My immediate thoughts: There is no clear distinction between scenes. Reading one thing and suddenly being somewhere else can be frustrating to read. My lingering thoughts: The ideas presented in this piece are amazing in their own right, although the delivery suffers at times. Final thoughts: I like this piece! While it drags at times, the various blood scenes are rather entertaining.
8 days ago
I rewrote this after it crashed. Also on mobile too, so please excuse any grammar errors in this. Sorry if this review is a little lackluster, I had very odd circumstances to write it in. Perhaps I will review it again under better conditions
15 days ago
Excellent piece! You have real talent and obviously put a lot of work into... well... your work! This piece must've had a lot of effort put into it, and for that you deserve praise. Thank you so much for posting this, it truly was a delight (and slightly disturbing) to read.
19 days ago
Well done! One thing I would recommend practicing with this piece is pacing. While it still flows smoothly in the beginning, the ending kind of (for the lack of a better term) runs into a wall. Still a lovely piece, but the pacing felt strange at the end.
30 days ago
PROMPT: Child Narrator
I really really like this piece! While it doesn't read how I would personally imagine a child speaking or telling a story, there's still a lot of meaning hidden in the words, and I'm a sucker for meaning.
about 1 month ago
Lovely work! Yohr writing always leaves me stunned for a few minutes. The way you add voice to your work is excellent, which makes the writing feel like reality for a few moments.
3 months ago
PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019
For getting under 1000 words, my only recommendation is cutting down on unnecessary sentences. If it doesn't contribute to the story, it shouldn't exist. That's my two cents anyways. It can be hard to determine where those sentences might be, and maybe you don't even have them.
4 months ago