Alice

lizbadiz

United States

See that girl kneeling next to the bookshelf in the library? She's whispering the book titles to herself. That's me. Back away slowly, and then run.

Peer Reviews

The First

FREE WRITING

This is a really great piece. I didn't have a lot to criticize here. You did a great job with all the mechanics of writing. Maybe deepening both these characters would lead to more writing ideas. Good job and keep writing!

about 2 months ago

A Note For You

FREE WRITING

A few notes....Work on the mechanics of dialogue. It takes a while to get the hang of, but your writing will improve immensely once you figure it out. Also, try to show, not tell. Don't tell us the character's feelings, show us actions that display them. Thirdly-to keep from having run-on sentences....try to start a new sentence whenever the subject changes. Same goes for paragraphs. To make your writing easier to read, you should also alternate the length of your sentences. It will flow so much better when you can do this. Good job! With some revision you'll have people reaching for their Kleenex to sob their hearts out.

about 2 months ago

Here I am

PROMPT: Cosmic Creations

So-at the start I was a little confused about why this black hole cares so much about us and our planet, but then it became more obvious. Firstly, you should read Madeline L'Engle's books if you're interested in this kind of thing-she wrote A Wrinkle In Time, and many other books that are very good. Those might give you some ideas of the songs stars-and black holes-sing in their Creator. Work through this idea, and it could be quite good. Secondly, try to avoid writing in the same way you talk. Your writer's voice should still be uniquely you, but there are some words we use in our everyday language that have little place in writing. Good job and keep writing!

about 2 months ago

Rebel: Part 1

FREE WRITING

How do I say this? Basically....it feels like this is a rant rather than a story. Don't get me wrong-I love a good rant, but there's a time and place for everything. Since it seems as though this is going to be a story with multiple parts, maybe you can show us the aggravating patriarchy of this kingdom over time, instead of throwing it all at us here. It feels like you've thrown us straight into the middle of a story here with no preamble whatsoever. Can you lead us in more gently? But I am totally here for it if you're going to write a story about a girl who leads a rebel army of women.

about 2 months ago

Fantasy ❤️

FREE WRITING

This piece would be much more digestible if it were multiple paragraphs rather than one big chunk. You need (need, need, need!) to start a new sentence every time someone speaks! That said, I'm a fairly harsh grader, but you have a lot of potential with this piece. Good job and have fun expanding it!

about 2 months ago

HAPPY TOGETHER

FREE WRITING

Don't forget to keep each character's voice up...it really lends to their characterization. Otherwise, great job! I wish I could see the film.

about 2 months ago

Her or Him

FREE WRITING

*claps* ok ok ok I've got a lot to say here, so buckle in! I like this idea a lot. Don't take my criticism too personally...I'm pretty harsh, but I only review pieces I see promise in. Good job and keep writing!

about 2 months ago

Ssshhh

PROMPT: A Sense of Place

With some revision, this could be terrifying. One important thing that really will improve your writing is to differentiate in sentence length. If you just wrote a very long sentence, write a short one. This will make the piece easier to read. I'm a fairly harsh reviewer, but overall, great job!

about 2 months ago

Margaret Patterson was a Lighthouse

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I'm a fairly harsh reviewer, but I did like this piece. There's no shame in having a draft that needs redoing. This could be a very good piece, provided that you revise it.

about 2 months ago

Birthday Wishes #sweetlybitter

FREE WRITING

I'm a fairly harsh reviewer, but I did like this piece a lot. I hope you do well in the contest and keep writing!

about 2 months ago

1929

FREE WRITING

4 months ago

Perfectly Normal

FREE WRITING

4 months ago

A Ghost and a Goose

PROMPT: Three-Minute Fiction

Great job!

5 months ago