lina13

Australia

Message from Writer

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway

Peer Reviews

chinese restaurant

FREE WRITING

Overall, I love this poem! I think you've captured a very small, specific moment, and made it very universal and meaningful for every reader. Keep up the good work, and I look forward to reading your future writing!

12 months

Enough time

FREE WRITING

(Just a note that these comments are my personal opinion only. As the writer, you have full creative control over your piece, and you get to decide to what extent you implement my feedback). Overall, I was thoroughly impressed by the emotional and creative maturity of this piece! You've managed to take a very dramatic sequence of events, and present them in a beautifully understated, effective way. To make this piece even better, I would consider tightening your third paragraph - rather than simply saying "two groups of people", perhaps you could make this moment more vivid by describing the people (what were they wearing? What are they saying to each other? What can the protagonist hear, smell, see? What makes it obvious that the two groups are opposed to each other?) Other than that, congratulations on a very enjoyable read! I look forward to reading your future work :)

12 months

Growing Down (April Poetry Piece that I will probably forget about)

FREE WRITING

Overall, congratulations on writing a poem that plays with structure, punctuation and formatting in a really clever and creative way. If you were looking for some inspiration on physically innovative poems, I'd check out ee cummings (one of my all-time favourite poets)! I'm looking forward to reading your future work!

12 months

Lost Love

FREE WRITING

Congratulations on writing a really unique and effective story that deals with multiple layers of emotions! It's always very challenging to write about loss, because it's a raw emotion that's difficult to transfer onto the page. If you wanted some more inspiration writing about loss and grief etc. Bridge To Terabithia is a really good example of an ageless, timeless text that deals with death in a very emotional, yet effective way. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your future work!

12 months

Moonlight #believe

FREE WRITING

Congratulations on writing a super unique, fun piece! Especially well done on writing a story that's almost entirely dialogue - it's one of the hardest things to do in writing, and you did it masterfully! Capturing a child's voice would have been extremely hard, but I think you do it to much success. I can't wait to read your writing in the future!

about 1 year

Unspoken Notes

FREE WRITING

Overall, well done writing an expressive, unique story! I'd encourage you to expand on this very solid foundation by providing a little more detail, characteriation and plot, but at the end of the day, you've done a very good job. I especially enjoyed the lyrical moments of description of the music. Keep up the great work, and I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future!

about 1 year

Social Anxiety

FREE WRITING

Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! It was well-written with a unique concept, and I'd encourage you to keep writing!

about 1 year

The Sweet Caress of Twilight

FREE WRITING

Overall, keep up the good work! It was a pleasure to read your work.

about 1 year

Catnap

FREE WRITING

Really well done tackling a very unique story idea! Firstly, I'd just like to say that you, as the reader, have full creative control over this piece - my suggestions are simply my personal opinion, and it's up to you to what extent you incorporate my feedback. Secondly, I've noticed a couple of grammatical errors throughout and I've left little suggestions on how to fix those, so please don't be overwhelmed by how much of the text is highlighted! Although grammar doesn't make or break a story, it plays a big role in the clarity of your writing. In terms of additional comments, I would suggest expanding this story into a slightly longer piece - it's such a complicated idea that it seems almost impossible to fit it into this short length. The end of your writing has more "tell", than "show" - the statements like "the government had endured many reforms and changes" don't really add much to the story and are simple facts being told, rather than an element of the story being described. With a little bit of expansion at the end of the story, focusing in on the persona's emotions after having woken up rather than concentrating on describing the new world of 2038, your story will be an even more enjoyable read! Keep going and well done!

about 1 year

My Escape

PROMPT: Library Magic

This is a nice poem that really reflects your obvious love of reading and writing. (Firstly, I'd like to say that my comments are my personal opinion only, and as the writer, you have the ultimate control about whether or not to integrate my feedback.) To make this even better, consider rephrasing the bits highlighted, where the wording sounds a little awkward or clunky. Don't be too worried if this is difficult at first - poetry is all about the challenge of conveying a clear message while also making the words sound as beautiful as possible! Overall, really well done on a great response to the given prompt.

about 1 year

Understand

PROMPT: The Peace of Wild Things

Congratulations on writing an amazing reflection in response to the prompt! To make this piece even better, I have just one small suggestion - although, I'd like to say that this is just one opinion, and as the writer, you have the final say and full artistic discretion. I think you could explore using a little more variation of sentence structure and syntax. Notice that you use this construction several times: "The cool air hangs still, a soothing feeling to the scorching sands of the daytime" (again in "The magenta sun glimmer shades from gold to pink, rippling up to the horizon and leaving streaks of color"). This sentence construction is very effective in moderation. Perhaps consider varying your sentence length a little - don't be afraid to try new things and make your writing as experimental as you want!

about 1 year

McKenzie

FREE WRITING

Keep up the good work! To make this piece even better, look over the notes on grammar/punctuation highlighted. Also, keep working on making your dialogue as natural and similar to real conversation as possible, by reading it aloud and pretending that you yourself are the character speaking.

about 1 year

No Excuses

FREE WRITING

Great work! It's a super attempt at writing some really lyrical language, and with some honing in on the content and message, it will be a very successful poem.

about 1 year

Making Change

FREE WRITING

This poem uses some great experimentation of form and line length, with some evidently careful consideration about punctuation, line breaks and capitalisation. To make it even better, consider specifying a little more about exactly what "change" you're referring to, and what the triggering moment was that made you "open your eyes."

about 1 year

Locked Away(2.0)

PROMPT: State of Awe

You're doing a great job at using more description and vivid language! Keep up the good work by concentrating on developing and expanding the bits highlighted in the text.

about 1 year

Logic Poem

FREE WRITING

A great start to a poem that has definite potential. I like the removed, simplistic tone that the writer adopts, and think that it lends itself well to be expanded into a more full, complex piece.

about 1 year

all i wish for is snow

FREE WRITING

This piece possesses some really strong moments of compelling imagery and language. To make it even stronger, I would suggest deepening the topic by expanding on the persona's characterisation, and making their motivation something deeper than simply wishing for snow.

about 1 year

Thoughts of a piglet

FREE WRITING

Overall, a very interesting and creative piece of writing. An effective use of dramatic irony through a child's innocence (much like The Boy in the Striped Pajamas)

about 1 year

Take A Moment

FREE WRITING

Keep up the good work! To make this piece even better, consider some parts of awkward phrasing or enjambment (noted in the next itself).

about 1 year

The Woods

FREE WRITING

This is an effective and well-written poem that creates a soothing, relaxed tone through its carefully crafted language. Keep up the good work!

about 1 year

Hope

FREE WRITING

Really well done writing such a chilling piece! It can be hard to capture confronting or depressing subject matter in a mature way, but I find that this piece is thoughtful yet striking. To make it even better, consider using a bit more show rather than tell; for example, instead of saying "it's a terrible, malicious smirk", use some description or other language to give that impression without actually saying it.

about 1 year

Travelling Without a Ticket

FREE WRITING

A simple, sweet concept that is communicated skillfully and beautifully! Really awesome work, that could be made even better with a little more focus and depth of meaning at times. For example, certain parts of imagery could hold symbolic meaning, or lead to an overall motif.

about 1 year

Snapshot

FREE WRITING

I love your use of metaphor and figurative imagery throughout. Your SohCahToa imagery is especially effective and creative - perhaps consider expanding that and playing with it a little more to make it a cohesive motif?

about 1 year

Christmas Away from Home

FREE WRITING

A wonderfully personal and well-written story with a steady, controlled tone. Some excellent ornamental pieces of writing throughout that support a moving story.

about 1 year

Love

FREE WRITING

Overall, well done! The author's use of language is controlled and sophisticated, and also has a lovely lyrical tone that suits the form and subject matter well.

about 1 year

Promises locked in a closet

PROMPT: Unlikely Places

Overall, well done on producing a highly engaging and tense piece of writing! On another note, don't forget to credit the book and author from which your piece was inspired.

about 1 year

Elemental Emotions

PROMPT: Emotion without Feeling

Excellent work writing a vivid poem that really tackles the idea of describing emotions from a sensory point of view. I particularly enjoyed the personification in "Blowing down your exposed neck". To make this piece even better, consider what image/idea you want your reader to finish with - what exactly do you mean by "the Truth?"

about 1 year

The Blank Paper

PROMPT: Extraordinary in the Ordinary

A very good piece of writing that responds well to the prompt! Just one suggestion to make a great piece even greater: as much as the imagery of the pen "bleeding" is visceral and striking, what could be a more unique way of expressing the writing process?

about 1 year

Grief

PROMPT: Emotion without Feeling

Excellent work on encapsulating the emotion of grief through the senses, hitting the prompt perfectly to provide a powerful piece!

about 1 year

History

PROMPT: We Forget

Excellent work! The author's writing has a very lyrical tone that is thoroughly enjoyable to read. To make this piece even better, perhaps the author could specify what type of stories we are collectively forgetting? Maybe the reader could get a clearer vision of how exactly remembering these stories will help us in the future?

about 1 year

Choices

PROMPT: Unconventional

The use of alliteration is so close to being perfect! The only places where it was a little looser were the "eyes" and "ears" sections. Although the alliteration was the writer's initial choice, and thus it is entirely subject to the writer's preference, as a reader I can't help but yearn for a 100% completion of it! I've made some word suggestions to complete the alliteration. Additionally, well done to the writer on the neat, little almost-rhyming couplet at the end, of "love" and "above"! It was a smart, unique choice to break up that couplet with a short "and." It ends the poem on a sweet note.

about 1 year

stuck in this place

PROMPT: Unconventional

What a great (but brutal) poem! It reads like a song - I can almost here the sweetly sad notes, or the violent, angry chords to accompany the words. If this kind of poetry appeals to you, I would suggest reading some e e cummings, or T.S. Eliot, both greatly skilled poets who are notable trailblazers in terms of experimental form.

about 1 year

Night Monster(Part 1)

FREE WRITING

You've written very well. Save for some occasional errors and a few sentences that could be tightened, it's a very good start.

about 1 year