5582bdb6 648a 47a9 a397 cd13dbf320c3

Gray_1604

United States

14 years old
Part of the LGBTQ community
Badflower Lover
TØP Lover
Musician
Survivor
Fighter
Crazy (in a good way)

Message from Writer

“Don’t underestimate me. I know more than I say, think more than I speak, notice more than you realize.”
~ Unknown

Potato? Potato.

Published Work

Survey of the Hair

Hey guys! So a few months ago I dyed my hair black. Then a few weeks ago I tried to Kool-Aid it, which ended up making my head sting and itch super bad. But it striped the dye out so now its just dark brown again. So I am planning on dying it another color in the next few weeks and I need your opinions. What color should I dye it next? I can't bleach it so anything too light is out of the picture. I was thinking dark blue or red but I need to know what you guys think. Put in the comments what color you think I should dye it. The highest votes on one color wins! (Btw I'm also open to ombre ideas too) Get creative but not to crazy. Ready. Set. GO!!!

Music for Ya'll

If you guys like rock, alternative rock, metal, heavy metal, or genres like that, you should listen to these bands...

  • Nothing More
  • Badflower
  • Stone Sour
  • Slipknot
  • In This Moment
  • The Pretty Reckless
  • Green Day
  • 10 Years
  • The Glorious Sons
  • Breaking Benjamin
  • Evanescence
  • Flyleaf
  • Hollywood Undead
  • Korn
  • Linkin Park
  • Nirvana
  • Papa Roach
  • Paramore
  • Red
  • Theory Of A Deadman
  • Thousand Foot Crutch
  • Three Days Grace
  • Shinedown
  • 3 Doors Down
  • Asking Alexandria
  • Avenged Sevenfold
  • Five Finger Death Punch
  • Godsmack
  • Halestorm
  • Highly Suspect
  • I Prevail
  • Clutch
  • Red Sun Rising
  • Seether
Here are a few bands that I personally like and think anyone with my music taste should listen to. 

Home To Me; Home To You

Home to me
People I don't know
Stories untold
From things you don't expect

Home to you,
People you trust
Stories revealed
From times you hold near

Home to me
Staff to watch me
Monitor my every move 
In case I break down

Home to you 
Parents to care 
To keep you safe
In case a bad day hits

So you see
My friends
Home to me 
Isn't home to you

Shoutouts!!!

I just wanted to make this piece to give shoutouts to the people who have helped me with my writing or just supported me along the way. So thank you to...

  • daisyapple
  • Johanna
  • Catlover
  • A Cow
  • Majestically Awkward Manatee
  • green.eyes.gurl
  • hanni03.01
  • PANDABEAR
  • Kerley_Friez
  • Gregory Lengthwise
  • NightReader
  • rosemarywisdom
  • Deej
  • Gray.1604
  • weirdo
  • xXlunagirlXx
  • --RosieOnTheRun (from reality)--
  • L.B. Stoltz
  • Harlow
  • SparklingEmbers
  • mason wong
  • Kahte
  • Emily❤
  • Lovegood_24
  • CuaCriaulthy
  • Pointless-Person-Parker
  • Bee05
  • timtam.9
  • she_writes
  • Alix Ravyn
  • Riyality
  • Lightless
  • Elizabeth Chancey
  • BrokenSmile
  • tiff.any
  • Aeon Thanatos
  • theresafrance
  • Big Blue
  • inspiremaks14
  • avocado
  • sedya
  • Araw
  • Living My Life Through Writing
These are just a few of the many people I would like to give a shoutout to. Thanks you guys for all the support and help! Oh, and before I forget, the contest results should be out by next week. Its been a long couple of weeks and I appreciate your patience with me. 

 

Almost over #MentalHealthMonth

Hey guys! So the contest I set up #MentalHealthMonth is almost over, so if you want to get your entries in, get them in NOW. I want to thank everyone who entered so far and hope a few more people will join. 

~Gray

Going Under

The water level had reached my neck. It was brisk against my numb skin. My sister, Raneè, held my hand, her grip slowly loosening as the waves crashed over us time and time again. I tried to hold on to her but it was so hard. The tsunami was far from over and we knew deep down we wouldn’t survive this. Not this time. We’d survived the sun and the earthquakes but we were trapped now. The waves took my sister and she lost her grip on me. It took me under seconds later. I was gone. Darkness surrounded me.

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia is a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling.
People with schizophrenia require lifelong treatment. Early treatment may help get symptoms under control before serious complications develop and may help improve the long-term outlook.

Symptoms:

  • Delusions. These are false beliefs that are not based in reality. For example, you think that you're being harmed or harassed; certain gestures or comments are directed at you; you have exceptional ability or fame; another person is in love with you; or a major catastrophe is about to occur. Delusions occur in most people with schizophrenia.
  • Hallucinations. These usually involve seeing or hearing things that don't exist. Yet for the person with schizophrenia, they have the full force and impact of a normal experience. Hallucinations can be in any of the senses, but hearing voices is the most...

Dissociative Identity Disorder

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a rare condition in which two or more distinct identities, or personality states, are present in—and alternately take control of—an individual. Some people describe this as an experience of possession. The person also experiences memory loss that is too extensive to be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Symptoms

  • Significant memory loss of specific times, people and events
  • Out-of-body experiences, such as feeling as though you are watching a movie of yourself
  • Mental health problems such as depression, anxiety and thoughts of suicide
  • A sense of detachment from your emotions, or emotional numbness
  • A lack of a sense of self-identity

New Contest #MentalHealthMonth

Hey guys! So it seems that my last contest went pretty well so I decided I would start a new one. It was pretty fun last time so why not give this thing another try and hopefully we can get more entries than we did last time!

Prompt: In honor of this month being Mental Health Awareness Month, I have decided to die a contest on this topic. I want you guys to write a piece in the perspective of a mental illness. For example you can do a piece in the perspective of anxiety or depression or borderline personality disorder or DID. Get creative and let the mental illness stand out in your piece. Please title your piece with #MentalHealthMonth so I know you entered. Also to qualify put a link to your piece in the comments

Word limit: The word limit is again, limitless. Make it as long as please (just don’t give me a whole 500...

Anorexia Nervosa

Anorexia nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by weight loss (or lack of appropriate weight gain in growing children); difficulties maintaining an appropriate body weight for height, age, and stature; and, in many individuals, distorted body image. People with anorexia generally restrict the number of calories and the types of food they eat. Some people with the disorder also exercise compulsively, purge via vomiting and laxatives, and/or binge eat.

Symptoms
Emotional and behavioral

  • Dramatic weight loss
  • Dresses in layers to hide weight loss or stay warm
  • Is preoccupied with weight, food, calories, fat grams, and dieting
  • Refuses to eat certain foods, progressing to restrictions against whole categories of food (e.g., no carbohydrates, etc.)
  • Makes frequent comments about feeling “fat” or overweight despite weight loss
  • Complains of constipation, abdominal pain, cold intolerance, lethargy, and/or excess energy
  • Denies feeling hungry
  • Develops food rituals (e.g., eating foods in certain orders, excessive chewing, rearranging food on a plate)
  • Cooks meals for others without eating
  • ...

Borderline Personality Disorder

What is it?
Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder that impacts the way you think and feel about yourself and others, causing problems functioning in everyday life. It includes a pattern of unstable intense relationships, distorted self-image, extreme emotions and impulsiveness.
With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.

Symptoms

  • An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection
  • A pattern of unstable intense relationships, such as idealizing someone one moment and then suddenly believing the person doesn't care enough or is cruel
  • Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don't exist at all
  • Periods of stress-related paranoia and loss...

Mental Health Awareness Month

I have decided that for every day I am doing this contest I am going to post a piece or two (or more) dedicated to a mental illness like DID or BPD or Depression or Anxiety, etc. K? K.

~Gray

Example #MentalHealthMonth

So, maybe I didn’t make the prompt clear enough... Don’t get me wrong, I love the pieces I got so far but they don’t exactly fit the prompt. The prompt is supposed to be in the perspective of a mental illness. So here is an example of one in the perspective of anxiety...

Dear anxiety owner, 

You tell me to calm down. You tell me to go away. But you will always have me in your corner looking around at every little thing. Worrying about how this situation or that situation will go. Then, we have the anxiety attacks. When I attack you with such a force that you shake and are unable to speak. You can tell what’s wrong because I hold you back. You want to get rid of me. I know that. You see her to try and get rid of me. You may suppress me into the back of your mind but I will never leave....

Teenage Girl

    I opened the backdoor and covered my face with my scarf. The snow was falling hard and it felt like needles on my skin. I turned as the glass door closed, looking at Lori, Renae, and Alex. Lori gave me a thumbs up and smiled as she motioned for me to go on. I turned back around and began to make my way to the old barn. The one that everyone says is haunted. It was served as a place where people were held captive and eventually killed in. People always say they see a girl, looking maybe 13 or 14 at the most, in the window, staring out at them as they pass by. Why my parents bought a house that has a creepy barn in the backyard is beyond me but now my dare is to spend 30 minutes inside with the door closed. And did I mention I have to be recording the whole time?...

Corridors

I walked down the dimly lit hallway, my footsteps the only noise echoing down the hallway of the abandoned building. The lights flickered continuously, morphing my shadow into something inhumanly. As I continued down the hallway, I heard someone calling my name, over and over again. I froze in place and moments later the lights went out. I screamed, but someone screamed with me, hysterically. Then the voice that screamed called my name again while laughing psychotically. I ran, not knowing where I was going, or where I needed to get out from. Why did I agree to do this? Why did I listen to Eden and Annabelle? Why didn’t I convince them to come with me? All these thoughts rummaged through my head as I ran and ran and ran. Then the laughing and voices stopped and the lights turned on. I found my self at the intersection of multiple corridors. Then I pushed through the door down the...

Another Q&A!

So I was requested by Bee05 to make another Q&A piece so I thought about it and...why not?! So this time we’re going to go up to 20+ questions and then I will make another piece answering all of them like the last Q&A thing I did. You guys ready? GET SET. ASK...!

~Gray

Anyone...?

Is there anyone out there
Who can see the real me
And convince me to tell the truth
When I say “I’m fine”?

ANSWERS!

  1. Favorite animal?- I think is a dog, but if you want me to get into specifics, my favorite dog breed is a pitbull
  2. Favorite movie- My favorite movie is between Soul Surfer and Twister
  3. Favorite 3 songs- My favorite three songs are Ghost by Badflower, Let Em’ Burn by Nothing More, and Last Resort by Papa Roach
  4. Favorite class- CHORUS!!!
  5. What is your inspiration- My inspiration is Josh Katz, the lead singer of Badflower (hopefully I answered that correctly)
  6. Do you play an instrument? If so, what?- I don’t play any specific instruments but I can play the drums, ukulele, keyboard/piano, and guitar (sort of)
  7. Best friends? Top 5 or 6- This is a hard one...I’d say, Julia, Leah, Alex, Sareah, Lakin, Eva, Addison (sorry...had to go one over)
  8. Book?- Girl in Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow
  9. Crush?- ...no comment...
  10. Youtuber?- Liza Koshy
  11. Flavor of ice cream?- Cookies & Cream
  12. Favorite chocolate?- Between milk and white chocolate
  13. Favorite color?- I’d have to...

Panic Attack

The fear hits
Your calm self crumbles
The panic creeps in 
Your whole body rumbles

You start to shake
No words will come out
Your can’t stand up straight 
Your sense of the floor you start to doubt

Panic Attack.

#AskGray_1604

Hey guys, so I’ve seen other people doing this and thought that maybe you guys would like it. Do you guys have any questions for me? If so what are they? Put them in the comments and once I hit 15+ questions I will do another post dedicated to answer those questions. Ask away! (Just nothing too personal)

Broken Ballerina

She’s a broken ballerina 
But you could never tell
For she stays up on her toes
And keeps her performance well

On the outside her face is gleaming
With make-up and jewelry galore
On the outside she’s deceiving 
Not wanting to be a bore

One the inside she’s screaming
Asking for you to help
On the inside she’s fleeing 
Trying not to fall apart

I’m the broken ballerina 
But you could never tell
For I stay up on my toes
And keep my performance well

The Mask ~Chapter 5~

The Mask ~Chapter 1~ 
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112007/version/213607 

The Mask ~Chapter 2~ 
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112543/version/214323

The Mask ~Chapter 3~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112651/version/214509

The Mask ~Chapter 4~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112873/version/214994



    Weeks of physical therapy passed and I can finally walk on my own now. But I still haven’t dared look in a mirror. I’m too scared to see myself the way others see me. I know that I’m still not recognizable until you hear my voice. Lizzy’s beginning to look at me again without crying. I pulled out the scrapbook Angelina and I made when we were teens, around fifteen to sixteen. The cover was a soft velvet, Angelina’s favorite material. Although the scrapbook was originally expensive leather, she insisted that we hot glued dark red velvet to it...and we did. Running my fingers over the soft velvet, I looked at the cover picture. One of Angelina and I at the beach on her 16th birthday. She was wearing a light blue bikini and I was wearing...

Opposites

Salt and Pepper
Fire and Ice 
Life and Death 
Black and White

You and I

Letter to Who?

Dear YOU,
Do you miss me?
Or do you not care about me?
Do you wish I was with you 
Or do you wish I was dead?

Do you want to hear my voice?
Or do you want me to shut up?
Do you love me?
Or do you hate me?

Sincerely, 
Me

Q&A for the Universe

Universe, I have some questions for you...please answer in a timely manner...

  1. Who are you?
  2. Who are your parents?
  3. Does time travel really exist?
  4. Are you lonely in space all by yourself?
  5. What’s your favorite song?
  6. What’s your favorite pass-time?
  7. How do you eat?
  8. Will you answer these questions?
Thanks Universe,
Gray

Contest #SomethingIsComing—WINNERS!

So the contest has ended and I want to just put out there now that I loved all of your pieces and you all did so great. It was so hard to figure out the winners because of the uniqueness of the pieces you all submitted. So with no further ado...the winners!

First Place- Dmoral13 with “Atlas #SomethingIsComing”
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/111775/version/212796

I absolutely loved this piece from the moment I read it for the first time. It is so suspenseful and leaves me wondering...what is coming? Again, I loved this piece and I encourage you to keep writing because you are amazing at it!


Second Place- AJ - Izzy with “The Chill in My Bones #SomethingIsComing”
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/111733/version/212773

This was also a very nice piece and I enjoyed reading it after you submitted it. I like how you described the feeling when something you experienced was coming. Your piece was very precise and unique. Keep writing!


Third Place- Budding Mae with “It Will All Turn Out Okay...

Contest...Ended! #SomethingIsComing

Hey guys! So my contest ended today and I’m super excited to get looking at all of your pieces and deciding a winner. It’s going to be a hard process but I think I will get it figured out in the next few days. Good luck to everyone!

~Gray

Crush

Why is it called a crush?
Is it because you’re meant to be broken 
In the end?

Contest! #SomethingIsComing...

Hey guys! So I still would love a few more entries if possible from you guys! Here’s the original prompt page...
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/110140/version/209812
Thanks guys!

~Gray

The Mask ~Chapter 4~

The Mask ~Chapter 1~ 
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112007/version/213607 

The Mask ~Chapter 2~ 
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112543/version/214323

The Mask ~Chapter 3~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112651/version/214509

     I woke up and felt different, lighter almost. But the pain was still there, dull yet true. I looked over and saw the doctor and James together yet again. This time, James was signing papers. He spared a glance in my directions and I tried to smile but it hurt to much. I realized that the tube was off my nose and it didn’t hurt as much to breathe. He smiled and waved at me, and I felt my chest warm. I reached up out of instinct to grab my necklace and realized it was gone. Then I checked my hand, realizing the ring that Angelina gave me was also gone. She was gone. I began to sob and it hurt so bad. James came in the room in a hurry, “What’s wrong baby?” I managed to get out Angelina’s name and...

Graduation Song...?

Hey guys! So I’m graduating 8th grade this year and my chorus class is trying to figure out a graduation song...we haven’t gotten very far. So if you guys have and song suggestions that are recent and would fit the message we are trying to throw out as a chorus class graduation, that would be great! One song we were thinking was High Hopes by Panic at the Disco. So yeah, thanks!

~Gray

Contest is almost up! #SomethingIsComing

Hey guys! So my contest has 5 days left so if you want to get your entries in, get them in now! Thanks to all who have participated so far. I love all of your pieces and it’s going to be so hard to choose the winners! Thanks again and get your entries in soon if you want to be qualified! 

~Gray

The Mask ~Chapter 3~

The Mask ~Chapter 1~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112007/version/213607

The Mask ~Chapter 2~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112543/version/214323


    It was so hard to surface, like I was stuck under a huge wave and couldn’t breathe. I felt the pain almost immediately. It hurt to breathe, and my legs wouldn’t move no matter how hard I tried. There was a tube in my nose and a sting in my hand. But in my gut I felt that something was wrong. Opening my eyes, I was faced with blinding lights and too bright walls. There was one window in the wall to my right. This wasn’t home. Not at all. My eyes glazed over the room and I found James by the doorway, talking to a doctor. I felt a hint of relief that he was here. Then I realized Lizzy wasn’t. Where is she? He didn’t leave her, did he? I focused on the shape of James, feeling like I was going to fall under again. “Her and...

Contest! #SomethingIsComing

Hey, so it seems to be that many people either don’t want to participate in my contest or it is not very popular. So if you could spread the word about my contest that would be great! I need at least a few more entries! Thanks again!

~Gray

The Mask ~Chapter 2~

The Mask ~Chapter 1~
https://writetheworld.com/groups/1/shared/112007/version/213607


    In my car, a black Dodge Ram 1500, I skimmed through my CD book as Angelina drove trying to find a good band to listen to on the drive to wherever she was taking me. She insisted on not telling me so I have no idea where we are going except for the fact that I needed to be dressed up and I was going to be out late. I continued to look through the CD’s in annoyance. “Where the...is my Nothing More CD? I swear I had it in here yesterday when I ran to the grocery store...” Angelina spared a glance in my direction as she pulled onto the highway towards York, Pennsylvania. “Did James drive your car at all yesterday? Maybe he put it somewhere by accident,” she flicked the left blinker on so she could switch lanes. “I don’t know,” I mumbled as I turned in my seat towards the...

The Mask ~Chapter 1~

   She always hid behind a mask of beauty and mystery. She would hide her true self behind her fake blue eyes, phony black silky hair, and a masked clear face. She mesmerized people with her deceptive smile and used her powers to make them believe she was beautiful. Magical. For they would do anything for a pretty girl like her, right? Yes. Until the day it all backfired. The story begins with Rosa, a young woman with everything. Money, power, a family. She loved her family and friends and they loved her. It seems like a perfect story right. A girl who had it all. Well Rosa did have it all until one day. It all happened on her 22nd birthday...

    “Angelina! Come help me get the this zipper!” I yelled down the hall to my best friend, who was in the bathroom. “Hold on one second,” she called back, the water from the sink ceasing to...

Am I?

Am I the perfect girl you imagined?
The girl with the perfect body
The intellectual mind
The prettiest face

No...

I’m not the perfect girl you imagined
I’m the girl with the too big thighs
The dull eyes
The scars all over

But maybe, just maybe, I could be your new perfect girl...
 

Contest Time! #SomethingIsComing...

Hey guys! So I’m doing a contest and it’s my first one so bare with me. I wanted to try it out and it seemed like a fun idea. I’ve seen how others have gone so I thought I’d give it a go!

Prompt: The prompt for this contest is “Something is coming.” It has to have the words, something is coming, in the piece you can base it off of pretty much anything, just nothing too inappropriate. Please title your piece with #SomethingIsComing so I know your part of the contest! If possible put a link to your piece in the comments!


Word limit: The word limit is...well limitless. Make it as long as you would like (within reason)

Type: Creative writing is preferred, but poetry is also welcome!

Genre: Any genre is fine with me, just please no non-fiction if possible

Due date: May 1st, just so you have plenty of time to write!
...

Gone

How will you remember me when I’m gone?
Will you remember me by my bright blue eyes
My intellectual mind
My ability to overcome?

Or will it be different?
Will you remember me by my scars that I hid
My isolated self
My destructive personality

So which will it be?
Will you remember me at all?
Will it be by the good side of me
Or the reason I had to leave?

Prompts?

Hey! So I think I’m going to start a story and I don’t know what it should be on. If any of you have a writing prompt that I can use, that would be awesome! Thanks!

~Gray

HELP!

Hey guys! So I don’t know what to write about so I need some ideas. Anything!!! Thanks 
~Gray
 

Betrayal Of The Mind

You betrayed me.

You make me believe I am fat
When I’m barely over 100
You make me believe I am ugly
When my eyes get tons of compliments 

You make me believe I am stupid
When all I get is A’s and B’s
You make me believe I am unloved
When all my family does is care

You, my mind, betrayed me.

Contest Time! #SomethingIsComing...

Hey guys! So I’m doing a contest and it’s my first one so bare with me. I wanted to try it out and it seemed like a fun idea. I’ve seen how others have gone so I thought I’d give it a go!

Prompt: The prompt for this contest is “Something is coming.” It has to have the words, something is coming, in the piece you can base it off of pretty much anything, just nothing too inappropriate. Please title your piece with #SomethingIsComing so I know your part of the contest! If possible put a link to your piece in the comments!


Word limit: The word limit is...well limitless. Make it as long as you would like (within reason)

Type: Creative writing is preferred, but poetry is also welcome!

Genre: Any genre is fine with me, just please no non-fiction if possible

Due date: May 1st, just so you have plenty of time to write!
...

Contest Time! #SomethingIsComing...

Hey guys! So I’m doing a contest and it’s my first one so bare with me. I wanted to try it out and it seemed like a fun idea. I’ve seen how others have gone so I thought I’d give it a go!

Prompt: The prompt for this contest is “Something is coming.” It has to have the words, something is coming, in the piece. You can base it off of pretty much anything, just nothing too inappropriate. Please title your piece with #SomethingIsComing so I know your part of the contest! If possible put a link to your piece in the comments!


Word limit: The word limit is...well limitless. Make it as long as you would like (within reason)

Type: Creative writing is preferred, but poetry is also welcome!

Genre: Any genre is fine with me, just please no non-fiction if possible

Due date: May 1st, just so you have plenty of time to write!
...

First Glance

I see her at her locker
I see him across the hall
She’s talking with some friends
He’s standing all alone
She twirls her hair around her purple hair
He runs his hands through his shoulder-length waves
She spares a glance at me and her friends notice
He looks at the ground as voices fill my ears
She turns to her friends, whispering softly to them all
He glances at my friends then back to me 
A smile fills her face as her friends file away
His lips curve upward as I close my locker softly
She walks in my direction, combat boots and all
He takes a step forward, looking curious
She stands a foot away from me
He stands a foot away from me

“Hi...”

Contest Time! #SomethingIsComing...

Hey guys! So I’m doing a contest and it’s my first one so bare with me. I wanted to try it out and it seemed like a fun idea. I’ve seen how others have gone so I thought I’d give it a go!

Prompt: The prompt for this contest is “Something is coming.” It has to have the words, something is coming, in the piece. You can base it off of pretty much anything, just nothing too inappropriate. Please title your piece with #SomethingIsComing so I know your part of the contest! If possible put a link to your piece in the comments!


Word limit: The word limit is...well limitless. Make it as long as you would like (within reason)

Type: Creative writing is preferred, but poetry is also welcome!

Genre: Any genre is fine with me, just please no non-fiction if possible

Due date: May 1st, just so you have plenty of time to write!
...

Q&A #Randomblackonwhite

What color are your eyes? 
Light blue

Which three colors would you put together? 
Red, black, and gray

Do you prefer black or white? 
Definitely black

Do you prefer cold or hot? 
I would say hot

Dry or wet? 
I prefer things to be dry...

What one word could you describe yourself with? 
Complicated

What is your favorite holiday? 
Christmas

How many books have you read this year? 
About 10...still planning on reading more though

What one word would you use to describe your best friend(s)? 
Easygoing

Why are you doing this Q&A?
I thought it would be fun to do, which it was!

Better Than Human

I need wires instead of veins
Censors instead of eyes
Gears instead of bones
Wheels instead of legs

I need metal instead of skin 
Oil instead of blood
An engine instead of a heart
All of this will make me better than human

 

Guard

I keep a guard up
A metal wall with barb wires 
Surronding my self
Surrounding my heart

Because if I let anyone to close
And become something with them
I end up hurting them
I end up messing everything up 

So I keep everyone away
And I keep my guard up
So they stay safe 
So I keep them protected

Fog

My head feels like it’s full of fog
My limbs are always heavy
My eyes look like there glazed over
My feet make me unsteady

I take the color tablets
Of purple, orange, and blue
Toss them back, down with water
Away with the beautiful hue

The numbness kicks in
The meds take their place
My head’s in the dust again
My never ending fate
 

Misinterpretation

People misinterpret me
They think my words are kind
My mind is wonderful
My life is just fine

People misinterpret me
They think that my life is a miracle 
My future is bright
My family is hysterical 

But people misinterpret me
My words are really razors
My mind is insane 
My life was never major

But people misinterpret me
My life is really a burden
My future is tiresome
My family is hurtin’

But I hide all that
​And people misinterpret me

It Doesn’t Have To Be Me...

Do you ever feel like life is just one effed mess that you been assigned to clean up?
Like it was never really meant for you to actually live through but just simply exist?
Like you move around like a ghost, everyone oblivious to the real feeling you keep locked away behind an  “I’m Fine”?
Like you were never really meant to belong in the first place 

So you question everything,
“Why was I assigned the best person but I know I’ll end up effing everything up?”
”Why was this world chosen for me to live in?”
”Why is everything so hard?”
”Why can’t I just give up?”
”Why can’t I just be done?”
”Why me?”

And when you never get you answer, it all happens,
You eff everything up
And you realize 
I doesn’t have to be me
 

Do you? Probably not.

Do you ever get that feeling
When your someone’s one and only 
That you just might screw it up
That you just might get to close

Then the problems you were born with
The ones that affect your effing brain
Will ultimately mess up everything
Just like it did before 

You probably never think like this
Because you weren’t born like me
You’ve never messed up a relationship 
And jacked your own life up

A Somebody

Do you ever get that feeling
When you become someone’s one and only 
That you really mean something
and your not just a nobody

When you realize someone loves you
And you love them just the same
Your not just that crazy girl anymore
Thats on the verge of always exploding

Well that’s how I feel right now 
Don't try to eliminate my happiness
Cause right now I feel like a somebody
And hopefully that won’t change
 

Do you ever?

Do you ever get that feeling
When somebody loves you 
That your more than just skin and bones
That your more than just an insane mind

Do you ever get that feeling 
When somebody wants you 
That your more than just that self-harmer
 That your more than just that crazy girl

Do you ever?

2019

The Recipe To Get Through 2019 (Hopefully...)

There are all together a lot of things that I need to create the perfect recipe for 2019. Here’s the recipe that I need...

  1. 3 truck loads of self-esteem because God knows I need it to get through and put myself a better space
  2. 6 doses of patience for all the people who surround me all day, every day, because trust me, they get on my nerves real quick (except for a few people who leave me be for the most part)
  3. A pinch of numbness just to get away from the feeling for a while
  4. A truck load of Badflower to listen to during, well, anytime of the day
  5. 1 goddamn miracle to get me out of the mess I find myself in at the moment

#Fire

     I flick the wheel of the lighter, once, twice, three times before the flame dances above the gold plastic and silver metal. My hand shakes slightly as I stare at the fire that shines against the glass, wood, dry leaves, paper and the container of gasoline in front of me. She told you not to do it. You know she wouldn’t approve of you doing this. I ignore my thoughts and look around me as the wind blows the flame around. Bringing my hand up to cover the flame from the chilly air, I sit on a log and look up at the tree tops and stars in the night sky. You need to put the damn lighter down and go home. “No,” I said to nobody. I mean, there is nobody; I’m in the middle of the woods. I moved my hand from covering the flame and hold it next to a leaf. In a matter...

2019

The Recipe To Get Through 2019 (Hopefully...)

There are all together a lot of things that I need to create the perfect recipe for 2019. Here’s the recipe that I need...

  1. 3 truck loads of self-esteem because God knows I need it to get through and put myself a better space
  2. 6 doses of patience for all the people who surround me all day, every day, because trust me, they get on my nerves real quick (except for a few people who leave me be for the most part)
  3. A pinch of numbness just to get away from the feeling for a while
  4. 1 goddamn miracle to get me out of the mess I find myself in at the moment

2019

The Recipe To Get Through 2019 (Hopefully...)

There are all together a lot of things that I need to create the perfect recipe for 2019. Here’s the recipe that I need...

  1. 3 truck loads of self-esteem because God knows I need it to get through and put myself a better space
  2. 6 doses of patience for all the people who surround me all day, every day, because trust me, they get on my nerves real quick (except for a few people who leave me be fit the most part)
  3. A pinch of numbness just to get away from the feeling for a while
  4. 1 goddamn miracle to get me out of the mess I find myself in at the moment

Mixtape

The Soundtrack to My Mess of a Life

The Soundtrack to My Mess of a Life...

  • Alone in a Room by Asking Alexandria
  • Ghost by Badflower
  • Roots by In This Moment
  • I’m So Sick by Flyleaf
  • Cassie by Flyleaf
  • Stealing Life by Red Sun Rising
  • Sawed-off Shotgun by The Glorious Sons
  • Into the Fire by Asking Alexandria
  • HELP by Papa Roach
  • The Last Night by Skillet
  • Sometimes by Skillet
  • Everybody’s Fool by Evanescence
  • Cut the Cord by Shinedown
  • Get Up by Korn
  • American Idiot by Green Day
  • Deathwish by Red Sun Rising
  • Mother Mary by Badflower
  • Red Cold River by Breaking Benjamin
  • Psycho by Breaking Benjamin