stormguard798

Singapore

TCG Player, Always Off-Pitch, and Uses Way Too Many Writing Tropes for their Own Good.

Find me on Wattpad, AO3, Tumblr and Twitter with the same handle to chat about...anything, really? Just don't be mean. :P

Peer Reviews

Back Again

FREE WRITING

Just as an aesthetic detail, maybe try to add lines between each paragraphs. I think that it makes it look less like a block of text and easier to read.

about 1 year

Weak

FREE WRITING

In general, you have the structure of the whirlwind of thoughts that the character is having, but I feel that you really need to add some detailed physical description to accompany each emotion. As you pointed out, it is a first draft, and there are a couple places that I've pointed out that I feel once gone over a second read through, could really help improve the overall flow of the piece.

about 1 year

Inner voices

FREE WRITING

I personally feel that this scene would be much better if converted into a short story or extract as I feel that it can be more effectively emoted and described in a way that really resonates, I think that it's a good premise, however, with all the different voices, it lacks the certain punchiness that poetry typically lends itself too, hence, I think adding bits of description and dialogue descriptors would work here.

over 1 year

Reverie

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

One thing that works well about this piece is that it is effective as is as a story, with a satisfying beginning and ending, which is impressive within such a short span. However, I am concerned that the extract doesn't really reference any other part of the story, making it kind of difficult to extend this into a story. I would suggest adding more hints or clues referencing the before and after of this meeting as to where the novel would go next. And of course, good luck with your entry! Polish it up a bit and I'm sure it'll be very competitive.

over 1 year

Monster

FREE WRITING

In direct response to your message, it was momentarily intriguing, but I felt it has the potential to become a lot more if it was developed.

over 1 year

I won't remember what has been forgotten

FREE WRITING

Your poetic technique game is strong - I really appreciate the ample use of the tricolon to give more of a 'punch' to the feelings of resentment, and the little tidbits of allusion to different motifs throughout. However, I felt that the rhythm was a little inconsistent in places, and didn't always fit with the very aggressive feel. And even though it may not necessarily be intended to perform outloud, try reading it out loud to get a sense of how readers would read it in their head, and make the poem flow even more smoothly.

over 1 year

We were once brothers

FREE WRITING

-Maybe try to just stick to one style of grammar - either archaic or modern - as the contrast between the two was rather disorienting. -Consider a little more description of the scene itself beyond the actual dialogue: physical descriptions, proxemics, etc. that could help to add to the overall melancholic, final feel of the piece.

over 1 year

Colorblind #cwcfirstcontest

FREE WRITING

For the purposes of the contest, I would recommend either going with short, choppy sentences or long ones with multiple clauses - the alternating between the two is disrupting the flow a little. In the opening paragraph, I think do away with the more explanatory tone - just dive straight into "still breathing, eating." Add a few more descriptors as to what a life without colour felt like.

over 1 year