suhanee

United States

Peer Reviews

The Clean Food

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2020

This piece concentrates on a unique and fascinating topic and you have tackled it well! You clearly have strong opinions and a burning passion for this issue. You use great rhetoric, but your essay has a bit of an accusatory tone to it. If the reader is an atheist meat-eater, the reader may not be able to relate to these issues at all. Not being able to relate to the piece isn’t a problem, but because of the aggressive tone, they may not even feel interested in reading it at all. If you approach the piece with a bit more calm of a tone, even someone who may not agree with your opinions will be more interested in reading it. I like the bolding of the words, but they can be a little distracting at times and they make the essay a bit informal. The competition doesn’t specify how formal the essay should be, so that is up to you, but I just wanted to point it out. Also, I think it would be important for you to think about counterarguments to your claim. There are people whose culture relies heavily on meat or have been eating a meat-heavy diet their entire life. Try to incorporate some statements in your essay that address these potential counterarguments and it will not only make this piece more universally relatable, but also it will add more depth to the essay. Amazing work overall! You possess a lot of passion and I appreciate that you have chosen to share your thoughts in a well-written essay!

6 months

What a Dream, What a Glorious Dream!

FREE WRITING

I really like the formatting and flow of the poem! You have a great rhythm going with it!

7 months

Everything

FREE WRITING

This poem is very inspirational and I love the message you are spreading. With a few more descriptions and different word choice, this poem could be made stronger than it already is.

7 months

extinction

FREE WRITING

This poem is great! Maybe just changing up some of the word choice and adding a bit of clarity in certain parts would make it stronger!

7 months

#first challenge My laughter underwater

FREE WRITING

This is a great poem that conveys a very happy and reflective mood. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it!

7 months

the utmost reward of facing your fears

FREE WRITING

I really like the description of the coral. Maybe try elaborating on that even further because you are building a very beautiful image there.

7 months

The Tree.

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

At the end, with the last line, when you mention how you have found that life is difficult without the support of the tree, the simile of the boat makes the point very clear, so I don't think you necessarily need to explicitly state it.

7 months

You hurt me

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

unknown

Roots of Animosity

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

unknown

Roots of Animosity

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

unknown