There are a couple places where grammar could be corrected and formatting for dialogue. As a rule of thumbs, you usually change paragraphs when you change to a new speaker. Here's a helpful article from Ursinus College that guidelines how to write dialogue-(https://www.ursinus.edu/live/files/1158-formatting-dialogue). Don't worry about it though, ngl I struggled to format dialogue and like you said this was "total, unedited randomness" so great job! I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you so much for writing for #pov'sprompts. I might release a couple of my favorites from these prompts and this piece will definitely be on it.