To put love into words is nearly impossible, especially with a heart like mine which is explosible.
My heart is like glass, easy to see through.
It was almost ready to shatter, until I met you. 
Sometimes I think about what my life would be, if you had never run into me.
I don't tell you I love you as much as I should, but I'll love you right into our adulthood.
There will never be a day where I don't think of you, and because of that I'll never be blue.
My life with you in it is so much better than before, there will never be a day I'll want to walk right out our front door. 
Thank you for everything you've done for me, you're more amazing and thoughtful than I'll ever be. 

 
 

it's hard to live as two people
i do not have two personalities
but i am who i want to be 
and then there's the me people want to see 
they say she
they say he

not everyone knows my truth

I love you bitch I ain't never going to stop loving you bitch
-Anonymous aka your best friend 
<3

love is a feeling
an emotion that works when activated by the right flip of a switch
we're programmed to feel it in some way
the butterflies in your stomach
the weakness in your knees
the dirty thoughts in your clean mind
the confusion of why one kiss can drive you mad
the wanting just a touch so bad that it can drive you to tears
only wanting attention from one person
and once it happens
 you'll never get enough of it
whether it's just a kiss, sex or even just a look
you want it 
you crave it
you need it. 

that's what you make me feel
I want you so bad that it drives me mad
you kiss me 
you flip that switch in me
I get butterflies
I get weak in the knees
those dirty thoughts running through my not so clean mind
you kiss me and I'm confused on why I kiss back
again and again and again ...

simplicity
the smell of rain on a spring morning
when you can almost smell the worms crawling over your driveway
the sound of the wind wrestling the new leaves on the trees as they fall again
the sound of the thunder rumbling in a dark sky
the sight of the bolt of lighting that seems to strike nearby 
the simplicity of a storm that although seems angry brings calm
 

maybe I need time 
or maybe just some space
I think I need to be alone 
and find my own place

it's not that I don't love you
I know you're always there 
 but lately, I've been feeling 
like the spark just isn't there

you might think I'm pretty 
but I tend to disagree
my insides aren't as beautiful
t hey're as rough as the bark of this old oak tree

Love is the one thing I wish I could find.
People say that to find love in another, you have to find it in yourself.
I put myself aside. I don't want to look for it in myself. 
I am not capable of loving who I am.
I don't need to.
Maybe I will when I feel like giving a fuck, but that is not today.
I see it different from everyone else.
One day, we all find the right set of eyes.
The ones we look into and see the stars.
When we look into their eyes and see ourselves, and realize another human is capable of loving us we feel as if we can finally love ourselves.
We need others to love ourselves.
Not their approval, just someone to share the love with. 
 

i am drunk.

sitting in class, lost in my own private hell

they ask if i'm okay

i'm fine.

we are machines
powered by emotion and will
some built stronger than others
there are prototypes
weaker ones
my batteries die quicker than yours
for i am less durable
i am weak 
useless
pointlessly wandering a lost
dark 
world.

i think i love him
his smile
his eyes
his hands
his shape
him
his laugh
his care for me 
his adventurous spirit
his kind heart
his lips
his intent to make me feel love

i think i love him

maybe life is worth the living
maybe i am kinda pretty 
maybe he does like me back
he probably likes someone else, i mean why would he like me
i'm not smart or funny
im barely even passable as a good person sometimes
god only knows what he's heard about the "new girl"
maybe he does like me
i can't approach him
he'd be like, who's this girl that just randomly approached me
i need a motive or a reason to ask him something to maybe make a conversation
she said I should just do it 
she said if i talked to him he would definitely talk back
she said he's an accepting person who's tough and funny
although i am jealous of the stories she told me about the cute things he says
he's really the only thing in my head
i feel like if i did talk to him i would freak out
i would have a panic attack and start...

it's 4:00 am
and i am alone
my boyfriend is on the phone
yet still i am alone

alone
such an empty word
with empty emotion
no feelings
hollow

alone
isolated
empty

alone
in the dark
my laptop screen lighting the room
and christmas lights to fit my aesthetic 

New places 
New faces
Unknown beauty
A diamond town
Left in the rough
A whole new world
Just for me
I couldn't wait to see
 

all i want is another day
i don't want to play their games
i just want you 
one last time

i have no will
i have no reason
i have no time
to figure my treason
i want to find
at least one reason
to never have to face
such treason
i love you 
i swear i do 
but i just don't know how

 

maybe next time it'll really be love
i don't really know what happened
or where we went wrong
but there's always next time

you didn't mean to 
it was just a mistake
instead of being a man 
you leave me with
there's always next time

i hate you 
but i always forgive you
i can't trust you
but there's always next time



 

Comfortable. I am safe and sound in my own space.

I never thought I'd need you like I do right now
Never thought I'd miss you as much I do now
I hope in the future you'll never leave
I see the best in you I hope you see the best in me
Your hands your heart your eyes 
your smile your hair and your time
are all mine
at least for now
I hope that you realize
I've found the love of my life
You're my bestfriend
My soulmate
and the only person I'd ever want to 
spend the rest of my life with
after tonight
 

it's 3am
i'm drunk
and i'm calling you

i was fine on my own 
but then you came 
and changed my everything
i was finally okay 
then you walked away
you left me in the dust
of this beat up
small town
alone
 

On the last day of the world
I would accept the fact
That this is the end

Pay my dues
Give my apologies
Try to heal
And lastly, forgive.

I would say goodbye
To those I love
To everything I've known
And watch the end start. 

the breeze 
the trees 
the wind
the world around you
take it in
you aren't here 
for very long
so enjoy this
enjoy breathing
seeing
living
existing
even if it is 
just barely existing
you're still here 
and that's what matters
just exist
even if it is just 
barely existing
as long as you can
until your truth
is told

you can't escape the hurt
but you can escape
at least for a little while
and feel free 
temporarily

do you know the feeling of freedom?
me neither
trapped in a house for 15 years
not just one house
but many houses
chained to the wall and tempted by the light shining
through the window
the same smells
the same people 
the same rooms
the same everything
the same dream of leaving a town that never
loved me anyways
the same idea that people are cruel and they just want to hurt me
people you don't know
can't hurt you, right?
 

i stay away
from people i know 
from places i go
from drama that leads to more
i'm not looking to be called a whore
i like it quiet 
in my own little state
i'll sit and wait
for someone like me to come along
till then 
i'll stay distant

i go down the road
past the library 
past my friends houses
past all that i know 
and i walk
feeling the crisp
cold
fresh air on my skin
the rough scarred outer layer under which
my organs keep me alive
my lungs breathing that cold crisp air
my heart beating keeping my blood flowing
my brain keeping me from walking out into the road
the road full of machines flying by
we're all going somewhere
but we're all going no where 
fast
and these are the things i think
as i walk.

i go down the road
past the library 
past the library
past my friends houses
past all that i know 
and i walk
feeling the crisp
cold
fresh air on my skin
the rough scarred outer layer under which
my organs keep me alive
my lungs breathing that cold crisp air
my heart beating keeping my blood flowing
my brain keeping me from walking out into the road
the road full of machines flying by
we're all going somewhere
but we're all going no where 
fast
and these are the things i think
as i walk.

me 
i
myself
that's all we care about
who pays attention to us
who notices we aren't invisible
that i exist too
but let me tell you
you aren't special
in this town
we're just average
you grow up
pay taxes
and die
thats life
thats the cold 
hard 
dead 
truth
no one cares who you were in high school
no one cares how invisible you are

the only things 
keeping me sane
are you and
the kind sound
of sinatra's voice
making me feel
better after a 
long day of 
stressing myself out
 

stressed 
the fact that i sleep
buried in papers
lost in a world
i'm forced to be in
losing sleep
losing motivation
having no hope
that i'm going
to make it
through
another
year

the sounds of the wind
blowing by my pink ears
as i walk through
the thin layer of snow
my footprints i leave
behind making my
being unknown

i will always be scared
i am not beautiful enough
for you
or if i am beautiful
at all 
i will change 
what i am wearing
five times before 
i see you wondering
which pair of jeans
will make my body
more tempting to undress
tell me
is there anything
i can do
to make you think
her
she is so 
striking
she makes my body
forget it has knees
write it in a letter
and address it to
all the insecure 
parts of me
my uneven fingers
my thighs
your voice alone
drives me to tears
yours telling me i am beautiful
yours telling me i am enough

so far from me
where i want to be
is right there
next to you
losing my head 
to be in your bed
and do everything
we wanna do
i'd give anything
and everything
for you
just say the word 
and baby im
a freak for you
i wanna feel 
your body heat
and your heartbeat 
right up against mine
i wanna feel you love me 
just like
we planned
this whole time
the way you
talk me up
i fell so hard
you're killin me
you say you 
feel it too
just don't always
know if youre
telling the truth
i wanna know 
for sure this time
i cant afford
to be 
played again
used again
you see
you swore you wouldnt
do it to me
i didn't think 
that i could trust it
if you could
be trusted
then you said 
those 
three little words
i'll make you
promise
pinky promise
that you
aren't gonna
leave
you know...

never thought i'd need a crutch
until i fell
thought i needed him so much
i was mad as hell
he was such a waste of time
then i found you

sinking
swimming
try to keep my head above water 
don't let it drag you down
thinking to myself 
that drowning
would be easier
don't let it 
get to you 
i know it'll all 
pass through
just gotta keep
your head up
 

-complete "the map"
-move to NYC
-buy a polaroid
-jump off a cliff
-join a band
-alleghany in the fall
-learn to play bass
-get married
-PARIS 
-skydive
-find a unicorn
-go to massachusets (province, boston and salem)
-crash a wedding
-go star gazing in my dads old truck
-live in walnut creek
-smoke pot in colorado
-get drunk in canada
-kiss a stranger
-do every ride at cedar point
-see the northern lights
-have a daughter named alaska 
-visit alaska
-go skinny dipping
-adopt a star
-try on wedding dresses for no reason
-get tattoos
-new years in new york
-go to college parties
-find a way to make myself truly happy
-write and record one of my songs
 

i wish that life wasn't as cruel as it seems
i wish people were kinder to everyone
i wish that people could love and understand
i wish fairytales were real
i wish i could live my truest dreams
i wish money wasn't a problem
i wish time wasn't of the essence
i wish that depression didn't exist
i wish everyone could be happy 
i wish words didn't hurt as bad as we make them do
i wish things could be okay just for a while
i wish that i could love and not be hated or judged for who i love
i wish people understood that i'm young but i know what love is
i wish i could say i love you 
i wish you loved me too 
i wish you had never left
i wish they would talk to me
i wish that we weren't a broken family
i wish that you had never picked up that drink
i...

as a superhero
i'm here to help
to save the day
when things go
wrong
i am your superman
i will pick you up
off the ground
but
you can be your
own hero
you may think
so
but you don't 
need me
you're strong
you're independant
you're a superhero
with powers
even more powerful
than mine
you confront your problems
head on
you believe in 
what you know 
is right
you dont show weakness
even when youre in pain
you never give up
as a hero
i admore
YOU

the boy's hair was red.

the boy's hair was as wild and bright as a fire. his icy blue eyes cut like a razor blade as he looked my way. 

the boy stood, with the sun on his face making his hair glow like fire. his blue eyes, cold as ice and as sharp as a blade shot me a look as he walked by me. making me feel the steam of the contrast of the heat in his hair and the ice of his eyes. he smiled, and through the steam i saw him. standing there in the sun.   

as he ushered me upstairs
in his large estate
i got goose bumps
the house was silent
his want for me 
was unsubtle
although he was a 
majestic creature
he handled me 
like a diamond
the upcoming 
possibilities
were 
endless

Prompt: Open a book to page 29. Pick 10 words and use at least 7 to create a poem.
My Book: Turtles All the Way Down by John Green
Words:
1. Ushered 
2. Estate
3. Bumps
4. Silent
5. Wholly
6. Unsubtle
7. Sterile
8. Majestic
9.Diamond
10. Endless

the boy's hair was red.

the boy's hair was as wild and bright as a fire. his icy blue eyes cut like a razor blade as he looked my way. 

the boy stood, with the sun on his face making his hair glow like fire. his blue eyes, cold as ice and as sharp as a blade shot me a look as he walked by me. he smiled, and through his defined face, revealed his dimples as he smiled at me.  

i like the way you look at me.
you don't just 
look
you observe
i can feel your eyes 
searching my body
like hands

i like the way you laugh.
you smile
and throw your head back
not only making me smile 
but
making the room 
light up

i like the way you exist.
you care
and 
love
you love me
with passion
you live fully
and make 
every
moment
count.

sometimes i feel lost
like i don't know why i'm here
or what i'm doing
almost like i'm from another world
just visiting for a while
or 
i feel accomplished
i feel like i have a purpose
and
i'm on a path 
of fulfillment
and accomplishment
or i feel sad
lonely even
like i give my all 
to the world
and get this 
nothingness
in return 
:)
 

im packing my bag
and leaving today
hoping to see the mountains
along the way
along the busy streets
watching strangers
finding good eats
new adventures
new smells
new people
new things 
along the road 
thats paved
just for me 
to make my way
today

feeling with you gives me 
more than just feelings
its indescribable 
a freak of the human 
brain and emotion
when i'm next to you
kissing you
even missing you
i feel it
the love 
the hope
the wanting
the lust
the patience
the care
even though you can't always be here
i feel it
i feel you
and i love it
you make me feel
strong
beautiful 
smart 
and best of all
happy
i love you
i love the feelings 
the mystery of not
knowing where we'll go next
the feeling of you on and under my skin
kissing my neck
my forehead 
my lips
pushing up against me
giving me passion
love 
and spit
i love your weird
the way your tongue wanders 
the way you pull me close
feeling my body 
tasting my emotion
both falling harder
and worsening the 
addicition
that hopefully
kills us 
both
if i died today
i could die happy
and finally 
rest easy ...

i never thought i'd get this close to someone again
after being used
abused
but you
you're different
you make the wind blow
the stars shine
the sunrise more beautiful
after the darkest of nights
even more beautiful
than you'll ever know 
you make things
okay
and i like
it 

i think i love him
his smile
his eyes
his hands
his shape
him
his laugh
his care for me 
his adventurous spirit
his kind heart
his lips
his intent to make me feel love
i think i love him