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I love reading and writing (obviously)
he/they, they/them preferred

"have I killed my thoughts right before their prime?
have I bit my tongue one too many times?
have I said it all the way I really meant to?"
~ben platt

Message from Writer

I love to review, so if you want a review, ask! I may tell you it might be awhile if I'm busy, but I will review your piece

hope you like my writing :)

Published Work

i am the daughter of pain and love.

it's true. opposites do attract. i know this because i am the child of two opposites. pain and love. 

pain and love met one day at someone's breakup. and they hit it off. that was the beginning of this forbidden love. 

soon this forbidden love was discovered by people around. soon, news of love and pain being a couple had leaked everywhere. 

at first people were not happy. but my parents persevered. they showed that they truly loved one another. and eventually, they were allowed to be married. it didn't matter that this was a blatant breach of both their contracts. that coworkers were not to fraternize. and yet love blinds everyone. so love blinded everyone around her. 

love and pain did everything they could for their love. and they succeeded.

and soon, i was born.

my mother is pain. she deals pain to those around her. her lackeys include sadness and depression and grief. she visits everyone that needs...

my relationship with paranoia leaves something to be desired.

i met paranoia four years ago. and i've been letting her crash on my couch ever since.

i would honestly give anything for her to leave. but i let her stay one night, and she just... assumed she could stay for as long as she wanted, i guess... 

paranoia's homeless, if that wasn't clear yet. 

but let me tell you it is not easy to sleep in the same house as paranoia. 

i wake up screaming and sweating at least twice every night. once in a while, i even wake up to paranoia stroking my arm and trying to help me through my... paranoia. 

i mean... i'm grateful for the sentiment, but she's gotta understand that she's paranoia. she's causing this, and this whole calming me down thing is just going to make it worse... it's all not the best experience for me.

but paranoia is a fragile spirit for a homeless one... so i don't say anything, because i...

i heard happiness was sad. he said it was in his job description.

last night, happiness visited me for the first time in a long time. 
so we sat down and had a long conversation.
turns out, there's a lot i didn't know about him.

happiness was at the threshold. he had been about to leave my house, but i decided to stop him. i asked him how he was. how he felt... i wondered when the last time someone had asked him that was... 

turns out, happiness had a lot to say about that... 

so he sat down on my ratty couch and told me everything. 

and when i say everything, i mean everything. 

i'm sure no mortal is supposed to have this much knowledge about the inner workings of happiness... but it's okay. because it was clear happiness needed a talk like this. and surely, even happiness must need someone to talk to sometimes....

he started with his mortal life. happiness had been a sad and lonely kid. he told...

now hiring! reaching for unemployed social pariahs. do you feel alone? this job could be yours!

job title: grief

job description: you will attend to those who have lost a loved one. you will cause them pain so that they know they are not a cold, uncaring monster.
you will be the reality check. because someone must be the reality check. 
you are grief. wherever you go, you will cause immense pain and sadness.

job requirements: (prior experience unnecessary)
~you will be required to be ready at all times of the day.
~you will be called for when anybody is brought in by death.
~you must have experienced grief at some point in your life.
~you must understand that it will be painful for everyone you touch. you are pain. but you must also understand that you will be necessary.
~it is imperative that you do not leave someone alone out of the kindness of your heart. you must banish all feelings from yourself.
~you must not give in to the pain that comes with dealing...

hope should have stayed inside pandora's box.

i met him at the park last sunday.
hope. the immortal god playing human.

he flitted around, laughing and playing with everyone around him. 
he was brief. yes, his touch lingered... but it was so brief. he was a hummingbird hovering and darting among the flowers. 
hope. that's who he was.

he wasn't who i thought he'd be.

he was no saint. no. hope played with everyone's emotions. his presence was a far too brief moment of pure joy. but he never stayed. he was toying with everyone around him.

he played among the children the longest. laughing and dancing among the young and naive. he gave them false hope for the future, knowing full well that reality would come back and do its job.

hope was cruel. 

hope was no kind soul. no. hope was a brutal and callous menace disguised as a playful angel. 

you could think that he brings light. and happiness. but i know now that...

death is impermanent. so where does that leave you? {this year is a threshold. and it is your decision.}

you looked death in the eyes and knew. 
death could die. death would die.
death could be replaced. 
death would be replaced.

because death had to be replaced.

and you were the one to choose. you were brought there for a reason. you were given the choice of a lifetime. and it was all up to you to decide: would these next few centuries be ones of happiness and prosperity? or would the next few millennia bring famine and war and disease to humankind?

who would take on the mantle of death next?

you were told that death could govern with peace for a few centuries. or with hate and malice for millennia. 

2020 was a threshold. the fate of the world was in your hands. it was up to you to decide what to do with it.

but who could replace death?

this choice was given, but you already knew what you had to do. you could never entrust...

I don't have an agenda. | #proud

"I hate the word homophobia. It's not a phobia. You are not scared. You are an asshole." -Morgan Freeman. 

    "I do not support the homosexual agenda."
This agenda you speak of is my life. I am forcing absolutely nothing on you. 

    "The Pride parade is unnecessary, and gay people already have rights."
You were never killed for loving. Governments are still peeling at the rights which we fought so hard toward. We are not even close to justice. 

    "Gay people are flamboyant and extra."
Nobody said flamboyance was extra except you. I do not owe you seriousness, or professionalism. And I do not have to fit into your stereotype. 

    "Trans people make me uncomfortable." 
I owe you nothing. I do not owe you comfort. I will not live lies so that you can be comfortable. 

    "It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve."
One thing being true does not make another untrue. And I do not have to conform...

light as a feather; strong as an ox

her complexion is pale
her arms like twigs
frail as glass
like one strong wind 
could shatter her

her heart is a stone
eyes poisoned with bitter grief

severe and black as coal
glittering and dazzling
like an age-hardened diamond

her mouth is a thin line
she is quiet as a mouse
she never talks
her lips trembling feebly
like a leaf in the autumn wind

her soul is black as night
a bulletproof vest
for all her weaknesses
her soul exudes an air of indifference
to everything

her fingertips are fragile 
her nose pink and raw
only smelling the scent
of pure fear
radiating off of herself

her instincts are a feral wolf
eyes darting
teeth bared
ready to attack

she is delicate

she is bulletproof

she is light as a feather

yet strong as an ox

out. | #proud

you just wish you had known what was coming for you that day.

you started your day just like any other.
you were just a normal kid.
a normal, depressed, sad gay kid. 
you were still closeted. but you were still just a normal kid.
still only out to about three of your closest friends.

but would it have changed anything if you had known what was to come?

you were at school. it was just another school day. 
you'd greeted your friends. the three that knew. 

those three mean nothing now. you'd do anything to change what they did that day.

you were walking to your first class, sharing friendly banter with your friends. 
and you passed her.
she was one of your good friends. 
but of course, she didn't know. because she couldn't know. 

you should have warned them. maybe it was all your fault...

she joined you and your friends, and you all kept walking through...

a life well spent?

dreaming of a better future.
eyes still bright and clear.
crisp and hopeful.
all of life still ahead. 
arms crossed.
shoulders held high.
a life still untainted. 

hopeful for some dramatic miracle.
eyes shadowed.
burdened with knowledge of the world.
but still with an unknown path ahead.
arms hanging loosely.
shoulders slumped.
a life of fear and uncertainty.

living for the next day.
eyes bright and clear (from coffee.)
crisp and hopeful (for the next paycheck.)
all of life still ahead (a path set to certain retirement.)
arms crossed (to look professional.)
shoulders held high (to appear confident.)
a life still untainted (by failure.)

waiting for the next paycheck.
eyes droopy.
with black bags underneath. 
a set path leading nowhere.
arms resting on a desk, fingers on keyboard.
shoulders hunched.
a life of misery.

welcoming the inevitable end.
eyes closed. (asleep.)
unburdened and untethered. (after a job well done.)
at the end of the path. (nearly.)
arms relaxed. (yet old and...

it's all downhill | #6monthsof2020

the year definitely did not start with a bang.
it began with texts among friends about the impending disastrous disease that was going to come kill us all.
because it wasn't going to affect me.
the year began as a joke. 
but it was all downhill from here.

the second month was a disaster.
everyone forgot my birthday.
and i just smiled through it with gritted teeth.
because it's okay that only two people remembered.
it's normal.

march introduced me to zoom.
it introduced me to classes alone.
it brought excitement.
it brought late mornings.
and texting friends whenever i wanted.

april did not exist.
it brought on the hours of blanking during class.
i began to become tired of my friends.
tired to texting all day.
tired of sitting in front of my laptop every day.
tired of crying all night.

and in may i gave up.
school was ending soon.

shattered glass | a pride piece

i'm in a fake closet,
a closet of glass.

or so i thought.

but now i realize.
i was outed.
the illusion of the glass closet
has been shattered.

i'm not sure what happened,
but suddenly,
one day,
everyone knew i was gay.

and i accepted that
without realizing why.
i accepted is as a blessing.
the dread of coming out
was gone.

i am wiser now,
and i realize.
it was a curse
diguised as a blessing.
it's not because i fit into the stereotype
that people knew i was gay
(because i don't
fit the stereotype)

it was because of him.
i'd come out to four people prior.
one with a particularly open mouth.

i was outed.
to four people.
at once.
by him.

i smiled and moved on.
and the next day,
everyone knew.

i often wonder what happened,
but it matters no more.

the fact of the matter is
i was outed.

at school, i...

okay. i caved. it does feel good to be recognized, doesn't it | #appreciationpost :)

let me just say right off the bat. i'm very sorry if i don't include you, trust me, i know the feeling and it kinda sucks. but people have their people. and just know that i appreciate everyone on this site. these are just the writers i felt i connected with more (and if you are here and you didn't feel like you connected with me, well. idk, bro. :( whatever. (i always have extreme anxiety when calling people my friend or saying things like 'these people, i connected with' so this is pretty nerve-wracking, and i guess it'd be pretty sad if the feeling wasn't mutual. but there isn't really anything i can do about it, so eh.))

also, i want to make it clear that i joined this site in august, 2019, and in around october, i'd guess, i took a long hiatus from being active on the site. (i reactivated myself about half a month ago.) this...

boku | watashi | atashi | uchi | washi | ore | ware (edited)

Masao stepped out of the stuffy airport and into the hot, humid Osaka air. Ah yes, Japan. 
The acrid stench of gasoline shriveled his nose, and the loud cacophony of klaxons and honking cars reached his ears. It always took him a second to get accustomed to the abruptness of the real world after having been confined to a space of about three square feet.
The dull constant hum of the airplane still rang loud in Masao’s ears. His eyes were squinting to acclimatize to his surroundings. 
“Ready to go?”
Masao’s thoughts came crashing back into the present. He had almost forgotten about his father, standing statue-still just two feet away from him, suitcase in hand, already poised to get into a bus. This happened fairly often, which made sense to Masao. Compared to most of the other kids in his class, he’d realized, in around sixth grade, that the amount of silence between his father and him was not...

giving back :)

when i first joined this site in august, i joined to write. i joined to read. and that was mostly it.
now i realize that there is a rich, diverse community of writers here, and i was a bit detached from that. 
i am now realizing that the numbers of people i follow and people that follow me are very lopsided, and i wish to change that. 
from now on, i am going to try to be more present in the community and comment more rather than just like pieces, and show more support. 

when i came back to this site this june, i came back with more motivation to find fellow writers and appreciate more work, and i started posting things that were closer to my heart than before. (idk if this makes sense...)
i guess with the pieces that were more personal, i was kind of (this definitely doesn't make sense, but whatever lol) opening myself up to...

my gay awakening was a bad cliche | #myrose

he was gay. he was definitely gay. right? or was i wrong? he was only saying he wasn't straight because he was in the closet, right...?
anyway, now it's too late. gay or not, he's long gone. and i'm "over him." 
am i really over him? hell no.
i'm going to sound like a bad cliche, he was my Gay Awakening. he was very important to my growth as a queer child, and honestly, i will never forget my first gay crush. especially considering he was such a quality first crush...
did it take me a bit for me to realize that the reason i was able to definitively state that he was attractive wasn't because i just "knew what a stereotypical attractive man was"? yes it did. how long did it take for me to realize it was because i was gay. a very long time. 
oh those days. 
i just thought that fluttering in my chest was just...


You know what I wish I could do? 
I wish I was a person that could actually make decisions. 
Ask me a question, and chances are, my answer is going to be "I don't know," or something along those lines. Honestly, it's so stupid. In my brain, I realize that choosing things is not even that hard. But for some reason, I just can't do it. 
For me, the phrase "it's like choosing your favorite child" can be applied to any decision that I have to make. Any decision is an impossible decision for me. I just wish I could be better at deciding things, because at some point, I know that this indecision is gonna come back and slap me in the face. 
This whole indecision thing is going to haunt me literally forever. 

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"Oh, I don't fucking know... just... you know, something that... pays? That's basically my only...

what's up?

what's up, wassup, what up, sup

You know what? Please never fucking greet me with one of the above "greetings." It just makes me feel uncomfortable and so very unsure of myself.
Like, here's the thing... Does anyone actually know how to respond when someone greets them with "what's up." I have no clue how to respond to that. Is that literally just me? "What's up" just makes me feel awkward and stupid, so I'm just gonna have to ask you please not do that. 
Someone please tell me how to do social skills. I need help.
To be completely honest, there have been phases in my life where I would greet people by saying "sup" or "what's up" or something along those lines just so that I know how people respond to that. And also so that I wouldn't have to respond to it. 
Here's what I found: (side note, the results of this experiment may be a...

Are You Sure?

'Are you sure?'
Such a stupid question in most contexts. 

"I'm going to buy this shirt."
"Are you sure?"
"Oh, there it is! I'm suddenly convinced not to get this shirt that I really like that I just decided  to buy."

If somebody asked 'Are you sure?' and gave you a reason as to why they were asking, that might mean something.

"I'm going to ace this test!"
"Are you sure? You haven't been studying very much, sweetie."
"Stop it, you're messing with my self-confidence!"
"It's misplaced self-confidence, honey, it won't do you any good."
"Are you sure about that?"

Another thing is when people ask 'Are you sure?' about a true statement; a fact.

"I'm Canadian."
"Are you sure about that? Because I think you look a bit-"
"I look a bit what? Say it. I dare you."

People shouldn't ask 'Are you sure?' to people's dreams, either, because that's just messed up.

"When I grow up, I'm going...

this uncontrollable agent of pure, debilitating hatred

The red anger began to spread. 
It had started in their chest, but it then quickly infected their arms and legs. 
Deep breaths did nothing against the pure rage that they felt inside. They couldn't describe it. Soon, the fury reached a fever pitch. It had taken control of their brain. They clutched at their head, petrified and in pain. 
They could not be near anyone. They were fearful of what would happen to the people around them should the monster be freed near them.  
Breath hitching, they tried to suppress it. Rationalize. They tried to tell themself that there was nothing to be mad about, and that their friends were just messing with them. 
But nothing could reason with the enraged demon that appeared from inside them. 
Except for time. 
Time could reason with anything. 
So they waited. 
And slowly, the beast inside retreated back to its cage, locking itself in their heart. Always to be waiting for itself...

our education system is absolute shit

    The modern world is literally so messed up... 
    You know what the current education system does to students? 
    Oh, of course you do, you're also a student.... But to anyone who's out there who has any say in how our school system is run, please change it. 
    Here's the thing, okay? So there is like maximum one or two people in my grade at my school (although I do go to a tiny school with like, only about twenty people per grade, but that's not the point right now...) who actually get more than maybe seven hours of sleep. We're supposed to be getting what, nine, ten hours of sleep? Well you know what? It's not our irresponsibility that causes us to lose so much sleep... 
    No. It's the fault of school. All of it. Well, most of it. But like that's not the point right now. The pressure to...

pyrrhic felicity

I wish... 

for the man of my dreams.
to live happily with a loving partner
and yet to also feel the affection of a true community.
somewhere i feel i belong.
with people i know will not just serve
as a fleeting evanescent friendship.
unlike the friendships i know today.


my reality is a man i only used to yearn for.
our instant connection has waned
and the community around me feels artificial.
i do not belong here.
because this group stands around me
only as a result of my efforts.
it is no fault of theirs
that i am here.

And yet...

should it truly end between us.
this community will without a doubt melt away
leaving a yawning black hole in my heart
because the man who i'll call my ex
would drain all of their sympathies
leaving none for me.

And there...

lies my dilemma:
with the loss of the pain
would come the loss


the realization that your closest friend has friends closer you them is a punch to the gut. 
something that to you may feel like a bond of steel may be the slightest wisp of smoke, disappearing in the wind for them. 
their life is a masterful tapestry of steel bonds and wisps, while yours is a child's hasty scribble, taking up only a fraction of the page. 
and as one wisp withers away, the wind of sadness arrives, whisking all friendship away, severing your emotional stability. 
and you realize that you are the lone wisp to these people. the irksome stray hair. the vexatious speck of dust clinging to unwanted spaces.
and your confidence is torn like the drywall in an old house. all self-esteem has been kicked in.
these thoughts will bring you to your knees.
so you realize it is better not to dwell on truths like these. 
and float through life.

agents of s.h.i.e.l.d: a review #conficiens (spoilers)

These are my personal opinions, and I’m like sorry if we disagree.
Do not ask me who I mean by They. Because I have no fucking idea.
Also. Why the Fuck DiD tHeY cAnCeL AoS. ThIs Is A cRiMe. I wIlL CrY. 
They really had the audacity.

May and Coulson are the ultimate couple. It Does Not Hurt that May is a badass who doesn’t even have powers. She’s stronger than a lot of people with powers, and I love her fight scenes. Coulson is just so… (I don’t know what better way to describe this, I’m sorry) cute…
May deserves her own extra blurb.
So does Coulson.
Anyway, May is so badass, and she Has A Backstory, and the backstory kind of stays relevant throughout all the seasons, which I think is impressive. Yes The Cavalry. Also, when she is Robin’s mom…. Yassssss. We absolutely love how her, like, nothing bothers me facade melts in six seasons. 

and they kissed in the silvery moonlight.

and their dry lips touched for the very first time

he shivered in the cold sleet, his shirt tenting behind him as the icy wind harshly bit into the tender skin on his back.
small icicles were forming in his unkempt sandy yellow hair.
teeth chattering, the boy hunkered down into a ball as one particularly strong gust whipped a branch from a rain-drenched willow tree into his face. 
and he stared at the silver-white moon hanging in the cloudy night sky, illuminating the abandoned rusty play structure behind him. wishing. hoping for an angel to come save him.

chocolate brown and yellow-golden hair tangled in a windswept mess

he was alone in a dimly lit kitchen, tiptoeing out of bed for a walk in the rain. 
sitting next to the sliding glass door in the back of the house, hearing the persistent downpour of rain. 
watching the luminous full moon, half obscured by a dark billowy cloud. 
he reached...

'Deal with the rambunctious little demon'

James wished the little kid would just get his books and leave the library already. As a librarian, James had had his fair share of annoying little kids, but this kid was a new breed. He was running around, unsupervised, sometimes even screaming at the top of his lungs, upsetting many other parents and children. 
James had already tried many times to convince the kid to calm down. 
He had caught up to the little rascal in the young adults section, and had politely told him that running around was strictly prohibited in the library. The kid then had run off. 
James later caught up to the troublemaker in the adult science fiction area, and had told him to please keep his voice down. To no avail. 
The kid once again, ran off, screaming his little head off, without a care in the world. 
James had tried asking him where his parents were, but once again, the kid ran. 

CONTEST RESULTS!!! WINNERS!!! #thingsihate

Hello writers,
Before I start, let me just say, phew! 
That was an awesome contest! I got so many more pieces than I ever imagined! I got over thirty submissions! They were all so amazing, it took me a while.
Sorry if I took a bit of time on the results. But onwards, because one must choose winners when they were promised!!! (I'm so glad I was so loose with the honorable mentions. I would have had more, but I had to choose, and there's only so much I can do)

Thank you to everyone who entered! That was so great, I might do another contest soon!

First, a review of the prizes (if you win, comment down below what you want to be reviewed)

FIRST PLACE: 3 reviews of your choice, 5 comments/likes (my choice).
TWO RUNNERS-UP: 2 reviews, 3 comment/likes.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: (there may be many, there may be none, depending) 1 review 1 comment/like.

I do have...

28 Days (#animind) (#nonhumancomp)

    Humans are so lazy...
    They spend so much time sitting around and looking at those block shaped things they call 'cell phones' and 'computers.' The 'computers' and 'phones' don't even seem to actually do anything. They don't magically create things that are actually useful like food, or anything. They're useless! Although humans do seem to yell into their 'phones' a lot. What does that accomplish? Although the 'phones' do create a weirdly blue light. But it's so dim that it couldn't accomplish anything. Right?
    We know that we only have twenty-eight waking days to live. Humans seem to waste all of their lives sitting and doing absolutely nothing! We have to work, work, work, taking their garbage for them. But, garbage is good for us, so it's okay that they hate garbage. Although why do they hate garbage so much? Its smell is so delicious! Who could resist? We sure can't! We eat as much as we can...

I Am The Monster Under The Bed #letsdothis

I am the monster under the bed.
This is hilarious. Oh my God! Monster!? I don't know what God, or whoever the heck is actually in control of things (I don't believe in God but that is irrelevant at the moment, shut up, I'm having a monologue) was thinking when they called me a monster. It's literally the most ridiculous thing ever! I'm laughing writing this! I know Evan's sitting in his bed right now sobbing in fear calling for mommy, but it's fine. He'll get over it. I'm just laughing. Like, jeez, what's the big deal? I've been living here ever since you bought this bed, Evan!!! Anyway, back to my monologue that was so rudely interrupted by Evan. I said shut up! 
Evan's telling mommy about the voice coming from under the bed. Mommy thinks Evan is going mental. It's all very hilarious. Oh yeah, mommy can't hear me. Only Evan can. Or else that would ruin...

What the Heck!!!??? 50 followers...!? +Q&A!!!

I've gotten so much support on this site, thank you, everyone so, so much! I can't believe I have 50 followers. What? I'm still not over it. Thank you all so much for supporting my work. 
I just realized that I've kind of just stopped following people, even if I find some exceptional writing, so sorry!!! I'll try my best to support those who deserve it. 
I feel like I haven't been on this site very long, but this proves me wrong, I guess!!!
Shoutout to all my followers, THANKS!!!

yukawuca - my first follower, thanks so much!!!
New York_dreamer - my second follower, and although I don't really know you in real life, I feel like you'd be an awesome person to hang out with. Thanks for the support!!! Your writing is so awesome!!!
rosemarywisdom thanks soooo much for the mention on your piece highlighting new WtWers with talent (me? omg) I appreciate that soo much!!! it's here,...

Album Review Competition 2019

Sing To Me Instead by Ben Platt

Darling, you might think it's too soon
But I can't get you out of my head now
Picturing myself in your room
And I wanna be with you 'til I'm dead now

These are the opening lines to one of Ben Platt's songs on Sing To Me Instead called Share Your Address. Just look at it. Honestly, it just sounds like a love song. You could really take it however you want and assume he is talking about a woman, but I know he isn't (probably, I'm not 100 percent sure, so I'm putting this part here...), which makes it even more powerful. It normalizes being gay. But in the end, it's still just a love song, albeit a really powerful and emotional one.
Sing To Me Instead, Ben Platt's first full solo album, is simply an honest (again, gay, but that's not the point) album about his truth, his emotions and his life.

I first learned about our glorious...

I Accidentally Searched For Synonyms of Funny

HU·MOR /ˈ(h)yo͞omər/ 
a generally stupid concept that humans are addicted to. (I'll admit it, I'm also a humor-addict) Nobody even knows why, we just love it. It is supposed to make us laugh, but let's be real here. Half the time you say 'LOL' by text, you have a literally straight face. We are liars. Gasp. New revelation! Humans are liars who, for some reason, like laughing and making people laugh. For no reason. Nobody even knows what laughing is! Life is a lie.
(verb) it technically means to obey any instruction given to someone with no forethought, logic or reason, but we all know that it should mean to make somebody laugh. Okay. Did you see that? It was so much easier. And I bet I just humored you. Okay, never mind, it doesn't really work. But still. No? I didn't humor you? Okay, thanks. You're ruining my life. 

HU·MOUR  /ˈ(h)yo͞omər/ 
(noun, verb)  if you see...


    Has anyone ever tried learning a new language in a random spur-of-the-moment 'I have a stupid idea' moment?
    Or has anyone decided to try a new sport 'just for a few days?' And then found out that you can't accomplish anything in a few days?
    Has anyone just randomly decided that they wanted to write a book and spent a whole month working on it before throwing the thing out the window?
    Has anyone just generally decided to do something before ultimately deciding not to do something?
    Because I feel like that's me. And basically every other human on earth.
    Did I hear a 'you're wrong?'
    Be that way.
    I'll just be unrelatable and annoying.
    Or, you know, you could just screw off and read something else.
    Still here?
    Truth be told, I have no idea what I'm writing right now.
    I just wanted to be done with the frustration of...

Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

My Eight Years Are Over

I was just separated from my teacher of eight years.
She now teaches another first grade class, while I move on to high school, where teachers and students aren't as connected.
It's funny to think about how annoyed I could get at my teacher, who we shall call Ms. Smith from now on, because in the moment, annoyance feels like the worst thing in the world. In the end, everything we did together with the class was something very special. The bumps on the road made our relationship all the stronger, and I just didn't realize it until she was gone.
She taught us not only what she had to, but also important life lessons. I remember in second grade, Ms. Smith made the class pledge to not smoke. I remember not thinking much about it at the time, but I have to say, the class at that point really didn't understand the severity and actual weight that that promise...

in a field of tulips #thisismyway

"Hope. It’s like a drop of honey, a field of tulips blooming in the springtime. It’s a fresh rain, a whispered promise, a cloudless sky, the perfect punctuation mark at the end of a sentence. And it’s the only thing in the world keeping me afloat."
-Tahereh Mafi

My eyes blur, my thoughts wander, my head drops and my legs collapse.
Life is hopeless. 
I open my eyes again, and I realize that there is hope.
An arm is extended toward me.
The arm...

Free #HomoSapiensStory

I thought I was in love.
Who knew you could hate somebody so much after loving him so much?
Who knew a friendship could be broken in a matter of seconds?

I saw him with another girl, and it broke my heart. It made me realize many things that I thought our relationship had.
I thought he was a reserved person, who didn't talk much. I thought he was being respectful, keeping his hands away. I thought he loved me, seeing me every day.
I was wrong.
He didn't like me enough. He was not reserved with Her.
He had no respect for me. He didn't like me enough. His hands were all over Her.
He didn't love me enough, and it breaks my heart. 
I don't have the heart to tell him that were over, but I hate him so.
We are definitely over.
Tears flow freely from my eyes, and I collapse in defeat. 
But I feel free...

You Learn Something New Every Day

So do people actually learn something new every day?
I've always wondered this, so I decided to actually figure it out.
Disclaimer: this is in no way scientific, so don't be offended if I offend you, and don't take the things that I say as the cold, hard truth, because I might just be totally lying to you. You never know.
Okay. Here goes.

Day one. (And yes, if you were wondering, I did, in fact, write the intro  after doing the experiment. *GASP* Whatever, okay?)
Again, here goes.

Day One.
What did I learn today? Wow, I'm failing at this already. I did learn that I have a weird urge to document this weird and random experiment about learning. Does that count? My experiment, my rules. Yes, that counts.


Day Two.
Today, I learned that apparently, it's hard to have the motivation to keep writing. And I'm still only on the second day. I was planning to...

all the things that i hate

okay so here's the deal. never mind, i hate introductions, can we just get into this?
here are all the things that i hate.
okay, maybe not all, because that list would be wayyyy too long. but let's just hit the highlights.

when random people start talking to me on the street.
stay away from me, social people. don't you understand? stay away from me.
i don't want to talk. and since i don't want to talk, if you approach me to talk, trust me, i will walk away.
lesson one: if i'm looking at my phone but at the same time, my phone is off, it means i'm trying to look occupied to stay alone and unapproachable. 
get the hint.

life - in general.
life is so complicated. i'm complaining to whoever made it. i wish life was one big website, so i would actually be able to complain and rate life to whoever owns it. 
who likes life?...

My Pencils All Broke, So I'm Converting To Mechanicalism

You know that thing where you write so much that all  of your pencils just break in half?
Well I don't, because that's not a thing!
But you should know what it's like to write so hard that all of your pencil leads break, and you're too lazy to sharpen all of those pencils. Because let's face it, there are many things more important than sharpening a pencil that is destined to break again soon anyway... 
But most importantly, if you don't know what it's like to get so mad at a pencil for failing you that you break it, you are lucky. I have countless broken pencils that I'm too emotionally attached to to throw away. They're in that box marked "Emotional Support" which I only open to throw things inside. They're all pencils, of course. There can be nothing else inside. They must be pencils, and only the yellow number. 2 pencils. Ticonderoga. They must be of the...

Should I Be Worried About The Mold On My Windows?

Okay, to be fair, there was already mold on the windows before I moved in, but seriously. Should I be worried? I used to clean my windows every day. Just quickly and not very well, but I've completely stopped doing that. I've just started completely ignoring my windowsill, so I don't have to look at the mold. Is that bad?
I actually started to forget about it and live my life normally, but apparently, mold grows. I mean, what's up with that? At least I think it grew? Who knows, I totally forgot about it anyway. 
But now, I'm seriously worried about it. Like, what if it's causing weird smells in my room and I just don't notice it because I'm used to it. What if my friend, or someone, comes over and comes into my room and decides it smells weird. Or am I just over-worrying? 
I just can't anymore!
I feel like I need to  move out, or...

The Dog Ate My Homework

Okay, I have a dilemma. 
So. Basically, my dog ate my homework. Unfortunately, one my teachers never believes it when somebody swears up and down that their dog ate their homework. Sure, it's a weak argument when a person without a dog says, "My friend's dog ate my homework," but my teacher won't even accept it when people with dogs, like me, forget their homework. I mean, she won't accept it when their dogs eat their homework. But this time, I swear that my dog ate my homework. I swear. Cross my heart and hope to die. Except I don't want to die. Whatever. Let's not sweat the details.
Problem is, I've already used the excuse, "My dog ate my homework, miss," with this teacher. And let me tell you, it didn't go well. So I either have to do my homework again or find a better excuse. And neither of those options is really looking like a good one....

The Note Inside The Bottle (#imagineit)

A gentle wind rustled through Spencer's dark brown hair as she stood looking out into the sunset on a beach. 
She bent down to her feet to change her worn sneakers into a more beach-appropriate pair of flip flops.
She stepped off of the sandy bluff onto the actual beach, feeling the grainy sand on her feet.
She stepped carefully, avoiding all the rocks and sticks, and made her way down to the shore.
Halfway there, Spencer took off her flip flops so she could feel sand under her feet.
She smiled in satisfaction as her feet hit the wet sand nearer to the waves.
She looked over the water, marveling at the beautiful colors the sun was creating.
She then turned her attention to the waves crashing against her bare feet.
Spencer reached down and touched the cold water with her bare hands.
The water's temperature that night was just right for Spencer's taste. 
As Spencer waded farther out,...

Flash Fiction Competition 2019

To Experience Joy

A mother held her baby who then began to cry.
She was terrified. She didn’t know what to do.
She lay the baby on the tabletop and called her husband.
When the baby’s crying reached its loudest, the husband entered with concern in his eyes.
The mother gestured frantically, saying that she had no idea what to do.
“Hold her,” he said. “Sing to her. Rock her body gently. Hug her tightly.”
She picked her up, sang and rocked her, just like he’d said to. 
And when she held her against her chest, her eyes lit up with joy.