Mona Ster

Philippines

Message from Writer

The woman who bled ink, died from words she couldn't say.

Published Work

Indifferent

My eyes are tired. 
They refuse to see the blind people that have become indifferent to the world. 
My ears are silent. 
They refuse to hear the hurtful lies people use to cover up their indifference. 
My eyes and ears have long been discouraged to see and hear those people.
I don't see myself in the mirror nor hear myself talk.
I, myself have become one of those indifferent people. 
Now, they have taken their retribution and turned indifferent to me. 
They are no longer my own. 
I do not own myself anymore.

Someday

Someday I'll be someone I'm not. 
Someday the world will see my smiles that try to hide the emptiness I feel, 
my laughs that try to prove that I'm living and not just alive, and
my confidence that tries to tell the world that I'm living the life I want. 
Someday I'll be someone even I, myself don't recognize. 
I'll look in the mirror and see how I' ve grown from the little girl who dreamt of great things, 
I'll look at my reflection and see if it mirrored who I really am. 
And most of the time, I dissapoint myself with the outcome. 
I will only see the woman who was forced to erase the memory of the little girl to be seen as someone. 
Now because of that, I would've lost sight of myself and become a mother that bore a living person who wasn't really living at all.

I could only hope that someday I can look...

Personal Essay Competition: Making Change 2018

The Room

And I've found myself in the same room. The same room where I swore to myself that I'd change. Each single night, I had dream of being someone better and I'd wake up hoping that I will. But it seems that change eludes me and I'm still left in the same room. Those locked doors kept me inside and the key that I unkowingly swallowed came in so deep that I'd forgotten about it. 

I'd knock, knock and knock, shouting for help, hoping that I'd get out from the walls that I've built. I knew that change was what I needed but seeds of doubt crept inside and tell me how treacherous the world was outside and at some point I'd believe. I'd believe because I got so used to the false sanctity the room provided. No matter I was a prisoner as long as I was safe. 

No more, that was what I told myself. Change was not...

Rose #startingsentencecontest

"I never meant to do it", you said. 
You never meant to have met me, 
You never meant to smile at me, 
You never meant to laugh with me, 
You never meant to have me,
You never meant for anything
that had transpired between us to be more than what it seemed to be. 

"I never meant to do it", you said. 
Well, I meant it.
I meant it and you didn't.
And that is the saddest thing of all.
To love someone that couldn't even hate you, 
loving someone indifferent to you.  

You were a rose bush. 
Each rose signified how captivating you were, 
yet each had thorns that drew blood from mine, 
and the kid that I was, kept coming back at you,
expecting that band-aids were enough to heal my wounds. 
Yet it did not. 

So I'm sorry, if this blade of grass seemed insignificant to you, 
I'm sorry if I was not as pretty nor as...

Enough

When you try hard enough,
You'll lose enough and win enough. 

Yet Here I Am

I could tell you a lot of things, tell you a whole lot of different stories.
I could write an endless poem for you, 
a never ending novel, an epic and maybe dedicate a book that could compare to all the pages of books combined. 
Yet I do not. 

I'd rather stay silent or give you bits and pieces of myself than give you empty words and soulless lies. 
I'd rather trap my words in my mouth than let it flow on paper because dedicating something for you would never be worth it. 
Yet here I am anyways,
writing empty words to mirror the emptiness of my heart.

Uttered Lines

Those lines you utter- even if delivered with a smile and a laugh,
makes my smile freeze, my mind blank and my heart ache.
As if my body was hit by bullet, just one bullet that had it spiralling down, bleed, break down and die.

Jagged Lines

Jagged lines mar my skin,  
a reminder that I have lived through each suffering.

Flower

I'm just a street flower- a wild one. 
Something that grew in the harshest places, 
Something that you had probably stepped on or ignored as you walked pass the winding road. 
Something that you never see, too focused with the lush gardens of ethereal and exotic flowers ahead, 
for I can never compare myself to how they sway in the winds, dance in the rain and sing with the birds, 
while they play in their haven of a garden and flirt with all the butterflies and bees.
I can never be those flowers. 
I am a street flower,  something that had lived through the harsh glare of the sun, the endless drought and your big shoes, 
I had lived  and that's what matters. 

Antonym

Let your thoughts sink in
And your feelings rise out.

Universe ☆

When the universe left the mind, 
It became the vessel of heavenly bodies. 

Found You

My eye doesn't deceive me, 
For I found a friend in you, 
I found happiness when I am with you.
I find our smiles, laughters and shared secrets one of my treasures, 
Just like how I see you, a rare gem that shines brightly amidst the darkness of life, 
You're my treasure and I'm glad I found you.

INTO

Into the darkness I fall, 
I slip into every crevice in my mind 
And let myself wallow in the deepness of my memories. 

Personal Narrative Competition 2018

TOMORROW

The day had started. Yellow strobes of light penetrate my four-walled room, filling the small space with regal magnificence. And as I fill my nose with deep air and my ears with the singing birds, I remind myself, that tomorrow has become today. 

Moments like these are hard to come by, when I could just smile and be in harmony with the world around, not when stress is my prison and my only jail time are days like these. The day was young and I was old on bed, I lie still and imagine myself falling back to my dreams and think of nothing but bliss, but it was hard when each deep breath  takes me back to my responsibilities, when it reels me to reality. 

So I step outside my haven, and trudge my feet slowly on the stairs. One, two, three, I count the steps, each step shows how reality keeps on unraveling. My Mom greets me with...

Personal Narrative Competition 2018

TOMORROW

The day had started. Yellow strobes of light penetrate my four-walled room, filling the small space with regal magnificence. And as I fill my nose with deep air and my ears with the singing birds, I remind myself, that tomorrow has become today. 

Moments like these are hard to come by, when I could just smile and be in harmony with the world around, not when stress is my prison and my only jail time are days like these. The day was young and I was old on bed, I lie still and imagine myself falling back to my dreams and think of nothing but bliss, but it was hard when each deep breath I takes me back to my responsibilities, when it reels me to reality. 

So I step outside my haven, and trudge my feet slowly on the stairs. One, two, three, I count the steps, each step shows how reality keeps on unraveling. My Mom greets me...

Catch

My tears are falling,  
just like how I fell for you:
Falling but with no one to catch it.
I didn't even catch myself, how could you? 

See

Each failure is a real chance for success. 
You just have to see it. 

Let Me

Let me sing like angels for the demon that fell. 

EYEs

I know that look. 
That look you're giving me now. 
Your eyes of blue that became my mirror.
Your eyes so deep, that you know the depth of me. 
Your eyes are my window to my soul. 
I cannot see it without you. 

Sadly, no matter how much you see me, it is never enough. 
No matter how much I love your eyes, 
no matter how much I need them, 
no matter, no matter, 
you do see me, but not always, 
you do see me, but not the way I want it to be. 
You see me, yet you feel her. 
 

Dead Star

I am a twinkling star. 
Just someone filling up the space. 
A beautiful star that is already dead.
Though you see me high and bright, I am still dead. 

Cupid

When you smiled at me, I hope you knew you should be responsible for my heart.

You had the cupid's bow in action which struck my heart and got embedded on my mind. 

I Write

I yearn to write to sort out my mind and heal my heart. 

WCKD

His wickedness came from his sweet, poisonous lies. 

Impermanence

Tug of War

A day of battle,
A tug between sun and rain,
Seems we're caught in it.