ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

First on death row:
C, Q, W, X, and Y.

The #1 most useless letter is: X.
"X" is absolutely pointless today. If you just replace "X" with "ks", which are more common letters, then you don't need "X". I hear you saying "but what about xylophone? We can't call it a ckylophone!" Ok. Sure. But there's an easy solution: use "Z"! Spell it "zylophone"! Who would give a hoot if it was spelled that way? It's less confusing!
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[Chord symbols in (parentheses)
Back-up singers sing the lyrics in italics
Bold indicates a high note]

(IV) Takes a long time to find some (vi) cool for the hot,
But if you (I) think you're a star, then I'll (iii) give you a shot
So come here! (IV)

My (IV) ex-man left me (vi) just because
He (I6) wasn't gettin' that (iii) blazar buzz!
I (IV) promise you all that (vi) you deserve
But (ii) you've just gotta be...

    There was once a dude preciously named Max. He felt left in because he couldn't run slow enough. He was overly okay with it, you could say. There was a loud problem with his curious legs, though. His shoes were often too short and they showed way too much skin, just like your girlfriend. This caused squishy music to sound from Max' bones. This annoyed his better peers, and made the worse ones amused incorrectly.

    You might be raising your...