aralyn.kay

United States

black lives matter

Published Work

breakup for now- song version

you were my everything 
you are my everything 
we could make it to 2024 
you could study in france 
as i study in spain 
as we keep in love 

but for now 
it's breakup, it's breakup for now 
it's tears and longing as i wonder what could have been. 

you were beautiful 
you are beautiful 
we were supposed to be forever 
we could live in a cottage 
in the woods 
in love 
as we keep doing the same thing 

but for now 
it's breakup, it's breakup for now 
it's tears and longing as i wonder what could have been 

but why does it have to be breakup for now 
why can't we think about us, forever 
why do we always have to be selfless 
for once 
why can't we think about us

but for now 
it's breakup, it's breakup for now 
it's tears and longing as i wonder what could 
have 
been

breakup for now

You were my everything 
You are my everything 
I wanted to make it to college, 
study theatre and nursing
and you study abroad in France 
it can still happen, mi alma
mi corazon
just please, 
please. 
think about us. 

PTSD (TW)

walking through the hallway with this boy 
not knowing he would radically affect my life 
joking and smiling with this boy
not knowing i didn't really like him 

sitting in the classroom beside this boy 
he reaches over and claims he was tickling me 
but it just didn't feel right 

walking through the hallway with this boy 
thinking about the way he touched me 
and was i supposed to like it?
walking a little farther away 

up against the locker 
held to it by this boy 
him groping me 
i didn't know what to do 

walking through the hallway with this boy 
'my friend flirting with him 
wanting to warn her 
but not knowing how 

 

i wrote a song about my sexual assault

You put on a mask
You treated me different 
You said I was smart
You said I was nice 
We talked and we laughed 
You said I was pretty
I thought you were different

So I fell into your trap 
Of smiles, deception, what felt like perfection
To me
Then you took off your mask
And everything came crashing down

Then some time passed
You acted different 
I thought maybe I'd dreamed what had happened three months ago 
So I pushed it away
And everything went back to normal 
I thought you had changed 
And this time was different 

So I kept falling in your trap 
Of smiles, deception, what felt like perfection
To me 
Then you took off your mask 
And everything came crashing down

And you didn't see 
The crying, the hiding, the lying, the dying inside
Because you only thought about you
What you wanted, what you had, what I had that you stole from me 

So...

crocheting

yarn over. pull through.
flashback to residential treatment 
weave into the blanket
missing her so much my heart hurts
chain one, chain two
worrying about the divorce
double crochet
flashback to the assualt
just weave it all into the blanketheadbandscarf do whatever it takes to forget about the pain

After... After... After

When I Met Her

After not eating for two days, after they couldn't get any blood from me, after I was sent to the hospital, after I was tubed, after an IV was stuck in my hand, after I arrived back at the residential facility, after I was introduced to my new roommate, I gazed into her eyes for the first time. 

Zoom Out

so much is happening and here we are

Under the thin hospital blanket, I can feel the rubbery plastic NG tube in my nose. I feel my scars, my slow heartbeat, my shallow breathing. My roommate is restless. I want to be home, not in this prison of pea-green walls and psychiatrists and doctors and dietitians. My roommate and I are both awake. We are both longing for normal. 
As the night begins to fade, the cars and the people are waking up. The sun is rising, and the light spreads across the city, the buildings casting shadows onto the roads. The cars are cold, the engines are not yet warm enough to provide the protection against the bitter winter wind. 

Seven Delights

Seven Delights

Saturday-
I got her letter today. She said one day we would move down to Brazil and live with our friends. She said then she would finally get to kiss me. She made me a necklace, which I'm going to wear every day. That day in Brazil cannot come soon enough. 
Sunday-
I woke up early. I colored, and I got to see my little brother. I miss being that young and innocent, but then again, we both had to grow up too fast. I'm just glad I'm here for him. Here, and not in a facility. At home, and not at a hospital. We looked at possible puppies. I got to speak to her. 
Monday-
My mom and I went to the mall. I spent money on myself. I went to a store that reminded me of her, and I got these overalls that I thought she would like. 
Tuesday-
My aunt came over. We watched Lady and the...

You Are My Sun

Dear (i can't tell you)
The sun, as many people forget, is not the brightest star in our solar system, in our universe, and certainly not in our multiverse. 
But it is the most relevant to us. 
Because even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will never be the same without it.  
No other brightest star provides us with life, with warmth, and even when you can’t see it, it is keeping us alive. We may survive without our sun, but we can never thrive in its absence. Which is how I feel about you. I don’t even know if I could survive in your absence.  
It is all uncertain, my love. We don’t know if we could survive the collapse of our sun- a quick Google search says even the slim possibility has been nearly ruled out.  
I will press on if you find another, or if we are fundamentally incompatible (I refuse to believe that),...

the medical standpoint

I found out I'm still orthostatic and my iron is still low and I have to take supplements for VItamin D and I have to get a bone scan and I'm dehydrated and my periods are still irregular and I can't walk the dog because I might pass out 
Why, god or goddess or whoever runs this broken universe of ours, 
why does all of this have to come with my just wanting 
to 
be 
thin

Writing for Children Competition 2020

My Moms

Hi! My name is Avie. I'm six years old, and I have a golden retriever named Auggie, and a fish named Hulk. He's not green, but Mama really likes Marvel. Mommy really likes Star Wars.
I like them both. But I also like Wonder Woman. She's really cool. I couldn't watch the movie, because I'm too little. But Mama told me about Wonder Woman, and I really like her. In Star Wars, I really like Anakin Skywalker- he's awesome. But Mommy says I won't like him later. I've only seen a little bit of the movies. 
Sorry, I forgot to say! Mama has red hair- it's really short. Mommy has really long and dark brown hair- she usually just says it's black- even though it's not. That's how I learned to tell them apart. I learned that when I was really little- like, one! That was five whole years ago. That's a long time. Also, Mama has really pale skin....

Her

When I'm with her I smile
But my mother whispers "Lord, save my child's soul," 
As her heart breaks for her lost child
When I'm with her I want to hold on tight, my lips against hers,
But my friend whispers "Sinner, sinner, sinner"
Her voice echoing around our brains, in our dreams at night
Or maybe nightmares
"If she meets another"
"Are you even sure"
"I accept it, But"
"It's not Right"
But I cannot focus on Them
I only focus on Us
When I'm with her
Because sometimes you have to let go
of people you loved once
If you want to be with the person you love
most

Anorexia (TW)

I 
Mom, I've been having some problems with eating 
gaunt face, lanugo, intolerance to cold, I haven’t eaten for eight days  
Sit ups, calorie counting, going for runs, all I wanted to do was lose weight 
Looser leotard, hoodies, sweatpants, I hate my body so much 
Comparison, salads, no meat, no sugar, the other girls at dance are all so thin 
Leg lifts, “I don’t like cupcakes,” attempted purging, and I wanted to look like them 
Panic attacks, chewing and spitting, I’m so sorry. 
II 
Mom, I think I’m relapsing 
Skipping lunch, pro-ana tumblr, myfitnesspal, I don’t think I ever really recovered 
“I’m lactose intolerant,” hiding food, exercise, I’ve been struggling a lot more than I was 
Water loading, rocks in my pockets, opening my skin, I didn’t get a lot of support with friends 
“You’re not even skinny,” encouraging me, wanting to die, and I feel...