Lilly.VB

United Kingdom

Hi! I'm Lilly and I love writing and talking to people about their or my work! I also like pancakes, rain and reading :) Any feedback is always appreciative on any of my work, I think my writing style varies quite a bit but I hope you enjoy it!

Message from Writer

To answer a common question I get my inspiration from observation of myself, other people and usually day dreaming :)

Peer Reviews

No more tears

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

As I said this is a really strong image and I think a longer piece would be really good! Obviously you don't have to do that, just my suggestion! If you do I'll be sure to review it again :)

about 4 years

5 things insomnia taught me

PROMPT: Enumeration

Very creative and very real take this prompt and I hope your insomnia isn't too bad! If you wanted to change/improve this piece I would suggest including the different contrasts of 3AM and 3PM. I'm also very impressed that you can use such beautiful language at 2AM! Hope you continue writing and have a great day/night :)

about 4 years

Running together

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2016

I think you've done very well to capture a story with so many emotions and feelings down to the size you have. I would keep trying to condense it down but I saw this is your first piece on writetheworld and it's a very strong start! I hope you keep writing on here and welcome to the community :)

about 4 years

Untitled

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

I really hope you continue writing on this site as it's great place to let creativity flourish. I think you have great potential as a writer and you can now try different techniques, styles and prompts. Welcome to the community :)

about 4 years

Spiral Dive

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

I only have a small bit that you could change to take the effect I just mentioned even further. We know that he/she is in a plane from 'cockpit' so perhaps if you don't say that he is spinning WITH the plane it would make the reader take that extra step to figuring what's happening without it explained. I'll highlight and comment on some other lines you could say. Obviously this is just my suggestion, you don't have to use this! Anyway great piece, love the use of a rhetoric question :)

about 4 years

A Writer's Story

PROMPT: Countdown

This is a very original take on the prompt and I like that you used what maybe causes you writers' block to creatively to tell this story! If you would like for something different to try with this prompt, perhaps try doing a fiction story, I think that might be a little harder and I'd very interested on how you manage that! Overall, a great piece!

about 4 years

a question.

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

I like that you have used a question as your one sentence because this was obviously a one sentence prompt and it lets the reader create a setting and story around it and wonder who the narrator is asking. It also made me think of what I would choose! Very interesting and unique piece, well done!

about 4 years

'X' Marks the Spot

PROMPT: Twenty-Six Sentences

I liked that despite that this is not an easy prompt and this was your first story on here, you took risks and went for it! Very effective story, the ending was great and very creative not to go for the usual 'fall in love and live happily ever after' ending. I did get slightly confused with the multiple 'he's and 'him's perhaps read through and try to make clear which are the same and which are not. I've also highlighted and commented on some little bits but other than that a really good story with meaningful characters and message...well done!

about 4 years

3 Genres

PROMPT: Enumeration

I really like this kind of writing; using a place, genre, sound etc to conjure up what those things make you think of. If you'd like to add to this, what I would do (which you don't necessarily have to!) is create a full description including everything you've said here. For example with the first one you could create a setting outside with the sun on your back, character/s with gold teeth etc... This would help pull together a clear picture for the reader and it could help you to build on what you already have. Once again, you don't have to do that, just my suggestion! Hope you carry on writing on here after a while of not writing! And maybe if you do add to this I can review it again :)

about 4 years

Making the Same Mistakes

PROMPT: One Sentence Story

Very simple and effective as I said, I like that you didn't explain it and let the reader work out what it meant. The comma is well-used as it almost some suspense for the reader as some warning for what happened in the past that could repeat. All in all very well done!

about 4 years

To My Mother, with Alzheimer's

PROMPT: Letter Writing Competition 2016

very well done on this piece, I really like all the personal touches and details that makes the reader read on. It also draws the reader into that world and experience something they've never experienced before. I could be wrong but I think that's why you did publish this piece, to give an insight to this world many don't see. Thank you for sharing :)

about 4 years

Twins

PROMPT: Twenty-Six Sentences

This is very raw piece, it has simple statements that tells you exactly what happened without embellishment. This, to me, works really well with the actual story as well. Because it is serious, any further detail can make it seem unbelievable or over the top. Really well done on this piece! I know this is your first piece (other than the first draft of this piece) and I think it's very strong start! Hope you carry on writing on here, welcome to the community :)

about 4 years

but you can roast zucchini

PROMPT: Pantoum

I really like the refreshingly different combination. The ending line circles back to the title and thought this could be seen as dark (talking about ghosts being failures etc) putting it will zucchini somehow makes that a lot lighter and almost humorous, I wonder if that was your intention? Anyway very strong and unique piece, well done!

about 4 years

Starry Scepticism

PROMPT: Mysteries Abound

Clearly this is a shorter piece but I like the simple statements of it. I think it works well with the big ideas and questions that are asked as a result. I know this is your first piece and I really hope you continue writing on here! Welcome to the community :)

about 4 years

Through The Silence

PROMPT: Band Name

I love the detail on this and I really like the idea! I've never thought about those kind of subjects being talked about through music, very creative and original. If you wanted to develop it as you already created characters, you could form a story on how they make the band and the consequences. As this is your first piece published I'd like to welcome you to the community and I hope you keep publishing!

about 4 years

Infinitive

PROMPT: Band Name

As I said this is a very well thought piece, if you wanted to develop this you could create characters who make one of these bands. I saw that this is your first piece you've published and I hope you continue writing on here, welcome to the community!

about 4 years

Madeline

PROMPT: Profile Feature Writing Competition 2016

I think this is a really good start of a story and it goes well with the prompt. However to me, the ending is just slightly out of place. I can tell you're a very good writer from the description and I'd be happy to read more of this, if you decide to carry on!

about 4 years

William Kyle

PROMPT: Inventory

This is clearly a short and simple piece which is what the prompt implies but this manages to build a whole story around one character. I would like maybe just a bit more detail to confirm my thoughts but maybe that was the idea-to keep the reader on their seat! If you ever write this as a short/full story I'd love to find out the backstory!

about 4 years

I lost you

PROMPT: Pantoum

I can tell this is clearly a heartfelt piece and I really felt you were exposing your feelings which is very skillful and difficult to do. It almost made me tear up, which is how you tell it's effective on the reader! I hope you continue to write on this website, maybe some happier pieces! Welcome to the community :)

about 4 years

Take A Look Around

PROMPT: Collected Wisdom

Great advice! I think you've done well to write a good amount on one type of advice and I liked that you wrote how you found it as well, it was nice to know the story behind it. I wonder what you now observe specifically that has now inspired to specific types of writing? Once again, great advice! I hope it remains useful for a while!

about 4 years

Xanthopetals on the cliffside

PROMPT: Twenty-Six Sentences

This piece made me read it because of the title. I admit I had to look up what xantho petals actually looked like, but it was such an unusual word I had to read the piece behind it! I really enjoyed the small insight that this piece gave about the character and it really made me want to read more! I know you said you were going to keep the character but would you ever continue with this particular story? I'd be very interested to read more! Looking forward to read more on this character :)

about 4 years

An Interview

PROMPT: Open Prompt

As I said, I really liked the description and I also thought the structure was very effective. I liked that almost each paragraph tackled a different part of what was happening. I would like to know what happened in the interview and why it wasn't included...but it definitely led me to wanting more! I noticed this is your first piece on this website, hope you continue writing and welcome to the community!

about 4 years

Dear Future

PROMPT: Dear Me

This piece jumped out to me because of how short and concise it is. It's very interesting that so many people have a lot to say to there future self but you seem to just have one key thing. As it was so short it was very effective and readable, well done! Hope your future self takes this advice, it's very good!

about 4 years

FREE REBEL

PROMPT: Profile Feature Writing Competition 2016

Other than the ending which I have already written about, my only issues here are the small grammar/ spelling issues which I've highlighted. I do feel like this piece is brilliantly described and I love the style and character you have created. Slight tweaks to the end and some of the structure and this could almost be a short story!

about 4 years

Change Your Point of View

PROMPT: Collected Wisdom

I think it's very effective for the reader that you set up with scene in the first couple lines. It makes it more readable and relatable rather then just chunks of advice text. Perhaps to improve you could keep adding to this as you find more methods to keep your focus and ideas flowing. I also read your profile and found it very inspiring that you are writing a novel this summer! I love doing descriptions and I've posted a couple, feel free to check my profile out! Other than that, good luck with your novel, I'm sure it'll be great :)

about 4 years

A Magnetic Call of Sorts

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Wow! This is one of the longest pieces I've read on here without the writer rambling or ranting! I was very encapsulated by these events and characters, it would be a great start to a novel! If you do want to improve as I said maybe some more detail on the people Cole let down, and also maybe where Eliza was at this point? But honestly it's difficult as I feel you included a lot! Hope you continue this story and hopefully I'll review your work again in the future :)

about 4 years

How To Fall In Love

PROMPT: Imagine This

As I said this is a very different type of love story, it shows the progression he took to find the one he loved. I would like to know about her, maybe if she went through many guys as well or maybe he was the first? Overall I thought the language was really effective (brushed her off like eraser shavings) and I hope you continue writing!

about 4 years

A Walk in the Woods

PROMPT: Monologue

I really liked the start of this piece, it did remind me of a frustrated writer who started dreaming....maybe that was the case! I do feel like it was slightly rushed towards the middle. I think you could do a really nice description of the festival and the effects of it, but overall a really good start to a monologue. I noticed this is your first post and I hope you continue and writing and posting on here! Welcome to the site :)

about 4 years

Careless

PROMPT: Pantoum

My first impression of this was a romantic heartbreak, this was from the title and first few lines. But then my impression shifted as the lines did and as I said I was brought back to my childhood fears. This is a really effective poem and perfectly captures the blind hope of someone returning and the (what feels like) infinite wait. I also hope this isn't too personal to you! From your warning at the bottom I'd like to believe it isn't! I'd love to hear a response poem to this, maybe from the other person? Hope to see more of your writing soon. :)

about 4 years

Medusa on Yet Another Son of Zeus

FREE WRITING

As I said this is a very funny, unique perspective of heroes and I really love Medusa's dry humour...I wouldn't have expected it! I do like the layout however I would prefer full sentences on one line. For example-'Is the dress trying too hard?', this would just stop awkward pauses mid-sentence. I've highlighted some minor grammar/ spelling issues but they are nothing important...I also got slightly confused from 'a horse as pure as Zeus' perhaps re-read it and make sure it makes sense to the reader. Overall I really liked this piece, it was refreshing to read a funny piece of writing from a monster's perspective! Hope to continue to improve this and I look forward to see anymore of your writing in the future. :)

about 4 years

Quiet Whispers

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

I really felt like these people were being cared by nature as they took their path, the trees leaning to create a walkway etc. Another element I enjoyed was the ending, it didn't seem to sudden but just another way that nature was guiding these people. I'd really enjoy an extension or sequel to this piece! Hope that you can find a way to continue it! :)

about 4 years

I Just Can't

PROMPT: All Talk

Do you have any plans to continue and reveal where they should be going? I'd love to read it if you do! You perfectly answered the prompt with an original, in depth conversation, it draws the reader in and makes you really want to get to known the characters! Hope to see either this or any other writing of yours in the future :)

about 4 years

Graceful.

PROMPT: Profile Feature Writing Competition 2016

As I said this is a strong start, you clearly are able to write a lot which can be a difficult skill in descriptions...many people fall in repeating or waffling! But you kept me engaged throughout and I thought the ending was nicely done! I hope I've given you enough to continue drafting and I'll look forward to seeing it again!

about 4 years

Anathema

PROMPT: Pantoum

I listened to Anathema so I could get the feel that you had and I think you captured it very well. The song is quite soft at first and this corresponds with the poem but the lines are so meaningful it carries almost a new meaning! I would like to know as I said if there is reason behind the lines with the beginning at the end of the previous...perhaps its so it feels more casual conversation then a structured poem? Anyway to conclude I real like the feel of this poem as it does impact on you feelings in a unique way. I hope you carry on your recent re-start of writing!

about 4 years

Windfall

PROMPT: Band Name

Firstly, I read your bio and I feel like you should have more confidence! This also reflects in your writing, I slightly felt you were holding back...don't! Create whole characters or a story of how they formed this band, its a really good base and could be a really good story! I hope to see your writing again sometime!

over 4 years

Let's take initiative

PROMPT: Mysteries Abound

I think you have made a really good start on this and I would like to follow on with it! Perhaps follow up on the title as well...a couple lines about not waiting around and jumping in the void? I really like the end line and that is what made me want to read more so maybe that is what you wanted achieve-an enticing feeling. Anyway I hope you do choose to continue! I'll happily review it again if you do!

over 4 years

Do we know anything?

PROMPT: Mysteries Abound

First of all, I knew this would be a good piece from your bio...that's why I followed you! But I was sad to see you only had two published pieces, I hope you carry on writing if you're new here. Also I'm intrigued by your 'messed imagination'...maybe because I've been told the same thing. I hope to see this come out in your writing. Going back to the piece it's perfectly inquisitive and questioning, it goes into detail without rambling which is impressive considering the prompt, well done, hope to see more writing soon. :)

over 4 years

Illusions

PROMPT: Paradoxical Phrasing

As I said this piece fits together beautifully and makes me picture a fuzzy, dim and warm world to peacefully remain in, I think this is brilliant representation of illusions! I love words used like 'ethereal, glimmer, slumber' they have a calming sense unlike the harsher words like 'tear, bettering, fists,toxic' that you use to create a dynamic effect. From what I see this is your first published piece on 'writetheworld' and I really hope you carry on to publish as I would love to read more. Welcome to the community!

over 4 years

Leave

PROMPT: All Talk

I think it's impressive that you evoke all these feelings in just twelve sentences. I understand that this was following a prompt but I would like to read more of your work on this story! I hope you carry it on!

over 4 years

Ceramic Beauty

PROMPT: Flashlight

This is a very hard-hitting piece that speaks louder than dolls smashing themselves. I like the harsh and sharp imagery you used to get the point across, it jarrs the readers' mind to really think about the subject. Overall, a very strong and sharp piece, I hope one day more people can come to this conclusion of beauty!

over 4 years

Monologue

PROMPT: Monologue

Although this is more of a duologue (a part for two actors as oppose to one) I like that you took the prompt and made it your own! Speaking on the structure I definitely felt like Eliza was a fast speaker and tries to condense her sentences whereas Anthony is a fluid and descriptive speaker, he describes things in greater detail. I liked the relationship of childhood friends of these unlikely two and that it isn't a stereotypical boyfriend and girlfriend story, so again, very original! As a said before I would like a reason why Anthony didn't carry on writing letters and also why he didn't go to visit her. But overall a very interesting piece, I also liked the theme of time that entwined with both characters, so well done and I hope to see your writing again!

over 4 years

why?

PROMPT: Icicle

Such a raw, gloomy piece! However I really enjoyed it and I can recognize that frustration from past nights that I've had. I loved that it pulled me back there so well but not so that it was over the top and almost in to a horror genre, very well done! And on a side note thank you for reviewing one of my pieces, I was thrilled by your review! Thank you again!

over 4 years

The Things They Carried

PROMPT: The Things They Carried

This is a very uplifting piece that gives that bitter sweet feeling of leaving a place that you've been at for a long amount of time. I'd like perhaps a 'zoom in' on one particular member to know their personal thoughts not just a generalization. But considering it's a long piece the fact that, that is my only small issue is very impressive, well done!

over 4 years

APT (Awkwardly Put Together)

PROMPT: Band Name

A very strong, imaginative piece filled with thought and dry humor, I love the end line and all the different stories that twist into one! I think it is a very original piece and it made me want the band to be real!

over 4 years

Night Sky

PROMPT: Improbable Flavor

I really liked how you have collided the food and night, two things which are often marveled at but not put together in a piece of writing! Very original and interesting!

over 4 years

Silence

PROMPT: Open Prompt

As i said before a very gritty and emotional piece that does have the reader with sympathy and recognition towards the narrator and their situation. I hope this feedback is helpful to you!

over 4 years

Complaisant

PROMPT: Dictionary Title

It definitely gives it an air of mystery and I really now really want to find out more! I would like some more detail of the woman but as it is a short story you don't want to extend it too much. Overall, a great piece and I really hope to read some more of this story!

over 4 years

Bus Seat

PROMPT: Open Prompt

This quirky piece is very cheerful and puts you in a good mood. I also like the idea of all the different people that get on buses and sit down, overall I think this piece is very original and interesting! Hope to see more of your writing soon :)

over 4 years

Cliché Love

PROMPT: Imagine This

A very sweet snappy piece that leaves the reader with a heart warming feel. I also like that the title does reflect that it is cliche but that almost makes it sweeter! Really strong piece, hope to see your writing again at some point!

over 4 years

My mark

PROMPT: After... After... After

I really enjoyed this piece, I can tell you put a lot of yourself in to it and it paid off! The long continued sentence works well and overall its a well constructed piece suiting the after after after prompt.

over 4 years

Wandering eyes

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

I really enjoyed this original piece, I have one minor request to improve it would be to just finely comb through the piece to make sure all words, phrases and grammer are correct and make sense. I liked the uncertain ending and I can't wait to see how you improve it and your future writing!

over 4 years

The Field

PROMPT: Imagine This

As I said before this is really well captured story with a nice amount of detail for the reader balanced with a sweet love story that leaves you feeling good. My only issues are the confusion between the men (as previously said) and that the line 'We will get married and live here one day'-should be in speech marks but again that's a minor issue. I really enjoyed this piece and I hope to see your writing again!

over 4 years

Hymn of the Anxious

PROMPT: Imagine This

The only very minor problem is the slight confusion with she/he point at the 'end of the day', I'll highlight that to make it clearer but otherwise a really interesting short story, I thoroughly enjoyed it!

over 4 years

Redemption

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really love this story of a fallen angel and I would like maybe some more description of Livanian himself and the dragon too. It would just take me further in to the story and help the reader to picture it easier. I hope you can continue to improve this so I can read it again! Once again loved the story and can't wait to read more!

over 4 years

The Puppet Master

PROMPT: Open Prompt

Wow!! I really did not expect any of that to happen! It is certainly a gripping, gory piece that jumps out at you towards the end. I would suggest maybe tone down the bloody description as you don't want to loose the chilling tone to a gory bloodbath. I love the setting of the circus and the dry humour of Hallow. I would like a description maybe of hallow or a more detailed story of the child and how it got there. I'm definitely hooked in for more! I hope you can comb out the slight misspellings (nothing major) and continue on this terrifying story! I noticed this is your first published piece so welcome to the community, can't wait to read more!

over 4 years

But It Was Home

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I thought this was a really strong piece that I think you should push to make perfect! Perhaps if you space out the paragraphs and assign them to each subject it would immerse the reader even more. For example the last paragraph could just be comparing the differences from then to now. I really enjoyed travelling to that Christmas time and feeling the warmth from the piece, can't wait to see how you can improve it even more!

over 4 years

Take a Look in the Mirror

PROMPT: Flashlight

Very strong poem that provokes thoughts and displays the feelings of people all over the world.

over 4 years

Standing Steadily.

PROMPT: Imagine This

I really liked this piece and I thought you did very well to tell such a detailed story in a short amount of writing. I would like a little more detail on how they meet after war. But overall I thought it was really good!

over 4 years