Juliana

United States

Check out my music YouTube page!
Antiochian Orthodox Christian
17
Music major
Former homeschooler
Voice teacher
LOTR
The world, the flesh, and father smith
ESTJ

Message from Writer

I'm in the process of writing a novel which I post on here in sections.
My writing style tends to be witty (I don't know if that's the right word), descriptive, and sarcastic.

I greet criticism like a Jack-in-the-box.

"Astronomy has proven that when you wish upon a star, you're actually a few million years late. That star is dead, just like your dreams." Am I a bad person if I find this hilarious?

Peer Reviews

An Extant Ghost

FREE WRITING

I'm sorry that this wasn't super long. I'm in the middle of college applications and such, but I hope you find this helpful! I would love to read more of this story if you continue.

over 1 year

The world lies

PROMPT: One-Liner

If I misunderstood, I would suggest thinking about how you could make the meaning a little clearer....while still being subtle, haha. Sorry, I wish I could be more specific. But this definitely causes the reader to think, which is always a good thing, so good job!

over 1 year

Nobody

FREE WRITING

unknown

Heard

PROMPT: One-Liner

I’m interested in this idea, but here is a concern I have. I think it could be taken the wrong way because it’s a little general. Does this mean I should push my beliefs in other people’s faces when they won’t accept them? I doubt that’s what you meant, but I suppose it could be taken that way.

over 1 year

The Fourth Wall

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

over 1 year

and time moves on - prologue

FREE WRITING

Great job! I will try (no promises, but I will try) to follow along with this story and even review more.

over 1 year

The Most Successful Superhero in the Tri-State Area #fire

FREE WRITING

I think this was my last review. I hope you find it helpful! I actually had a lot of fun reviewing this piece.

almost 2 years

can a traitor be a traitor forever?

FREE WRITING

I wanted to add that I really liked the phrasing/structure of your ending. I had a lot of fun reviewing this! Great job and I'll get your other review to you soon.

almost 2 years

First Day of Autumn

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

So going forward, I would suggest clearing up those sections that were really vague or get rid of them if they don't add to the story. Make sure all of your details have a purpose. Also, you've got plenty of dialogue. Maybe consider using italics on some of the words to create a tone.

almost 2 years

The Stupid Check #POV

FREE WRITING

This was refreshing. You uncovered details and expressed development in such a short amount of time. For the title, maybe try "That stupid check" rather than "the". It gives it more character and ties it to the story even more. Great job!

almost 2 years

The Cure

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

One more comment: Be careful that you don't over narrate. What I mean is you walk through literally every little thing e.g. at the end of the first paragraph. You don't need to tell us that she got up, headed for the door, looked into her hallway, closed the door, locked it, and walked back to her couch. You can make the assumption that if she tells us that she looked into her hallway, the reader will know she got up, walked to the door, and opened it. Now, the reader wouldn't know that she locked the door, so that is a good detail to keep. Read through it and think about prioritizing the important and interesting stuff. Keep up the good work!

almost 2 years

The Wolf and His Prey

FREE WRITING

Sorry I put so many comments, but I like to be really thorough in my reviews. Don't think of it as me tearing your writing apart :) You've got some good stuff here; my suggestions are just how to make it better. Anywho, keep working on making your descriptions (even down to the exact word) more specific and purposeful e.g. describing a man's hair is fine, but including that he has a rifle is something the reader needs to know (and will notice). Another example is hazelnut is much better than brown. Since you are trying to work on your descriptions, I would recommend reading up on some devices. You may already know these, but some good ones are metaphors, similes, alliteration, personification, allusion etc. Now, you don't want to force them, but experiment a little. Don't be literal or realistic all the time. Sure, you could say the river was slow, but it would be so much more interesting if you said the river inched along like a slug (not the best description; it's just what I came up with). I hope this was helpful.

almost 2 years

The Stable Boy

FREE WRITING

You already know that you're descriptions are great. Going forward, how can you use them? Don't describe stuff just for description's sake. I noticed some people have recommended that you describe the house more or the lords more. Before you do that, ask yourself if it adds or distracts from the story. If you're character goes to the market once to buy some apples for the horses, you don't need to describe the market for a paragraph. But if the house is an important location, you might want to describe it. If you describe the house, you would probably describe the drawing room, not the attic. So make sure you describe something for a reason. Not to mention, since description is one of your strengths, use it to your benefit. Lastly, I like that this is in first person. Make sure you use that as a tool as well. Seeing as he is a stable boy, he speech should be informal, which you've actually done. Use contractions to help you with that. Great job! I hope you find this review helpful. Remember to tell your own story, not the one that everybody knows.

almost 2 years

Happiness

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Firstly, have you thought about starting some of the lines grammatically correct by using lower-case letters (like when it's still part of the sentence)? If that was confusing, I'll add an example in a highlight. Second, you're poem establishes that happiness is always attainable, but I would recommend you also talk about HOW one achieves happiness. Personally, I think anyone can be happy in any situation because no matter what happens around us, we are always in control of ourselves. But that depends on if you are speaking of the emotion of happiness or more like peace, because we aren't fully in control of what emotions we feel, more what we do with them. Maybe you could add a line explaining the type of happiness you are talking about. Wow, that was longer than I had intended...sorry, haha! Good job!

about 2 years

Piece #1 Of 'BROKEN'

FREE WRITING

I didn't see the prompt, but this was a cool idea. As the author, you have a complicated job: reveal just enough details for the reader to piece it all together. You don't want to give everything away and spell it out (literally). Try being more subtle with your descriptions. Good job!

about 2 years

Orfäg #SciFi (edit)

FREE WRITING

Nice job! I liked your creativity. Maybe think about developing the planet/aliens a little more. If they came to earth, what would they see? People would shake hands and give hugs; they would see cars and people on phones. Giving them their own quirks will make the story feel a little more developed/complete.

about 2 years

Crowded Streets and Aching Thoughts

FREE WRITING

I looove descriptions and creating my own locations, so I really appreciate this. I think you did a fantastic job at being creative and using similes etc. You created a clear mood and I can imagine this story. Great job!!!!

about 2 years

Looking

FREE WRITING

To answer your question about what kind of person Rory is, you did a pretty good job. I would say be careful that you give physical hints (show), but don't spell it out for us (tell). My perception of her is that she is a strong, loyal, and yet lonely person who is scared to be vulnerable. Because she doesn't rely on others, the only time when her emotion comes out is when she's alone. Great job with this piece! I'd definitely like to read more if you post it.

over 2 years

Scared

PROMPT: In the House

Great job! You have a few grammatical errors. I like your overall idea. I think you could look at the specifics a little more. Think about the backstory of this ghost: poor or rich, male or female. In your description, do more showing and less telling; use senses and similes. For the last sentence, I don't fully understand it, but I get the sense that this is a ghost, not a presence? If so, what is the difference between a ghost and a presence? Why would this ghost make a bad presence? Don't write out an explanation in the story, but show us in the things that the ghost does. If that's not what you meant, maybe think about rewriting it to make it a little more clear. You did a great job with this prompt and I really enjoyed reading this!

over 2 years

For Granted

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

over 2 years

Help!!!!

FREE WRITING

unknown

The Dawn of Kings (epilogue)

FREE WRITING

unknown

Ticks and nods and broken hearts

FREE WRITING

unknown

Resolutions

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

unknown