But I actually love this piece, great job and good luck in the competition!

Some of you punctuation is incorrect and it makes the poem read weirdly. Where some parts should be together, you have placed a comma which completely changes the meaning of that part. I would take more care in your punctuation...

Focus a little more on your grammar and punctuation because it allows for a smoother read. If you prefer not having grammar/punctuation then I would suggest using more of a poem layout so that the pice makes more sense and...

I love that you have put into perspective what so many people cannot see, in other words, the pain and suffering people have had to go through before this point in time. It shows the emotions that are still raw...