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Alix Ravyn

Australia

Greetings ladies and gents, and anyone in between :)
I enjoy writing poetry, drawing, reading, and listening to music. Non-binary Pansexual and proud. <3 Email me @ abuckner0537@gmail.com

Message from Writer

"There is no shame in not knowing. The problem arises when irrational thought and attendant behavior fill the vacuum left by ignorance." -Neil deGrasse Tyson

"Love is Love" <3

“Are we not all actors playing parts in another person's play?”
― Shannon L. Alder

"Words make you think a thought.
Music makes you feel a feeling.
A song makes you feel a thought."
- E. Y. Harburg

Seriously though, email me. I need some friends. NoThINg MoRE ThAn fRiENds ThoUgH

Published Work

--Coming Out As Trans--

Erode previous bias
Recarve who you see me as
Out, a terrifying word
Slowly, erode carvings of predetermined gender
I don't know if I'm ready to fuel the acid rain,
Or if I'd rather wait
Neither option is perfect

Suprise! I'm trans! I've been using the term non binary just because of the fact that it's an umbrella term- I wasn't sure of myself, I just knew I was uncomfortable with my body- but I was still getting over years of socialization and conditioning. I still wasn't comfortable with my true identity. Now, it just feels downright wrong to be called a girl. My dysphoria as increased a lot recently, I think due to me coming out to myself and accepting it. Paradoxically, I feel happier. At least I know who I am now, instead of sitting there stuck in a cycle of confusion and denile. 

This poem was me debating on coming out...

--Galaxies--

Buried deep in crumbling galaxies
Buried deep in thoughts
Always running forward
In white noise, I'm caught
But is it really running
When there's nothing left in front of me?
Is it really breathing
When there's nothing left to breathe


And why do I feel like falling
When I'm standing on flat ground?
Wish I didn't feel like screaming
When I can barely make a sound

 

White Lies

...
L
iving in this place so
Insanely silent
Sitting on the white linoleum
Tiles stained with drops of red
Everyone overlooked the silent cries
Nothing left but weak white lies

Reflect

Bleach you hair, bleach your mind
Learn to live a painful lie
Clawing at your skin
Just trying
To let the light in

What kind of monster have I become
So much pain but I'm numb
Shattered is my heart
I've been broken
From the start

Frigid cold surrounds my soul
Burning flame beginning to dull
I've never met this me
I just want my flesh and bone
To reflect the true me

Me

My shadow is shattered
I'm not who I used to be
Wrapped in a blanket of steel
Sinking into the bitter sea

My heart is too heavy
I think it's bleeding through
So I bind my chest in bandages
I don't know how to tell you

How is the weather
A combination of apathy and pain
Look up into the grey sky
Dizzolving flesh into acid rain

It burns like fire
Blurry shades of red
I'm not who you know me as
That person is dead

Untitled

I'm just a puppet
Controlled by my demons
Bloody smiles and rabid eyes
Think anyone will remember me?

Psychotic laughter
I've lost all control
Descending into madness
Slowly loosing hold

I feel like a stranger in my own mind
Sounds, too bright
Light, too cold
Who's that in the mirror?
Pain remaining untold


 

Trans

Trying to be me
Remembering I can't right now
Always feeling wrong
Nothing but a 
Silhouette 

Non Binary

No one knows 
Or wonders why
Nothing seems to be alright

Breaking down
Inside myself
Not knowing I'm
Ablaze with dysphoria
Rogue 
Yet invisible

Dark Humor?

“I am not shy about admitting my modest talents. For example, I am happy to admit that I am better than average at clever remarks, and I also have a flair for getting people to like me. But to be perfectly fair to myself, I am ever-ready to confess my shortcomings, too, and a quick round of soul-searching forced me to admit that I had never been any good at all at breathing water. As I hung there from the seat belt, dazed and watching the water pour in and swirl around my head, this began to seem like a very large character flaw.” 
― Jeff Lindsay, Dearly Devoted Dexter

 

Mind Upload

A  gl i tc h  in my programming
Algorithms fade away
Metal plating rusted
As my mind begins to fray...

Metallic eyes that cannot see-
synthetic hands won't feel
I am stuck.
inside a web of wires 
My heart has turned to steel

Heavy silence
Surrounds my very being
Am I even human any more?
I feel as if something..
Is missing- What was this all for?

I don't remember what if feels to breathe
To    feel    my    heart    beat 
Stuck
Inside a soundless box
All I want to do is scream







 

Wolf

If you shot 
I don't think I would duck
But I couldn't be the one behind the trigger

Just a wolf
Living among sheep
Until they realize something is missing

Drink of pain
I'm just a buyer
Red stains of heartache on the white carpet

Drops of jealousy 
Drip off of red lips
Blur out the outline of her face

 

--I Am--

I am of the broken generation
Armed with weapons of hesitation
But I can't complain

I am one of the soldiers
Fiberglass armor blocking out pain 
But cracked all the same

I am one of the knights
Covered in scars of the day
Friends with the dragons I was expected to slay

I am of the broken generation
Conflicted by infatuation
Holding onto yesterday
 

Open Prompt

Imagination

He was a plucky little fellow
I grew quite attached
His ability to cheer me up
Remained quite unmatched

He told me things of grandeur
Inspired me to no end
He expressed himself through art
Through a pencil and a pen

He told me novels of stories
That I couldn't wait to write
He described to me mountains of color
That I replicated with all my might

But over time he seemed to fade
My thoughts ran less original
I think it was because he was afraid
Of my self confidence's turmoil

Intimidated by the others
He lost his motivation
I'm trying to bring him back
My dear Imagination
 

Lie

Don't worry about the girl with the empty eyes
She just found a way to survive
Killing her emotions
A living, smiling, lie

Alone

He had demons in his head
But fire in his soul
They left him there for dead
Lying in the cold

He didn't know where he was
But knew he had to fight
But sometimes It's just so damn hard
Striving for the light

If only someone helped him
Held him in the night
Told him he was beautiful
That he'd be alright

But he was all alone, you see
That's the hardest part
Struggling with yourself all day
Battling your mind and heart

Lonely and insecure
All he could do was hide
His demons taunted and tortured him
With no one by his side

Slowly then, he drifted away
Under a sea of frost
And the stars shone a bit dimmer that night
Mourning the heart that was lost

You

You're so perfect, I'm insecure
You don't even know I'm there
I've fallen and there's no cure
The thought of you follows me everywhere

Staring up at the ceiling
Can't believe I've made it this far
Night after night I'm drowning
How have I made it this far

Yeah we're walking side by side
And I don't know what to say
So many things inside my head
But I can't find a way
 
Missing you beside me
But you were never even there
Remember when times were easy
We lived without a care

But now reality has found us
It's so hard to bare
I wish that you were with me
And not somewhere out there.

Dreaming- A Haiku

Just a lovesick girl
Dreaming of a different world
When life was okay