Sorry if I sound really nitpicky in this review. It's a bad habit of mine *scratches head*. If you have any questions about anything I mentioned then feel free to message me about it! Take all I said with a grain of salt because ultimately, it's you that knows what's best for your writing. Good luck on the contest :). This is really beautiful and will definitely be a contender. Amazing as always!
Sorry about the very long review and if I sound particularly nitpicky. Take everything I said with a grain of salt because ultimately, you're the one that knows what's best for your writing. If you have any questions or concerns just ask me! I'm very curious about this story! Your writing is so nice and flowing and so uniquely yours! Are you going to publish this story here or one some platform I wonder *thinking emoji*. I probably sound pretty pretentious in this review but wow this is really really good! I would spew praise for it but I think you wanted a more detailed review (?) so here ya go. Good work! :)
It would be the understatement of the year to say I had a NIGHTMARE choosing which piece of yours to review simply because they're all so good! Even on this one, I felt like everything I said was inconsequential and unimportant because you did so much right. Take my words with a grain of salt because all I was doing was taking nitpicks and expanding on them. Your pieces are a major guilty pleasure of mine, keep it up!
Honestly, I wasn't expecting much because you put yourself down in the comment you left for me, but I was pleasantly surprised with what this was. The poem is short, but it tells a lot. You deserve to be a little more confident in this piece! I hope what I said helped you, thanks for liking my poem first!
This is from the post you commented on earlier. Here's some things I'd like to say. (1): It's generally not a good idea to introduce all the characters and their profiles in a huge exposition dump. It's hard to read, and as you develop as a writer, it's a hard habit to shake off. Try to present them in more subtle ways, like the way they talk, their nervous habits, or some quirks, like you did for the triplets, Marcus, and Levi in the previous paragraphs. Keep in mind that with such a large cast of characters, it'll be harder to manage them all and give them all realistic backgrounds/personality traits etc. You've done a good job with the three characters I've mentioned though. TL;DR, Maybe introduce the character slowly and gradually in a way that feels more natural. (2): A minor nitpick, but usually when you're writing a novel or a chapter book, capitalizing is preferred. (3): I used to have this problem too; when you're using quotation marks for dialogue, the format is: "(dialogue)". There are no spaces in front of the first word. TL;DR, there aren't any spaces in between the first quotation marks and the first word. (4): There are many grammatical errors. If you need any help, I'll be happy to provide it, but for now, I'll just leave you with this. TL;DR, check your grammar in places. English is weird. (5): Sophia seems to have an awful lot of responsibility for her age. This brings up the question: how long has this been going on? They can't stay in that hiding spot and subsist on moldy bread forever, right? How has Sophia been dealing with this huge burden psychologically? TL;DR, It's amazing that you're dealing with topics like these, but they are a little heavy, so you might want to tread carefully. This is such a cool concept! I'm a little harsh when it comes to peer reviews, so it might not come off that way, but this is truly an amazing first part. Sophia is characterized nicely, and even some of the children got their turn in the spotlight! I'm sure that with a few tweaks here and there, this could be absolutely phenomenal. If you disagree with any of the points I've made, or if you have some criticism about the peer review itself, I'll gladly listen! I'm sorry if I have offended you or sound conceited or arrogant. I'll keep tabs on this story, as I think it has great potential! I hope this helped you!
about 1 month
PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020
Some things: The word 'and' is used a lot, and it might be for style and it works really well in some places, but it might get repetitive after a while. TL;DR, the 'and's might be overused in some places, and it could be affecting the phrasing. In the second stanza, things get weirdly philosophical (don't know if that's the right word). I feel like it's detached from the rest of the poem and doesn't fit the overall 'vibe' well. The reason is, most of this poem utilizes 'physical' characteristics of things to make you visualize it well, but this stanza, I feel, interrupts it. It's not terribly jarring, but I think it's a little disconcerting. TL;DR, the second stanza seems a little out of place. Some minor nitpicks: in the first stanza, line 13, 'we cry; inside' seems to be a typo. If it's not, I'd suggest moving the semicolon to after the word 'inside'. On the very last line of the poem, I think the periods aren't needed. I get what you're trying to do, and I think that making a new line could be more effective. TL;DR, there are phrasing issues in Stanza 1, Line 13 and the last line of Stanza 4. Remember, take my suggestions with a grain of salt. If you disagree, then you can just ignore this. You know this better than me after all. :)
about 2 months