Ahsan Nizaam

Sri Lanka

Male
straight
Gamer
17
Impulsive
Ambitious
Dreamer
A Srilankan Tamil speaking Muslim
(A proud one too)

Published Work

Terrorism and Islam; Our side of the story #PrettyContest 3

The issue that is dominating in my mind nowadays is that how Muslims are seen. I know this is a weird issue and that it makes you uncomfortable just reading it. Nevertheless, I felt like wanting to share it with you.
 You can’t really charge a person for how they see or understand a person or religion. But I feel like they should know the both sides of the story. Yah! I’m going to talk about terrorism. I perfectly know that you know what terrorism is but now I’m just going to say the connection it has with Muslim or with Islam.
 But, first you should know what Islam means, translation wise; It means to submit to Allah or peace. I’m not going to explain it by telling the root words and all.
 Now you might have a question. Why does a religion with a translation of peace has its followers sided with violence and terrorism throughout the history?
 “History...

Confession of a Psycho

I’m going to tell you a secret
*Giggling*
You know what?
*Giggling harder*
I am...
*Jumping up and down*
*Suddenly serious*
*Leaning in to your ear*
I am a Psycho
*Going into a fit of laughter*

Do you know why?
*Sobbing*
Do you know why?
*Screaming*

Because...
I laugh instead of crying
Smiling when I’m hurt

On the bright side
*Giggling*
I’m the only psycho
Who calls him a psycho
*Laughing uncontrollably*

But...
I’m silent when I need to talk
And talkative when I should not

*Suddenly Calm*
It’s the dreams I have
Or the hurt I feel
For nothing that makes sense

In short
*Laughing*
I’m the one
Who does the wrong thing
At the wrong time

You know...
*Giggling*
Wrong thing...
*Laughing*
Because it feels wrong

*Brandishing a sword*
Don’t you get it
*Laughs*

Plea of a Rotting Soul #ollie1stcomp

Why do I get the feeling?
That I’m rotting
Withering
And dying

I want
To cry out
To scream

I want to see
Tears
Run down my cheek
And get
A weird satisfaction

But
Even that doesn’t work 
According to my favour

Why do I get this feeling?
Am I really rotting?
Withering and dying?

Oh!
No!

I can’t take it anymore
It’s just too much

I want to scream
I want to cry out

But…
All I do is remain
Silent

Faking a smile
Feigning a laugh

Am I really going to do this all my life?

I want out of this
This shit
This hell

But
It’s not the environment
Wait! It could be

But
More than that
It’s me
It’s within me

I feel guilt for nothing
I don’t even know
What wrong I have done

May be all this
Faking and feigning
Are getting back
On my sun-conscious

Please help me!
Please save me!

You know...

Plea of a Rotting Soul #ollie1stcomp

Why do I get the feeling?
That I’m rotting
Withering
And dying

I want to
Cry out
To scream

I want to see
Tears
Run down my cheek
And get
A weird satisfaction

But
Even that doesn’t work 
According to my favour

Why do I get this feeling?
Am I really rotting?
Withering and dying?

Oh!
No!

I can’t take it anymore
It’s just too much

I want to scream
I want to cry out

But…
All I do is remain
Silent

Faking a smile
Feigning a laugh

Am I really going to do this all my life?

I want out of this
This shit
This hell

But
It’s not the environment
Wait! It could be

But
More than that
It’s me
It’s within me

I feel guilt for nothing
I don’t even know
What wrong I have done

May be all this
Faking and feigning
Are getting back
On my sun-conscious

Please help me
Please save me

You know...

Hatred

There is a poison
Though it is slow
Is like a wild fire

It will finish it’s job
Making your efforts
In vain
Or your pleadings
Unheard

All it needs
Is a small spark
It might start out small
But gain strength
Every minute
Every second

You feed it with jealousy
And a little anger
Disappointments and Frustrations
Will spice the whole thing up

Finally,
There’d be a war
Like the two before
But
This time it’d be different

There’d be none left
To tell the tale
Or
To scribble it on a page

Better watch it
Before it start

In the midst of a writers' block

Have you ever had a writers’ block? You might have had it at least once and now I’m in the midst of it. It’s quite irritating and Extremely frustrating.
I get the feeling that I want to write something. Something beautiful, something worth wasting your time on. But all I’ve got is a stinky writers block.
God! I can’t even think straight. Now after a full day, my room is a mess. Crumpled up papers lying everywhere pens don't even ask me about it.
I didn’t finish them off by writing. It was just that I got angry writing something half way and threw the pack behind my back.
I shouldn’t have done that but I never expected it to hit the fan. It was like several ninjas were let loose into my room. Most of the pens bumped off the wall harmlessly but two went traveling very close to my neck and got stuck in the board.(I keep it...

The Day of the Results

Usually the O/L results get released by the last week of March. This year the last week of March came and went but the results never came. It was slow torture. I had a double mind about it. I wanted the results to come quickly and I wanted to finish this. I didn’t want to give hopes to my parents.
I didn’t work hard for the exam. I just played along. Even on the day of the exam, I didn’t start to study until 9p.m. So, I had no right to worry or get sad if I get a bad result.
And on the other side I didn’t want the results to come at all. I didn’t want mom to cry. I didn’t want her to look at me like I was a looser, but on the inside I was dead and rotting. Fearing and trembling. I didn’t know how jails do to punish the prisoners but this prison after...

Terrorism and Islam; Our side of the story #PrettyContest 3

The issue that is dominating in my mind nowadays is that how Muslims are seen. I know this is a weird issue and that it makes you uncomfortable just reading it. Nevertheless, I felt like wanting to share it with you.
 You can’t really charge a person for how they see or understand a person or religion. But I feel like they should know the both sides of the story. Yah! I’m going to talk about terrorism. I perfectly know that you know what terrorism is but now I’m just going to say the connection it has with Muslim or with Islam.
 But, first you should know what Islam means, translation wise; It means to submit to Allah or peace. I’m not going to explain it by telling the root words and all.
 Now you might a question. Why does a religion with a translation of peace has its follower sided with violence and terrorism throughout the history?
 “History makes...

A Human with Feelings

"Do you go behind problems?
Or does it come seeking you?"

Both of these questions
Are wrong

I travel in a line
I see problems
I react

It's not my style
To shy away

I strike back
And I strike hard

I m not a rock or something
To be there
For the sake of being

I am a human
With feelings

So, please don't stop me
From being who I am

"What are you being then?"

A human
A human with feelings
 

Triumph of a damaged psyche

Have you ever felt a sense of extreme triumph over a very minute thing? I have and I could shamelessly say that even in a very bad day just the thought of it would flood me with happiness.
After a long time, I met my old classmate (or bully). He was rich, perfect, cool, funny (to some people) and a very popular guy at school. Mainly because of the way he could make fun of people and the way he speaks of his achievements (Breaking his own top speed).
‘Good to see you’ he smirked. A smug smile on his face. Clearly about to gloat on his latest achievement. ‘I see you’ve been spending a lot of time in Facebook. Huh!’
‘Got some cool friends there’ as soon as the words came out I regretted even talking to him. He is going to retort or say something embarrassing. He won’t leave at that he is going to comment about it...

A Humble Rejection; Or is it?

You said
I was shit
Worthless
Disgusting
 
Now,
Do you really love me?
 
No.
Of course not
You don’t
You never will
 
I love you
But that is entirely
Different
 
You chose me
But
I don’t want to be a choice
 
I want to be
The one and only option
 
No compromises
No Adjustments
 
So please ma’am
Farewell

To remember a word

After a long time
(It is so long that my life
Is nearing to an end)
I have realized something
I have forgotten
A word
 
As I was growing up
It was always in my mouth
 
But now,
I have forgotten it
 
I remember the word
Filling me with curiosity
Wonder
Happiness
 
But now,
I have forgotten
 
I have lost touch of it
Mostly,
By the end of the school I think
 
But now,
When I think of it
 
It has left
A hole in me
 
Oh! Yeah!
I remember it
Yes
Now
I remember
“Why”

Why do I feel tired?

As I walk down the empty road
I feel something
I feel tired
 
It’s different
Entirely
From what
I have felt so far
 
‘tis time
I feel my soul drained
Energy sucked
 
Slowly
Yet,
Steadily
I see myself stopping
Sitting
By the pavement
 
I wanted to cry
To weep
To scream
 
But,
I just rested my face
On my palms
I feel tired
 
Why?
Because of you
My love
 
Or,
Should I call
Ex

Whose Being Silly?

“Don’t ask silly questions
How many times do I need to tell you?
Don’t make me repeat it”
 
These are
The three magic sentences
My teacher repeats
 
Am I being silly?
I believe not
 
It’s just that
I had asked the right questions
 
She always has answers
But,
Are they meant for my questions?
 
Absolutely not
 
So,
Whose being silly
 
Me or the teacher
Yes!
That’s the correct answer

Selfishness; A Barricade

It is just
Too disgusting
Almost Infuriating
 
This selfishness
Present in us
 
People
Speak of it as a boon
 
But every sane man knows
That it’s a bloody bane
 
“Selfishness in studies
Will only give you a leg up”
 
I remember this saying
Told to me
Again and again
 
It broke friendships
Endangered peace
 
But just remember
 
Some are good at school
But
Some are good at life
 
This selfishness
Would make you better at school
 
Even then
It isn’t a proven fact
 
So, make your choice
Make it well
 

What Do I Have to Loose?

I could be what I want
And be who I am
 
Without Fear
Without Cowardice
 
I could ram through the world
Doing what I can
What I want
 
I could finally
Sate my hunger
A thirst perhaps
 
A thirst
To achieve something
To succeed
 
But most
Choose to forget it
 
They all have their
Own valid reasons
 
And I am
Also with a reason
 
I could do anything
Because
What do I have to lose
 
I have
Nothing
 
Nothing
Is everything
To motivate you
To push you forward
 
What do I have to lose?

Emotions

What are they really?
Controllers?
Slaves?
 
It’s actually
Hard to say
 
For some
They burn like the fire
Wilder than any forest
Known to blaze
 
For some
It is just a spark
In the bottom
Of the deepest sea
 
Is It?
 
But in truth
The fiercest
Strongest
Emotions
Are the ones
That has been
Controlled
 
It’s like a large dam
Time by time
The emotions builds
Like the water itself

The Longer it takes
The Larger
The blast

Chaos

I walk down a silent road
No cars
No people
No Noise
 
But,
There is chaos
On the inside
 
I’m torn
I’m broken
I’m screaming
One the inside
 
Smiling
Joking
Laughing
On the outside
 
There is chaos
Forever
Never Leaving
 
There is pain, ache
Troubling me
Tormenting me
Swallowing me
 
One day
If I let everything out
There’d be chaos
In a different way

Obedience; A mistake

Why did I do it?
Why did I marry him?
This,
Egoistic Monster
 
Everything
Is my fault
I shouldn’t have
Listened to my parents
 
My mom
She was the one
Behind
All of this
 
Problems
Chaos
 
He
Isn’t suitable for home
 
It is him
Who is at wrong
Not me
 
He has no right
To insult me
Or
My parents
 
Just
For a bag of vegetables
 
Even then
I didn’t say anything
 
Sorrow
Anger
Tears Flowing freely
 
I can’t do anything
About it
 
I thought my children
My son
Is the only lantern
 
But now
I can’t trust anyone
Believe no one
 
I’m being stretched
Without limits
To a point of no return
 
Will a day come?
For all this
Pain
Sorrow
To go away
 
No
I shouldn’t expect
Too high
 
Pain
Is my nature
My fate
I should accept it

My first accident #inside

Most people don't remember their first accident. I think I'm a bit different here because I have the perfect memory of it. My dad has about seven siblings so I spent the weekends and most of my weekdays at their homes.

On that particular day I remember dragging my mom to aunt Fara's house. Aunt Fara had two kids so I always chose their house first. We played with the toys for sometimes and aunt gave us the cars we were waiting for. You have to sit on that and push with your legs. It was our racing car back in the old days.

The race was going just fine but I suddenly felt hungry. Racing around the house had finally paid off. I wanted to go to the next location.

It was Aunt Salma's house. Uncle Rahim had come from Dubai recently and he was my bank of chocolates. Every time I went there I'd return with pockets filled...

My first accident #inside

Most of the people don't remember their fist accident. I think I'm a bit different different here because I have the perfect memory of it. My dad has about seven siblings so I spent the weekends and most of my weekdays at their homes.

On that particular day I remember dragging my mom to aunt Fara's house. Aunt Fara had two kids so I always chose their house first. We played with the toys for sometime and aunt gave us the cars I was waiting for. You have to sit on that and push with your legs. It was our racing car back in the old days.

The race was going just fine but I suddenly felt hunger. Racing around the house had finally paid off. I wanted to go to the next location.

It was Aunt Salma's house. Uncle Rahim had come from Dubai recently and he was my bank of chocolates. Everytime I went there I'd return with...

Struck by an Arrow #BaringMySoul2

I perfectly remember the first time I saw her. She was standing near the foot board. Tentative, scared even but had a confident air about her. She was so beautiful. Stunning perhaps. She had the same white uniform but she looked different, unique. I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her perfectly round eyes, doll like eye lashes. 

And something strange happened. I felt a pain on my chest getting concentrated every minute on to my left. I think that was the cupid's arrow.

Since then I'd look at her everyday and watch her walking towards her house. I knew she had a soft spot for me. Day by day she'd take a seat further behind or stand where we could make eye contact.

Suddenly I saw her sitting on the first seat. Never turning behind, never making eye contact. It was indeed torture. I couldn't go talk to her. It was unethical or worse immoral to talk to a...

Sunrise #BaringMySoul1

I see The Sun
Rising

From the Doomed
Darkness

His majesty
His power

Sung by the
Black bird

Accompanied by the
Robin

He marches forward
With a radiant smile

Which fills me
To the brim

With
Positivity
Energy

I look at him
And think

Will I ever
Be like him

Strong
Persistent

To always
Get up

From the deepest
Trench

A Human with Feelings

"Do you go behind problems?
Or does it come seeking you?"

Both of these questions
Are wrong

I travel in a line
I see problems
I react

It's not my style
To sh away

I strike back
And I strike hard

I m not a rock or something
To be there
For the sake of being

I am a human
With feelings

So, please don't stop me
From being who I am

"What are you being then?"

A human
A human with feelings
 

Rejection; Reply

One word
One smile
Can change a life

One promise
One Look
Can change a heart

No it seems as though
These are ramblings
For a broken heart

'Cuz you see the smile
Never the sorrow

It feels as though
I'm blank

No joy
No Sorrow

Nothing

You'v failed to understand
My Worth

You haven't realized
How low I've bent for you

I'm neither cursing
Nor crying

I'm just
Stating the facts

There will be a day
A time
You'd realize
 
It would be too late
I warn you

Even now
The time has flown

I'm just saying this
As a goodbye

So that,
You might find
Your peace

I should say,
I won't be there
To disturb you

Forever
Here after

The Day of the Results

Usually the O/L results get released by the last week of March. This year the last week of March came and went but the results never came. It was slow torture. I had a double mind about it. I wanted the results to come quickly and I wanted to finish this. I didn’t want to give hopes to my parents.
I didn’t work hard for the exam. I just played along. Even on the day of the exam, I didn’t start to study until 9p.m. So, I had no right to worry or get sad if I get a bad result.
And on the other side I didn’t want the results to come at all. I didn’t want mom to cry. I didn’t want her to look at me like I was a looser, but on the inside I was dead and rotting. Fearing and trembling. I didn’t know how jails do to punish the prisoners but this prison after...