Corbinium

United States of America

bah. humbug.

Message from Writer

“Well you do enough talk
My little hawk, why do you cry?
Tell me what did you learn from the Tillamook burn?
Or the Fourth of July?
We're all gonna die”

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

Published Work

New

Lungs that fill and deflate
Taking in all that's evil,
Circulating it,
And letting it all out.
A new breath.

Colors that shift and change
Morphing blues, greens, and reds
Shades of orange
Lots of purple. 
A new perspective.

A red light
Hesitation,
Caution,
Then a green. 
A new beginning.

Her favorite color is purple. 
She smiles when she thinks of me
And I do the same.
She is making me a better person,
And I will sell my life to her. 
A new love.

No more betrayals.
No more lies.
No more drugs.
No more ruined friendships.
No more pain.
A new life. 

December

Here it comes; the King of Cold,
Harbinger of Depression
and Destroyer of the Bold.

Asking Why

Frequently, when I'm alone in my thoughts,
I find myself asking why.
I ask about my feelings.
I'm not sure why. I don't have any answers.
But my dad always told me to ask why so I shall.

Why do I so often lose my motivation to do things?
Why is it so hard to stay clean?
Why did I lie to that person?
Why do I wake up at 4:45 to go jump in an 80 degree pool?
Why do I get so tired of repetition?
Why do I still love her?
Why can't I move on?
Why doesn't my mom trust me?
Why do I lose my will? 
Why do I live?
Why don't I live?
Why do I think so much?
Why do I ask why?

Questions float around my head,
Questions that end up unanswered and dead.

Talking to “You”

You've Changed

You didn't mean to, did you?
You didn't venture into the darkness with the intent of doing such a thing,
But it happened all the same. 
It changed you. 
The you that emerged from the cave is not the you that entered. 
You've changed.

You don't regret it.
You feel bad, but you don't regret it.
It was wonderful, after all. 
God only knows if you'll be forgiven for it,
but God also knows that it was fantastic.
You forgot all of your problems. 
Everything was gone.
You felt truly, legitimately at peace for the first time in months. 
The repercussions were not as pleasant. It's changing you.

You want it again. You know you shouldn't.
You received more in 6 days than you received over the last 6 months.
You felt alive. You felt important. 
You felt strong.
It was rather sadistic, wasn't it?
The very definition of a guilty pleasure.
Nothing so bad has ever felt so good.
...

Truths and Untruths

Wishes

. What do I wish for?

  • I wish Donald Trump wasn't running my country. What a clown.
Now that we have that out of the way...
  • I wish that I was the good-looking athletic kid that everybody likes.
  • I wish that I could maintain a solid friend group for more than 12 months.
  • I wish that I could stop making mistakes.
  • I wish that I could stop ruining my relationships.
  • I wish that I could hear the words "I love you" sincerely said to me every day. 
  • I wish that I could finally beat my demons.
  • I wish that I could be the perfect person everyone expects me to be.
Most of all,
  • I wish that I was happy.
Is that too much to ask?

Moments

The screen illuminates her,
Though she outshines it in every way. 
I'm watching the movie,
But I'd rather be watching her. 
Her hand is intertwined with mine
My head rests on her shoulder
I feel her chest rise and fall
I hear her heart beating for both of us
It is moments like these, when she holds me, that I begin to wonder 
How I could have doubted her love for me in the first place. 

Open Prompt

The End of Steven Jones

There once was an old man by the name of Steve. 
Steve was a small, frail man, no bigger than 5'4".
At the slow age of 88, Steve sat alone in his house, located at the quiet outskirts of his hometown. 
His life was doomed to routine. 
Wake up. Take medication. Watch TV. Sit outside. More medication. Go to bed. 
Repeat. 

Steve had no parents, no siblings, and no children. 
He didn't matter to anyone. 
He had become yet another insignificant speck in the universe. 
And he knew it. 

Steve woke up one cool, crisp Spring morning. 
He didn't take his medication. 
He did watch TV. 
He did sit outside.
He visited his wife's grave, who laid eternally in his backyard. 
He started to feel sick. For a second, he eyed his pills. 
But he still didn't take them. 

Steven F. Jones laid in his bed that evening, staring and the ceiling,
Waiting for the ending he so viciously craved.  ...

Bliss

It's 10:18 in the afternoon.
Teeth have been brushed,
Pajamas have been put on,
and goodnights have been said. 

I sit alone in my room.
Faint sounds are heard throughout the house:
My sister plays the guitar every night,
I can hear it through the ceiling
From her room above me.
I communicate with my next eldest brother
by knocking on the wall in between our rooms. 
I hear my little brothers bickering next door
Back and forth in their twin bunk bed.
I hear the plumbing and pipes in my walls,
so I always know whenever someone turns on a sink
or flushes a toilet. 
My dog snorts softly at the foot of my bed.
My pen smoothly scratches across my notebook. 
The sound of my ink on my paper soothes me. 

The noises throughout my house are relaxing. 
I am calm, even with
My sister singing Ed Sheeran upstairs,
My brothers arguing over who can do the best...

Fireworks

Love is like a firework. 
It is explosions that burst in the air
It is entrancing colors against a cold, dark night sky
It is strikingly beautiful in every way.
Even after it's gone, the memory pleases you.
But fireworks can be dangerous.
If not carefully operated, someone could get hurt
We risk it anyways. The reward is too compelling:
The shining lights that remind us why we choose to live.
Life is too short to worry about getting burned.

Everyone has their own fireworks
We set them off whenever we choose,
Though it is up to others to decide
Whether or not your fireworks dance alone
Or burst in perfect unison with another.

I don't often get the chance to light my fireworks,
So when I do, I get overexcited and set off too many
Because it feels good to watch my fireworks explode,
Especially when someone else's accompany me.
My favorite fireworks are the ones that I set...