Sooo cuuuttteeeee

nezi_nes

Hong Kong

Just keep swimming...in a sea of thoughts and ideas
INFJ
Christian
JUST FINISHED IB HAHAAA :DD
Check out the link to my 4th blog (i.e the only one that works) https://writingsofthedeepblue.blogspot.com/

Peer Reviews

Möbius

FREE WRITING

This piece has so much wisdom in it, I wish everyone would read this. Really. Especially those you've described who have their own idea of God's nature and morph it into a weapon of hate. And it seems each time I read this there's something different I pick up from it. I love this *so* much. Also, welcome back!

2 months ago

Don't Unplug Society: Why Social Media Is Necessary For Our Generation

PROMPT: Unplugged: Op-Ed Competition

I like how this piece flows, where you acknowledge and present one view of the effects of social media, but then offer your own convincing perspective in the form of distinct points, all the while backing them up with sources. The conclusion ties it all up really nicely as well, offering a very balanced argument. And that last sentence... so good!

3 months ago

Better Leave the Lights On

FREE WRITING

Overall, what's holding this piece up is the spooky characterisation of Jacob, and the suspense before his appearance and after. I'd like to know more about the interactions between these two characters because it could potentially become a much longer story. Great job, have a nice day as well!

3 months ago

aurora

FREE WRITING

I think you can already tell I'm in love with this piece. And I'm a sucker for sibilance and rhymes and vivid imagery. The way you blend in all these different emotions and channel these through various methods like structure, literary devices, and then gently guide the reader through this process through the perspective of a girl/woman trying to figure it out, leaves me with a sense of wonder. (gosh that is a long sentence.) It's a rollercoaster of natural beauty, melancholy, frustration, despair and finally hope. I am so honoured to even read this piece and it will likely integrate itself into my heart. Thank you for writing this. I aspire to write like this in the future.

9 months ago

Sounds Assail Me

PROMPT: Sounds Assail Me

Okay, I'm going to write an an analysis of literary devices here (I'd like wtw to give a little more freedom to do these kind of things instead of obligatory review sections or line by line comments, but that's beside the point): 1. alliteration and rhyme: sibilence in line 1 "symphonies" and "surroundings" already sets tone in how music or sounds are portrayed in the piece, this general statement helps too line 2 "way water" a gentle sound, feels like it's natural and flowy "faucet"-"footsteps" are near-rhymes, "wind"-"window" still makes it kinda rhymey-- they create a sense of harmony between normally unrelated sounds line 3 breaks up alliteration to create contrast "overpowered" "footsteps BUT THEN falls back into the structure by "blended" and "faint autumn wind". You're creating depth of sound and adding levels to it, and mimicking the oscillation that occurs in many sounds in nature/surroundings. Love it. line 9 "thousands of rustling leaves" creates imagery from the onomatopoeia, increases emphasis on sound which is the theme of your poem 2. imagery of sounds I really like the personification of sound from your line "tip toeing through a half open window" and it feels very real "flutter of wings" "staccato chirp"- you didn't tell us what it was but through these sounds implied a bird. Quite sneaky...brilliant :) "pebbles skip lazily on calm water". This one's interesting, given that "skip" and "lazily" contrast each other. I don't know why and how but it works really well in creating the image "pencil tapping", "flipped page"- another environment, but again has a very natural quality to it, almost smooth, no resistance...? I love your writing because it makes me feel things I don't know how to describe. "randomly twisting" in reality this has no sound but here it's whooshy, like the wind in tunnels Wrap up: all the while you focus on the motif of sound, and that's demonstrated by the many images put forward by alliteration, rhymes, and a bit of magic. It's amazing how by reading static symbols on a laptop, I could delve into a rich world of sound and music. Also I read the original piece and it was breathtaking... Such a good job on this piece LunaLemon!!! I wrote this review because your sincere comment on my piece made me want to do something for you in return. You have a very kind heart, keep it glowing because although people hurt sometimes, and sometimes very badly, no one ultimately controls it but you :) ew I'm like those people who give motivational talks now and I don't want to do that. ANyway thank you for you and have a blessed day!

11 months ago

A Morning in Town

PROMPT: Personal Narrative Competition 2018

I know this doesn't have anything to do with the piece but do you speak Chinese?

12 months ago

Damage

FREE WRITING

Keep rawking on!

11 months ago

paralysis 23/08

FREE WRITING

I like the portrayal of how these two characters seemed to be doomed from the start, and how the writer is recounting their experience in hindsight. This is a wonderful piece.

11 months ago

Friend or Foe

FREE WRITING

Thank you so much for that Post-it ahhhh yes I is fulfilled! You write really good snippets of suspense, like last time with said Post-it, and "He doesn't say anything more" at the campfire, and "The fire is warm", and "believe it's acceptable to tell you the truth", basically these mini-sentences that provide just enough information for the reader to understand but not enough to make them want more. I've left comments on the highlights on stuff I think you could improve/expand on so not much else to say here. Except that you've done an amazing job at continuing from the first piece you wrote, and I like the title theme "or". I'm looking forward to seeing what you'll do in the next one!!

12 months ago

Fact or Fiction

PROMPT: FACT

I love the short, abrupt sentences indicating Ro's inner thoughts. (Examples like "I need to find Lisa", "Nope. Nothing. "Lies.") They're so unexpected and adds urgency to the story, in the mean time creating a load of suspense and characterisation. Very well done, I was immersed in this piece until the end. ALSO PLEASE EXPAND ON THE THING SHE PUT IN RO'S POCKET IT'S KILLING ME WHAT IS IT!!

about 1 year ago

The Difference Between You and Me

FREE WRITING

Like the effort with the rhymes, it always takes me so long to come up with them and string them into minimally coherent sentences.

about 1 year ago

200 words story challenge – Untitled

FREE WRITING

Maybe it's me but I'm slightly confused at the last sentence about "today" and "her". Is she still alive and painting the sky in her final moments of life? Or is she already gone and I just misunderstood something? (earlier it says "she was already gone"). It would be great to clarify that.

about 1 year ago

The Taunt of Hunger

PROMPT: Food Writing Competition 2018

The only advice I'd be able to give is to sloow down the ending. Healing is a gradual process which can take months or years to change, so maybe if you included a an account of the milestones she's reached to get out of anorexia would be good.

about 1 year ago