ineffable

United States

moledro
ambedo
opla
nodus tollens
gnossienne
mimeomia
fata organa
lalalia

(The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows)

Joined 5/5/2020

Message from Writer

“Poetry is not an expression of the party line. It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.” ~ Allen Ginsberg

"Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet."
~ Plato

'I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night."
~ Sarah Williams

"Painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen."
~ Leonardo da Vinci

Published Work

Clandestine


I slip secrets into poetry

All midnight thoughts revealed in time
Mystery isn't natural for me

Alas, I needed expression in anonymity
No expectations of grandeur
Never a second glance or thought
Effortless writing for the few who see

But I no longer need undercover passion
Listen closely to these words
All things have a meaningful twist
Celebrate or mourn my indecision
Knowledge is a gift you must seek out
Whoever understands this may know
Others who pass me by may not
Organized oblivion is subtly shown
Do you know who I am

Pining for Nearness


I wish I had hugged you just a little bit longer
The last time we said goodbye
I should have held your hand until the night was over
Instead of sending wishes to the sky

I preoccupied myself with wanting more than friendship
Right now that's all I really need
I never knew that our whole world would flip
It's gilded sorrow that I bleed

our love is forfeit


i'm sending your pictures to the outermost corners of my phone. they are shooting stars disappearing in the same way i beg my romance to flee. i have held onto these memories for all the wrong reasons - not sinister - just wrong. this kind of love has never had a place in our friendship. it's fading; it has to be. i've never had control over these things, but this has gone on too long. the blueprints of your voice can stay in my mind, but they must be expelled from my heart.

If Only This Was Fiction #proudofthis


Is it impossible to escape the dependency I got used to?
It's all a whisper that feels like a never-ending battle cry.
I can't contain this devastating war; the climax is here.
Usually this is when the resolution would appear for me,
But my narrative is broken by a love I've stuck on repeat.

The magic is over; it ended when I succumbed to your light.
You are the one person who I've loved more than my lifeblood.
I understand the insanity that dragged us out of innocent friendship;
My weakness leads me into heartache as naturally as breathing,
Yet I still thought I could fight the inevitable burn.

If it were anyone but you, I could weep and move on.
I've fallen enough times that I should be used to rising again.
But with you, I'm nailed to a rope bridge as it falls from the heavens;
I have lost control of my heart as it tries let you...

Colors Bleeding from the Water


My vision is painted orange and gold
Colors I wish would fade into normality
Sometimes they remind me of the sun
Their beauty once shifted into darkness

We are strong and bright once more
But still not in the way we should
I wish I could control the ocean tide
It keeps bringing fire instead of relief
I yearn to simply drift in the faithful sea

If Only This Was Fiction #proudofthis


Is it impossible to escape the dependency I got used to?
It's all a whisper that feels like a never-ending battle cry.
I can't contain this devastating war; the climax is here.
Usually this is when the resolution would appear for me,
But my narrative is broken by a love stuck on repeat.

The magic is over; it ended when I succumbed to your nonsense.
You are the one person who I've loved more than my lifeblood.
I understand the insanity that dragged us out of friendship,
Yet I still thought I could fight the inevitable burn.

If it were anyone but you, I could weep and move on.
I've fallen enough times that I should be used to rising again.
But with you, I'm glued to the rope bridge as it falls from the heavens;
I have lost control of my heart as it tries let you go.

You're still here, and you've convinced me that you won't leave. ...

The War You Shot Into Me


I don't think I'm in love with you anymore,
But I still love you.
And I'm not over you.
This isn't elegant or even coherent;
Sometimes my heart destroys my mind.

Deep Inside Out


It's not about your careless tumbled hair
Those softly kindled chestnut eyes
Or the laugh ringing out into the sky

The outside of a person doesn't tell you much
Books with their covers are out of date
And nothing you could paint onto yourself
Could define your life that I've come to love

Yet maybe there's truth in them

Your brilliant locks say "look at me"
But they remind me of the conflict there

Eyes truly take photographs of someone's soul
Still-lifes of a film I ache to learn

Your laughter is just on the other side of normal
And it shows who you are when you're finally free

ripped adhesive and letting go


i just might be slipping back
into friendship; slowly, painfully, like
removing mic tape from my skin, but
there's no way to simply
get it over with; no, instead i
ache in this tragic dance of
hoping and falling backward in time to
every reason to hold on to
you

51 Mountains


I'm trying to convince myself I don't like you like that
Because I know we work better in friendship
But I still have 51 pictures of you favorited on my phone
It doesn't matter that our compatibility doesn't fit romance
My love is as constant as Mount Everest
Always growing but never quite moving on

Constant


If you need space to discover your flashlight
I will step to the side in quiet reassurance
When I see you again, my arms can hold you
Even if there's nothing else I can do for you
The sun will come out and I'll show you its light

incomparable


s h o o t i n g
    stars
crystallized dewdrops
the works of van gogh and monet
pianos playing my    f a v o r i t e    song
sweetness of strawberries
    rolling
                through my senses

the most beautiful things i can touch or see
melt away into simple insignificance

s m i l e

no one else has it

hands that hold the pressure of my world
so gently

a shell of complicated hope
surrounding
    light
you don't know it's there
but i do

interlinked with indecision and solitude
    is beauty
        a diaphanous love
guarded

may i have the pleasure
    of unlocking your serenity

undefined art


i have tried to memorize you
capturing every detail with stanzas and whispered remembrances
you are too complex for me
blurry lines are more beautiful than the replicas i used my life to paint

stream of love


/memories like sticky notes/train wreck/excuses for chaos/book passage/
/wild/distant/uncontrollable/escaping the fireplace/
/sun in your eyes/moonlight hands/the whole universe/written out in faded graphite/
/stitches/painful like completion/rust/gold/
/hang gliding/hanging on/invisible/strong/etu-stamped/infinity/
/water lily/typing our fractured legacy/never broken/
/questioning silence/imperfect/accepted stardust/hand made/home grown/laugh/you/me/we/

Compassion Hindered


I don't know how to show you acceptance
Without reminding you of my mixed-up feelings
But whenever I read your confusion and pain
I want to wrap you up and tell you I care

Of course you're not perfect; no one is
None of those messy things are wrong
Don't worry about being less than complete
I love all your layers, and I'm staying with you

Bloom In Your Darkness


I wish you could love yourself as much as I love you
Embrace analysis and discover creativity
Examine those inner workings without casting them aside

My love is true, and you know it
I would run in the maze of your rawest self
Even when I don't understand you, I am not afraid
If only you saw yourself with my eyes, mind, my heart

Then you would laugh a little lighter
Grasp imperfections with shaking hands
Open up and show the strength I know you have
Finally believe that you are golden and lovely and free

Clarity (or lack thereof)


Why, why do I love you so?
The storm blows over and then
It makes a U-turn.

But I know it's obvious.
Kindness, respect, radiance.
Everything I can't pin down,
All the things I can't define.
Each puzzle piece of you

Fallen by my Sun

I am no Icarus; I have never been burned by you
Lightning has poured from your hands like Zeus
And I recall a Poseidon wave of silence

But you have wisdom like Athena, my love
And I've seen the way Eros pushed you around
Apollon is your namesake, yes, poetry is your song

But maybe I am Icarus; my wings are melting now
I am falling back to you, Hestia bless this home

Fallen by my Sun

I am no Icarus; I have never been burned by you
Lightning has poured from your hands like Thor
And I recall a Poseidon wave of silence

But you have wisdom like Athena
And I've seen the way Eros pushed you around
Apollon is your namesake, yes, poetry is your song

But maybe I am Icarus; my wings are melting now
I am falling back to you, Hestia bless this home

Missing You is an Oversized T-shirt


I hide behind metaphors unfailingly
Trying on flowers and Greek mythology
But do you realize how little it takes
For me to fall a little harder?

I try on your smile when mine won't shine
Mine fits better, with no wrinkles or pain
But we all have clothes we don't like

Whenever I think I can pull off friendship
I jump overboard for the feel of falling
And it's sweet, this ocean of memories
But my lungs are burning for silence

I am being honest right now, alone
With your voice and laugh so far away
It's like I barely know how to sing for me

raw


did you know / that the way you can tell a diamond is real / is by its imperfections / i think they are what i like best about you / you haven't shown me every impurity / but i understand / even when i don't / if you let me / i'll chisel away at your layers / don't worry / i'll be gentle / and i won't let you be alone / you'll never be / alone /

Forgotten?

I would tear down every single wall around my heart if you would think about me long enough to want it.

Pictures of Devotion


I remember
Honeysuckle afternoons and laughter
Oversized t-shirts speckled with dog hair
Late nights hidden from reality

I remember
Conversations cut short with no reason
Insults dragged out of a hurting heart
Silence so loud it screams my name

I accept
Those layers and the ones I haven't yet seen
Your best and worst wrapped in innocence
Time changes scars but my love remains

eternity, motion


i can't stop moving
when my legs give out
i'm not allowed to give up
if i need a break
it's not something i can afford

stuck in a constant state
of keeping it together
or failing expectations

i don't know how long
i can survive never pleasing you
that's all i've ever wanted
to be good enough
good enough for you

gold, untouched


this is more than just an addiction. it's
acceptance of your imperfect. and no
i can't think of the right way to
describe that raw side of you. not
any more than words can explain
the sweetness you hand me like flowers.
where did you find that smile, did a star
decide you deserved to spread the
patch of innocence you still keep? my heart
is holding onto you. i won't let go. don't
let go of me, leave me to travel the skies
alone like a lost balloon. make me more
than a misplaced contact on your
phone, will you hold me?

Brighter Than The Sun

I am okay with loving you the wrong way.
It is simply another layer of complexity;
One more thread in the tapestry of our story.
We've always been an oximoron of a pair,
But loyalty is stronger than insanity.

I will pen your name in disappearing ink.
When it fades, we'll be just friends once more.
There's peace in the eye of a hurricane,
And underneath the foolishness, we are gold.

what space stole from us


something has shifted. we are two
tectonic plates, and one more millimeter
has been added to the rift between
us. usually i wouldn't notice, but this
time i was scared. we are still so, so
close, but there are words that we
can no longer say, moments tossed up
to be whispered in the stars.

Golden Love Song #rollthedice_4

This is no longer a thoughtless passion
The blinding finery has been stripped away
You are imperfect but you are still
/ golden /

I am under no delusions that I'll like you eternally
A velvet enchantment of fairy wings
But I know that no spell can stop my
/ love /

A waltz of friendship and something more
This symphony is calling out a familiar name
Even its change of tune is my heart's
/ song /

Heartbeat Love

Your words have a pulse
Syllables that thrum with life
Written or spoken, my eyes open
There is a breath of pure imagination
A pervasive rythym so intensely piercing
Sounding a beat that can sometimes skip
No other life can strike such a chord in me

At the End of the World You Will Find Me

I have a promise for you
I will always be there

Even when I rid myself of this infatuation
I won't stop loving you for one moment
I've seen you hurt my friend with words
And hurt me with the lack thereof

But I see your heart and I see its truth
As much as is possible, I understand

Looking at you as a thoroughly imperfect whole
It doesn't change anything about my feelings
They are more than scraps of emotion
They are constant banners of trust

So I know that it is with perfect sincerity when I say

I love you

Nostalgia Lost

"The best summer of my life"
That's what I called it

It was everything I wanted and needed to hold
But nothing special to anyone else
That is why I've never bothered or told
About the ringing of the bells

We chased away the boredom with grins
We were peaceful and playful, and maybe a bit proud
Raiding the kitchen's stash of cookie tins
Kittens and music and singing out loud

That summer I fell from like into love
The sugarcoating became honesty and truth
That summer I sat there; an innocent dove
Lost in the wonders of youth

aftertaste

If I can't have you forever
I don't want you at all

It's not enough to share your smile
And get it taken away

I need to fall into your arms
And not your shadow

I don't want to take a part of you
And have you leave with the rest of me

I couldn't handle tasting your heart
And being left with the

after

taste

Traitorous Me

All I wanted was for you to be happy
I told myself that over and over
I believed that it was true

But my love betrayed me
When I saw the evidence of your victory

Before I could read the light in your eyes
Mine clouded up
And my heart screamed and made my lungs forget how to breathe

the car radio is killing me

you're singing as loudly as you can
and i'm staring out the car window without seeing anything
you're completely in the moment
and i'm wishing for forever
you're perfectly sweet and honest to a fault
and i'm bitterly hiding the heaviest secret of my heart