Peer Reviews
The Warning
FREE WRITING
I love your description, specifically the visual and aural imagery. It's so good. I can literally imagine everything you're describing in my head because when you describe, you're showing me, unlike other writers who merely tell. And when you describe the girl, are you talking about the wooden plank swings or those massive tyre ones? Also the comments I added, please remember they're merely my opinion on how you could improve, I apologise if I've seemed harsh but I genuinely liked your piece. If you ever write a next chapter and I come across it I'll be sure to read it! Thank you for writing this piece!
over 3 years
Water
PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses
This is only my opinion, but to enhance the sense of serene and calmness I'd add more commas to drag out the sentences, gave some examples above. I'm not sure about you but I personally would also describe how the water runs through your fingers when you drag it along the surface, since in my opinion, the best sense you describe is touch. Please know that this only my opinion and your work so far is brilliant!! Keep it up~~~
over 3 years
Licivious
FREE WRITING
This feels like one of the poems I've read before called Rape of the Lock where the author detailed every little thing and compared it using a lot of literary techniques. I think you've done the same here in a very interesting way.
over 3 years
On the Other Side of the Fence
PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2017
I think the 3rd sentence could be better reworded but thats just my personal opinion. I don't think coughs necessarily slice the air and the phrase "car is none". I understand what it means but I sort of have to pause for a second and then keep reading. The other sentences very effectively build up a sense of tension whereas this 3rd one in my opinion makes me stop because of the awkward wording. But thats just me being nitpicky.
unknown
Words
FREE WRITING
You don't even describe someone, but it just makes me thing of this movie I watched where this guy is just watching a girl read a book and he can't help but smile.
over 3 years
Sea of Corn
FREE WRITING
This is only my opinion, but when I imagine a cornfield I imagine it to be yellow. Maybe its because of all those ads I've seen on TV where everything is yellow to get those happy vibes going. Also, this piece seems like a written version of a particular scene in Nanny Mcphee 2, where she magically harvests all the corn and then it abruptly comes still after all the dancing etc.
over 3 years
An urban escape
PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses
In my opinion, great descriptions make people to relate back to something that has happened in their life. This description allowed me to remember my experience of hiking in the Blue Mountains many years ago. Reading this allowed me to I vividly remember the wind blowing and stream flowing so I thank you for writing this description. This is me being really really really nit picky but in the first sentence, when you say "squashing", are you trying to convey how people are trudging along those trails made of small rocks? If so, I'd say trudging or something like that, because its quite a crude word which can contrast to this beautiful description. Also when you say "providing a perpetual air flow", in my opinion the description starts becoming a little bit scientific which is different to almost the magical like setting you've written. But once again, thats just me being heaps picky, your description has literally transported me to the Blue Mountains.
over 3 years