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Turkey

Message from Writer

Do you like what you are reading? Let me know, I am anxious about what I put out there.

Published Work

31.1.19

Feeling like I am in between places
Where I can run a little faster
and the rest will be okay
Or I can stop forever
And no one would care
Can somebody freeze the time for me
So I can catch them all
No one told me that this was a race
So now I fall behind
Trying to find a way up to the sky
They tell me that it is easy to go on
You follow this bloody thing
And do what it says
Then you will be okay
But my heart doesn't really speak
I don't know how I can go in their speed
I don't think I can follow
The speed of their sound
I cannot even keep up
With my own tempo in this road

you and your sweetie. (Warning: family drama and swearing)

Yesterday
i got your message
about how you love me,
how you think
i remind you of someone.
And i laughed out loud.
Did you thought the same
when you talked behind of the person i cared?
How did you forget
that you mentioned your "love of life" around me
after he lied,
after he told lies about things that didn't happen
and trashed me behind my back
and after you believed
every word he said?
Don't you remember
how you tried to change me
through people in my family?
Don't you remember
that you hurt my sister,
my father,
my mother?
I guess you forgot. 
But you know what?
I remember. 
And my life has been better
after i blocked you
from my life.
I accepted who i am,
the one who you tried to change.
I got closer with my friends
and talked more with my family.
I am stronger 
than you could ever be.
So fuck you  ...

crush


Didn't know I was capable of
Expressing such a big emotion
I cannot tell it to you though
You can call me a coward
But how can I tell you
When we didn't speak at all.
I am not some creep who follows
I want to believe that it is the universe
Wants us to cross each other’s road
But I don't think we are that strong
I saw the way you shake your feet
I know you have to change your sight
I notice that you have a nervous voice
I don't think you even notice me
And here I am interpreting your moves
Can you believe I wrote you a poem
You are not even gonna know about
Don't worry, it is not that I am in love
This is how I get rid of a thought.

24/2/2019

i don't understand
what you want,
what you need,
nor what you are.
Tried to figure it out
my whole life
but i always end up
under the start sign.

You never liked me,
you never cared for me,
you never listened to me,
then you said what it is not about me,
nothing personal.
I am just a cry baby,
an attention seeker.
It could never be about me.

I tried to help you, more than once
but your walls
were too strong,
you pride and words
were hurtful to be around.
So i ran, 
you didn't like that
my attention was too important to lose.
So you shouted,
you yelled,
Called me a coward,
lonely,
attention seeker,
drama queen. 

I try and try and try but
i am out of tries.
And you can call me a quitter
but at least i know
what i want
what i need
and what i am
unlike you.

give in for today

I can hear my heartbeat-
no, I can feel it.
I have urge to shake my feet.
My ears are itching
like hundreds soldiers fights inside of my skin.
My stomach burns.
You think, "did I eat onions
or am I anxious?"
because they leave a similar feeling on your tounge.
I feel like i radiate bad thoughts around
I lose the feeling in my guts.
It rises from beneath 
Depresion is an evil I can never defeat. 
What is the point?
So I hail the devil once again
staying inside of my bed,
feeling my back pain 
and my eyes tired.
I should probably sleep
and give in.

Because I have tomorrow to fight
I am just tired tonight.

 

breaking up through lyrics - Contest Entry

My shadow is over you 
I am feeling like I'm alright living in the shadow.
I keep on trying to let you go
Now we're saying bye
But I need your love.

Sometimes you're better off alone
With an unhappy ending.
You speak and make time stand still,
You warmed my blood from cold
Like nobody ever will, nobody ever has

Don't you know something?
I've seen it coming
but I don't know how I'm gonna get up from this one.

dream logs #1: reflection named Hannah

Since I was a little kid, I always had these dreams -or rather nightmares- about mirrors. Whenever I saw a mirror in front of me, the reflection moved completely different than me. It always frightened me. I even was scared to go to bathroom in the night because we had a giant mirror in front of the door. I always was scared of seeing myself in the mirror in real life. I thought that it was going to do something I didn't do. Also having body dysmorphia, even as a child, didn't help the situation either. The person in the mirror was looking like me but it was not me. It was much scarier to me as a kid. I always frightened that one day, that person would come out of the mirror and put me into the mirror and I would lose everything. No one could help me in my dreams because the reflection always did this when others...

dream logs

HEY!
I don't know if it is just me but I find dreams fascinating and mines are always weird but full of story. I tried to make a 'video series' about them but I don't think people are interested to watch terrible videos about my dreams. I don't know if you guys are going to be either but let's give it a shot! I am going to share them titled as "dream log #number: title I have made for the dream". So I thought I should tell you before starting to share them. I know a handful people follow me and I am not too active in the site but I hope you read it. I mean even one person who reads is enough for me to share my thoughts.

Anyways, I am gonna write the first one after I publish this. Hope you like it.

Strike

the real monster; xenophobia

Xenophobia is little monster that makes other people get scared about change and progress. Everytime we let this monster inside of our mind, we alienate ourselves from the real people so we become blinded by the world this little monster made for us. If someone terrifies you because this little monster came into their head and altered the reality to make them see you as a monster, you can always call me out for help. I will come with you in order to erase this monster from those who have been manipulated by it. It may never be gone but in the end, we will be stronger than ever, connected and held tight.

please help me.

Hey there. I love this site but I have some difficulties trying to figure out how it works. If someone can answer my questions, I would be glad.

How do you reply a comment?

Can you tag people?

Is there a way that I can write all these without making it "published work"? 

Is there an app? Or there not?

Is there any club you can recommend?

And is there anything else I should know? 

Thank you for answering my questions. Love you all.

from my old notebook.

I don't feel so good.
My throat is hurting.
I think I am drownig
in this thing we call reality.
I don't think I am pretty
just like everyone else, 
I find it hard to believe
that someone can love me.
And I feel heavy
while I am drowning
in this thin air.
I don't think it is fair
while everyone is having fun,
I can only feel pity
for myself, so, I
sit in the dark
and avoid the sun
once again in my life.

the room

I look around the room I just walked in.
It looks nice
but oddly, it says the otherwise.
The lightning is even
and colors are spreading but I don't feel the spirits in the room.
The walls are not talking.
Nobody really lived here, I assume.

It looks like a place that make you feel safe
but if you stay for too long, you will go insane.

Even the plants are fake.
If they could talk they would say;
"Leave this place immediately for your own sake.
There is not a single soul that lives here.
If you stay longer
you too will become a goner.
Leave your soul without us
in this room with some dust.
We may look worthy
but you have no idea what you are facing.
We are not some souls that can be saved;
we are the ones who caged
the souls who were once safe.
Don't you dare believe in our illusion"

So I...

a raining day

never really get why i felt so good
when the whole world becomes colder
the sky is full with dark blue clouds
people leave their home with their boats,
the leaves leave the trees
and touches the ground
to meet with my feet.
when i feel my wet hair,
i feel like i am floating in the air
the wetness makes me shiver through my spine
i feel happy in this cold night.

Tiny Love Story

oh, sister

Intimate hands of our nuns,
touching each others’ hearts
without your knowledge.
They have their own language
to say what they want to say.


We believe it is forbidden to love.
The religion should not create a war
inside of your head. 
God does not hate.
What you love is what you are.

Oh, sister, you are utterly beautiful
to not be loved. 
The sin they think we are making
is just love.

an old friend named anxiety

I have this friend
who goes with me everywhere.
We breathe, eat and sleep together
but he always stops me from going further.
He thinks he is helping me
while trying to destroy everything I made.


When I am with him everyone looks at me different
like I am not enough.
They judge me with every move they do
and I end up feeling like a fool.
We talk about this,
he tightens his fist
and says that it is not his fault;
He just wants to keep me safe
from people whom he thinks are threats.


He thinks that everyone is gonna make me unhappy
because when he is around all they do is hate me.
But he doesn't see the times when I was in pure joy
when he was not around.
He is a good friend of mine
When he is there
people think that I am not enough,
they look at me like I am not...

Dear Patricia -a letter to let you go

I am gonna call you Patricia. Patricia, I wish you the best life. I am sorry.  I am sorry. I am genuinely sorry. I am sorry that I said hi that day. I am sorry that you smiled me back. I am sorry that I said you were the prettiest out there. I am sorry that you loved my crazy ideas and the way I see the world. I am sorry that I said I cared about you and told you my lifestory. I am so sorry that I listened to yours and said that I was sorry to hear and wished bad things to go away. I am so sorry that I was not what you want from life. I am sorry I forgot about you when you needed me. I am sorry that I was busy when you wanted me. I am sorry that I gave you hope. I am sorry that you gave me hope.

Life never...

i weight

I weight
More than my pain
More than I claim
More than the numbers
I count smiles
Not the calories
Because we only have this moment to seize
They told me I should lose weight
A smaller nose and I would be okay
And I believed in them once
It took me countless tries
To realize that my tummy
Is just making me me
My body is not your problem
My body is my own temple
I won't be part of your agenda
You can call me just a propaganda
My belly and nose are perfect
Just like my friends and grades
You can come and join the party
If you just realize your own beauty
Our door is always open
You are braver by just loving
Who you are in and out
Calories are nothing when your thoughs
Glow in the way they do

16/1/2019

i feel his touch under my skin
it burns my heart to let him in.
i feel like i have no choice.

my friends tell me that i am wrong
but they are not the one who feel the loathe.
i feel it when i am sleeping
and he is looking through my phone
i feel it in the morning
when he goes to work
i feel it when i am outside and having fun
i feel it when nobody else is around.

i feel unsafe
scared of my own fate

I should not stop the fight but
what is the use when my hands are tied?


they think that i am strong
because i have dealt with this for so long
but they don't see the reality
where i could’ve escaped
but instead
i kept hiding inside of him, scared.


i am scared.
i lived my life inside of his shell
and i cannot find the courage to break...