Ace2ad62 ca2f 4f92 90e4 72542c7be103

rainandsonder

United States

currently reading "the goldfinch" and trying to learn spanish. if you like what i write, please leave a comment!

Message from Writer

"i wish the world was flat like the old days/then i could travel just by folding a map," - death cab for cutie

lowercase is intentional.

Peer Reviews

the end of the world came a long time ago, we were just too blind to see | #imagineit

FREE WRITING

i honestly don't have anything to critique here. the mix of social commentary and hopeless description is perfect; this piece feels both abstract and blunt, brutal and sad. there's a crackling tension throughout, and the way you keep building and building that tension up until the one-word ending is fantastic. i liked the use of italics here, too. really excellent work!

23 days ago

pomegranate seeds. | #raincontest

FREE WRITING

really sorry that this review took so long; the past few weeks have been busy for me. honestly, there's really not a lot to critique here, as this is one of my favorite of your poems. i love the commentary on religion, the greek mythology comparisons, how you fit the song that was your inspiration into the piece. the only critique i have is the flow. it felt a bit stiff or disjointed occasionally, although for the most part it was a smooth read, so i'd suggest just reading it over/out loud, maybe. absolutely fantastic work here!

25 days ago

Lemon drizzle

PROMPT: Food for the Soul

as i mentioned before, i really adore your descriptions of the lemon drizzle cake at the beginning, so i would love to see more of that rich sensory detail throughout! especially at the end-- what does the cake look like now that it's finished? make us see it in our heads. i would also love to see more examples of the place it holds in your heart, of all the memories connected to it. you briefly went over this in the first paragraph, but i think you could spend more time on that part. i really like how you give us snapshot of each family member's life, from your grandmother to your sister, so we get a sense of what their lives and personality are like, and how you incorporated the recipe into this. in conclusion, i love how rich this piece is, and your writing, especially the ending line, is just beautiful!

about 1 month ago

Alphabet of regrets

FREE WRITING

i love the contrast you create between the two birds singing together and how the narrator is feeling; it was interesting to watch them project their feelings onto the birds and dig into their own feelings through that. i also really liked how you showed the narrator's anger at themselves and their sadness, through excellent lines such as, "x-rays scan the body for problems- I need someone to scan my heart." i do have critiques, but i've put them all into the highlights or into the other boxes, so that's really all i have to say! great work!

about 1 month ago

A Brush with Death (Excerpt) #justalittlemagic

FREE WRITING

good luck with the contest! this is an excellent piece; it has a clear structure, an interesting premise, and we're already being introduced to an intriguing cast. i have one main critique; the rest i've highlighted or already stated. as a short piece about an artist who's been murdered, and a team trying to solve her murder, this piece works very well. the only issue i would have would be the ending; since you've already hit the climax of intrigue when the murderer is revealed, the lengthy ending sort of defuses it, so i would recommend ending the piece shortly after the reveal. however, your message to readers leads me to believe that this piece is more about the necromancer. in this case, the main critique i have is that the focus of this piece is much more on the artist, and even the scientists, than the necromancer. i would recommend writing from the necromancer's point of view, or introducing the necromancer first rather than the artist; the intro sets the reader up for a piece about the murdered artist, rather than the necromancer. of course, i don't actually know which one you meant to be the focus here, so i'm just doing guesswork. either way, this piece is an exciting and mysterious read, and i think it could definitely place in this contest!

about 1 month ago

The Song of the Rain Forest

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2019

most of what i have to say, i've said either in the highlights or in the other boxes: you do an excellent job of writing flash fiction here, letting the reader catch a glimpse of this fascinating story. the issues here are mainly grammatical, and i've highlighted those. as for the matter of the word count, i've also highlighted places where i think you could cut out words. in general, i would suggest simplifying anything that can be simplified, and cutting out anything not necessary to the story, and that should get you at the correct word count. again, excellent work, and i wish you good luck with the contest!

2 months ago

πτήση

FREE WRITING

this review was particularly hard for me to write, honestly, because there was so little criticism i had and so much praise, i felt like the praise would get repetitive. honestly, i could just highlight this whole piece; it's so masterfully written and woven with such beauty and care. i adore the way you carve out your characters, the way you reel us into this world of goddesses and stars. most of the criticism i did put here are just suggestions or minor tweaks; you could change nothing about this piece and it would still be a fantastic read. sorry if this was lacking in criticism; i love the way you tell stories and i love this piece!

2 months ago

On the Port of Roquetas de Mar

PROMPT: Quartet

honestly? there's not a lot here that i can critique. this is a well-written piece; the writing style is vibrant and interesting, and it accomplishes everything that a first chapter/part should accomplish: giving the reader an intriguing introduction to the world and characters, and making them want to read on. i particularly liked the friendship between the two lead characters you have; their banter is witty and entertaining to read, and they feel like they could be real people. there were a couple of grammatical things or awkwardly phrased lines here and there, but those were just small things and i think i highlighted all of those that i noticed. the only critique i have besides things like that is that there seemed to me to be too much exposition at the beginning. don't get me wrong, it's good exposition and fascinating to read, as i already touched upon, but i feel like the piece would work a little better if you changed the order of things around. my suggestion is to start with the scene where the gun is to russo's head and alice saves him, and after that scene is over, you can have the exposition, and then transition back into alice and russo walking through the city, if that makes sense. that's not a very big deal though, and if you chose not to do that this piece would still hold up very well. excellent work, and i hope this review was helpful to you!

3 months ago

ELFBOY! Chapters 1 - 3

FREE WRITING

this is a really excellent revision of the already promising elfboy! it drew me in instantly and carried that rapt attention throughout the three chapters. there's little to critique here; i believe that most critiques i have were smaller details, little things that would polish this piece even more that i highlighted. however, i do have one other suggestion. it isn't a huge thing, but sometimes, it feels as though chris is telling us the story rather than showing us. this can be fixed by maybe including more of his emotion, his thoughts, and more description to slow the pacing and bring us in more (i included this in my highlights as well). i love how you introduce and bring your characters to life; all of them are fleshed out in my mind, with clear personalities. the story you tell is equally vivid and intriguing. again, i loved these first three chapters and i can't wait until elfboy gets published!

3 months ago

i already miss you

FREE WRITING

really excellent work! i've already gone on about this, but your imagery here is gorgeous, and i also love the formatting/style of it: the ampersands, the repetition of the phrase "& i think" before each stanza, the use of italics. i think most of my critiques i've already touched upon in the other questions or in the highlights, but there is one last thing. i would suggest scattering a couple more adjectives throughout, in front of nouns. it's small but it adds more opportunity for the kind of detail and beautiful writing that you excel at here. for example, maybe in front of "lungs", or "stars", or "eyes", or "fingers"-- generally wherever you would see fit. i hope this doesn't overwhelm you; i really enjoyed reading this poem and i can't wait to see more of your writing on this site!

3 months ago

Escaping Addiction

FREE WRITING

excellent work! this piece really is well-written and meaningful, and i hope it didn't seem like i was being too harsh with this review. i adored how you created and characterized our protagonists, and how you fleshed out a full story with such a fairly short piece. i also enjoy how you leave the ending fairly open, so the reader is left to imagine what becomes of our protagonist after you finish the piece. again, fantastic work, and keep writing!

3 months ago

smoke signals (novel excerpt)

FREE WRITING

OK, wow. This is amazing. I'm sorry that I couldn't add a lot of critiques; this review was mostly just me marveling at your writing abilities. If you publish more parts, please let me know; I'd love to read the rest of this one day!

8 months ago

trapped

FREE WRITING

Fantastic poem! I could really feel the emotion here, as it shifts from one stanza to the next, and I felt that I was standing in the narrator's shoes. All the critiques I have to make, I've made above, so I'll leave you with this: excellent work!

8 months ago

Continuing Through the Blood and Tears

PROMPT: Quartet

Dude, what are you talking about "ew this sucks?" This is pretty great. You show character in just four lines through vivid detail and language, also giving us background (that she's on a treacherous journey) AND a character arc (the last line). Like, you're showing her overcoming the pain of her journey, even just for a second; a silent moment of strength. That's pretty impressive. I think you did a great job with this prompt, capturing a character in so few lines, giving us this brief story with an introduction, buildup, climax, and release.

8 months ago

art class

FREE WRITING

All the criticisms that could be made, I already put in the other boxes/highlights, so I'll focus on the positives. The description, of course, is beautiful and paints a clear picture in the mind's eye of the reader. The characterization is subtle but effective (actually, though, maybe a little more of the narrator's thoughts/emotions could be added?). The story itself is simple, but told in such a way that stretches it out and makes it into a gorgeous piece. Excellent work!

8 months ago

melancholic beauty

FREE WRITING

I love the way you craft metaphors and use figurative language to express this concept, and how the poem reads as sort of a monologue, but at the same time it's very descriptive. I think this piece summarizes this thing that people feel, this desire to cry and be sad and just let it all out, but it's so confusing because it seems like an oxymoron; why would someone want to be sad? And this poem captures that really well. I honestly think it's my favorite poem of yours so far. Great work!

8 months ago

and the car exploded.

FREE WRITING

Firstly, as to not just say "Nice line!" over and over again, I've decided to just put an exclamation mark for lines that I really like but don't have anything much to say about. Secondly, the one singular criticism I can offer here is maybe to use punctuation a bit more? Like at the end of lines it reads a little funny without any commas or anything, but that could just be me. So now for the positives: character, tone, structure, plot, style, description. Everything, really. The way you weave the story here is really so masterful and gorgeous, the way you use language and details, so it all seems so real and vivid. But at the same time it's also very surreal, and I like I said in one of the highlights, the fact that it's so bizarre just makes it seem more realistic because real life IS bizarre and this poem just captures that perfectly. I urge you to submit this to a magazine or a competition or SOMETHING because this is good writing: it delivers a story, a message, it makes the reader feel. Fantastic work, seriously!

8 months ago

wish you were here

FREE WRITING

This is an excellent poem. I love the way you use figurative language to capture the reader and express the emotions that are in play here. I love the tone of desperation and sorrow that this poem invokes, and how well we know the main character after this poem. Great work!

8 months ago

light the shadows

FREE WRITING

I apologize for the lack of highlights on this review, but this is such a short piece, it's like flash fiction, so it'd be a little hard to find something to highlight without highlighting the whole thing. This is a really interesting metaphor and I love how the way you communicate it and how subtle but powerful it is. It really hit me.

8 months ago

fist fights & brotherhood & the cruelty of love

FREE WRITING

Honestly, everything I've had to say, I've said in the other boxes or the highlighted things. This is a really beautiful, really emotional poem and I love it so much.

8 months ago

Alone

FREE WRITING

All in all, nice job! I loved how you effectively communicated the message of the poem. This is something that's just occurring to me now, but I also really like the use of second and first person. Like, the poem is saying "you are lonely" instead of "we" or "I" or "he/she/they," and that makes it feel like the narrator is talking to us, or if not us, then someone going through things that we've gone through before, if that makes sense. Like it's a speech, sort of? I don't know. Anyway, great work!

8 months ago

PG for Violence | prologue

FREE WRITING

This is a fantastic first chapter (or prologue, I suppose)! It intrigues readers, hints at future plot points, sets up conflict, and introduces us to two realistic characters. The tone and tension are on-point; the dialogue is witty, flows smoothly, and feels realistic; and I want to know more about this town where people are disappearing, and the face in the woods, and our two characters. All the critiques I have are either highlighted or in other boxes, so I'll end it here. Fantastic work, and I cannot wait until the next chapter!

10 months ago

Elfboy Chapter 1

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2018

I hope I didn't seem too harsh in this review! You said you were looking for as much criticism as possible since you were going to revise and edit it based off of what we say, so I purposefully nitpicked. Although there are details that could be improved and things that could be added, this was, overall, a really good first chapter. It drew me in and set up the rest of the novel perfectly. Great work, really!

10 months ago

Angst

FREE WRITING

I really like what you did with this piece. I love how it's sort of an oxymoron, because we think of angst as being this big, powerful, angry and dramatic thing, but while it is that, it's also exactly what you describe here. I love the contrast and word choices; "rage" vs "serenity", "angst" vs "delicacy", "screams" vs "whispering", it creates this tone that I really like and I think you accomplished exactly what you were trying to do with it. Great work!

11 months ago

The Moon

PROMPT: Forward Backward

I really enjoyed this! It flows nicely and has some fantastic imagery and descriptions. The Moon is so beautiful and you've really captured that here. During later revisions, I would suggest perhaps playing around with it so the two directions tell two different stories, but as I mentioned above, it's your choice! Great work!

11 months ago

Silence

FREE WRITING

I love the ideas explored in the poem, and how you use details to build them up. Silence is a really fascinating topic and this poem explores that in an intriguing way. As for suggestions I have, besides the above suggestion of experimenting with punctuation a little more, I suggest maybe using more figurative language or description to describe exactly what the sound of silence is. Does silence sound like soft velvet, or is it harsher? Emptier? Is the color of silence black, as most people think, or is it colorful and vivid? Is it warm and welcoming? Mysterious? Creepy? I recommend asking questions like these to come up with descriptions and figurative language. All in all, great poem, and I look forward to reading more from you!

12 months ago

Control-A, Delete

FREE WRITING

Wow! What a fantastic piece! I love how you communicate the main concept of it, speaking directly to the insecure writer in all of us. I think that even people that aren't writers could appreciate this because we can all relate to the feeling of not being good enough, of doubting yourself, and you've captured that so perfectly here. I also love the way you've done it. It's that perfect length, saying everything it needs to say and not going on too long, but still has style. As I mentioned multiple times in my highlights, there were some strange punctuation or stylistic choices here that I thought worked wonderfully. There were a few awkward phrasings and whatnot, but I already highlighted and commented on those. This is a great piece and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your writing on this site!

about 1 year ago

Be My Breath

PROMPT: Song Lines

This is an absolutely beautiful poem. I love the use of figurative language to describe something so large and indescribable, and it helps to tell the story of the piece and to make the reader feel the emotions as strongly as the character is feeling them. I also love the stylistic choice of putting the dialogue in italics, rather than quotation marks. It deepens the poem's dreamlike quality, like the narrator is so deeply in love that in this moment nothing else really exists. The song lyric is incorporated perfectly at the end, and I love how it's a question, how we don't get to see the narrator's answer. It really gives it that little punch at the end. Fantastic piece, really!

about 1 year ago

One Last Time: PROLOGUE

FREE WRITING

All I can really say is, fantastic prologue! You set up the genre and tone right off the bat, which is important for these first chapters so the reader knows what they're in for and if it'll be their kind of story. You also set up fascinating characters and hint at equally fascinating and dramatic backstories for them, as well as some things that will be important to the plot (or so I assume). This is essential in a prologue, since it's the first thing the reader will read and they'll make a decision on whether or not they're going to read the whole thing based off what they see here. Your writing style is clever and compliments the story, and there were some great descriptions here. Now for what could be improved. As I mentioned earlier, you set up the characters and hint at their backstories, which is great, but I suggest setting up future plot points a bit more. We can't tell exactly what this story will be about or what will be going on, and of course you don't want to spoil the whole thing, but maybe add a bit more that will let us know what the plot will be. Also, and this is more of a stylistic thing, you have a habit of unnecessarily informing the readers of things they can infer, which I pointed out in the highlighted things. This is easy to fix, however, as you just have to remove the unnecessary parts. I tend to ramble and explain things in a weird way, so if you have any questions about anything I mentioned or need me to elaborate, feel free to ask! All in all, this was a great prologue and I can't wait to read more of the story!

about 1 year ago

#rwisdomcontest

FREE WRITING

Honestly, most of what I've had to say I've said in other boxes or in highlighted comments. This is a fantastic piece. You build a relatable narrator and an interesting voice for said narrator, weaving a whole narrative into a short scene. The emotion feels so vivid and is communicated in such a way that readers immediately feel a strong connection with it. Another aspect I liked about this piece was how you built the relationships between the characters. The dynamics feel extremely realistic, like those could actually be my friends or my crush. There was also some great writing and figurative language here. As for what you could improve--- not much. There were a few awkwardly phrased lines here and there, and I highlighted and commented on those, but other than this piece is absolutely fantastic. Great work, and keep writing! Good luck with the contest!

about 1 year ago

One Was Shot

FREE WRITING

This is definitely one of the best pieces I've had the pleasure to read on this sight. The pacing was perfect, the plot was cohesive and well-orchestrated, and the characters felt extremely realistic. I was blown away by all the brilliant plot twists. I do have some small criticisms, however. The beginning had some beautiful descriptions and set up the character, but it seems a little unrelated to the rest of the piece. Also, there were a few awkwardly phrased or worded lines, which I believe I've highlighted and commented on. However, those are the only real criticisms I have. All in all, this was a wonderful, heart-wrenching, emotional piece and I loved how you pulled it off. Keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Hierarchy of Needs

FREE WRITING

First of all--- wow. Although I do not play the violin (wait, is it about a violin, or another string instrument?), I have always loved watching others play it, and the gorgeous music that it makes, so I really connected with this piece. The piece flows in almost a melodious, music-like way, and although it builds a calm, focused tone, you can feel the powerful emotion behind it. Especially in those last lines; simple but leaves an impact. The descriptions were beautiful, too. I could see the violin, hear the violin, as I read them, they were just so perfect. I don't have a lot else to say about this, except that this is an absolutely brilliant poem, and I love it!

about 1 year ago

Wherever Life Takes Us

FREE WRITING

Most everything I've had to say, I've said in the highlighted comments or the other boxes. This is an emotional, moving piece, and I love how you create these interesting characters, develop a relationship between them, and pull them apart. The internal conflict throughout the piece was also fascinating, and I love how you made it so the narrator didn't want to fall in love, but by the end of the piece doesn't want to leave the relationship. I also quite liked the use of POV; using first-person makes it feel more personal, and addressing the love interest as if it's a letter makes it feel as though you're addressing the readers, which grabs their attention and emotions. However, this could be expanded on--- maybe go right out and ask questions to the love interest, or speak directly to them. Other than that, and the other things I've mentioned, this was a lovely, gut-wrenching piece and I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work on here. Keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Night Breeze

PROMPT: "Night Breeze"

This is a wonderfully composed piece. It sets up a tone and a personification and description for the night breeze in the first line, gives us feeling and emotion in the second and third, and then ties everything neatly together in the final line. The figurative language in this piece is fantastic and clear, making the reader feel as though they are there experiencing the night breeze right there. It also feels calm, and I love the implications in here. It doesn't say that the night calls to you and pulls you in, but calls it a siren, which implies that it does, and it doesn't say that the sun is setting, but it says that the breeze is nature's parting song to the day. It also flows smoothly, without any disruptions, almost like a breeze itself. The last line not only wraps the thing up in a calm, closed manner, but also addresses the audience. The whole thing is pulled off very neatly and cleanly. Well done! Great work, and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

#LoveOrSomething

FREE WRITING

This is a fantastic piece, and I really think you might win. The writing style and aesthetic was appealing, simple but powerful, and there were some great, vivid descriptions here, as well as strong figurative language. The characters felt realistic; the dialogue entertaining and witty, but human and real, and each character had their own wants, interests, goals, dreams, as well as fascinating dynamics with each other, which is key when creating characters, especially couples. The world felt real, too, with the worldbuilding weaved into the dialogue and just a little exposition, subtle enough that the reader doesn't find it boring and, in fact, hardly notices it, so it doesn't seem off or out-of-place. Now onto the things that could be improved. Firstly, there were a few awkwardly phrased lines or lines that could be switched around so they made more sense and were easier to read. I highlighted and commented on these, so if you want to find them look over there <-----. Second, you may want to cut down on the cussing just a bit. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but WtW guidelines a bit stricter than most on this. The end scene is also slightly mature, so you may want to, you know... I don't know the word, but you get what I mean. Make it a bit more clean, just so that it's not in danger of being taken down. Lastly, the plot is a bit muddled, and I found the ending unsatisfactory. At the beginning, the problem is that they're both struggling musicians, particularly that Atta couldn't get her songs bought. The plot advances, and they're both unsatisfied. At the end, this isn't really cleared up or solved at all. In my opinion, there are two ways you could fix it. The first is to change the ending so it correlates more the problem at the beginning. This would mean that it would end with Atta getting her songs bought, or generally succeeding, even just a little, or alternatively you could have a sad resolution and have her decide to give up her dreams or something like that. This would give us a clear arc of problem and solution. The second way, in my opinion, would be better for this piece, as the theme of the contest is more about love and less about music or success or dreams. However, it's up to you. The second way I think this could be fixed is by changing the beginning to correlate more with the end. In this way, you would have the problem be more about Atta and Michael--- let's say that the fact that they're both not succeeding is making them unhappy and having an impact on their relationship, so the problem would be that they're sort of falling apart. This isn't the only way you could do it, of course, but the problem of the story would somehow be related to them, and in the resolution would be them having a happy moment and realizing that they can get through this or something like that. This would make the plot stronger and more cohesive. This review is getting a bit long, so I'm going to end it here. Good luck in the contest, I hope you're one of the winners. All in all, this a strong, entertaining, impactful piece. Great work, and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Night Crows

PROMPT: More than Birds

This was an excellent piece, with some stunning descriptions and imagery. I liked how you chose to communicate the message through the flock of crows, and told the story through a narrator that wasn't directly involved but rather a bystander. It gave the piece a dreamlike sort of feel, but the message was still very powerful. The only things that I think could be improved are what I mentioned above ^ and the spelling errors that I highlighted. Great work, and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

At My Graduation

FREE WRITING

I don’t have a lot else to say about this, I love the simple and yet powerful tone of this piece, the melancholy but hopeful emotion behind it, and how repetition is used to create this tone. I also liked how you entice and intrigue the reader throughout; this piece is very cohesive, with a solid beginning, middle, and climax. It’s all together a fantastic poem. Great work, and keep on writing!

about 1 year ago

Escape

PROMPT: Turned to Stone

Honestly, most everything I've had to say about this piece I've said in the other boxes. It has an excellent tone, a simple but powerful structure, and a perfectly timed twist. If you were to make this into a fully-fledged short story, or even a novel, I would read it. If you were going to expand upon it, I would suggest adding more detail to the exposition at the beginning; not so much that it would bore the reader, but maybe giving the monster a name, a little more backstory, details of the epic battle and the banishment to the underworld, et cetera. Also, if you were going to expand on it, I'd like to see where the plot is going, and how the narrator could have been the monster and forgotten about it, where they are, what page they're turning, and how others didn't recognize them as the monster. Maybe they did, but no one mentioned it because it was uncomfortable and always thought it was just an uncanny resemblance, and this is the first the narrator is hearing of it, or maybe the narrator is an outsider, discovering this for the first time. Of course, it's all completely up to you if you do choose to expand it or not. For now, this piece is extremely well-done, a perfect example of a great beginning, hooking the readers in and leaving them reeling. Great work, and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Mascara tears

PROMPT: The Drabble

I honestly don't think that there are any ways you could improve this, besides the little editing things that I made in the highlighted comments, but those are very minor. Except maybe the title? "Taxi" seems a little bland and unmemorable to me. However, the rest of it is absolutely wonderful. This is an example of excellent flash fiction. It's only one hundred words, but it has a protagonist, a plot, a tone, description, action, and dialogue. It gives the impression that this is only a segment of the whole, a turning point in a much larger story, and I love how it gives us enough information to understand it but trusts the reader to fill in the blanks on what is not explained. Stories that start with taxi-cabs are always interesting, because they give us an unknown character with an unknown destination. The very idea of two strangers in a car, driving somewhere, is intriguing. I also love how it provokes emotion in the reader. It gives us a character that we know nothing about entering a taxi (but even that tells us something about her), and then immediately strikes empathy with her reciting what she's going to say in her head. Readers are pulled in, they can relate to her. The driver proceeds to say something typical and expected, but then the character blurts out something completely unexpected, and this strikes surprise as well as empathy for her as we learn more about her situation, her emotional and mental state. Of course, you would expect the driver to be as shocked as the reader is, but again you surprise us--- she simply nods and looks over the character, giving us a simple and yet powerful description of messy hair and running mascara; this gives us not only a mental image but also allows us to infer something about the character's lifestyle and personality. And then you surprise us even more with that last line--- "Where are you going?" It says nothing and yet everything about the driver. It's an absolutely brilliant conclusion, a twist, some would even say. This is getting a little long, so I'll leave you with this: I greatly enjoyed reading this, and I thought it was extremely powerful. Great work, and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Alamo: To Flora

FREE WRITING

Honestly, I don't have a lot to critique on this piece. It was soulful and beautiful in a strange, sad way, giving the reader the shell of this man's life through a small letter. Both characters feel as though they're real, and that this letter is also real. We get a sense of their entire story, of something bigger than this piece, but I love how you didn't tell the entire thing--- you simply gave us the last letter. I equally adore how ambiguous the ending is. We're almost completely sure Colby Janet is going to die, but we can't know for certain, and we have no idea what happens to Flora. All in all, this was an intriguing, enthralling piece that I know I'll be thinking about later tonight. Great work and keep writing!

about 1 year ago

Shattered Sky, a short story

FREE WRITING

Honestly, I don't have anything bad to say about this piece. It's extremely well-written. The plot and characters are absolutely brilliant and really creative. I know people often say that a piece is "creative" or "unique" when they don't have anything else to say about it, but I really mean it. There's really nothing I can suggest to improve this piece except suggestions to improve nitpicky details and phrasings. Seriously, I applaud you for creating this piece! Great work!

about 1 year ago

The Voice In The Sea

PROMPT: Crash, Holler, Swish

I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was clever and very well-orchestrated; there were a few lines that I thought could have been improved or had typos, but I believe I've highlighted and commented on all of those. All in all, great work!

about 1 year ago

What The Water Knows

PROMPT: Human, Water, Night

I really liked reading this poem. It has a constant, smooth flow, a surreal, almost hushed, careful tone. It's an interesting take on the given title and of course it's good that you credited the creator of the title. All in all, great work! I really don't have any critiques to make here.

about 1 year ago

One Breath

PROMPT: The Peace of Wild Things

I believe I've said all I have to say, so I'll leave you with this: I very much enjoyed this piece, and I greatly look forward to seeing more of your work on this site.

over 1 year ago

I Wait and Wish

FREE WRITING

This is a meaningful, well-written piece. It has a catchy rhythm, and is long enough to tell you what it has to say but short enough to hold the reader's attention throughout and be punchy. I love the message the poem communicates, which is one that we, as humans, often struggle with: the seeking of validation for our existence. There was one line that was phrase awkwardly, which I highlighted and commented on. Again, great work!

over 1 year ago

Dawn Beginnings

PROMPT: Morning Wind

Great piece! I really like it. The description of the morning wind is beautiful, and I like how repetitive it is in some parts; for example the "before it was born" lines. These parts help to add to the tone of the piece. Again, great work!

over 1 year ago

Feathered Regret

PROMPT: More than Birds

I really like it. That's kind of all I have to say, but yeah, this is great and the descriptions are wonderful. There are a few things I noticed, and I highlighted and commented on those. Great work! Keep writing!

over 1 year ago

A Purpose

FREE WRITING

I really like this. It's interesting and held my attention throughout. It was really creative and changed my view on tears. Great work and keep writing!

over 1 year ago

five magical singles ads

FREE WRITING

Love all of it. I really can't express how awesome it is. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Memories

FREE WRITING

This was a great piece. It had a few flaws, which I highlighted, but other than those it was suspenseful and held my attention with every line. Great work!

over 1 year ago

the memory of my best friend

FREE WRITING

I enjoyed reading this. It has a simple, realistic style. The plot is intriguing and the end is a great twist. The characters and voices seem real. There were a few parts that could improve, which I've highlighted and commented on. One thing I noticed was that, at the beginning, the italics seem to be going along with the illusion, and then halfway through switch to a panicked voice. I would change this, as it seems odd and the transition is abrupt--- have the italics always be telling her to get out of her trance, but subtly at the beginning. Again, great work!

over 1 year ago

Stars

FREE WRITING

This poem was an enjoyable read. It makes you think, and the unique structure and repetitiveness of the poem are really cool too. Making it a villanelle was a great choice (unless that was accidental); they always sound really cool and create a tone. I've written one, "Death of a Cypress", so I know that it can be difficult, but you've done it well here. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Luke's Backstory

FREE WRITING

Great work! This was an interesting introduction to a future subplot, although there were a few confusing places. Also, technically it's not a backstory because it takes place after the canon, not before it, so I'd change the title. Other than that, nice job!

over 1 year ago

Departure

FREE WRITING

I love this. It's a great poem, with incredible figurative language and descriptions. I was entranced by it and had to keep reading the entire thing til the end. Great work!

over 1 year ago

When you know you're so bored, you keep clicking dashboard

FREE WRITING

Nice work! This was amusing and interesting, plus I'm pretty sure everyone on here has done it. You've really put it into words. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Dear Earth

PROMPT: For the Future

Great work! This letter was a great expression of current events and a hope for the future that is strong but cautious. It was insightful and meaningful, and I really enjoyed reading it. Again, nice job!

over 1 year ago

A Party Invitation

FREE WRITING

Great work! I really have no suggestions as to how you could improve it. The descriptions are vivid, the details create tone, each character has an individual voice, the piece is structured, the plot is interesting, every line creates suspense--- everything is great. I love the clues scattered throughout the piece. Again, great work with this! You're a writer who creates intrigue and weaves a story that holds the reader's attention throughout the entire thing.

over 1 year ago

Testing

FREE WRITING

I realize that if you haven't finished drafting it yet or haven't read it over yourself, you probably aren't looking for feedback yet, but hopefully this review will come in handy during the editing and revising stage. I found the situation to be interesting, and the characters seemed like they could easily be real. The writing style is pleasing to the ear and and the setting also seems vivid and alive--- the descriptions, too. However, there are some flaws with the piece. The first paragraph intrigued me, but scrolling through, I was startled by how many paragraphs of internal thought or reminiscing or pondering there was, and was tempted to skip it. Much of it is exposition which reads as the narrator monologing about their early life; instead of giving us the story that we know will happen eventually, they go on about what things are like, and because of this it seems like we're not really in the story but listening to it, which makes it difficult, at least for me, to relate to the narrator. Finally, at the end, the action is starting to happen, but by then it's over. I would recommend, instead of starting with a sort of flashback, shove us straight into the action, and then later on you can sprinkle exposition and explanations throughout; if the reader doesn't need to know it at the moment, don't say it. What the narrator themselves is like is also talked about quite a lot, which is sort of telling instead of showing. You're off to a good start here, and I'll be looking forward to later installments. Since it's an early draft, there's plenty of time to fix the things that I mentioned. Great work!

over 1 year ago

The broken room

PROMPT: Place Poem

I could really feel the room that was described here. Each item on the list creates atmosphere, and the details, although simple, weave themselves into the reader's mind to create the image of a broken room. This piece does not tell us about the room; rather, it shows us, directing our attention with a wave of the hand to various details, and summing it up nicely. However, there were some lines that I couldn't understand or that didn't make much sense; I've highlighted these. Other than that, this piece is very good. Great work!

over 1 year ago

The Breakup

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I enjoyed this piece a lot. The characters were intriguing, the plot was interesting, and the descriptions were vivid and alive. The lack of use of names brought an eerie, dreamlike quality to the story. The plot twist at the end really surprised me. Many authors tend to pull a twist just for the sake of it, and because of this the twist makes no sense and there are no clues in the rest of the piece that lead up to the twist. This piece, however, doesn't have that problem; when you realize the twist, your first thought is "I should've known!". I'm rambling, but the gist of it is that the plot twist was executed very nicely. However, there are a few flaws that I noticed. For one, many elaborate, fancy words are used when simple ones would be better. This makes many parts confusing and difficult to understand; several famous authors have said that the best way to put something is the simplest. The piece also tends to ramble, particularly in the spots about the narrator's grief. It's good to express the sadness that she feels, but when it goes on and on and repeats itself several times about her grief, the reader starts to lose interest and sympathy. Rambling also slows down the pacing. In later revisions, I would recommend cutting out some parts, simplifying the sentences, and replacing confusing words with simpler ones. I think it was Hemingway that said that any unnecessary words, sentences, or scenes must be cut. All in all, this story was interesting, with vivid characters and a great twist at the end. There are some revisions that could be made, and I will look forward to seeing later versions of this story. I apologize if this review seemed too long or harsh. Great work!

over 1 year ago

A Change of Light

PROMPT: 25 Words

You've written a very good piece here. It hooks you in with shooting stars and ends with a punch, leaving the reader thinking and wondering. Chances are, the reader will be able to relate to this and find their own situation reflected in this piece. Whether the piece is literal or metaphorical--- or a bit of both--- is left unsaid, making you think. The title brings a new light (see what I did there?) onto the piece, letting you know that the narrator was once hopeless but now has a spark of faith. Great work!

over 1 year ago

I Saw The Gods Today (Part 1)

FREE WRITING

This was really good! It was interesting to read and each line was amazing. In later revisions, however, you may want to incorporate plot into it more; maybe the character is searching for something, either an actual material substance or a truth, or has a problem or something like that. Also, although the character of each Greek god was captured, we never learn much about the narrator herself; you may want to put in more voice and develop her character into the story. Sorry if any of this review was confusing or condescending. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Pots and Kettles, The Origin Of Tinker Bell, Chapter One, A Fairy Is Born:

FREE WRITING

This was a very entertaining story to read. The characters feel real, with interesting dialogue and their own personalities, and the story itself is structured and paced well. However, there are some grammatical errors or places that could be improved; I've highlighted all of these that I noticed but I may have missed some. Also, this is an extremely long piece, which is perfectly fine except that everyone that's reading it is on a computer or device, which holds your attention for a shorter period of time. To make it easier to read I would split it up into two or three parts, but that's your choice. Again, great job!

over 1 year ago

Unwritten Books

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2018

Great job! This was an intriguing piece, and had very creative ideas in it. However, you may want to experiment with figurative language and description a bit more. Again, great work!

over 1 year ago

A Good Book

PROMPT: Monostich

This is really good! I love how you don't say "A good book is a roller coaster..." but instead leave the title to tell you what the poem is about. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Wishes

FREE WRITING

Great work! This piece has an introduction which hooks you in, a conclusion that leaves you wondering, and a protagonist that you empathize with. However, there are some parts that I would change or read over, since they seem a bit choppy, and although the point was to drag on a scary moment, it drags on a bit too much; there are some things which I would omit. Other than that, great job!

over 1 year ago

I Want to Fly

FREE WRITING

I love how you've expressed emotions here, and really made the reader empathize with you about this subject. I can practically feel the wind in my hair as I read this. However, I feel like it would be more visually appealing and maybe flow better if you added some form of punctuation. Again, great work!

over 1 year ago

midnight waltz

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2018

You've done some very good work here. I'm awed by the end of the piece; the pacing is spot-on, and you get a sense of character just by what you've shown. I could picture everything. I love it!

over 1 year ago

Hurt

PROMPT: Emotion by Association

I really like this poem. It has some very good descriptions and the pacing is perfect; I also enjoy how it ends on a question, which leaves you thinking.

over 1 year ago

The Sky Screams Color to Storm Clouds

FREE WRITING

This is really cool. I love the way it's laid out, the story it tells, and the tone. Great work!

over 1 year ago

~ Just publishing some randomness from my Google Drive ~

FREE WRITING

I can't wait to read more! This was really good. I love the tone and style of it. The pacing is perfect and I was engaged throughout the entire thing. Many writers put style before substance and drone on and on just to sound fancy, and although you have a clear style, it's used with reason and to help set a tone in the story. Great work!

over 1 year ago

A line filled with ideas.

PROMPT: Monostich

I love the style of these monostitches, and the story that they tell. Great work!

over 1 year ago

An Unreal Fantasy

PROMPT: Beautiful Run-On

Good job! I like what you've done with the prompt, and how the piece tells a well-structured story. It pulls you in and concludes with a sort of twist. However, the middle section is a bit vague. You might want to give some details and examples of how wonderful the place is, to show the reader that this is the ideal world. I enjoyed this piece and look forward to reading more of your work.

over 1 year ago

"Writing is Not a Talent"

FREE WRITING

I love this. It's inspiring to us writers, and I like how you've expressed the ideas in it. It hooks you in and takes you out smoothly, leaving the reader thinking about the piece. Great work!

over 1 year ago

lies

FREE WRITING

This is a really good poem. I like how it tells a story and how it does so in such a way that the reader cares about the main character even though we know she's doing something wrong. There are a few typos, but those should be easy to fix. Great work!

over 1 year ago

teardrops

FREE WRITING

I just noticed that this is an acrostic! That's really cool. You've really captured the sadness and tears in this poem, and I love your descriptions. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Sometimes

FREE WRITING

This is such a good poem! You communicate your ideas clearly and the repitiveness of it makes the message really sink in. There's a great hook and an amazing conclusion. I also love how you sort of represent the poem visually, through lack of capitalization and skipping lines. Great work!

over 1 year ago

droop

PROMPT: Acrostic Verse

This is a great piece. I love the ways you've described that unbearable, painful feeling of sadness; I actually got an ache in my chest when reading this. You've put the feeling into words very well. Another element of the piece that's really good is the acrostic itself. You never say what the narrator's sad about in the title or the piece itself but once you read the acrostic it all becomes clear. I just love that. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Walking With a Friend

PROMPT: Love in 13 Words

Wow! This is so true. This is exactly what friendship is, and friendship is a type of love. In just thirteen words, you've managed to sum everything up. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Your Hands

FREE WRITING

This is really good. I love how you've told a story here, and how nicely each line flows. It really doesn't sound all that much like prose. You build two characters with unique personalities in only five lines. Great job!

over 1 year ago

When the Sun Fell From the Sky (rosiejonz@gmail.com)

FREE WRITING

This is a really good poem. I love how easily it flows, since that adds to the tone, and the small details you add support the whole piece. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Untamed Sea

PROMPT: WILD

Great poem! Again, your descriptions are vivid, but you may want to add a few more small details, just to illustrate the full force of this storm. I really like how you've made a character here and told a story through the eyes of this person, letting their emotions leak through. Great job!

over 1 year ago

My Meal

PROMPT: Beautiful Run-On

I like this poem a lot. It has a nice flow to it and I love the tone. The metaphor of life as a meal is a creative one; I've never heard it before, and how you use it is interesting. Great job!

over 1 year ago

The Final Journey

PROMPT: Walking

I love this. It's beautiful, a sort of montage, weaving the words into a story in an incredible way. The metaphor of a journey throughout the piece strengthens it, and the small details build the whole thing. I don't have words for how much I adore this.

over 1 year ago

Within Reach

PROMPT: In Motion

I really like this poem. It's short and simple, and I can just imagine an illustration next to it, seeing it in a collection of poems. No unnecessary words were used, and many others would imagine that being too simple and not describing things enough would make their piece boring. However, this piece is far from boring and leaves you wondering, the picture of someone next to the sun woven into your mind. I really like the tone of it. The only thing is punctuation; periods are used where commas or no punctuation may be better. Again, I love the way you tell the story and how metaphorical the whole poem is. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Mother's Day

FREE WRITING

This is so good! I would highlight every description if I could, because it's just so perfect and you can picture it vividly in your head. I can't really put into words how incredible it is. Often times authors will either load their work with amazing but pointless descriptions which just drag on or have very little detail that makes the piece seem sort of empty, but here your descriptions are flowery with purpose, every detail contributing to the piece.

over 1 year ago

Film

FREE WRITING

Great description! You carry the theme of an old movie throughout it, which adds to the character and makes her feel real. However, you overuse 'her' a little bit here, and maybe you should add in some examples of things she'd do, a little physical description, metaphors and 'flowery language', stuff like that, just to keep the piece from going on and on about her personality (but definitely keep the bits about her personality because those are great). I'm probably being confusing here, but I hope this review helped anyway. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Love in 13 words

PROMPT: Love in 13 Words

Wow, you've really summed it up. It's short and snappy with a punch (although I guess that was the point of the prompt) and makes the reader instantly relate this to their own life. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Dear Juni

PROMPT: Signing Off

I can really relate to this. I love how informal and personal you write this letter; without filtering it or censoring anything, you're honest and make the reader feel as if they were the one receiving this letter. There are a few grammatical errors and whatnot, but other than that this letter is great!

over 1 year ago

Aura

FREE WRITING

Gosh, I love this so much! It's riddled with amazing lines and the plot, the way you build suspense, is just wonderful. You can really relate to the main character and I love how you give her the idiosyncrasy of hating lies and how this matches her power. The descriptions are vivid and detailed as well. However, I would recommend cutting down on unnecessarily details, as they just hinder the pacing. Present and past tense are also muddled and mixed here a bit. Those were the only flaws I could find in this piece. It's a great story! Good job!

over 1 year ago

A conversation

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I love this! The dialogue flows and sounds realistic, and you know a lot about the character without paragraphs of descriptions telling you about her. In general, you did a great job of getting rid of exposition; instead of explaining what's going on you just tell the story and let the reader figure it out. You mix up action, dialogue, thoughts, and descriptions perfectly, the descriptions especially because even though they're just small details they strengthen the whole piece. However, there are a lot of filler words in this piece. Filler words in first-person POV make the reader feel as if the narrator was just telling them the story, not as if they were there in the scene. If you get rid of most of these (emphasis on most because using only a few is fine) then your piece will be a lot stronger. These words are: I heard, I thought, I felt, I saw, I smelled, I tasted, basically anything that's just telling us what the narrator is experiencing and doesn't let us experience it for ourselves. I could hear, I could feel, I could see, etc. also count as filler words. I've highlighted some filler words that stick out here. This piece is really good. I can't get over how well you've told a story here and how relatable the character is. We feel as if the character is us, that she's real. We know what's happened to her without you having to explain it. I love it!

over 1 year ago

History

FREE WRITING

This was only four lines, but it told a story very well. I like how it has a certain rhythm to it and makes you feel as if you were there, in that scene, or seeing it in the news. Great work!

over 1 year ago

yes..friends.

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

I love how you describe everything because it makes the reader feel as if they've lived this themselves. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Oh?

PROMPT: WILD

Great job! I love how the words flow and how you described the thoughts. As someone who overthinks a lot, I can really relate to this. The only thing is that the last line kind of awkwardly sticks out, but it's a great line, so I wouldn't recommend omitting it but maybe just adding another line onto it. For example, "But then, silence drives you mad" or something like that. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Chenquin

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

This is so good! I hope you win!

over 1 year ago

hello, it's me

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

This is really good. I love the structure of it and how you've done descriptions. The characters feel real and the whole thing feels very lifelike. It's amazing. However, there are a few places where I think you've done too many paragraph breaks, slowing down the tension and making it more difficult to read. I love it! Great job!

over 1 year ago

White Beast

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

Good job! This piece truly had me a little scared, and was a very interesting read. However, when a person speaks it needs to be on a new paragraph. Other that that and small details I've highlighted, this is really good. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Friendship to me

PROMPT: Friendship Tweet

I agree with this definition. It's very true and I like how you've captured it. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Tinker Bell Gets In Trouble

FREE WRITING

This was a very entertaining piece to read. It flowed nicely and I love the story. You've made Tinker Bell a very relatable character; I used to dislike her but reading this has made me change my mind. Your cast is in-character and the dialogue is realistic. There are a few typos and small details you should change, but those should be pretty easy to fix. Great work!

over 1 year ago

The Monsters Around

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

Nice job! This is very creative and intriguing. I like your writing style and I especially love the final paragraph.

over 1 year ago

Air Dance

PROMPT: Birdsong

I only just realized that I didn't finish or submit this review a few months ago, so sorry about that. This is a really good piece; I love how you use words to convey the image of the bird, and instead of using cliched bird sounds like 'tweet' or 'chirp', you use onomatopoeia that's original and imitates the sound perfectly. Great job!

over 1 year ago

Red Thing

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

I love it! I've never thought about hearts this way before. The details you add contribute to the piece and the climax is surprising. I especially love the line "When I run, it runs faster". Great work!

over 1 year ago

Plot Twist

FREE WRITING

This is really good. You've put into words a feeling that's difficult to capture and you've done it very well. The only thing is that there are few commas that don't really make sense and that you could omit. I love this! Great job!

over 1 year ago

This Never Happened

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

As I said before, the plot is intriguing and I like the writing style. However, a lot of the sentences are structured too similarly, and I think the pacing would be better if you split it up into more paragraphs. Great work so far!

over 1 year ago

Mercury

PROMPT: In Motion

I would highlight everything if I could, because all these descriptions are brilliant. This is one of the best things I've read on this website so far. I love how you have 'see her' at the start of every stanza and the way you use words is incredible. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Vine Child

PROMPT: Monster Flash Fiction Competition 2018

I love it! Keep writing!

over 1 year ago

Faceless

PROMPT: Chunyun

I can really feel the emotion in this piece. It really speaks to you. I love it! Great work!

over 1 year ago

Beyond Myself

PROMPT: Open Prompt

This is REALLY good. I never could've come up with it; it's so creative and holds the reader's attention throughout the whole thing. I love it! Great work!

over 1 year ago

Peace Between

PROMPT: Love and War

This is a very good poem. I have no suggestions, and there are only a few typos that you need to fix. It's really amazing. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Soft Hands—Writing Prompts Day 14

FREE WRITING

You did a great job with this piece. Even without you describing it, I know the person is in great pain, and I can feel it. I can picture the scene clearly. Great work!

over 1 year ago

Thanksgiving

FREE WRITING

This is really good! I love the descriptions. You can envision the busy Thanksgiving in your head. However, some of the lines don't seem to flow with the rest of the piece, but that's the only thing you should fix. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

People Do

FREE WRITING

This is a really good, descriptive piece. I like the writing style and the tone. There's nothing you need to fix, except for a few typos. I really like this. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

Lillian's Rain

PROMPT: Novel Writing Competition 2017

This was a really good excerpt. I don't have any recommendations on plot, characterization, or setting, but you mention Sadie, an older sister, and yet we don't see her when all the other siblings are home. Is this because she's off at college, or working late? It's just a minor detail, though. Also, there were a few parts that would've been better if you started a new paragraph. I know this was probably a bit unclear, but I hope it was helpful anyway. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

Conversation

PROMPT: Dialogue Dexterity

This was really interesting to read and I enjoyed it a lot. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

Woman

PROMPT: Third Person Limited

This was an interesting piece with great imagery. I could fully picture the woman in my head, and you do a great job of describing her. My only suggestion would be to maybe change the title, as it doesn't really seem right, but maybe that's just me. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

Paranoid

PROMPT: Talking to “You”

This piece was really good. It creates a creepy, mysterious tone and brings the reader into the setting. Great work!

almost 2 years ago

To Write or Not to Write

PROMPT: Why I Write

This was really good and interesting. I think a lot of other writers understand what you're talking about here, and the conclusion wrapped it all up neatly. Great work!

about 2 years ago

Bullet Train Through the "Countryside"

FREE WRITING

This was a great piece! I like the formatting of the poem, the tone, and the descriptions, and the title serves a purpose as well, telling you where the narrator is and putting an image in your head. We can all relate to this piece, too, because we've been in places like this and the piece captures the feeling of it perfectly. Great work!

about 2 years ago

School

FREE WRITING

This piece was interesting, but always very jumbled and confused. I would split it up into paragraphs, first of all, to make it easier to read and less crowded. You should also indent before and after someone speaks. Remember that you don't have to talk about everything that happens; you can skip the boring parts. An great author (I forget which one, but I believe it was Hemingway) once said that every word should be on the page for a reason. Think about that as you look over your writing. Does every word further the plot or add to the character? There are also quite a lot of grammatical errors. I've highlighted these for the first part. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but hopefully this review was helpful! This piece has a lot of potential.

about 2 years ago

Chapter One, An Introduction

FREE WRITING

This piece has a lot of potential. We can all relate to frustration with social life. However, it is very stereotypical. There are thousands of stories told about one girl moving to a new school, getting in trouble with the popular kid, being an outcast, etc. Think of ways that this one could be different. Also, there are several grammatical mistakes. I've highlighted a few of these. I would recommend reading it over, as there are a couple of things that don't make sense. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I hope this review was helpful. Great work!

about 2 years ago

The Predicting Fish

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2017

The tone of this piece reminds you of myths and legends, and for me it reminds me of a folktale that I believe was about some kind of talking fish in Japan. However, this piece feels like the author is explaining the situation of a story to you, not an actual piece of writing. I would suggest turning it into a piece about someone going to visit the fish, with less telling and more showing. Also, I would suggest coming up with a different name for the fish; "the predicting fish" is lengthy and a bit awkward, and "Albert" isn't very mythical, but it's your choice. Great work!

about 2 years ago

Family Circus

FREE WRITING

You did a great job here. This is a well-written piece that ends with a punch and leaves the reader surprised. The casual way they talk about and keep humans horrifies and interests us. However, it was a bit lengthy at parts, and I would suggest starting with something that pulls the reader in more. The interesting part comes later on, but you need something to make the reader read and keep reading until that part. There are also a couple unimportant editing mistakes. Great work!

about 2 years ago

At Night

FREE WRITING

This piece raises the hairs on the beck of your neck. It has a dark mood and makes you think of the kind of monsters in fantasy novels. However, I would suggest reading it over; some parts don't seem to flow. Great work!

about 2 years ago

Killer Virus

PROMPT: Writing Small

I really like this piece because it pulls you in. If this were a novel or a short story, it'd be a great beginning, because you immediately want to know more about this. I like the comparison to a matchstick in a field because it really helps you see how dangerous this thing is. And a virus is a really great "villain". Everybody's always talking about war and natural disasters and alien invasions but viruses are extremely dangerous too, and not a lot of people write about them. The one thing I would change is the name of the virus; it seems a bit cliche. Great work!

about 2 years ago

Coming Back

PROMPT: Songwriting Competition 2017

This was a very good, detailed song that makes the reader (or in this case, listener) feel something. However, I was kind of confused as to what it's about. Is the person away from home and is trying to return to a waiting lover, or is it a broken romance and they're trying to fix it? Overall, great work!

over 2 years ago

Wonders (Part 1)

FREE WRITING

This was a great piece, with very good descriptions. However, you do switch to present tense at the end, and remember to show, not tell. For instance, instead of saying that the boss looked troubled, you could describe how his brow wrinkled up or the tension in his hands. Also, at the beginning you start with dialogue and then move on to a huge passage of explanation. I would recommend sprinkling the explanations throughout, simply because it's easier to read and more interesting.

over 2 years ago

Innocence

PROMPT: Zoom Out

This was a very descriptive peace that I really enjoyed. To answer your first question in the message to readers, the description is perfect. I can't really answer the second one because I didn't quite understand the prompt. This is a small thing, but it would be a lot easier to read if you split it up into paragraphs. Right now, it's a huge piece of writing and I lost my spot several times. Overall, good job!

over 2 years ago

a lazy summer

PROMPT: Zoom Out

This was a short but very descriptive piece. The details that you include in the descriptions--- "chilly waves", "seagulls bickered", "summer chaos"--- all contribute to the mood of the piece. One thing that would make it easier to read is splitting it up into two or three paragraphs, and indenting at the beginning. Overall, great work!

over 2 years ago

My Friend Moon

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2017

This was a very detailed piece that really showed you around the settings that are described. I like how the moon is capitalized and described as a person, a friend to the narrator. However, it was lacking in plot and you could include details about how the character got to where they were today, for instance, you could introduce conflict, like the character describing how the moon was with them when they had arguments with their mother or something similar to that. Overall, great job!

over 2 years ago

Life is Full of Surprises

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2017

This was a simple, entertaining, and sweet piece. However, and this isn't a very important thing, but I noticed a lot of typos and you should indent every time someone speaks. One thing I liked a lot was the part where Anne was just lying in the grass, staring up at the sky, because who hasn't done that? Also, at the beginning you mention that the father works away from home, however, that makes it sound like he has an office job and returns home at night but he didn't recognize his own daughter, so he's been away for months or even years. You could be more specific about what kind of job he has.

over 2 years ago

Two Cold Feet and a Warm Hand

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2017

This was a very simple and entertaining piece. I feel like it would be for a slightly older audience or for a parent to read with a child, as some of the words young children probably couldn't understand. Also, I like how in one paragraph you mentioned that the father owned a sewing machine, since it's important that young children don't pick up on stereotypes like only women sewing. Great job.

over 2 years ago

Fangirl

FREE WRITING

This was a great poem with some great details and descriptions. Although every stanza was good, I think the second one may be my favorite because of its great use of language when describing reading. Since most writers are also readers, I think this appeals to a lot of people on this website. The one thing that annoys me is how many typos there are, but that's a very minor thing.

over 2 years ago

The Snow Day

PROMPT: Writing for Children Competition 2017

This was a very enjoyable piece. Kids would like it a lot, especially since those with pets can relate to the worry of losing a pet. However, and though you've probably heard this a million times, you should show, not tell. For example, instead of telling how worried the character is, you could use similes and describe what it felt like, and instead of saying how dear the cat is to the character, you could show it with, for instance, the character hugging the cat and stroking it. All in all, this was a good story with plenty of visuals. Keep on writing--- practice makes perfect!

over 2 years ago

Tasting

FREE WRITING

This was a beautiful poem full of great descriptions and visuals. I hate people that are just polite and quiet and don't seem to have any kind of personality, and I always wish they would just break, so this piece really appealed to me.

over 2 years ago