4z9a2288

Tarah Connolly

United States

Peer Reviews

hold on tight

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi ShaliniS! Thanks for sharing this personal narrative! I think you have a great start and some big ideas to work with! I think you can grow this piece by integrating more elements of story or simply focusing intently on one - a plot, the setting, and the charachters. As you revise, think about what pops out as the most important element of conveying your main point and purpose! Keep it up, Tarah

26 days ago

The Frayed Ends

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Lily - Thanks so much for sharing this emotional and personal piece. There was clearly a lot on the line in both of these relationships and it was not easy to negotiate. To level up this narrative, work on being super clear which character is where and when, and dig into some of the takeaways that readers might relate to or learn from. What's the lesson here? How can you communicate that to readers, either explicitly or between the lines? Tarah

26 days ago

Torn pages that I kiss and scatter into the wind

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Ruthh, What a phenomenal narrative. You hit on all of the suggestions in the prompt, using devices to transition across time, building empathy with readers, telling specific anecdotes to promote a universal theme. Keep digging into the motivations and emotions of this story - it's got a lot of depth that you've tackled so far, but I know it has a lot left to explore. You have an excellent start, and I'm so glad to hear your mom is in a better place. Tarah

26 days ago

My "Twin" Sister

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Ashley - Thanks for sharing this story about a close friend! You have learned a lot from this connection and shown amazing growth. You do a great job of connecting your personal experience with universal themes around friendship and connection. Keep those themes and ideas in mind as you continue drafting this story - how do the details you provide and the episodes you share evidence your growth and the goodness of this relationship? You have a great start! Tarah

26 days ago

My Unbalanced Connections

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Aiden P - Thanks for sharing this full blown reflection on the most important connections in your life! You do an excellent job of revealing your personal experience while tying it to universal takeaways for your own life and for readers. Focus on refining the content and format of the piece to elevate the stories within. Help us find a story to relate to that either connects all of the players in your life or zooms in on one. You've got a lot to work with here! Keep it up! Tarah

26 days ago

Grocery Shopping

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi aashanadaru! What a great concept and introduction to this powerful connection. Your use of parallel experiences draws out the lasting nature of your connection while still being grounded. Keep working on elevating the language and descriptive nature of the piece and don't be afraid to step away from the pattern with another concept, idea, or acknowledgement of change in this well-executed flash forward. Keep it up! Tarah

27 days ago

Skin of Cowardice

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi JasmineSalter31! Thank you for letting us into this connection! You have a heavy-hitting piece on your hands full of big ideas and personal emotions. Spend some time clarifying your overall purpose, then take it one paragraph at a time to align your writing with that purpose. You have so much here to work with! I'm excited to see how your writing evolves! Tarah

27 days ago

Then and Now

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi elliebwhing! Thanks for sharing this creatively structured and insightful narrative. You approach a universal theme about our responsibility to past friends and connections, while alternating to bring us along with your very present reality. In future drafts, consider how much information the reader would want to fully follow along in your journey through the store and through your friendships. Share out about your circumstances so that we can fully empathize. Keep it up! Tarah

28 days ago

Journey of Tears

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Dear Soph_thewriter, Thanks for sharing this story with us, and for writing in a way that helped me reflect on connections in my past. Keep this global theme in mind as you refine and really play with the way you tell your story. Work with emotional language, smooth out transitions, and tell your story so that readers feel it is theirs as well. Great start! Tarah

29 days ago

My Scoliosis Sister

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Eden Thanks for sharing this very personal story, and I'm so glad you've had a friend in Daniella. As you tweak and play with this narrative, integrate specifics about the setting and your emotional experience so readers can put themselves as much in your shoes as is possible. Focus in on the story of your friendship to then inform the big takeaways about the value of connection which you touch on so well in this draft. Keep it up! Tarah

29 days ago

The Woman Who Will Change the World

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Dear EKing - Thank you for sharing this friendship with us! Your respect for and appreciation of Rhiannon is so apparent. Carry that tone and emotion with you as you revise. Focus on showing us through examples and stories how you've come to know and appreciate her. Not only do readers want to hear the lessons learned, we are curious to know how! Keep it up, Tarah

29 days ago

Bryan Clauson's connection to the world

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Louise - Thanks for sharing this narrative which you use as a platform for sharing the merits of personal connection. As you work on this piece, focus on specifics of your experience. When and where did you discover dirt racing? When was a time that you connected with someone out of the blue and gained something from it? Help us get to know your experience in detail so we feel confident taking your advice. Great start, and keep racing! Tarah

29 days ago

Cherished Ruins

PROMPT: Human Connections Essay Competition 2019

Hi Alice13! Thanks for sharing this story - it really reads like one! As you revise, ground yourself in the prompt and the genre of personal narrative. Make sure we get the facts of the matter on lock so that the sensory and imagistic details you've carefully crafted can shine within an organized and easy-to-follow structure. You've got a great concept and a good start! Cheers! Tarah

29 days ago

Chosen One

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi Sunlight - Thanks for sharing this piece! It reads as part of a larger whole which I'm so impressed by...as you tweak, help us find hints that will give us access to the bigger picture of this universe. Think about leaning into the people, the setting, or the language you use to detail the actions to bring this flash fiction to the next level! Keep it up! Tarah

2 months ago

The Simple Story of a Complicated Man

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Dear Up And Coming - Thanks for sharing this story with us. You've introduced a complex character who surely can't be contained in 99 words. Zoom out to consider if there are specific scenes or actions that you could describe/integrate into this story to show (rather than tell) us more about George and where he comes from. Action-oriented narrative may help you fold in the elements of story that make flash fiction so fun! Great start, and keep writing! Tarah

2 months ago

Endearing Sardonicism

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi Egman - Thanks for sharing out this piece! Revisit the brief and make sure you bring all the elements of a fiction story into clear view here - you've got a solid start with a super creative theme and voice, and it will only be strengthened with some clarification around the context, the characters, and who the players are in this reflection. Tarah

2 months ago

Tigress

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Dear Poems1212 - This is a captivating piece and I'm excited to see it evolve. Remind yourself of the competition criteria - this piece ought to integrate all of the core elements of story, and you've really nailed the character and the conflict. Sketch out the setting and some context aside from your draft, then pen some ways to add those bits that could help the reader know when and where this transformation is happening, and a little bit more of why. You've got a lovely start, keep it up! Tarah

2 months ago

Finished with Anger

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi Chippy - Thank you for sharing your flash fiction! I can tell that it comes from a greater whole - with developed characters and a complex setting. Work on finding ways to tie those into this piece a little more explicitly OR to narrow in on the action and event that you lead us into. I think your flash fiction will be strengthened by zooming out (to evoke a mood/feeling) or zooming in (to detail a climatic moment). You're on a good path, keep it up! Tarah

2 months ago

How Many Times?

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi there ava09! Thanks for sharing this remarkable piece that is unfortunately real and relatable. It brings the damage to individual relationships to the top of mind...use your flash fiction to really make that statement by helping the reader further access through small details and dialogue what the nature of this relationship was so that we might fully understand the weight of what has happened. Keep fine tuning and deepening -- you have a brilliant start. Tarah

2 months ago

An Important Task

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi Abigail! Thanks for sharing your flash fiction piece! You've got a clever and well-written piece here, and I'm excited to see it evolve. Think critically about time and setting - you may need to do some work outside the word constraint to figure out how best to communicate that, then make some tradeoffs with the content you have here to really elevate the piece from an imagined and playful scenario to a grounded and visualized story. Keep up the great work! Tarah

2 months ago

Shot Down Promises

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi lovelylittlewriter - This flash fiction nearly knocked me over. It really struck a cord with me and I know it will for others. It displays the work of a larger arc and introduces us to a group of people who are bound to each other in a big way. Keep refining the way these people are related and use pointed, vivid language to convey the breadth and depth of their intimacies. Keep it up! Tarah

2 months ago

The Decider

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi caityege! Thanks for sharing your piece of flash fiction. you've communicated a powerful moment that's full of power, emotion, and action. The reader is in the pool with the main character. Keep playing with your choice of language to refine your narrator's voice and tone, plus play around with the structure of the writing to make sure it reads as a fluid, interconnected story Tarah

2 months ago

Dead funeral

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

Hi Mistress Moonbeam - thanks for sharing your flash fiction piece! You have a great foundation and a clear perspective - reading it, I feel like I am in a moment in history that is personal and difficult. Keep playing with language to elevate the details of the mini-scene and consider what it might look like to build in a more apparent inflection point in the first paragraph. In all, this piece brings characters and experiences to life that bring me in. Well done! Tarah

2 months ago

Movie Star from Mars

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Zixdude! thanks for sharing out this super inventive song! Clearly you've put in a lot of thought and work into outlining the musical components too - not just the lyrics! There's a great mix of playful language and tempting rhythm. Refine some of the patterns to maintain consistency throughout, and keep infusing clever language throughout! Great work, Tarah

3 months ago

In Between

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Taja Thank you for sharing this song, I think it's got some beautiful writing in it. Help your audience find the meaning and story of the song by adding details about the characters and/or events that fit into the narrative that informs it. Maybe play with additional verses or restructured verses to accommodate more context and storytelling. Keep up the great work! Tarah

3 months ago

Not so Different

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Books-and-Love! Thank you so much for sharing this song about what appears to be true heartbreak. These things are never easy, but songwriting is a great way to process. You've captured the intensity of the emotion well, just focus in on communicating the patterns that make this song something that people would want to put on repeat and you'll have an outstanding submission! Keep it up! Tarah

3 months ago

The Angel and The Devil

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi morbid_pororo - Thanks so much for sharing this piece with us! It's full of visceral emotion, and it will be strengthened by focusing in on one or two big ideas and feelings. Your structure is spot on, and the rhythm and rhyme is apparent and exciting! Keep refining and focusing your message to elevate this song. Off to a great start! Tarah

3 months ago

I Am Made

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi schottthroughtheheart! Thanks a bunch for sharing this polished and powerful song! Your lyrics are poetic and original, not to mention inspiring. I made one comment about the line in the chorus referencing God (is it an allusion to sexual orientation or faith or both?) that I think is a core component of the song's message. I think it's beautiful as is, but I wanted to flag it as a point of ambiguity. Keep refining and rehearsing this excellent start! Tarah

3 months ago

I don’t know how

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi songwriting_13! Thanks so much for sharing this song with us! It clearly represents some big feelings and a complicated relationship. Dig deeper to find the why - what's the driving force for this song being written? How can you add details and specifics in a word here or there that bring it to life for listeners? This may mean another verse, a different chorus, or a bridge to fill in some gaps -- no matter, you have a great foundation and I'm excited to see it grow! Tarah

3 months ago

Rainy Tuesday

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi orinje! Thank you so much for sharing this song and your recording of it! You have a fantastic singing voice. I challenge you to hone in on the emotional thrust of the song - what is the experience you hope listeners will connect with most in this song, and where is it coming from for you? Keep up the great work, Tarah

3 months ago

Hidden.

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Aaru_Writes - Thank you for sharing this song. It is evidently emotional and full of meaning for you, and it comes through in the power you've written it with. Consider my note about adding details that tie your memories and questions to specific incidents - can you make this song visible and tangible? It has a big emotional punch, but I know some tweaks and details can elevate it! Keep up the strong work, Tarah

3 months ago

Unconditional

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Ragestargate7! Thank you for sharing this song! I am excited to see how it evolves - I challenge you to toy with some language and put meaning ahead of rhyme for a bit, just to experiment. Also consider the formatting for ease of interpretation. Aside from that, you have a relevant and relatable song here that is such a great start! Keep it up! Tarah

3 months ago

Pretty Girls

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi mochi99339, Thank you so much for sharing these beautiful lyrics. You have a strong foundation of a song that I know will resonate with many listeners. Think on the structure of your song, and take on the challenge of bridging your poetic rap writing into more lines of the song. Keep it up! Tarah

3 months ago

Rainbow

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Kailee - Thanks so much for sharing this song as well as the recording of it! You've produced a lovely song with a powerful driving theme and metaphor. Play around with extended verses, and remember the note of "less is more" as you revise through the bridge especially. You've got a great start, I think it's just about tweaking now! Keep it up, Tarah

3 months ago

Necromancer's Rap

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi Kate! This was such a delight to read! Thank you for bringing a fresh take on the prompt (and potentially pulling inspiration from the last competition, Fantasy?!?) This piece is unusual and funky, full of outstanding writing. Spend some time toying with rhythms and repeating motifs to bridge the piece together to take it to the next level! Keep it up! Tarah

3 months ago

lost without you

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Dear Majestically Awkward Manatee -- Thank you so much for sharing this song with me. I think you have a strong theme and story to tell which comes through in your big language and use of metaphor. As you revise, remember some of the elements of song writing - and focus on how the patterns and rhythms of your song come through, even in this written form. Great work! Tarah

3 months ago

Road Trip

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hello The Dreamer! Thank you so much for sharing this passionate piece! I can tell there's a lot of personal experience written into this song. Work on formatting and writing the lyrics in a way that convey the rhythm and melody of the song on paper. While you're missing one of your essential media in this format, consider creative ways you can translate what you hear as the song writer to a reader who encounters your enthusiastic lyrics. Keep it up! Tarah

3 months ago

Your Song

PROMPT: Song Writing Competition 2019

Hi aliviascoresby! Thank you for sharing this upbeat and inspiring song. It resonated with me, and I can only imagine it will resonate with others. You've got the rhythm and patterning on lock - I challenge you to extend that to an additional verse or bridge that ties the message to something specific. Add some content that grounds this in a challenging time in which positivity and belief in yourself turned it around. Great work! Tarah

3 months ago

The Longing of The Lake

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Dear Synister Reader - Thank you so much for sharing this piece with us! You have some serious mastery over descriptive and active language. You languish in the spookiness, and have set up a scene full of mystery, intrigue, and other worldliness. I was captivated. To reiterate my other comments, I think you could reflect on how this sits alongside the canon of fantasy work. Can you find other examples of fantasy with similar endings? Do you see examples of plots that rise in such a way, then fall so rapidly? Consider how your readers will react to the combination of the beginning, middle, and ending of this piece -- and reflect on if that's how you want them to feel in relation to your fantasy world. You have a strong start and come seriously good writing. I'm excited to see how it evolves! Tarah

4 months ago

The Heart of Haixi

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi PenguinMaster! Thanks for sharing this! You've got a solid start, and I'm confident that you can pare it down while including the right amount of expository content. Even if it doesn't make it into the final form, spend time writing "rules" for Haixi's physics, social structures, government, and work on Kai-Feng's perspective. What would it sound like if this were written from his point of view? I also recommend a good proofread, for good measure! Keep it up, Tarah

4 months ago

The Eighth

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi Eveona! Thanks for sharing this story! I really enjoyed reading it, especially when I got to the climax with the twist! I'm glad you acknowledged your word count - I would focus on choosing anecdotes that make the biggest impact to move the plot forward. What interactions are critical for telling this story? Are there any sisters that could be left with an allusion? Keep refining and finessing! You have a great start. Tarah

4 months ago

Coin Giver

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi BookwormAddict! Thanks for sharing this short story! You have an excellent start with a creative crux - someone born with an absurd amount of luck. On your revision, focus on adding detail to transport us into this character's world. You have some strong and mature reflections on the big themes in this draft, so help bridge those ideas to the action of the story through sensory details and a scaffold of how this magical world works. Keep it up! Tarah

4 months ago

From End to the Beginning

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi advaita! Thanks for sharing this fantasy piece! It is a fresh and surprising piece that clearly has many layers to it. Work on flushing out some of the complexity and dialing in on what this story (in these 1000 words) is really about. What events and relationships evolve throughout to reach a climax and conclusion? Do a thorough proofread as well, and focus on the structure of your dialogue and sequencing. Great start! Tarah

4 months ago

Of Silver and Swans

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi efflorescence! Thank you for sharing this impressive piece. I think you have a tremendous start. My suggestion to you is to settle this piece within a bigger picture - I am left wanting to know more about the what, why, and how. What does this power grant to this group of sisters? Why are they the ones who have it? Why is Lynette so resentful? How will they reconcile these differences? How will they use the power from the moon? Help the reader establish some context and then some closure to meet the brief of submitting a short story. This is a such a beautifully written piece, I want it to shine and satisfy! Keep it up! Tarah

4 months ago

the fire inside us

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi proclivity1755! Thanks for sharing this piece, you have a really creative and intriguing start. Keep fleshing out the world in which this scene comes to fruition, and zoom out to make sure this tells a complete story. Look for ways to build the relationships that emerge and then move forward with them to form a conclusion based on the confluence of those with the proclivity! Great work, keep it up! Tarah

4 months ago

Five Shards

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi Kthrasher5! Thanks for sharing this short story! You have a excellent start featuring some exciting and enticing characters. Aspen is full of gusto, and I'm excited to see how you evolve this short story to really unfold her complexities. Work on refining the look and feel of your fantasy world, and find the bigger themes that this one episode connects to when it comes to the characters at play. Keep up the good work! Tarah

4 months ago

The Woodland Forest

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi Aquila, Thank you for sharing this creative take on a classic! It's so fun to consider different perspectives on a story. Please review the competition brief for length requirements. If you can tighten this up and think over some of my comments and feedback, I believe this would be a strong competitor! Really enjoyed the read. Great start! Tarah

4 months ago

Darkness Draws Near

PROMPT: Fantasy Writing Competition 2019

Hi Timelesssolo - Thanks for sharing this snippet of what I can only imagine is a vast universe and story in your head. Revist the competition prompt and think about how you can use this single scene as a catalyst for building out a short story. There are clifhangers on both ends right now with outstanding character development, dialogue, and detailed action in between. Work on tying lose ends so a reader can get the full picture in this one short story! Great start, and happy writing! Tarah

4 months ago

Social media the addiction

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

Hi Paigeelliott - Thanks for sharing this overview on your opinion about unplugging! You've got a lot of ideas in this piece that are the start of something great. Spend some time digging into any one of them - your perspective as a young person, the nature of addiction, the impacts of social media - to then inform your recommendation to unplug every once in a while. Consider breaking it down into smaller paragraphs and filling them out with details and a little more research to take this to the next level. Great start! Tarah

5 months ago

Choose

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

Hi kattt1120! Thanks for sharing this thoughtful piece on unplugging! You have a really strong start and a well-structured argument. Your voice and thesis is clear throughout, and you appeal to multiple means of persuasion to tell your story. You set yourself up as an authority on the topic - so be sure to provide clear actionable ideas for readers to apply to their own lives. I think you'll have people on your side! Tarah

5 months ago

A Teenager's Take on Social Media

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

Hi nadiakhan! Thanks for sharing this piece! I think you have a great start and plenty to tinker with. Echoing my comments above, work on the structure of the piece to balance the different perspectives you loop in. Consider sourcing some more evidence around a few factual claims, and really drive home your thesis through each section of the piece. Can't wait to see the final version! Tarah

5 months ago

Every Story Has Two Faces

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

Hi S.Dinesh - Thanks for sharing this piece that reflects closely on your personal experience. As you revise, focus on really defining your opinion and stance on the topic. Make sure the story you tell and the flow of your reflection matches the message you want to send out from start to finish. Consider citing sources that support your point of view, and keep refining the writing to maximize your voice! You have a super strong start. Keep it up! Tarah

5 months ago

Stop Asking Me This Question

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

Hi queerquotes! Thanks for sharing this oped on why this question is already passé! I'm excited to see you evolve the piece, and I'm would especially suggest digging into some context and some more specific examples, stories, or details that will transform your commentary into an informed opinion piece. You've done the personal reflection - now turn outwards so that the reader can believe, related to, and easily follow along with your point of view. Keep it up! Tarah

5 months ago

The Unbreakable Bond Food Gives to Us

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2019

Hi Jahzaiyah! Thanks for sharing this reflection on food! Along with clarifying your purpose, use your revision time to focus on adding two or three really dramatic descriptions that bring the plate to the reader! You have a really unique guide in this idea of an extension cord, all bringing people together and powering them up! Lean into that and explore how many ways you can use that to represent food culture - whether it's with your family or across the world. Keep up the clean writing and tidy drafts, and focus on food as a sensory experience that is both personal and global! Great start. Tarah

5 months ago

Oh!

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2019

Hi Abi - Thank you so much for sharing this delightful piece for review. It is unconventional but powerful. It brought me into the kitchen with you. Focusing on the process is a great choice, and you use choosy language to describe it. As I said above, think about what happens when you assign this process to a specific recipe, place, or time. Also toy around with how you denote the passage of time, as this piece really is about moving forward through time in the context of a kitchen. You have a great start with a clean draft, so keep massaging the big picture parts of this. I look forward to reading further drafts! Tarah

5 months ago

matzo meal miracles

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2019

Hi luluwrites1111, Thank you for sharing this piece about Jewish food culture and your personal experiences discovering it in all of its NYC glory! I trust that the entire piece will benefit from a punchy and grounding introduction - this draft needs a little more context and a little more nuanced reflection to take it to the next level. I see your citations; consider building them into the body of the piece as if it were written like an editorial in a magazine. Great start. Can't wait to read its evolution! Tarah

5 months ago

Rattlesnake Roundups, a true story

PROMPT: Earth Day Writing Competition 2019

Dear Peggyisthebest - Thank you for sharing this piece and raising my awareness of this topic! For starters, check back to the competition brief and think about ways you could make the connections to global environmental issues more clear. You mention in a few places how this scenario has an impact on the larger ecosystem, but how big is the impact? What evidence do you have of that impact? What is the fallout that we may not be able to anticipate now? Spend some time also looking to cut out unnecessary words or phrases, or replace them with more vivid or varied vocabulary or sentence structures. Think about separating fact and opinion to even out the pace of your argument and analysis. Keep up the good work! You have a solid start to a well written op-ed.

6 months ago

I Challenge You

PROMPT: Earth Day Writing Competition 2019

Hi Hannah! Thanks for sharing this piece. You have a really interesting story to tell based on your personal experience that gives you a very unique perspective on the environment. Continue to use that as your foundation, but reach to include other perspectives and points of view either as counterpoints or as evidence to support your proposal. To echo my other comments, focus on integrating specifics - about your claims, your ideas, and your ask of the reader - to make it a punchy and powerful piece.

6 months ago

A Tellurian Hiraeth

PROMPT: Earth Day Writing Competition 2019

Hi PunsandPoses - Thank you for sharing this piece. I think you have some work to do in really identifying the purpose of this piece as well as the style it wants to sit in. You rely on a handful of techniques (personal reflection, the inclusion of facts, opinion) to share your ideas about this topic, and the piece could be strengthened if you focus on maximizing the use of one or two. Make sure your thesis is clear in the start and the finish to hit home the point you mean to make.

6 months ago

Loving

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi gaby.180! Thanks for sharing this poem that must have been quite the project to write! I would encourage you to zoom out and see how you can make this piece more cohesive from start to finish. Reflect on what you want readers or listeners to remember about this poem, and make sure the structure reflects those priorities. You have a strong start - just work on clarifying your thesis and objective, and use inventive language along the way as you revise!

6 months ago

These Starving Pockets

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi Creature_Of_Night! Thanks for sharing this poem about a big topic - inequality, dashed dreams, success and failure. You have a solid start, and I'm excited for you to revise with an eye towards specificity - in the metaphor/situation/allusion you include and in the emotionality that is part of the experience you report on in this poem. You have a great poem here, but keep refining it to expressly articulate your point of view.

6 months ago

a walk down lafayette street

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi Emmy - This is an excellent start and a powerful topic. I'm curious to know more about the girl and the narrator, and what their relationship is. Is the narrator watching? Asking her questions? Is the narrator familiar with the drunkard around the corner? Use careful language to show what this relationship is, and calculate the distance between the character and the narrator.

6 months ago

A Flooded Creek

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi Quille! This is such a phenomenal start! It was such a pleasing and surprising read that shows a wisdom you might not expect. Keep digging into ways you can bring the scene and the emotions to the reader, and play with language to get there. The structure is appropriate and strong - stick with it and you will have a remarkable poem!

6 months ago

Haiku for Luke

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi there, Ekaterina! Thanks for posting this haiku! Try workshopping it a little bit to take it from a pedestrian statement about this person Luke, to a thoughtful poem that shows a feeling and a motive! Play with verbs, add some action, and fight the good fight to fit it into a hiaku!

6 months ago

Study Hall Free Verse Poems

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi Luke! This was so fun to read! It surprised me, delighted, and took me into a moment. Think about the stories you give the reader access to with these small clues about the scene. Is there any detail or element that's missing? Is there something that stands out? Think about how you could take this to the next level of "clever." You have a fun and exciting start!

6 months ago

Bath time

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hey 1okie! Thanks for sharing this piece. In your revisions, I encourage you to clarify the contrasts you use in this poem. There are dark action words, but ethereal descriptors and a relaxing setting. What do you want the reader to know about your experience of "bath time"? Is bath time a stand in for something else? Is it a good thing or a bad thing? Focus in on that, and help the reader know what to make of your mixed messages.

6 months ago

memories,

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi wilma77 - Thanks for sharing this poem about what is surely a sticky situation. Many readers will empathize with this. Bring it to the next level by folding in descriptive and vivid language that take your experience from being banal to unmatched. As in the brief, help the reader experience the familiar in a new way through your poetry. And reflect on whether you want to personalize this poem with details about the individuals involved.

6 months ago

Musings of a Typewriter

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi ria17sep! This was such a fun poem to read - thank you for sharing it! You do an excellent job of telling a story around this object and its environment, using creative language to describe setting and action. As you revise, dissect your poem into small chunks and work with an eye towards musicality and rhythm, with punctuation and verbiage as tools. Keep it up!

6 months ago

The Wisdom of Love

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2019

Hi Yueliang - Thanks for sharing this poem! It is mature and thoughtful. I think you can tinker with the perspective that is involved here - help the reader identify who or what they can empathize with. I also suggest you think about the title and the body of the poem - can you link them more tightly? As it is, the poem almost requires the title to be interpreted; how could they stand alone? Keep up the good work!

6 months ago

What happens when the wrong person ends up with a weapon?

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Lora - Thank you for submitting this piece. You address a lot of different things that all relate to violence and harm, but consider narrowing your focus and really breaking down the components of that issue and clearly taking a stance on it. Remember, you need to present your thesis, and share evidence that will help convince the reader to be on the same side of the issue as you. You're on the right track!

7 months ago

For Our Single Mothers

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Shaunloh- Thanks for sharing this op ed which is clearly personal for you. Keep using that to fuel passionate language and a direct call to action. Work on refining the boundaries of the topic so readers can follow along, and fold in some expert evidence and research to boost your opinion!

7 months ago

Resist the Siren Call of Declinism

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Gui Gin - Thank you for sharing this op ed! It is a very advanced piece of writing that shows complex analysis, writing techniques, and argumentation. For an op ed, however, you want to lean on expertise and in your case, the history books, to add additional means for making your argument. Tie your writing to detailed evidence that supports your perspective, and continue to strengthen the language around and clarify your perspective, inspiration, and final opinion.

7 months ago

Being A Sikh in America

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi skyrider! Thanks for submitting this piece - you write from a place of powerful personal experience, and you utilize it well. This piece simply needs some narrowing; work on clarifying the topic of interest and plugging in a thesis that speaks directly to that. Balance your time between educating the audience and convincing them that you are right - that something needs to be done to address discrimination.

7 months ago

Arts Education and It’s Importance

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Nyere.JM - Thanks for sharing your position on arts in schools. You bring up some great points and expert evidence to support your argument. Keep working on balancing the personal and the universal so that different readers see arguments that appeal to different styles (data and hard evidence, personal and emotional anecdotes). You have a great start; keep building in context, details, and your personal experience to make this op ed shine!

7 months ago

Make a Sign. Raise your voice. And let your hope shine through.

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Dear somahony - Thank you for sharing this energizing op ed. Even if writing something like this is difficult, I'm so glad to hear that it was an activating experience for you. Your passion shows up in your writing, and as you clarify some of the contextual details of your stories and boost your claims with data and evidence, your passion will become a seriously convincing call to action.

7 months ago

Anxiety

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi audbooth - Thank you fro sharing this highly personal piece about anxiety. I would encourage you to review the brief and read some examples of op eds, then compare your offering here to the tone, structure, and style of writing used in really convincing, successful op eds. Slight adjustments will get you there, along with a really obvious appeal to the problem you want to see solved in this world!

7 months ago

Is standardized testing necessary?

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

HI Camilley - Thanks for sharing this op ed about standardized testing. I think you have a great foundation. In order to strengthen your position, really clearly define your thesis at the beginning and end, and don't be afraid to open up a full discussion (evidence, quotations, personal experience) about any of the arguments you bring to the table. Also consider how you might integrate potential counterarguments.

7 months ago

Why so Early?

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Dannys - Thank you for sharing this op ed which is no doubt a personal one for you! As you revise, work on focusing the combinations of your evidence and refining the solutions you offer. Clean up some confusing/unclear sentences, and keep integrating expert evidence around the topics of sleep and its negative impact on students. Great start!

7 months ago

Wired?

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Alexa! Thanks for making this case about technology in the classroom. You offer a lot of arguments against integrating technology, and I think you can make an even stronger case by going into more detail about one or two in particular. Choose a few topics (for example, reliance on the internet for knowledge, limited access for low income students, handwriting degrading) and share in detail the reasons why you think these are detrimental to education. You have a great start!

7 months ago

The Controversy Regarding Overtime Rules in the NFL

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Ikew! Thank you for writing this piece and making a strong case in favor of changing the NFL overtime rules. You've responded to the brief well - but I would encourage you to zoom in a bit and tell us why this topic in particular matters to you (why did you write about this and not something else) and convey the stake you hold in it personally.

7 months ago

The Stress of High School

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Lilys - Thanks so much for sharing this Op ed! You have a tremendous start here, with a really good backbone of argumentation. Work on varying the structure, tone, and pace of your writing a little bit to keep the reader engaged and tuned into how each point you make is unique. This will take your piece to the next level!

7 months ago

I'm not Blowing Smoke

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi JoshuaFGCL - Thanks for sharing this op ed! You have a great start here. Keep refining the way the discussion is laid out, and put yourself in the shoes of a reader who may be totally unfamiliar with this trend that you clearly describe as dangerous and growing. What do they need to know? What will help them relate to your position best?

7 months ago

Easy to Kill

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi AsherGCL - Thanks for sharing this discussion about gun violence and what you believe is the root of the problem. In your revision, work on organizing your piece so that your stance is super clear to start, and each body paragraph ties directly to your position on the causes and bad effects of access to guns. Make sure there is a one-to-one connection made between a root cause and a problem that you want to see changed in the world. Continue to cite evidence that is personally and globally relevant. You've made a great start!

7 months ago

Another Reason Why The Death Penalty Should be Abolished

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi MaxcGCL - Thank you for sharing this op-ed piece. You've got a strong start here. As you revise, work on articulating your final position with emphasis, and balancing your arguments. Keep looking for evidence and data to back up your claims; the quotations and statistics add a lot of authority to your writing. Just be sure you've done all the research you need to fully bulk up your opinion.

7 months ago

Just being kids

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi Jae! Thank you for sharing this passionate op-ed. You are clearly a big anti-bullying advocate. Take a close look at the different devices you use (sarcasm, the "kids will be kids" motif, the integration of cited facts), and weigh how effective each on is at telling your story and making your opinion make sense. Lean into the ones that are strongest at detailing the problem, supporting your opinion, and making your case!

7 months ago

We Are Who We Are!

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2019

Hi PANDABEAR, Thank you for sharing this op-ed piece. I would encourage you to really define what the issue is that you are addressing. You discuss big ideas like discrimination and bullying, but your argument and opinion would hold more weight if you chose a specific issue - discrimination against LGBTQ+ in sports or government, bullying in schools or online, race-based conflicts in America -- and outlined where it came from, why it's a problem, and how it could be fixed. Your tone and enthusiasm is powerful though, so use that and run with it!

7 months ago

Thumbelina, Tiny Runaway Bride: A Review

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Kthrasher5 - Thank you for sharing this review! this is a great start, and has a lot of great nuggets about the story, character, and inspiration for this book. Dive into the what and the how, so that your readers get a sense of what it really feels like to read and reflect on this book.

8 months ago

Smaller and Smaller Circles

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Jukai - Thanks for sharing this review! You have a great foundation. Check out the comments about digging into some more details - we want a sense of how this book was written, and what it felt like to read all of its different scenes and characters. What should we know?!

8 months ago

Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia: Truly a Treasure

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi BabyPixie01 - Thank you for sharing out about this book! You have a strong point of view and do an excellent job connecting this to your personal experience. Look for ways to broaden the scope of your analysis so that those who don't identify as artists (but who might identify more strongly with the themes you bring in the end) can feel connected to this review. Great start!

8 months ago

Humanity's Light: A Review of A Monster Calls

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi LyreLynne! This was such a pleasure to read! Do some thinking about how you frame, describe, and analyze the genre this book belongs too to help the reader know where we're staring from. This review makes it clear that it transcends its designated genre, but what are the hallmarks of that to begin with?!? Super well done, I'm excited to see how you enhance it further!

8 months ago

Living With The Shadows

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi hannahismusical! Thank you for writing and sharing this piece. It is emotional, honest, and relevant. You structure this much like a personal narrative that happens to include a book as a key element; re-read the competition brief and make sure you're comfortable with the distribution of topics. You blend them so well as is, but what would it take to turn this into a book review that includes a personal narrative, rather than the inverse?

8 months ago

A Thousand Splendid Suns: Stunning and heartbreaking.

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Dhwani1 - Thank you for submitting this "splendid" review. I think you did a great job sharing out the basic plot points and characters, while giving a preview of the writing style, the big themes, and why this novel stands out to you. Tidy up some usage mistakes/typos, and you will have a solid review that I know many folks on WtW will appreciate!

8 months ago

With Winning In Mind

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Sophie - This is a great introduction to a book that made a difference to you! I'm so curious to learn more about this book and author. Review the contest briefing before you start editing, I think that will be a good reminder. Then use this strong base that so eloquently ties to your personal life to launch into an even stronger analysis of an exceptional book! Great work so far!

8 months ago

When Reality Was Blessed With Magic

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Darria - Thanks for sharing this piece! I am so curious about the book now. It's tricky when trying to convey to a new person the depth and detail of a fantastical world you're discovering in a book, and you have put a lot of energy into conveying the time, space, and personality bending reality of this fiction! Take a critical eye to your writing and assess what's needed and what's extra so that you get readers excited about this read and don't feel overwhelmed by the complex worlds you outline for us.

8 months ago

"Gone Girl" by Gillian Flynn- Haunting tale for a Life Lession

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Vania - Thanks for sharing this review with us! You have a good start here. As you revise, work on integrating basic background information (that doesn't give too much away), and perhaps focus on one or two features of the writing that made it so important to you that everyone read this book.

8 months ago

A Slightly Traumatic Favorite

PROMPT: Book Review Competition 2019

Hi Rinzerella - Thanks for sharing this piece, I will definitely look into this book! I think this piece would be strengthened by adding more precise detail about the why and the how -- you say you will never recover from reading this book, but the links between the story and your personal experience coming away from it are a little tenuous. Great start, though!

8 months ago

The modern works of Miyazaki

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi Georgia - What an impressive analysis. Please refer back to the contest brief and try crafting a version of this retrospective that meets the word limit (1000) and includes a few more elements of a conventional movie review. You've written a very formal essay here with an extensive amount of citation and evidence, which serves a different purpose than what this contest asks for. It is well done, but needs some editing and finessing to fit the bill for this competition cycle.

9 months ago

Hidden Themes of Kiki’s Delivery Service

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi Rio - Thanks for telling us about this movie! I think a successful revision will build more perspective and opinion into the piece. It is currently a report about a movie you like, but I'd like to see you really convince the reader that they should invest in this film!

9 months ago

Captain America: The Winter Soldier brings a chill to the Marvel franchise.

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi Wu.Z - Thanks for sharing this review. You're off to a great start. As you revise, consider what notion you want the reader to come away with. Have you given them enough information to make a decision about seeing this movie?

9 months ago

The Beauty of Pursuing Something Greater--Your Name Film Review

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi clos! Thanks for sharing this review. I would encourage you to take a critical look at what is most important to share with your readers. Remember your purpose - to analyze and recommend (or not recommend) a film based on its merits, story, structure, and other elements. Are you providing the right level of detail and reflection for readers to make that decision?

9 months ago

Bohemian Rhapsody: A Flawless Interpretation

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi Rinzerella - Thanks for sharing out this piece about what sounds like a fantastic movie! Your opinion on the film is clear, and you back up your perspective with detailed evidence from the movie. Continue to integrate details and nuance, and also consider the structure and how you reveal your own point of view to lend credibility to your review.

9 months ago

Avengers Infinity War

PROMPT: Film Review Competition 2019

Hi jonny b - Thanks for sharing this review! I'm excited to watch the first 5 minutes of this movie! As you revise, keep your intended audience in mind and make adjustments to help them meet you where you're at in your enthusiasm for this movie. Adding some more details around the plot and setting may be a good place to start.

9 months ago

Come Back, December

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi igmwhite - Thank you for sharing this deeply personal story with us. Please review the WtW terms and conditions around concerning content, and make sure you are writing about challenging times in a way that would be safe for all members of the Write the World community to read and reflect on. Dig into details of your personal growth story, and focus on how positive change unfolded!

10 months ago

How I feel when I think about December

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Devante - Thank you for submitting this piece. Be sure that this is appropriate for the My December prompt. You may want to use it for more fiction-oriented competitions. Logistics aside, you have a unique world unfolding here and there is so much room to expand and dive into Taly's world.

10 months ago

Ups and Downs

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Phuong Anh Nguyen! Thanks for sharing this story. As you revise, spend time clarifying the purpose of this narrative. You explore a lot of ideas, and it will be valuable to focus on one and boost it with details and stories to cultivate your author's voice.

10 months ago

King of the Hill

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Dear hannahjs - Thank you for sharing this piece for review! This is a really strong start, and you can elevate it by tightening up the logic that links your opening to your story about the snow game to your reflections as a young adult. Help the reader navigate your comparisons by being just a tad more explicit. You may have to compromise some poetic language for clarity.

10 months ago

Love and Respect

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Dear Jeet Tevani - Thank you for sharing this story with us! You present a unique perspective on the holiday of Christmas, along with a very measured and mature reflection on it. Elevate that meaning with more pointed sensory language and details to bring the reader into the room with you - and use that process to also clarify what you hope readers take away in the end.

10 months ago

December Doesn't Exist

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Lindsay270 - Thanks for sharing this piece! This narrative could be elevated with some careful consideration around your main idea. Make sure that each anecdote and paragraph is contributing to that takeaway, so that the piece stays focused and maintains the strong voice you've already established. Happy early birthday!

10 months ago

My December

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Kaetlyn_Does_Covers - Thanks for sharing this narrative piece! To take this to the next level, spend some time zooming in (on sensory details and curated language) then zooming out (to ensure you're telling a story that matters in a global sense). You have a great start here!

10 months ago

December's Constant

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Lauren - Thanks for sharing this piece with us! Remember who your audience might be - readers from around the world and from different cultures may be left wondering about some of the rituals you describe here. Dig in with detail, and make sure you highlight your own perspective on things. Why is this time special to you, and what have you learned from it as you found it changing over time?

10 months ago

My Perfectly Imperfect December

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi sola.c! Thank you for sharing this writing with us! You've made a great start. I would encourage you to refine the language you use to describe the banal phenomenon that makes your December unique, and ensure that the connections between the stories you integrate and your big takeaway are super clear. Well done!

10 months ago

Christmas in Vernon

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Purple Kitty 2001 - Thank you for sharing this! I am excited to see how this piece evolves to represent a more global perspective. You have the skeleton of your own experience, but you can take it to the next level by building in context and details to help the reader identify with the stories and find the big idea that matters most to you when it comes to reflecting on Vernon and December.

10 months ago

Christmas and all its glory

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi Garrett - Thank you for the submission. It's apparent you have a perspective on December and the holiday season. We would love to see you expand on that in a fully flushed out piece. Use this paragraph as an outline for main ideas you might dig into.

10 months ago

Christmas Fog and loops.

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi KuulPenguin! Thank you for sharing this narrative with us. You are off to a strong start, and I would encourage you to open up around character development through more robust anecdotes. Tell us the nitty gritty of building a snow fort! What does it feel like? Why do you remember parts of it? What was it like to share that experience with others?

10 months ago

Redhot

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Dear suburban-nightlife, Thank you for sharing this personal piece with us. I would encourage you to think on what your big idea is. You touch on themes of friendship, family, holiday giving/gifts, and ritual. How are these anecdotes related in a way that shows your perspective on whatever big idea you are trying to pursue?

10 months ago

December Down South

PROMPT: My December Writing Competition 2018

Hi LoganW Thank you for sharing this piece! Please begin by rereading the competition prompt and thinking critically about how this piece fits into it. Do you truly capture your personal experience of December? You focus outward, and that is a great writing tactic, but how can you include both ideas and perspectives to lend credibility to your generalizations about December in Florida?

10 months ago

River in a Bottle Excerpt

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi My Voice- This is a compelling draft. Aside from the other comments, give the piece a good proofread for spelling and usage errors. I am excited to see how this excerpt evolves! Well done

11 months ago

Free

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Joy - Thanks for sharing this excerpt! It is a tidy draft and well constructed. Dig into some details, and refine your setting and timeline to make these characters stand out above the known plot line.

11 months ago

Disguised Assassin Part 1

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Dear Aminah McBina - Thank you for sharing this excerpt. Look for places where details about the space, time, and place could enhance the experience of reading along with these characters. Define or refine relationships so we can follow along, and make sure the reader has enough information to meet you where this excerpt is at. Well done!

11 months ago

The Princess and the Wizard

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Ella - Thank you for sharing this mystical and fantastical piece. You establish an exciting relationship among characters and take them on a journey. Think about how to represent the "why" -- how can you capture the arc of the bigger story within this scene that already welcomes us into the world of Dalia and Elijah.

11 months ago

Replay

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Dear korra4life - Thank you for sharing this enriched piece of writing. There are big themes and a huge story to tell. Consider ways to set up the bigger picture through this small sample so that readers are eager to page through your entire novel.

11 months ago

War in Mind

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Serenity - Thanks for sharing this piece for review. It is full of enticing detail and character development. It is the beginning of a novel I would like to read as a whole. Keep up the good work!

11 months ago

Swallow

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi BeTheChange18 - Thanks for sharing this piece! You've clearly put a lot of really great writing time into this. I challenge you to zoom into a single scene that will reveal the most about the big ideas in this story. Help the reader understand who Itsumi is at a fundamental level, and reveal more about the context in which she embarks on this dream.

11 months ago

Confession

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi the_artists - Thank you for sharing this draft. Tidy up the technicalities of the writing, and help the reader find some context to make this excerpt extra impactful. You've got a great start here!

11 months ago

A Tale of Two Kings - a story of friendship and sharing

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Anna - Thank you for sharing this piece with us. As you revise, review the submission guidelines and consider honing in on a handful of details that get breezed over in this piece. There is a lot that happens, and presumably a lot of time that passes. What would happen if you wrote every detail of something that happens in one hour of this story?

11 months ago

Chapter 2 of "The Atypical Cinderella"

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Hannah! Thanks for sharing this chapter. Your characters are self-aware and full of complexity. I look forward to reading a revised version that amplifies the setting as a real catalyst for telling the story.

11 months ago

The Witching Hour (Excerpt)

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Dear Ford Prefect - Thank you for sharing this abridged excerpt! You have a new universe to build with this piece, and it will thrive with strong character development, original conflict, and vivid details. Exercise that in this excerpt, and you're onto something great!

11 months ago

Shades of Me.

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Natalie - This is such a robust and impressive submission. It's clear that you have a whole universe in your head that's shaping up into this story. Revise with an eye for clarity and brevity; what information is missing, what details can be made more precise, how can you help readers acclimate to this world? No matter how you revise, though, hold on to the artistic language throughout!

11 months ago

Organs of the orchestra

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Jolene! Thanks for sharing this excerpt! Along with the comments above, make time for a thorough proofread to make sure there are no spelling/usage errors to distract from this enticing story you've created! Keep it up!

11 months ago

"Made to Be Broken" - Extract.

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Stormguard798 - Thank you for sharing this very active and turning-point excerpt! You've introduced characters with a readily apparent conflict and set yourself up to build out a story around them. For this submission, make sure it can stand alone by enriching it with details about the people, place, and time period. That will elevate this energetic scene into a compelling story!

11 months ago

Dawson

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

Kveldulf - Thanks for sharing this excerpt! As you edit, look for ways to clarify the when and where of each piece and consider giving the reader a few more clues about this alternate, mystical force. This is an excellent start, and it's energy is palpable. Keep it up!

11 months ago

Definitions of Impossible

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Thank you for sharing this! There is such a good start in this piece, with evident passion. Clarify you main goal in presenting this speech, and use that to drive how you refine and edit the details and transitions.

about 1 year ago

Freedom

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Dear caity.V7 - thanks for sharing this deep piece. I would challenge you to connect these sweeping allegories and metaphors to something embodied in your own experience, and fold that into a more apparent structure. Otherwise, you've written and compelling draft of a speech.

about 1 year ago

Scribbles

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Hi AJ - Isabel; thanks for writing this speech. You've inspired me to get crafty! Revise in the direction of coherence from start to finish; make sure every word counts and that you aren't leaving out details that could elevate your appeal.

about 1 year ago

Learning from the past

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Hi Elijah - thanks for sharing this piece! You're off to a great start. I would encourage you to refine you're use of punctuation and structure to make this easily interpretable for locution, and consider supporting your argument with more precise evidence.

about 1 year ago

Change In Our Schools

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Dear emmagudmonson - thanks for sharing this speech! I can imagine you speaking to the student body, the PTA, the school board with this strong point of view. Revise to eliminate redundant ideas and possibly integrate a more personal appeal to keep your audience invested.

about 1 year ago

Am I Next?

PROMPT: Speech Writing Competition 2018

Hi Pinky23 - thanks for sharing this piece with us. You are tackling a big topic, and you are clearly passionate about it. Take time to revise for clarity of purpose, and infuse some exciting language into those edits. On a good track!

about 1 year ago

Blame the victim

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Gin - thanks for writing and sharing! I think you are on the right track, but I would suggest you look for ways to make more apparent your main themes and takeaways. Maybe that's in more detail, or in making the whole piece more concise???

about 1 year ago

All I Ask Is That You Care

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Opened_Mind - thanks for sharing this narrative. I would encourage you to consider expanding on the reflection pieces and really activate those anecdotes. Dig deep into the meaning each of those experiences provided for you.

about 1 year ago

Change is Important

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Misty - thanks for sharing this piece. I would encourage you to reflect on and consider including more information about the change you personally experienced as you alluded to at the very end. This will make your piece more relatable and credible.

about 1 year ago

A Change For Equality

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Hailey - thanks for sharing this narrative. You command your story telling voice with well written dialogue and the right level of detail. Refine the connection you build with the reader by making sure your tone is consistent, and the level of detail helps us connect to your internal experience as much as we are able to partake in your physical and social experience.

about 1 year ago

The Way you Treat Others Makes a Change

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi theflashisbae1 - thanks for sharing this piece, and for being an active ally. Reflect on the original prompt, and what kind of piece you've presented here. Are the structures, devices, and types of detail you provide all hallmarks of a personal narrative? Dive into your own experience, and activate that for readers as you revise.

about 1 year ago

No Such Thing

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Nocturnal - thank you for sharing this very personal piece with us. You have a strong foundation, but I would encourage you to commit more page space to the "present" you introduce us to here, and also think on the perspective you use (3rd vs 1st person). This will surely be an inspiring piece for some readers.

about 1 year ago

Change is Opportunity

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi ciaranicoleshaw - thank you for writing and sharing this piece, which is really, at its core, about vulnerability. This is an important theme that is so valuable to reflect on. I love the idea you come to at the end, about our personal thoughts about worthiness. Look for ways to massage that theme into the whole piece using examples from your own life. You're on the right track!

about 1 year ago

Once Upon A Time

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Gisela! Thanks for sharing this piece out! I am curious to see how it evolves, because I know you will be able to tighten it up and hone in on your personal experience. Make sure every paragraph adds valuable information, and that you convey your meaning with powerful language!

about 1 year ago

A major change.

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Anailene22 - thanks for sharing this perspective. I would highly encourage you to consider adding more personal anecdotes and stories into this piece. Remember that this is a personal narrative piece, so we want to hear your experience in great detail.

about 1 year ago

Autumn Leaf

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi PureHeart - thanks for sharing this very appropriate seasonal piece! As in my comments above, I would highly encourage you to dive into the details of your own story, and use the autumn leaf device as just that: a device that supports your perspective, rather than the central component of the piece. Good start!

about 1 year ago

Owning Change

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Joanne - thanks for sharing this personal narrative. You've explored some hefty ideas! As you refine this piece, I would encourage you to focus on what stories and real life experiences you're sharing to help contextualize your reflections.

about 1 year ago

My Band of Change

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Zoot! Thanks for telling this story. You write with ease and clarity, so use your revision time to think critically about the meaning of this piece at a high level. What does this experience mean to you? What could it mean to a reader? How can you make that abundantly clear in your writing in a holistic way?

about 1 year ago

How I'm changing, and the world is too

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi GH_Writer - thanks for sharing this reflection on change and the newly abnormal experiences you're having. This is a wild time for you personally and in the bigger landscape. I'm glad you're seeing parallels. Use your language and metaphors to highlight the similarities, and differences, and you will have a strong narrative.

about 1 year ago

Business Casual

PROMPT: Personal Essay Competition: Making Change

Hi Arliemaye! Thanks for sharing this huge triumph with us in a personal narrative! I enjoyed reading it, and I would encourage you to dig deep into the motivations and personal elements of your experience in making change. There is room for deep details and personal reflection, which will supplement your story about making your way through the legislature more meaningful for yourself and for readers.

about 1 year ago

Rejecting our inner self

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi Shiraz! Thanks for sharing this piece, and for thinking intently about a big question for humanity! What is our role and responsibility in relation to the natural world? Deepen your perspective by adding personal anecdotes and experiences. Think critically about your points of comparison and the types and amount of detail you provide. Don't stop thinking about this important global issue!

about 1 year ago

The Wilderness

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Durva - thank you for sharing this poem with us! You take a clear stance on what's happening to the environment, and I think your position would be strengthened by adding clarifying language and details about a part of the world that you care deeply about. Call it out, highlight the problems. Activate the reader's senses to empathize with the problem.

about 1 year ago

Into the Forest

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi ViviB - Thank you for sharing this experience and piece of writing! I would encourage you to delve into the environmental component of the story - where were you when you saw James? What were the sensations? Why did the place evoke that experience and the "healing"? That, along with a clean proofread, will really elevate this personal piece.

about 1 year ago

To Cutie

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hello heyitsnhuy - thanks for sharing this! I thoroughly enjoyed this poem. I would encourage you to look back at the prompt and think about ways to bridge your ideas and story here to the big picture guidelines. You've written a captivating poem!

about 1 year ago

Forest

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi Kaydenblue - thanks for writing and sharing this poem! I would encourage you to reflect on who this poem is for, and how you represent perspective in the piece. Your imagery is there, but does it describe exactly what you want to discuss? Look for ways to specify, whether it's pointed use of grammatical structures or bits of dramatic vocabulary that call out this experience and precisely why it merits a poem all to itself.

about 1 year ago

Window Panes and Rainy Days

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi Sara - thank you for writing and sharing this piece! I too am a big fan of the rain, and I'm glad you could share this habit and experience that is so meaningful to you. Revise with that in mind - will the reader fully internalize why this matters? Either on a personal or a global scale? Your level of detail is appropriate and it is well organized, so focus on implementing devices and stylistic points around content that will drive your main themes home!

about 1 year ago

Nature: A Key Component Of My Life

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi Lilly! Thanks for sharing this piece about your relationship with nature. I'm so glad you've come to appreciate the outdoors over time. As you revise, dig into some specific anecdotes or instances to demonstrate your feelings and change over time. I think this will add depth and authenticity to the piece, so long as you continue to write cleanly and clearly as you have in this draft!

about 1 year ago

this avalanche of smoke

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi Isabelle.c! Thank you for writing and sharing this commandeering piece. I was so taken by your language play and repetition. As you revise and tweak, look for ways to make your position and your point a little more transparent. Whether that means more overt transitions, more or less repetition, or selective word choice to call out your point of view, find ways to make your thesis known - you have a beautiful set of images and structures to support it!

about 1 year ago

the world at my feet

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi livhurtado! Thank you for sharing this reflection piece! I would encourage you to reflect even further on your true purpose in this piece. Does your reflection transform into a call to action? Are you advocating for a change in behavior? Is this about your creative juices coming to life out of nature? Think on that, and organize your piece accordingly!

about 1 year ago

Biophilia

PROMPT: Environmental Writing Competition September 2018

Hi PureHeart - Thank you for sharing this. As you revise, make sure you provide the right amount of information for your reader. Clearly, you appreciate this place and are highly sensitive to the beauty in the details; however, your reader may need a little assistance in visualizing that place and coming to understand why there is value there. Your vocabulary and imagery is poetic and perfect, just massage the big picture throughout the piece!

about 1 year ago

Chewing Gum

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi AJ Grace - thank you for opening up about this experience. You have so much to say here, starting with your tremendously detailed account about your relationship with your father as an infant, and then your transition to forgiveness as you grow up. Use a revision period to dig into why you felt the way you did at each stage, and why your perspective changed over time. This is a very compelling narrative, so keep making it emotional and related to the big picture!

about 1 year ago

A Morning in Town

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hello PiperBakes - thank you for sharing this story with us! I've been in your shoes before, and feeling intentionally left out is not something I would wish on anyone. As you prepare for a next draft, dig deep into why this story matters to you. What components are the most important, and what will each piece convey to the audience? You reveal your lesson in the end, about forgiveness and good karma almost, so consider imbuing the entire piece with this theme.

about 1 year ago

Virginian Love

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi katiesmith1021 - thanks for sharing this intimate narrative, I truly felt like I was living this experience as I read. Have a look back at the prompt for this project - and consider what parts of the story you are still hiding inside of you. This narrative shares a very personal moment, and it alludes to a larger series of events, but I'm wondering now about your motivation, your perceptions of romance, love, and relationships up until this summer happened. Well written, and a pleasure to read.

about 1 year ago

Regrets

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi chricha - thank you for sharing this tremendous narrative piece. You tell an incredible story about regret, resentment, and reflection. As you refine this piece, I would encourage you to identify the main takeaway you hope your readers find, and fold that into the beginning, middle, and end. This may be subtle, and a matter of word choice, but clarifying the purpose in small ways could make this powerful piece even more gripping.

about 1 year ago

a new Tomorrow

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi wraithofwishes - I think your note at the bottom is very telling. You clarify the context and the challenges of writing this piece, so I wonder if that information could be integrated into the narrative itself? Try rereading and revising this piece as a naive audience member - what needs to happen for a reader to feel your pain and experience your memories in a concrete way without you needing to clarify in the footnotes?

about 1 year ago

What I've Lost At The Dinner Table

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Sarah - thank you for sharing about this important part of your life! I think you have a great start here, but use a second draft to hit home the big ideas you're conveying: that identity is a complicated thing, that communication is crucial to our most important relationships, that generational gaps are a real phenomenon. Hone in on those themes, and make sure every paragraph and anecdote is contributing to telling that story.

about 1 year ago

Checkmate? Stalemate

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hello hurricandicanes - Thanks for sharing this experience with me! It sounds like you learned a lot from this series of events. Think about how you can make that abundantly clear from the get go, and make sure that every paragraph serves your main takeaways. I would like to learn more about the unique circumstances and character traits that may have prompted these actions and behaviors, so think about details you still have inside you that might help your audience understand.

about 1 year ago

Apple pie

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Sprinkleofchaos - thank you for telling this story, these things are so difficult but writing it can be extra cathartic. Work on defining the global theme that bridges the beginning, middle and end. The story you tell and the relationship you share with the reader is rich and engrossing, so finish it off with a cohesive ribbon of global significance! Great work.

about 1 year ago

My Story

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Dear Craft N Joyer - I'm so glad you're slowly getting settled in Missouri, thank you for sharing this story. As you revise, look for places where detail could enhance the story and help the reader understand your perspective. Also reflect on your goal for the piece - is it an objective report on your move, or is it something more universal, about change, faith, family? Good luck!

about 1 year ago

The Moment

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Phateymah - thank you for sharing this personal narrative! I feel like I've gotten to know you and your father well by reading it. You have some strong ideas and big themes to tackle, so before drafting again, take some time to reflect on how the ideas you open with are pertinent to the conclusion you come to. What was your moment, if it was a single moment at all? Read from your audience's perspective, then dive back in to your personal experience.

about 1 year ago

His Parents

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Christie - thank you for sharing this very emotional story about you and your family. I would encourage you to reflect on the purpose of this piece, and think about what motivated you to write it. What do you hope readers take away? Is it something about you, your little brother, your relationship, the impact of addiction on a family? There are numerous themes that come up, and I think your next draft can clarify that and bring it home for your audience. Thank you for a tremendous read, and for being so good to D.

about 1 year ago

Writing be my mourning voice

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Moonbay - thank you for sharing this deeply personal piece. You're off to a great start; you've written a clear narrative that gets at the fundamental challenges of making choices. External pressure, internal turmoil, the possibility of doing the wrong thing that we'll never be sure of. Take those themes to heart, and infuse them into the piece from start to finish, and you will have something that is even more cathartic and compelling.

about 1 year ago

Emmanicpation

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Ajia - this was gripping to read. Thank you for sharing this narrative. I look forward to reading a revision that strengthens your voice as the one living this experience in the past and reflecting on it in the present. Make sure you communicate the good and the bad about all of your characters, and bring your readers along in all of the details you've already provided. I hope you have found a way to be emancipated.

about 1 year ago

How Raindrops Became Home

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Erin - who knew a piece about the weather could be so satisfying to read! Your command of detail and imagery is superb, but I would encourage you to reread the prompt and make sure you're sharing a narrative. What personal takeaway will the reader identify here? What is relatable, beyond the physical sensations of the weather? Think about your intention for the piece, clarify the what/where/why, and hold on to the rich sensory details! Thanks for sharing!

about 1 year ago

Not Now

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

JaeD - thank you for sharing this deeply personal piece. As you get ready to revise, think deeply about the central idea you want to convey, and make sure that every single word, phrase, and paragraph is helping build on that idea. You have a rich experience to draw from - it surely had positive and negatives. Are you drawing from all parts of that experience? What details have you left out that will help your readers understand you and your story?

about 1 year ago

Why Me?

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

HyperDuck815 - thank you for sharing about this very vulnerable experience, and representing your feelings about the sequence of events in a raw way. You have a strong draft here, so as you revise, look for ways to clarify your central theme and the shifts in emotion you experienced. So much in life is up and down and unpredictable, so help the reader get to know this unstable time by enriching this story with details and clear sequencing. Thanks for the read!

about 1 year ago

This is my story.

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

Hi Cathery - thank you for sharing this deeply personal and vulnerable piece of writing. It is a relief to hear that you've found solace in writing. As you revise, remember what your audience does and doesn't know about your experience, and what they could gain from more details about each theme you present. You have a strong skeleton of a piece, and an important life experience to share about. Dig into what made it your experience and no one elses.

about 1 year ago

A Day In Solo

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Sammy! Thanks for taking me to Sola! You have a very thorough and thoughtful write here! As you prepare to revise, think critically about what the reader brings or doesn't bring to the piece. Also reflect on what you really want to demonstrate with this piece -- is is a step by step walkthrough of your top recommendations, is it an emotional appeal to your personal connections, or is it about the challenges of seeing a city in one day? Keep working on this, it's off to a great start!

over 1 year ago

Malinawon, Madayaw!

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi there! Thank you for this energetic and passionate essay on your relationship with Davao. As you revise, remember who your audience is and look for places to clarify using transitions, carefully placed descriptors, or maybe just some facts about the place. You develop the setting so well, without telling too much. I really enjoyed this story, which happens to share so much about a place!

over 1 year ago

This is Home

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Jemimah! Thanks for the trip to Singapore! It is clear that you love the place and never take it for granted. As you revise, take time to consider the historical component of your relationship to Singapore and it's natural wonders. Your allusion to ancestors, to World War 2, and your being born and raised there has lots of potential to elevate your narrative! This is a solid draft, and I really enjoyed reading it!

over 1 year ago

Tough as a Michigander

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

LyraLynne: Thank you so much for sharing this intimate tour of Grandville. You put a lot of your heart and deeply personal experiences here. As you revise, consider what you want readers to take away from this piece. You seem torn between reporting on the town's activities and structures, and delving into the personal experience of the community. What matters most to the sense of place? You've got it in you! This was a lovely read.

over 1 year ago

Camden, Delaware

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Alicea! Thank you for sharing this highly personal piece. While it pushes on the boundaries of the travel genre, this piece shows a lot about your relationship to this place. Think over your purpose, and look for ways to heighten the setting of your narrative, but on the whole, this is an intriguing and solid write!

over 1 year ago

Superior Ashland

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Ella! Thank you for taking me to this beautiful place! You have a really solid first draft here, and it is full of rich vocabulary and appropriate details. Use your revision to take a good look at the structure of the entire piece. You've created a sense of place, now focus on the thematic takeaway through the structure of the piece, as well as the perspective of the reader as they interpret your strong voice as the author.

over 1 year ago

The Liveliest Town of Death

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hello Flowerful! Thank you for bringing us along to Malemort with us. I would encourage you to think critically about the genre and your agenda with this piece. There is such a rich personal narrative here, which suits the prompt, but be sure to tie it to the purpose of travel writing! Why Malemort? It means "Town of Death," but make it abundantly clear what it means to YOU!

over 1 year ago

City Wonders

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi Ken! Thanks for brining me to NYC! You flatter your home town in this jam-packed piece. I look forward to a revision that clarifies the perspective of the reader, and unpacks some of the finer details. This is a great start, and I think you convey the mood, pace, and feeling of the setting with great skill!

over 1 year ago

Brisbane

PROMPT: Travel Writing Competition 2018

Hi kdxt4life! Thank you for taking me on this whirlwind romp around Brisbane! I really appreciated the collision of history and present day experiences -- it's clear that you know this place well and have done your research. In your revisions, thing carefully about the flow of the piece, both as a writer and as a reader who may choose this piece as their first introduction to a foreign place (like myself!). I'm enchanted by your description of the city and its history. Use your revision time to clarify what matters most, and smooth out the transitions and usage! Thank you!

over 1 year ago