Just a week before, I'd have killed to be anywhere else. Now I'd kill to stay forever.
The kitchen table is covered with food combinations I've never seen, and surrounded by people I feel like I've known my entire life. The conversation is nothing special; coyotes, fires, the weather back home. For once, time moves by at just the right pace. And it feels so vivid, as if we've somehow found ourselves in a Rembrandt painting or a well thought-out storybook illustration. I can take in every word, every laugh, every flavor in every sip of coffee. You don't say much, but I can read past your eyes that you feel the same.
But eventually real life catches up again. I step out of the house and into the street. I fight a happy cry even before I turn around to see you standing there to see me off. I raise my right hand and wave goodbye as if I'm...
I don't remember much about the party itself. I remember the fuzzy socks and the glitter and the hot chocolate. I remember the little circle in the floor, singing carols softly accompanied with an acoustic guitar. But mostly I remember what happened after the party.
I remember the frustrated crying in the floor. The cursing myself for allowing myself to feel that way at such an inopportune time, the questioning why it was even happening in the first place. But then came the redemption, the "why don't you tell me about it?" and the conversation that followed.
I remember the "I feel for you" and "sometimes I wish I could take our problems and throw them away like football players throw those footballs of theirs". It made the December air feel like midsummer; the adrenaline coursing through my veins come to a still. And even when the party had come to a close, when the people around us began to...
Plane and train and boat.
Laughing until it hurts;
dancing until it doesn't.
I think I want the rest of my life to be lined with cobblestone
Filled with ceiling paintings and pigeons
(Just like you)
A hope for the sun to return, but you can't stop the rain.
I've heard springtime is for new life
Flowers that push through the cold, stony ground
It's a coming out of hibernation,
finally feeling the sun on your skin after months of gloomy winter
But this springtime is for storm clouds
Shades of gray that will not be scrubbed from the corners of the sky
It's stepping into a rainy season,
the sun is still very much hidden away from sight
Winter should've taken the gray on its way out
And yet it persists, keeping life behind a windowpane
It doesn't know that I am equipped this time around
My armor is a yellow raincoat pushed aside 'til today
The weather is not what it's supposed to be
Dark clouds censoring the sun's rays
And why should I let that stop me?
I will be the light that dances through the gray
You can't stop the rain, but...
A FRESH START -
(april 1, 2019)
i'm brushing off the dust
to plunge back into the dirt
and down, down, down
i'm withdrawing the dead roots
to give the garden a fresh start
pulling up, up, up
and it's beauty beyond recognition