RockSugar98

Singapore

Former Write The World young writer hoping to help other young writers to improve through peer reviews.
Also a retired teenager. Semi-sweet and a little nutty.

Message from Writer

Hello you who read this line! Have you had a smile today?

Peer Reviews

I CAN

PROMPT: Mid-December Grab Bag

Hello there! I really liked this little story and the lovely hidden message. Thank you for sharing your writing here on Write the World, and here's looking forward to more from you in the future. Additionally, I'm not sure if you'll be interested, resilience and flourishing are big areas of a discipline known as positive psychology (or, the Science of Happiness). I could direct you to some simpler readings to start off since it can be quite hard to grapple at first. As a psychology major in college, this course was life-transforming, and, I hope you will find it this way, too. Thank you once again for sharing this little up-lifting piece on WtW :) Here's hoping you have a bountiful end of year.

3 months

The World Looks Down On Us

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

Wonderful write on your part! I really enjoyed reading this poem. However, there are some words that could have been a little inapt in the context they were used. They would have been highlighted for you. Whilst the main idea of your poem gradually came through at the end, I'm not really certain if I had gotten it right (please forgive me if I had been completely off). It would be a good idea to make your main message more obvious. Perhaps some useful questions would be: what is the main theme you are writing about. Therefore, what is your main idea? And then weave your stanzas with these considerations in mind. Otherwise, I really appreciate your wonderful use of description. Some of them were really vivid and aids me in imagining the entire scene. Needless to say, your superb description skills mixed with the smooth and tender flow in your stanzas make this poem very elegant. I look forward to more from you on Write the World! In the meantime, all the best for the competition. Hopefully, my humble opinion could be of some help. All the very best! :)

11 months

Mathematics #1stchallenge

FREE WRITING

Lovely little poem with wonderful grammar. I really don't have much to say about your piece except that it demonstrates grit and perseverance in solving math problems and a witty little beginning line. Overall, a job well done. Here's hoping to see more from you in Write the World in the future. :)

11 months

Rubies and Moonlight

FREE WRITING

It had been a pleasure to have read your work, thank you for sharing it on Write the World. :) It's no doubt that you demonstrate strong competence in employing vivid descriptions that facilitate imagination. Kudos to you on a great job. :) It would be a good idea to keep reading to acquire a richer command of vocabulary. Some descriptions in your essay would benefit from using apt vocabulary fit in that particular context. These small points would have been highlighted for you and a small suggestion would be made. It would be good to look through your work once more before submission for spelling errors. There are also some unclear references and descriptions in your short article that I would have highlighted for you. Lastly, it is a good idea to ascertain the meaning of words before using them in your essay. Often times we get confused and put them in places where another word should have been used. But not to worry: this is a common problem that happens to the best of us. Overall, your work shows immense potential and it's been wonderful having read it. Here's hoping to see more from you on Write the World. Take heart, and keep reading and writing :)

11 months

Let’s Scratch Ourselves on the Blackberry Bushes Until We Feel Young Again // Escapril Day 4 (Earthly Pleasures!)

FREE WRITING

It's really a very lovely poem that had me smile involuntarily and feel a tiny nostalgia. I really don't have much to say before an elegant work like yours. :) Keep writing, and I hope to see more from you in the future.

11 months

The Dying Flower

FREE WRITING

Your poem had an ethereal feel about it, which I liked a lot. :) You had attempted to describe the character's story with three themes, 1) nature (i.e. flowers, stardust and dew); 2) transcendence (i.e. chariot of time; "playing one's role in the world's stage). Whilst I appreciated this creative attempt, it was a little hard to follow at times what exactly was happening in the story and what the character had gone through. There are times where I had been confused as to why certain expressions/words are used and some jumps in logic within the poem (why did the girl suddenly die?). These points will have been highlighted for you for your easy reference. :) It is a good idea to concentrate your creative ideas into one theme and come up with wonderful descriptions (like you have demonstrated in this piece) just for that one theme. Take heart, and I hope to see more from you on Write the World!

11 months

elena

FREE WRITING

It's a beautiful piece you have here, and I enjoyed reading it. :) I would definitely want to know more details about the love story between Elena and Carl Tanzler before she had passed away because she seemed like such a personality. There are some expressions that would require editing that I will have highlighted for you in the text. Overall, a job well done. I hope to see more from you on Write the World. :)

11 months

Roses - #febvalentine

FREE WRITING

unknown

Take it in

PROMPT: Seven Delights

I really appreciated your writing for the gentle tranquil elegance that it conveys. Indeed, happiness is really what lies within us and that beauty is sprinkled in little corners everywhere. Apologies that I can't comment more because I really am in awe and feel way more at peace knowing now that happiness is indeed looking at familiar things with fresh eyes.

unknown

Pretty Birds, War Soldiers

FREE WRITING

Your piece is, no doubt, a wonderful read. I like that you have done some research to make your characters to speak like they were in the 1940s, keep up the good work. However, there are some issues that you might want to take note of in the future. 1. It does appear, at least in this piece, that you're a little confused with punctuation. It is a good idea to go through how to use different punctuations in various contexts to make your article more easily understandable. However, there is no need to fret: punctuation errors are very common ones and can be resolved easily. I hope the hyperlinks below can be of some help. For commas: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma/ For colons: https://grammar.yourdictionary.com/punctuation/grammar-colon-usage.html 2. At times it was a little hard to follow through with your story because of unclear references of places and contexts. It's always a good idea to state, right in the front of the paragraph, where your characters are at and what they are doing. 3. Whilst you have a flair for description, it is also a good idea to only describe what is necessary and revise your work after you're done writing it. I had the feeling that although some expressions (the description of dresses and makeup) of your expressions were elegant, they were extra. It is always good to have a clear purpose as to why you have added in those descriptions. E.g. The lipstick clung onto the dry areas of my lips, slowly releasing its grips only when moistened by my heartbroken tears. Once in a while, there are also awkward expressions here and there (that I would have highlighted for you). But that is a rather minor issue. Overall, I hope you take heart and keep going! Your writing shows a very in-depth understanding of WWII and a huge literary potential. I am sure that you will become a very prolific writer in the near future and await to read more from you. :)

about 1 year

Tout le monde

PROMPT: One Home

It's a good write, definitely! I shall always be amazed at how you can write this poem within a few minutes and be in awe of how deeply you would have reflected in daily life. I wonder how this piece would look like in an extended piece of writing? :)

about 1 year

Gairaigo and Wasei-eigo: Loanwords in Japanese

PROMPT: Local Tongue

Excellent write, I definitely loved your piece for its insight into the influences of the English language, as well as how it can be influenced by other elements, too. The end conclusion about the interwovenness of the different cultures and languages left a really warm, gentle touch to this highly informative article. pulsating with an intense passion for Japanese. Wishing you all the best in your Japanese learning journey, (ganbatte!), and hoping to see more from you in the future.

about 1 year

In My Ocean

PROMPT: Love After Love

It's wonderful to read poems like yours that can make readers feel the intense emotions pulsating through the stanzas and in the end, draw to an elegant calming close. On a deeper level, it's also heartening to know that you have grown and become a more confident person in the process of self-mastery. So, as a whole, it was really pure joy to have read and have reviewed this lovely poem of yours. Whilst it is important to have a unique style in poetry, punctuation remains important. I have highlighted some small minor errors in the first and last paragraphs, and the first line of the second. But other than that, this is a marvellous piece of writing. Hope to see more of your work in the future. :)

about 1 year

Call me by your name

FREE WRITING

Excellent job writing this absolutely elegant piece, and thank you for sharing. It might be a good idea perhaps to try to expand this piece further into a longer piece of writing. What further things did the duo engage in that had helped them find beauty in themselves? What other transformations had undergone in this process of calling the other by one's own name? But these ideas are just supplementary: this is already an outstanding piece of writing. I have never thought about calling a person by one's own name as a way of helping oneself love themselves, so your piece was definitely an eye-opener. A wonderful, gentle piece that radiates warmth. Keep writing! :)

about 1 year

Statistics of my life

PROMPT: Subtotals

unknown

After.

PROMPT: After... After... After

unknown

Insubordination

PROMPT: All Talk

unknown

friendship tweet

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

Though simplistic, but I liked the meaning behind the lines. Perhaps you may want to elaborate more on the uniquely strong bond? What are the qualities that these 2 people share in order to get together? What are some beautiful memories that they have accomplished together? What are some unique experiences that they have that other people don't?

almost 5 years

Conventional Fears

PROMPT: Open Prompt

unknown

Mr. Fox?

PROMPT: All Talk

unknown

On the Water

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

I really enjoyed this piece! I wonder what will happen after they reach the island? Will they feast on junk food everyday away from the judging of other health junkies that they had previously encountered? How is that place in the lake centre so magical? But I guess the last line where the high-five was impacted with power was so intriguing! Perhaps you might consider elaborating on that, and maybe elaborating on the pontoon boat? That'd make this already wonderful piece even better.

almost 5 years

The First Step: A Baby's Name

PROMPT: All Talk

Excellent job on this lovely dialogue! Even without any descriptors, you could still evoke strong sentiments from the reader with your exquisite language and the wonderful flow of your conversation. It feels as if I was standing right there and listening to them talk. The nurse seems like a wonderful person too, being able to look beyond prejudices to give the girl a loving family. I wonder how the family will develop in the future? I hope they live happily ever after! Kudos to you on a write which challenges social prejudices but not losing that touch of compassion and gentleness! :)

almost 5 years

Discoveries

FREE WRITING

I have thorougly enjoyed this mythical/fantasy-infused piece. Your piece bears a resemblance to the mythical realm of Narnia, which I love. I really enjoyed your ending on the how the word is a linkage to a whole new world, and how the orchid dress will take you through like a magic carpet. I wonder if you could expand this beautiful piece into a longer story? I would love to see more of your writing! Kudos to you on a great write!

almost 5 years

What's Wrong with this Mirror

PROMPT: Fissure

Welcome to Write the World! I'm glad you have found a community of young people who share a common interest just like you. :) So basically, there will be timely prompts with topics to stimulate your imagination. Pick a one that suits your taste and start typing away. There is a review function for you to give feedback to others and a favorite function (the little star at the top of the piece) for you to click when you think the author writes most stunningly. Overall, I have enjoyed your evocative descriptions in this piece, painting realistic and almost-tangible images in my mind. You have a great command of the language, describing the sense of dread very well. I wonder what that sticky substance is? Why does it bubble when it scream? How would that link to all of the other emotions that you are experiencing in the moment? Perhaps you may consider expanding this piece into a full story? I would love to see it :) Kudos to you on a great write! :)

almost 5 years

Chope Chope Chope!

PROMPT: Local Tongue

Your piece shows an excellent understanding of the slang. I really enjoyed your humourous tone throughout the whole piece, especially at the "Valentine's Day" portion. Perhaps to better demonstrate the usage of the slang in daily life, you may add in a little description of the behaviour of the action of the people who use it? What might be their behaviour that you might have observed? Are they towering over the other person sitting at their reserved seat, eyes wide open and glaring at the person? How do your classmates look like in class when they proudly announce that a topic for their project has already been chosen? Perhaps these inclusions will make this already good piece even better. Kudos to you on a great write! :)

almost 5 years

Casualties

PROMPT: Quartet

Wonderful piece! Short and sweet. I wonder if you could expand this into a longer piece? How does the light wash wood hatred link with the stockpiled lasagne and how do these 2 traits link to being a horrible typer and the coffee stains? What are the stories behind these 2 remarkable experiences? I feel you have a great potential in coming up with an excellent tale! I hope to see more of your work and kudos to you on a great write! :)

almost 5 years

Honey Jars

PROMPT: Flashlight

I see that this is your first piece on Write the World! Welcome to a community of like-minded people who share a love for writing like you do :) I really enjoyed your little thought-provoking piece which really got me thinking. I thoroughly loved your skillful usage of symbolism and how the whole poem flows innocuously but is laced with sarcams, which gives it a wonderful kick. Keep writing, I hope to see more from you! Kudos to you on a good write. :)

almost 5 years

Going For Gold

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

Wonderful piece you got there! I really enjoyed how the introduction of an imaginary predator hot on his heels can create such a powerful and impressive image. Superlative desciptions you got there for most of the piece. Perhaps you may want to tinker some expressions, like making some of them more vivid. Beads of sweat perspired off from his body may perhaps be rephrased into "marbles of sweat catapulted from his tan skin as those spikes pierces into the red tartan track with considerable violence and fear." Nonetheless, yours is a very vivid piece that left a lasting impression. Kudos to you on a great write! :)

almost 5 years

The Road Goes Ever On…

PROMPT: After... After... After

Excellent writing, I really loved it to the utmost. I would love to know more about the card games you played and the time spent under hickory trees. Perhaps you may want to write more about the time spent in the old backyard, the significance of the mint tea, and your the wonderful days spent with your best friends? Then this already beautiful tale would be more complete supported with your memories and how leaving would be even more unbearable. But frankly I think that's a complete optional for such a charismatic tale. Great command of language and grammar. Kudos to you on a great write! :)

almost 5 years

Becoming Her

PROMPT: Open Prompt

A bittersweet tale of struggling with self-identity excellently written in a unique style. I am glad that you have found writing as an outlet to express yourself and share your experiences, connecting with other people with similar interests. Similarly, you should be really glad that there people are willing to accept you for who you are in your school! There is really no need to have wide circle of friends and have a pretty face. I guess what matters the most at the end of the day is having a mind that looks out for others and a helping hand. Confidence derives not from hoping the universe will accept one, but the quiet, peaceful thought that loneliness is also a form of bliss. Though I may not know a lot about the insecurities you are going through, but I encourage you to go do the things that you love. Immerse yourself into the things you enjoy and channel your energy into developing new hobbies, like you already are, like cheer-leading. Overall, a very affecting piece with very powerful undertones. Do take a little more care on spelling and grammar though. It was a little difficult keeping up with so many run-on sentences even though it expresses hysteria and fear perfectly. Keep writing! Your voice deserves a platform. I wish you all the best in all your endeavours, stay strong! :)

almost 5 years

Melt

PROMPT: Season-a-Changing

unknown

Fans Don't Boo Nobodies

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Good topical write since it deals with what teenagers experience today and also pop-culture. Though you have a valid point here, but I think some fans do have valid reasons to boo. For instance, many of my friends boo Daft Punk (no offence if you're a Daft Punk fan) because the music they create is too repetitive and shallow. Even then, I have to agree with you that a lot of times people are afraid of expressing their own opinion. But it's good to see that there are people like you who dare to stand out and be different, and do so skillfully in 6 words! I see this is your first piece on Write the World, and it's really not bad! Welcome to this like-minded community, and I hope to read more from you :)

almost 5 years

Sounds of El Salvador

PROMPT: Local Tongue

I really laughed aloud with this piece. I wish I could highlight the additional remarks and really get to hear you speak this interesting variation of English! El Salvadorian-English really has a rich blend of humor and fieriness in the spoken slang. Thank you for sharing this unique version of English and at the same time sharing your wonderful culture with us! Kudos to you on this intriguing write :)

almost 5 years

My Baby

PROMPT: Quartet

First piece on Write the World and already not bad! Hello Sabitha, welcome to a community of like-minded people. Overall, great job on this piece. I really loved your second line where she still had a very strong will to live. I also enjoyed how you summed up her personality, and the very next line exemplifies it. Perhaps you might want to take a little more care on punctuation to make this already-good piece even better. I would really love to see an extended version of this piece! Keep writing, and kudos to you on a great write :)

almost 5 years

Oubliette

PROMPT: Word

I thought your "not that I'd want to" was really intriguing! I would love to know more about why you didn't want to open the trap door. This little story really hooked me up and I can't wait to see the expanded version! Kudos to you on a great write and sharing this great word! :)

almost 5 years

Regrets

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

unknown

Alicia

PROMPT: Quartet

Beautiful piece! Not only did the prompt sound fun, your writing is also pumped with vivid imagination which pulled me into imagining the milky way presented before me. It would be nice if you can extend this into a story, painting the details on the calm, quiet and starry place. I also liked the detail on how her nails where striking electric-blue, a zesty color of youth and serenity all at once. I would love to know more about Alicia with your 4 striking traits of her. Kudos to you on a lovely write!

about 5 years

Angry

FREE WRITING

Very topical write which handles sensitive topics very skillfully. I feel your indignancy, and I'm sure you're not alone. The same voice is echoed by me and also the Black Eyed Peas' "One Love". You summarise the problems the world is facing very well, and how we are facing a large social and political malaise that everyone has a part to play in. Based on the three facets, media, politics and humanity that you have raised, we can't deny there is progress, but indeed it is going very slowly. I'm angry because if only these people stopped to listen to what the people have to say. If only they learned from their mistakes instead of sitting down at the General Assembly everytime to start over. Perhaps the world would be a better place with more specific action instead of just talk. Kudos to you on such a powerful write!

about 5 years

The Sun

PROMPT: Quartet

Excellent job! I really enjoyed how you weaved a long process into a short and sweet legacy as such. Despite its length, your story flows through my mind and I can picture someone who gradually accepts and learns to stand up to difficulties (figuratively)/ an astronaut who decides to talk to the sun when he's alone [that's very dangerous!]. Great write!

about 5 years

I Forgot

PROMPT: Flawed Memory

Beautifully written! I love how you encompass large, abstract ideas like life and death with a bit of philosophy into this piece, but not go overboard with it. It's a refreshing tale with scratches the nostalgic itch and got me thinking. Your grammar and spelling are quite all right, with very occasional slips. I can't believe you're only 11! Your command of language puts me to shame! Kudos to you on a great write and keep writing!

about 5 years

My Human Experience in 6 Words

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Short and profound, I have enjoyed your bursts of imagination that is compacted within this piece. With only 6 words, you have brought out how everyone has the potential to do well and the innovation to build something from scratch! With your simple diction but intelligent way of phrasing, I must say this is my favorite piece so far. Kudos to you on a great write!

about 5 years

My Friends The Wind and The Sky

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

Beautiful piece! I really loved how magic revolved in the park and how you are best friends with the natural elements of our atmosphere. The cheeky games you play highlight the intimacy of your relationship, just like all BFFs. It's a wonderful, awe-inspiring kind of friendship. I love your description of the wind--the main highlight of your piece. The way you describe how it jokes with you is amazingly surreal I felt the wind that gushes past my windowsill was trying to tell me something too! Perhaps you may want to expand on the description on how the fire lit up the atmosphere, splashing a shower of blessings of its radiance onto all it touches? Or maybe you might consider writing more about the sky? That might make this already magical piece even more luminary. But still, kudos to you on an excellent write! I have enjoyed it.

about 5 years

Sounds of the City

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

What an excellent piece! I love your imagination intricately weaved into your short-and-sweet piece. I love how all the elements in the metropolis are described seperately then put together, creating a functional entity in my mind. Also, I have enjoyed your description of the wind to the utmost, especially how it criss-crosses the city and breathes life into everything it touches. Perhaps you may want to take more care on spelling ["messenger" and "subtile": though accepted, the more common spelling is "subtle]. Overall, wonderful piece! Kudos to you on a beautiful write!

about 5 years

I am a Millenial

PROMPT: YOUTHspeak

Your tale is very inspiring and has a touch of familiarity to it since it deals with school life that everyone has experienced. Instead of the usual teenage-drama , I enjoyed your fresh and vivid perspective. Your tale deals with a personal growth path and sharing your experience sans all the exaggerating stuff, which I really admire. Also, I enjoy your skill in building up the towering tension with one job after the other allocated and the aftermath of over-committment, making feel as if I had taken up those jobs! For each experience, you provide a background the reader can reference to, which is a job well done. Your exquisite diction is not only easy to understand but profoundly original and refreshing. Best of luck in the competition! I have enjoyed this.

about 5 years

Fears and dilemmas of the younger years

PROMPT: YOUTHspeak

unknown

Fragmented Polaroids

PROMPT: Flawed Memory

I like your creativity encrusted within the exquisitely-simple and conscientious word choice in this piece. Your innovative word choice really makes this piece stand out. I also like how the title corresponds with the shards of memory and how you cleverly employed polaroids as a substitute for the moments encapsulated in time. Your precise desciption makes this piece a brilliant read!

about 5 years

Numb to the Shadows

PROMPT: Setting as Mood

Nicely done with your surrealistic descriptions! I really enjoyed how you described her beguilering eyes and how they seemed to be really fierce when she was just tired beyond repair. I like how the whole scene appears to be bleak and forlorn to represent her inner-self as exhausted, barely-surviving and in desperate need of a rejuvenation. I have enjoyed your story to the utmost, especially the lovely language used which brings me to her realm as well. Keep writing! :)

about 5 years

Renaissance

FREE WRITING

I don't think you have to expand this piece further as you can see you have a lovely rhyme and rhythm compacted into this exquisite little poem. Your simple but meticulously arranged diction paints marvelous images in my mind, thinking of a pair of friends that are parted by the cold weather, and the shrinking green fronds of leaves. I don't know if this is on purpose but it seems that your poem takes the shape of an arrow. Whether deliberate or not, this is really ingenious, highlighting how life will move on and how every situation is a mixture of both good and bad. Kudos to you on a lovely write!

about 5 years

One Line Story

FREE WRITING

As you can see there are only a few highlights in the front because if I were to continue highlighting, the entire second half of the essay would be yellow. I really loved your imagination and wit in describing the process of a seemingly-god-forsaken woman, and her idiosyncracies that make her into a living, breathing person that we can identify with. You have a great command of the language and I could feel her pain and suffering as if she were right next to me. This is a solemn but beautiful piece, and very transcendent too. Your simple diction weave marvelous stories and I hope to read more from you!

about 5 years

GOD?

PROMPT: Everyday Magic

This is a weighty piece coupled with a hot-air-balloon like imagination and magic. It's like going to Neverland with Peter Pan and discovering that no matter how good through people's lips, Neverland still may not suit everyone. I loved your child-like curiousity that many of us have lost due to the pursuit of materialistic indulgence. I believe letting your imagination wander is the best enjoyment and expressing this viewpoint is yet another level. I loved your meticulous diction and sophisticated planning encrusted into this piece. Kudos to you on a great write and I hope to read more from you! :)

about 5 years

White Waves

FREE WRITING

Hey Suri! Thank you for your review on my piece, "Little Talks". I resonate with your piece a lot and admire your skill in picking out the mot de juste. You have a very vivid imagination and I love how you package the different combinations of words into beautiful imageries. I enjoyed the simple felicity and serenity that was embedded in your piece and this is really a deli for the soul. It was really wonderful reading your piece and your simple, gentle and lovely diction really puts me to shame. If you're an author one day I'd be the first to buy your book when it comes to Singapore! Kudos to you on such a transcendent write! :)

about 5 years

4 Is the Number of Times We Danced Together.

PROMPT: 0-9

What an amazing piece! I loved it from the first line. I don't find anything cheesy, not to mention cliche here, I felt that your story fit very snugly together, like the pieces of a puzzle piece. Some lines in this piece have an elusive quality, like "5 is the number of times you came over when I couldn't take it anymore" and "6 is the number of times you told me that I'm worth it". It's really heart-warming to see that you have such a friend to depend upon and see you through your hardest times. You have a really good command of the language and I would love to read more from you! Keep writing! :D

about 5 years

The First Time

PROMPT: Paradoxical Phrasing

You must love writing a lot, and it is evident in your lovely piece that writing gives you an immense blessing of felicity. I loved how your simple diction paints such a beautiful story and how your passion flows throughout the whole piece like a refreshing stream. Excellent work, keep it up! :)

about 5 years

Life

PROMPT: 0-9

Excellent job on weaving these numbers into 10 different legacies all together. You have such vivid imagination and paint such amazing pictures with just numbers and words! Kudos to you on a great write! :)

about 5 years

Zeros & Ones

FREE WRITING

This is a piece of writing that I highly identify with. Your writing encapsulates all the downsides of vastly advancing technology and how it is going to lead to our downfall. Perhaps you might want to watch Sherry Turkle's TED talk "Connected, but alone?" which echoes your view perfectly. Also, I feel that you paint such a vibrant picture of the behaviours of humans when they are so addicted to their mobile devices. I have experienced it plenty of times when I try talking to my friends and all they do is to stare at their phones and ignore our conversation all together, which is infuriating. Technology is making us more aloof and bird-brained, just like you have expressed in your essay. I strongly agree that a reduce in screen-time is needed to get our lives back on track. In the perspective of a girl as the reviewer here is a female, I noticed that many girls love instagram because they get to bombard their visual neurons with so many different stimuli. Even though I agree that some things on Instagram are artsy and it definitely is for the obsessed, but I feel that it is killing art in the form of photography. You see, photography was invented to capture the soul and spirit of the moment. But instagram's filters are destroying the whole purpose of it. Furthermore, with the invention of the heart button, people are bringing it along with the "#" to real life. A classmate of mine shows me the pictures on the fluorescent screen of hers and expects me to like it. She speaks "like" and "legit" into her daily conversations and says "me no gets" or "QOTD" (quote of the day) which is annoying. Instagram, in an effort to be cool, ruined a generation of teenagers, an art-form and the English language. So I may not be in consensus with you that Instagram is for the truly artsy for they are found in the art galleries and museums. I totally agree on how our stories are digitalised, and how our lives are kept in a digital album. Your simple, clever diction portrays the downside of social media with such clarity I wish that the world's internet obsessed teenagers may read this piece and notice how much of their lives that they are wasting behind their little sinister machines. What an astounding, revolutionary piece! If you ever publish this in a book, I'll be the first to get it. You're awesome my friend, keep up the good work!

about 5 years

Biography of the Moon

FREE WRITING

Excellently done! Actually, the sun might not be as heartless as he is portrayed here for he still shares his radiance with the moon to light up the night sky. That aside, your piece is very insightful and imaginative. I would never have imagined the sun and moon in such a sadly beautiful love affair! Great work!

about 5 years

My Life in 6 Words

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

You have exquisitely packed the unorthodox and the urge to try something new and rebel in youth in 6 words. I love how you used the bold fonts to highlight the words, bringing out the idea of the "we're not afraid to die young and live fast" and ultimately, the better side of “YOLO". It's a piece enclosing the passion and zest for the more exciting things and unknown stuff in life and brims with the beauty of a fearless lifestyle. Excellent work!

about 5 years

Conscience

FREE WRITING

It's a beautiful and dark piece with very good imagery. I loved how you made use of the difference in fonts to change the perspective of the story. Your little prose has a very elusive and smokey quality between the deep mellow relationship of the young couple whose love was shattered via these cascade of crazy events. Excellent work on such a bittersweet symphony.

about 5 years

Dear Kat Stratford

PROMPT: Questions for a Favorite

Your piece makes me feel like I am missing out on a great movie. It's a like a hybrid between Mean Girls and High School Musical (correct me if I'm wrong). But lovely piece with deep thought and excellent analogy put in your third paragraph. Take care on unnecessary capital letters and excessive punctuation. Even though they are really popular among youths like us today but since this is a piece of writing it will be good to adhere to writing rules. Overall, lovely job and I would love to view it during my holidays this year! P.s thank you for your review on my piece "The Saccharine Gentleman"

about 5 years

10 things I wish were true about myself

PROMPT: Truths and Untruths

Through your words, I sense this strong vibe of insecurity and low self-esteem. Is it because you are transitioning into a new environment? Or is it because you feel like you can identify with no-one? Don't worry, I've been there and done that. My freshman year was a nerve-wrecking and confidence-reducing experience with all those girls trying to be pretty and cool and guys trying to get both brawn and brains. But you don't have to care about them too much. We both have this notion that confidence is "I'm sure everyone's going to like me." But actually it's "Even if no one likes me, I enjoy my solidarity." Also, you may notice that some of your classmate may be trying to be cool strutting and acting swag, but they are really insecure as well. At the end of the day, each one of us just wants to be loved by the people around and the person in the mirror. Once you understand this point, points 2-6 and 8-9 will take care of themselves. From your simple diction, this is a list filled with sincerity and felicitous wishes from the bottom of your heart. It has a child-like wonder and a sprinkle of Tinkerbell's funny fairy dust in the end. Remember that Neverland was never a place, but a state of mind. Kudos to you on a magical sincere write!

about 5 years

Late-Night Laughter

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

Very well-written piece. I especially loved the "hot pizza on a cold night" description because my seniors and my batch of students in the Audio-Visual club had pizza and soda during our orientation and this brought back many fond memories. And of course, the selfie portion in this digital age where an unglam shot is worth more than its weight in gold and forever kept in one's album. In terms of word choice, your simple diction stands out as a simple, refreshing piece. The "but we know we never will" is an excellent ending that sums up the strong connection and camaraderie between your friends and you. What wonderful friends you have and what a wonderful piece of writing Robert! Keep up the good work! :)

about 5 years

Enticing Dust

PROMPT: Open Prompt

You have beautiful descriptions and they paint such dazzling pictures that I simply couldn't do with reading this piece once. You have a unique style of writing that paints vivid pictures in the reader's mind and I appreciate this style a lot. However, you might want to be careful with some of your paradoxes because they may be a little misleading. For instance, "the cool breeze burning my skin" made me a little confused. Though your piece is on a mysterious force that is within you, it might be good to clarify some of the word combinations to create a both misty and alluring atmosphere. You are generally fine grammar wise, with occasional slips here and there. Generally an excellent piece, well done!

about 5 years

Not Cliché

FREE WRITING

unknown

I am...

PROMPT: Six-Word Memoir

Very inspirational, wholesome piece that would point out at many adults-to-be including the reviewer here. Surely, we all have our flaws but we must be willing to accept them and see our foibles as a part of our personality. I like how your little piece glows with wisdom as many teenagers today try to lay their hands on the latest fashion, imitate popular stars and make a total fool of themselves instead of accepting who they are. I like how you saw through all of these in these 6 words. Kudos to you my friend, on such a deep write.

about 5 years

Almost Like Destiny

PROMPT: All in a Name

Your piece glows like a soft light in the morning, with a kind of "Live, love, laugh" vibes flowing through it. It has a beautiful exotic lilt about it and how you dealt with it. My name has also been butchered by plenty so I could totally identify with that portion when you mentioned that you grew up dealing with the variations of mispronunciations. Your piece has inspired me to like my name more and gave me also a brief insight into your culture. Your grammar and word choice are spot-on and your prose flows. Excellent work!

about 5 years

Walk in the Rain

PROMPT: Setting as Mood

This piece that deals with a teen girl growing up is really evoking, especially how you skillfully weave in the myriad of colour to highlight the change in her emotions. I liked how you made these colours shine through the rainy day and make the gray and dull rainy day more lovely. Loved this piece, keep writing! :)

about 5 years

These Numbers are Debatable

PROMPT: Subtotals

Beautiful read! I really enjoyed your wealth of experiences summarized so exquisitely by numbers. The inherent casual tone and the humour injected into some of the phrases make this debating experience so genuinely interesting. I see a strong sense of passion and eagerness in your heart to engage in something you like. And I think the best way to sum up the rich encounters of a fiery-mental tactic sport is none other than numbers, which you have done beautifully.

almost 5 years

Broken

PROMPT: 26 Sentences

What a wonderful read! :) Your compact and exquisite little tale really got me hooked up. However, you may want to have clearer references like who was Xir, Xem and Xie? That would make this already good piece of work even better. Kudos to you! :)

about 5 years

Priceless: My Little Brother

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2015

Generally well done, and what a coincidence! My piece on oil fruits also deals with a honey decorated delight! You might want to touch up grammar and some tiny nuance errors. That is all I can say because frankly, I am working on these 2 areas too. Also, you might want to cut short your sentences because some of them seem really loooong and clumsy. For instance, in the paragraph where Calvin grew older. Instead of trying to power pack one sentence, you might want to say that "He watched with hopeful eyes each time mom came up with confectionary in her hands. But his (insert eye colour) dulled when there was none left for the five-year-old who adored them with all his heart. " I especially enjoyed reading your second last paragraph on the transition to a new stage of life. It has this golden lining about it and it feels really fuzzy. Keep up the good work! :)

about 5 years

This December

PROMPT: My December 2016

This is an excellent piece interwound with personal experiences and displays a maturity process. I especially loved the portion when you mentioned how something had changed, but everyone will go through it. Like we will all get to know one day that Faeries and Santa Claus does not exist, it was all make-believe. But at the same time, this make believe feeling that is supported by the framework of imagination is one of the most beautiful reveries that people can experience. That's why most teenagers nowadays mistake growing up as seeing the previous things they used to love as a child as disgusting and puerile. But I think it is more of a process of learning to embrace one's past and keep it in a treasured corner of one's heart. I hope you get better soon (from the prose) and wish you all the best in your future endeavours. Do enjoy your holidays! :)

over 5 years

Christmas

PROMPT: My December 2016

I loved how you used simple imagery to fit the piece together like a puzzle. I wonder who are the mysterious parents? What you did with the snowballs and the evenings? What are the sights and sounds that you observe and see? Perhaps you might want to expand this piece into a longer version with more details included. I see a potential good tale coming!

almost 5 years

the Taste of Adrenaline

PROMPT: Improbable Flavor

Short, sweet and compact with power. The last line adds in a kick to the whole description. Though you might want to consider changing the flowing to a more powerful verb like "rush" or "burst". Also, you might want to describe the strong flavor. What in particular? Strong like the intensity of lemon, aroma of a freshly brewed espresso, or chomping into a mixture of different spice? That would make this already excellent work even better. Keep writing! :)

over 5 years

Dresses for Battle

PROMPT: Fashion Journalism Competition 2015

Hello Helen! Thank you so much for your encouraging words on my piece Emily. Your piece is absolutely a wonderful read. I love how you create the special effects with the italics and how you cherry-pick the words to use. As for structure, maybe you would want to work on the ending a little bit more? But then again I like proses that do not take a specific form so I thought your story was an excellent write. Content wise, your story is like a refreshing midsummer breeze so there is nothing to worry about, though you can say that TK Maxx is a popular clothing store et cetera to provide some context. But that is really optional. Your tone is great! Why worry? XD I loved your descriptions and how it could paint so many marvellous scenes in my mind. I would love to see more from you, keep on writing! :)

over 5 years

White Christmas

FREE WRITING

Excellent piece, I really loved it standing in the viewpoint of a nature-lover and a school Green Representative. Your diction is out-of-this-world and your writing style is no run-of-the-mill. It feels as if I just helped your main character push a little seed into the moist, cold soil. Keep it up :)

over 5 years

Sticks and Stones

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2015

If Levitt is a true reflection of what you are like in school, I am glad you have found writing as a source of relief. Bullying is part and parcel of growing up and only what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. You have traits that people are jealous of and you should be proud of, so there is no need to be so diffident. Though you have a good command of language, I feel that you could have zeroed in on the facial expressions of the bullies and the teachers and used more adjectives. All these would make the already good piece of writing even better. All the best in your writing. If you are an introvert like the reviewer here, then by all means, be one. When the loud extroverts be like "What the heck are you doing there all alone!", just dead-pan stare at them and flip them off. I'm serious, my class is crowded with these brainless little idiots and it really gets on my nerves. Develop more hobbies instead of wallowing in despair. With the time that I had used to sulk, cut and contemplate suicide, I have achieved level 2 chess, finished 2.8km in 15 min and understood many concepts that I had failed to understand. I learnt to play-by-ear and picked up squash and basic French. Life is beautiful if you choose to be with those who truly appreciate it you. There is absolutely no need to waste your time on these petty fertilizers (if you know what their main ingredient is, you know what I mean). Be stronger and man-up. You can try Electronic Dance Music as well for its strong beats are a liberation to the soul as well. Renegades, unite. :)

over 5 years

We Are Lost

PROMPT: Collective Voice

Generally a very good poem. I like your diction and the irregular form it takes and ends in a lightly melancholic tone. Better phrasing may be used for the second and third stanzas even though your imagery was superb especially in the third stanza. You might want to consider a slight revision to your second stanza because it sounded a little Comitern (as if you were going to form a seperate state fueled by Self-Determination). "We get up" at the 4th stanza was a little quirky, but still, added to the whole dazed atmosphere. I would like to see more of your work. It's a breath of fresh air reading your writing. :)

over 5 years