I lay in my bed with him next to me. Popcorn and soda. A perfect movie night or so it would seem. My problem is yes he is next to me. But only on a screen. 
I promise to be there. I swear to cheer him on. At the first swim meet of a season he's been preparing for for months. But my internet is awful and the stream won't start. 
So I sit here waiting. And while I'm used...

I’ll never complain when you’re sad
I won’t add to the weight that you bare.
When you’re upset I’ll be okay 
So I can give you a shoulder to lean on that won’t break. 
I’ll keep the bad inside and I won’t let it free 
Not until after you feel better 
Not until I’ve done for you 
What you always do for me 

I find it amazing
The things you’ve shown me to be true 
That love isn’t supposed hurt
And that Rascall Flats was right when they sang
”God bless the broken road that led me straight to you” 
Because my road to you is broken and ragged. It is a filthy, crumbling road, covered in pieces of jagged glass, and pieces of broken heart.
And I’ve walked that road with bare, bloody feet for as long as I can remember. 
Or...

“Slow down” they screech. 
“You’re going nowhere fast.”
“At least enjoy the ride.”
“Don’t force it.”
“Don’t change.”
“Don’t be clingy.”
“Don’t push him away.”
“You’re scaring him.”
“He loves you.” 
“He doesn’t.”
“He’ll leave you.” 
“There are hundreds of girls he could like better than you.” 
“Being there for him all the time? A little much too fast isn’t it?”
“You only love him like this because he’s the first person to show you any affection.”
-
Who said...

I’ve gotten so good at faking it
sometimes I believe I’m okay too

Some nights I dream
I dream of my future with the love of my life
The boy who to me put the stars in the sky and then placed the moon among them to serve as a bow
The boy who wipes my tears 
The boy who presses is lips to mine like I am his only source of sweet oxygen 
The boy that looks at me like I put the stars in the sky and placed the moon among...

“We’re live” you say. 
I smile as I fumble through apps until I reach the purple square. 
I connect my headphones and select the stream and your friend’s voice is the first to fill my ears. 
But a little patience and I get what I was waiting for.
You. 
Your voice fills my headphones 
Your laughter makes me beam. 
I can picture your face, your smile as you speak. 
I love you so much 
And these small things make me...

Shhh
Why won’t you be quiet? 
Just stop.
I ask you to stop talking 
and instead you scream. 
Shhh
Quiet now
I’m okay.
You aren’t helping at all.
Quiet down
I am loved 
You don’t need bend every word he says to see if it’ll break. 
Because, guess what?
It won’t. 
They won’t break. 
He isn’t leaving.
He promised. 
So shhh
Quiet now.
He’s got me. 
And he swore he won’t let go.