come to an end,

 

I miss you

We had memories,
We had laughs,
We had stories,
We had history,

You knew my secrets,
I knew yours,
You helped me through everything,
And I tried to do the same,

But then,
We moved.

You started your school,
I started at mine,
You started to find new friends,
I started to fine mine,

But I miss you,
I miss the way you smile,
I miss the way you laugh,
I miss the way you were emotive,

I miss you,
I think about you every day,
But then something inside me starts to say,
Leave her alone.

This little voice,
Reminds me to leave you alone,
Reminds me to let you move on,
Reminds me that you didn't text me,

This little voice,
Stops me texting you,
Stops me contacting you,
But, I still miss you,

I miss your jokes,
I miss the way you talk,
I miss the way you always care,
I miss you.

Even if,
You hurt...

Letting Go

You told me,
That it's time to let go,
You told me,
It's time to move on,
You told me,
To find someone else

I told you,
That I wasn't ready,
I told you,
That I'm happy where I am,
I told you,
That I don't need someone else

When you came to me,
It was like a light,
Had appeared,
And it was shining bright,

When I told you,
What I thought of you,
You said to me,
That it can't be true,

You're not right for me,
You said with a sigh,
And that's the way,
That we ended tonight,

You told me,
That it's time to let go,
You told me,
It's time to move on,
You told me,
To find someone else

I told you,
That I wasn't ready,
I told you,
That I'm happy where I am,
I told you,
That I don't need someone else

We started to fight,
And make a mess,
I...

Regrets

I regret,
That I didn't mention my parents in my primary school graduation, 
Even though without them,
I wouldn't have made it,

I regret,
Breaking up with my first girlfriend,
Because now,
I miss her friendship

I regret,
That I was so open about my disabilities,
Because if I hadn't,
I would have more friends,

I regret,
Figuring out that I am gay,
Because if I hadn't,
I would be more normal,

I regret,
Telling my parents about how I write poetry,
Because if I hadn't,
They wouldn't be able to tease me,

I regret,
Being such a nerd,
Because if I wasn't,
Maybe more people would like me,

I regret,
Being so different,
Maybe if I wasn't,
I might have more friends,

I regret,
Many things
Some I don't even know,
But I do know,

That it's time to let these things go


These regrets,
Have taught me some lessons,
Have shown me some things,
Have made me think.
...

November Grab Bag

November Grab Bag

Amidst everything that is going on,
As the year comes to a close,
As the exams start coming,
As the world wants everything from you,

Take some time,
To think about the beauty,
To think about how lucky we are,
To think about the love that we can see,

Takes some time,
To watch, 
As dark turns to light,
As a caterpillar turns to a butterfly,
As a chick hatches from an egg,

Watch,
As ants pick up crumbs,
As people fall in love,
As people grow braver,

Watch, 
As birds learn to fly,
As ducks learn to swim,
As flowers start to bloom,

Take some time,
To think about the beauty,
To think about how lucky we are,
To think about the love that we can see,

Amidst everything that is going on,
As the year comes to a close,
As the exams start coming,
As the world wants everything from you,

Take some time to breathe,
And take...

Regrets

I regret,
That I didn't mention my parents in my primary school graduation, 
Even though without them,
I wouldn't have made it,

I regret,
Breaking up with my first girlfriend,
Because now,
I miss her friendship

I regret,
That I was so open about my disabilities,
Because if I hadn't,
I would have more friends,

I regret,
Figuring out that I am gay,
Because if I hadn't,
I would be more normal,

I regret,
Telling my parents about how I write poetry,
Because if I hadn't,
They wouldn't be able to tease me,

I regret,
Being such a nerd,
Because if I wasn't,
Maybe more people would like me,

I regret,
Being so different,
Maybe if I wasn't,
I might have more friends,

I regret,
Many things
Some I don't even know,
But I do know,

That it's time to let these things go


 

Origami

It is truly amazing,
How just one piece of paper,
Can make so many people happy,

When you take origami paper,
And you play around with it,
It can turn into something magical,

You can make anything,
If you have the time,
And if you have the patience,

From little things,
Big things grow,
If you want it to. 

The Miracle Day

Today, I felt good.

It was the first time in over a month that I felt this way.

And, the reason I felt so good,

Was because someone had been there today. 

I struggle with friends.

I struggle with life.

But today was different.

I met with a friend. 

I at lunch with them.

And for the first time in forever.

Everything felt right.

Do you know how it feels?

To come out of a ditch?

To hold your head high?

Today was a miracle day.

And, it was because of my friends that I feel this way.

They sat with me.

They laughed with me.

They trusted me.

They were there for me.

It's my turn now.

My turn to be the light at the end of a tunnel.

My turn to be the buffer.

My turn to help that friend.

Just like they helped me.

Just like they always do.

To those people, who are my buffer.

Who...

Gratitude

There's one thing we don't say enough- thank you

We take so much for granted. And it's time to say thanks.

Time to say thanks,
To the people that support us
To the people that love us,
To the people that care about us,

It's time to say thanks,
To the animals that die for us to enjoy,
To the farmers who grow our food,
To the people who get it to our tables,

It's time to say thanks,
For the opportunities we get,
For the life we have,
For the joy we get,

It's time to say thanks,
To the people that sacrifice them selves,
So we can have safety in our lives,
To the people that protect us,

But most of all, we should be greatful,
That we are here,
Loved,
And safe


 

Untitled

People say,
Take it easy,
One day at a time,
But do they know how hard it is?

How hard it is to stop,
To slow down,
To stop thinking,
About everything that is going on?

People say,
That it's ok,
That you'll be fine,
But what if it's not?

What if you aren't ok,
If there's things going on,
What if you don' have the words,
To say that something's wrong?

Pause

Have you ever imagined,
A giant pause button,
So you can stop,
And look at the world,

Have you ever stopped,
Stopped,
To see the peace in the grass,
To see the animals explore,
To see the little things,
Just stopped?

Have you ever looked,
Looked,
At the wood grains in the table,
At the neat stitches in a couch
At all the little patterns,
Just looked

Have you ever noticed,
Noticed,
The petals on a flower,
The way animals sleep,
The beauty in the little things,
Just noticed

Have you ever imagined,
That giant pause button,
Appearing
At the perfect time

So you can feel, 
Feel,
The small paper fibres,
The hardness of a pen,
The softness of fur,
Just felt,

So you can smell,
Smell,
The brand new book,
The freshly washed sheets
The falling rain,
Just smelt,

Have you ever thought,
About using that magic button,
About taking some time,
About taking a break,
About noticing the...

Why I Write

Why do I write?

I write,
Because I can't find the words,
I write,
Because I can get it out of my head

I write,
Because it's an outlet,
I write,
Because it means I don't have to think about it

I write,
Because it connects me to people,
I write,
Because I like to make people think

She

She is strong,
Brave,
Creative

She is smart,
Fun,
Supportive,

She is hurt,
Hiding,
Surviving,

She is there,
Forever,
Always,

She is strong, 
As strong as a tree in a storm,
As strong as a chair for a giant

She is happy,
Considerate,
Smart,

She is different,
Kind,
Bookworm,

She is many things,
But she needs to remember,
That people care,
That people are here,

That even though she has the hard stuff,
People think that she is amazing,
People think that she is beautiful,
People know that she can. 

To My Girlfriend

Before we were us, we were strangers,
Before we were us, we were civil
Before we were us, we were friends,
Before we were us, we were not

But then, we, we became us.

Now we are us, we are supportive,
Now we are us, we are amazing,
Now we are us, we are strong,
Now we are us, we are together.

But, 2 months later,
We don't speak,
You avoid me,
It's weird,

I miss our friendship,
I miss you, 
I miss our jokes, 
I miss your smile,

I miss your voice, 
I miss your care,
I miss your understanding,
I can tell you are not there

 

?

People avoid me,
They look at me,
They stare at me,
Some even judge me,

People dislike me, 
They call me names,
They don't come near me,
Some even judge me,

Do they ever think,
About what they say,
About what they mean,
How it affects my day,

Do they even realise,
That I'm just human,
That I'm not their toy to judge,
That I have feelings?

I hate,
The way this world works,
The way every one,
Doesn't care if their words hurt.
 

You were there

you were there,
when i needed you,

you were there,
when i needed help

you were there,
when i needed a shoulder

you were there,
when i needed you

you were there,
when i needed space

you were there, 
when i needed a friend

you were there, 
when i needed some love

you were there,
when i needed you

She

She is strong,
Brave,
Creative

She is smart,
Fun,
Supportive,

She is hurt,
Hiding,
Surviving,

She is there,
Forever,
Always,

She is strong, 
Brave,
Creative,

She is happy,
Considerate,
Smart,

She is different,
Kind,
Bookworm,

She is many things,
But she will always be,
Here,

In my heart, 
Where I think about her,
And care about her

untitiled

today was not my day,
nothing stuck,
i couldn't do it,
it wasn't working,

today was not my day,
i just couldn't concentrate

Messed up---- But Still ok

I'm messed up. And, I'm the first to admit it. 

I have ASD, ADHD, GAD, PDA and I'm gay.

Nice intro, huh?

But, I'm still here. Still going. Still completely fine. 

And if I hadn't told you, you wouldn't have known any of that. Would you?

I'm messed up. But, still ok.

 

Frustration- Part 1

Imagine that this was the blurb of a book....

Aimee has spend all her life in a wheelchair. She hates it, and she hates the person that put her in it in the first place....

That sounds good, doesn't it? Reading about someone else's struggles.   

Me? I think it is complete bullsh*t.

Why should we enjoy reading about other peoples problems? 
Why should authors write about this?
Now, I'm the first to admit that I have read books like this before. 
But did you know what the genre is actually called? If you don't- it's sic lit

And I'm sick of it. 

I have a disability. I have multiple disabilities. 

And I hate sic lit. 

I hate how these authors write about it.
Now, some of them may have come from personal experiences. But most?
Nope. 

The thing that annoys me most- is that they get it all wrong. 






 

Untitled

I feel,
Like I'm on a train that I can't get off,
And no one can get on,

Few people can help me off,
And those people,
Try,

But,
I need more than just trying,
I need doing

I feel,
Stuck,
Like I don't know what to do next,

Like I can't do anything,
Like I'm alone

I feel, 
Like I have no one,
No one to lean on,

And,
the people that I can,
Have their own stuff to deal with,

They have their own life,
Their own problems,
Their own friends,

I feel,
Like I'm too intense,
Like I want to make friends,

But how do you do that?

 

YOU in threes

YOU in threes

Three quirks or idiosyncrasies.

  • I don't think before I speak
  • I am really honest
  • I read 20 books a week
Three communities to which you belong (these can be unusual).
  • the student support unit
  • the ASD gang
  • The LGBTQ gang
Three adjectives your peers would use to describe you.
  • Smart
  • Funny
  • Weird
Three adjectives your family would use.
  • Introverted
  • Bookworm
  • Smart
Three adjectives you would use.
  • Lost
  • Smart
  • Strong
Three things about you that very few people know.
  • I am gay ( I think)
  • I like to write
  • I am impatient
Three beliefs you hold.
  • That in the end, everything will be ok
  • That it's good to be honest
  • That it's ok to stuff up
Three questions you have.
  • ​Why do I have ASD,ADHD and GAD ( read my piece 10 things i get asked often and the answers)
  • Why, even though we know that the world is spinning, we can't see it spin?
  • Why are people so focused on...

Help

The heroine of the story was filled with terror as she peered around the corner of the dark, musty corridor she was in. She could hear something eating something hungrily, and she did not want to find out what it was.  She slowly stepped around the corner, and saw a beast standing over her menacingly. He was drooling a green slime, and in the faint light, she could see this odd-looking structure, that she then remembered was a guillotine. She could see a cavern off another part of the room, but then, the beast began to move towards her, and it all faded to black…


 

Love

One day, 
She was my friend,
The next,
She was my girlfriend,

It didn't change,
The way we are,
The way we act,
The way we were,

It didn't change,
What we believed,
What we enjoyed,
What we are,

But,
It also did change,
Some things,
You may not expect,

It changed,
How people looked at us,
How people treated us,
How people behaved around us,

It changed, 
What I loved,
What I believed,
What I cared about,

One day, 
We were friends,
The next,
She was my girlfriend. 

Right now, we are nothing,
We don't talk,
We don't hug,
We don't know,

I broke up with her,
It was what I thought was best,
But,
Maybe it wasn't.....

I really don't know
 

Memories

Imagine,
That evertime you build a puzzle,
Another piece is missing,

Imagine,
That no matter how hard you try,
You can never find them,

Imagine,
That one day,
There's no pieces left,

Memories,
Are like puzzles,
And,

Over time,
They will just fade,
Away,

Gone,
Never to be seen,
Again,

New memories,
Are like new puzzles,
You love them,

But,
Just like anything,
Over time,

It will just,
Dissapear,
Again

How to be a Good Creature

Cats

You watch them,
As they bolt from one end of the house to the other.
You watch them, 
As they snuggle up together,
You love them, 
When they cuddle you,
You love them,
When you see all the crazy things they do

Dust Jacket

Dust Jacket- Me in threes

Three communities to which you belong (these can be unusual). 
My family, my friends, my world


Three places you learn well (these can be unusual).  
On the floor, at my desk, in the aircon
 
Three adjectives your peers would use to describe you.
Weird, annoying,supportive

Three adjectives your family would use.
Unique, challenging, weird

Three adjectives you would use.
Confusing,weird,nerdy

Three beliefs you hold.   
That everything will be ok in the end....

Three sources of comfort.   
Books,poetry,my girlfriend

Three instincts that serve you well.   
my gut,my mind,my emotions

Three responsibilities you shoulder.   
To take care of myself, to look after my belongings, to get my sh*t done

Three things of which you are proud.   
......

Three qualities that make your life singular and/or unusual.
my weirdness,my individuality, my.....

 

To My Girlfriend

Before we were us, we were strangers,
Before we were us, we were civil
Before we were us, we were friends,
Before we were us, we were not

But then, we, we became us.

Now we are us, we are supportive,
Now we are us, we are amazing,
Now we are us, we are strong,
Now we are us, we are together.

 

More then ten Questions I get asked lots... and then the Answers


So. Sometimes people ask me things, or they make comments. They ask me about my disabilities, because i have multiple. I am a proud female with ASD, ADHD, and GAD. They ask me all these random questions. So, i have decided something. I'm going to write down some questions and answer them the best I can

1. You don't look autistic.
I don't care if I don't look autistic. What do you even mean? To be disabled, do I have to need to have a wheelchair, do i have to be blind, do i have to be visibly disabled? Just because on the outside I look 'normal', it doesn't mean that I am 'normal'. Who is, anyway? 

2. Why do you have all these toys?
These 'toys' are coping strategies for me. They give me something to fiddle with when my anxiety gets bad. They mean that i don't completely destroy the small fingernails that I have

3. What does...

More then ten Questions I get asked lots... and then the Answers


So. Sometimes people ask me things, or they make comments. They ask me about my disabilities, because i have multiple. I am a proud female with ASD, ADHD, and GAD. They ask me all these random questions. So, i have decided something. I'm going to write down some questions and answer them the best I can

1. You don't look autistic.
I don't care if I don't look autistic. What do you even mean? To be disabled, do I have to need to have a wheelchair, do i have to be blind, do i have to be visibly disabled? Just because on the outside I look 'normal', it doesn't mean that I am 'normal'. Who is, anyway? 

2. Why do you have all these toys?
These 'toys' are coping strategies for me. They give me something to fiddle with when my anxiety gets bad. They mean that i don't completely destroy the small fingernails that I have

3. What does...

More then ten Questions I get asked lots... and then the Answers

So. Sometimes people ask me things, or they make comments. They ask me about my disabilities, because i have multiple. I am a proud female with ASD, ADHD, and GAD. They ask me all these random questions. So, i have decided something. I'm going to write down some questions and answer them the best I can

1. You don't look autistic.
I don't care if I don't look autistic. What do you even mean? To be disabled, do I have to need to have a wheelchair, do i have to be blind, do i have to be visibly disabled? Just because on the outside I look 'normal', it doesn't mean that I am 'normal'. Who is, anyway? 

2. Why do you have all these toys?
These 'toys' are coping strategies for me. They give me something to fiddle with when my anxiety gets bad. They mean that i don't completely destroy the small fingernails that I have

3. What does...

Synapses

My Writing Prompt

Have you ever dreamed of a world, that was different to the one that we currently live in? Maybe it is a world of chocolate, a world of cats. It could be whatever you want it to be. Imagine a world.... where you could be who ever you want to be, whenever, without having to worry about being judged.  My writing prompt is to take your readers through a guided tour of your dream world. In the coming week, I will be posting mine. 

The Holidays.... A reflection

This holidays:
Some Positives
1. I learnt that I have ADHD
2. I learnt that its ok to need help
3. I learnt that it's important to take time for yourself
4. I learnt that the new medications are helpful
5. I learnt that I really enjoy craft activities
6. I learnt that having a new diagnosis is helpful
7. I learnt that by having the new diagnosis, it means i can get some more help for what i need

Some Negatives
1. I learnt that having a new diagnosis can be annoying
2. I learnt that having the diagnosis means that I have another label
3. I learnt that sometimes, life can be frustrating

Writing Streak Challenge Week 13 Day 3

So i didn't publish yesterday

But here it is

I feel, the intense pressure
I see, the dreaded maths
I hear, the sighs of angst
I am going to be ok

Writing Streak Challenge Week 13 Day 2

I can hear, the music in my ears
I can feel, my pen as i write,
I can see, my terrible algebra problems
I can smell, the sweaty students
I can taste, the remains of my lunch

I know, i will be ok

Writing Streak Challenge Week 13

Writing Streak Challenge Week 13 Day 1

I can hear, the chattering of the students surrounding me
I can see, my amazing laptop screen
I can feel, the smooth keys on my key board
I can smell, the canteen full of food,
I can taste, the remains of the mandarin i just ate

I can be, here

A haiku to life

Life, the one that lives
Life, the wonderful attack
Life, the one that lives
 
Life, the one that lives,
Life, the disconcerting thing,
Life, the one that lives,
 
Life, crazy in its self,
Life, the one that makes us hurt,
Life, thanks for being,
 
Life, you make us smile,
Life, you make us love people,
Life, thanks for being.

WHY?

Why is the sky blue?
Why are trees green?
Why are we here?
 
Why do we have to eat?
Why do we have to breathe?
Why are we here?
 
Why do we have to learn?
Why isn’t learning preprogramed?
Why are we here?
 
Why are we different?
Why can’t we be the same?
Why are we here?
 
The sky will be blue,
The trees will be green,
We just have to be here.
 
We just have to eat,
We just have to breathe,
We just have to be here.
 
We just have to learn,
We just have to understand,
We just have to be here?
 
We are all different,
We are never going to be the same,
We just have to be here,
 
We just have to love,
We just have to be who we are,

We just have to be here.

Pain and other things

Why do we feel pain,
When pain hurts,
Why do we feel loved,
When love hurts,
 
 
Why do we cry,
When it makes nothing get better,
Why do we feel,
When feeling hurts.

Why do we live,
When living hurts
Why do we fight
When fighting hurts
 
There are so many whys,
But not enough answers,
So when you ask why,
I don’t have the answers

Refuge

refuge

when you left,
i felt empty
when you left,
i felt alone.

the bombs are dropping,
the city is flopping,
but now,
you are safe

you left my world
full of fear
i never knew
if i'd see you again

when you left,
i knew it was time
time to see what you left behind
i went to your place

when i was there,
i looked around,
all your belongings were on the ground,

my mind grew full of dismay,
when i saw your photographs,
they were everywhere

i left your home,
full of sorrow,
but then decided,
that tomorrow

i would join you,
on your fight,
and i will find you,
and make things right

Meltdowns

I wanna cry
I wanna scream
I wanna punch
I wanna bite
 
I wanna hiss
I wanna snarl
I wanna attack
I wanna die
 
I wanna shout
I wanna kick
I wanna hurt
I wanna attack the world
 
I am done
I am sorry
I am peaceful
I will be ok

An ASD Alphabet

A is for anxious, all a part of my day
B is for books, my lifesaver
C is for curious, I really love science
D is for determined, if I put my mind to it I usually can
E is for emotions, I’m not so good with them
F is for freaked, if I don’t know what’s going on,
G is for Grace, my amazing speech therapist
H is for help, I’m not so good at asking
I is for intelligent, yes that’s me
J is for joy, I am joyful when I play with my lego
K is for kittens, they are my favourite
L is for lost, sometimes in my thoughts
M is for meltdowns, the worst thing ever
N is for NO, please don’t touch me
O is for overload, this is getting too much
P is for pillow, there’s a velvet one I love
Q is for quirky, don’t say that word!!!
R is for rushing,...