you tell me i'm crazy
you tell me i'm mad
you tell me i'm beautiful 

so it doesn't matter. 

i can’t 
breathe 

help me 
i can’t see 
there are 
arms 
wrapped around 
my body 
so i can’t 
breathe 

help me
i can’t move 
there are
chains 
tied around 
my feet 
and i can’t 
breathe 

help me 
my lungs are 
burning 
desperately 
begging 
my eyes are 
fading 
i can’t 

breathe 
help me 

“Marry me.” 

“No. And stop walking towards me. You’re not going to change my mind, Justin.” 

“Marry me, Cielle. Be my forever.” 

“I won’t.” 

“Don’t cross your arms at me. You know we are meant to be. You’re my person, Ci. You’re it.” 

“No. No, I’m not.” 

“Marry me.” 

“Justin! Stop it. This is ridiculous. You and I—we’ve been over for a long time.” 

“I refuse to believe that. You and I were broken for a little while, but it doesn’t mean that we aren’t each other’s. Our lives have been made up of thousands of moments, and yet the only ones that matter are our moments. Whether we’re flying or just slow dancing, our moments are magical. And I’m not letting you say they’re not.” 

“Justin, I don’t know how to do this.”
 
“Come on, Ci. Fly with me.” 

“I don’t—“ 

“Marry me?” 

they say we don't matter no more 
we don't matter no more 
he got shot in the back
stabbed in the heart 
drawn and quartered 
and it don't matter
cause they say we don't matter 
no more 

but we're coming back from the dead 
rising up from beyond 
through the living 
we're coming back 
to fight 
to win 
we're coming back from the dead 
we're coming back from the dead

they say we don't matter no more 
we don't matter no more 
we arm ourselves 
with words and posters 
and anything else 
we can 
cause we just want a fair chance 

we're coming back from the dead 
rising up from beyond 
through the living 
we're coming back 
to fight 
to win 
we're coming back from the dead 
we're coming back from the dead

they say we don't matter no more 
they tell our children they have a future 
they are destroying their hope 
they say we don't matter no more  ...

tell your lover a lie
tell your mother goodbye
you say you're too young to make up your mind 
to be tied forever 
you've got your whole life in front of your eyes
instead of growing up, you decide to 
tell your lover a lie
tell your mother goodbye 

love her?
leave her? 

why bother? 
the world 

has already 
destroyed her. 
 

You know how when you’re little, you believe your family’s invincible? Because, sure, your parents fight, but they love each other, right? Everyone argues and cries and has problems, but at the end of the day, you work through them; you’re still a family. 

Maybe when you get a little older you realize that parents don’t always stay together, but that’s definitely not your parents. Because even though it’s been a while since you’ve heard them say “I love you” or kiss or hug, they’re still together. Everything will be okay. I mean, everyone fights sometimes. 

Then maybe it gets worse. 

And you’re older now, almost 18, and you know the truth about marriages. Almost half of them end in divorce. So when you realize your mom doesn’t wear her wedding ring anymore and your dad hasn’t been home in almost 2 weeks, you’re out of excuses. Because even though you’re not lost in their screaming anymore, the harrowing silence...

I am
    the paint on her bedroom walls 
    the skin of the grapes on her side table 
    the robes of her majesty left thrown on the floor 

I am
    the bruises he made on her delicate skin 
    the broken earring laying on the stone tiles
    the lipstick smeared across her mouth 

I am 
    the blanket that shields her lifeless body from prying eyes
    the dried blood left under her fingernails
    the delicate daisies from her son sitting in a vase

I am
    beauty
    pain 
    love

You said you’d never leave
You said we’d fall in love
You said that we would be together 
You promised me
So where are you now?
When the darkness grabbed hold of me, where did you go?
Where are you now?
You said you’d never leave 

With my heart pounding, I silently begged my best friend to answer her phone. Ring after ring, I started doubting she would answer which only made my panic worse. I rushed through the parking lot trying to get to my car, where I sat waiting, hoping to hear her voice. 

“Hello?” she answered questioningly, but that was enough for me to break down. She asked me what happened. I took a breath and put it bluntly. “Abuela died.”

I didn’t have long to talk to her because I had to go babysit, where I would put on a face for a few hours and be distracted for a few hours and get a break from reality. My new heart-breaking reality. For the first time in my life, I had lost someone I cared about and I had no clue how to deal with it. 

4 months later and I would be sitting in another car letting tears fall, but this...

breathe in
breathe out

"focus on what's in front of you"

right foot
left foot

"focus on what's in front of you"

dont show fear
dont show weakness

you are strong
you are brave

"focus on what's in front of you"

the world flies past me
but i try to just breathe

the wind starts swirling
swallowing me whole

my lungs fight for air
as my head chants 

"focus on what's in front of you"

youre gone 
and im on my own

youre gone
nothing will ever be the same

youre gone
but i hear your voice

"focus on what's in front of you"

you tell me
to be calm

breathe in
breathe out

"focus on what's in front of you"

The last time I spoke to my dad, he yelled at me. He wanted me to stop with the drugs, alcohol, and whatever else had me all wrapped up, but I refused. He picked up the bottle I had set on my poured it down the sink while I yelled at him. While I hit him. 

“Dad! Dad! No, stop.” My voice cracked as I started hitting him, trying to grab the bottle from his hands, but it was too late. It was gone. I leaned back and started scratching my arm. “You have no right to come in here and just, just touch my stuff. You have to leave.”

He looked up from the sink at me and shook his head. A groan escaped him as his right hand ran through his hair. “Analise, you are so, so beautiful. But look at this. You’re letting this addiction destroy you.” 

Picking up a piece of my tangled dirty blonde hair,...

I’m sorry it took me so long
To realize that one secret can change everything
I never meant for this to get this far
And yet, here we are
Face to face
Not blinking 
Eye to eye 
With tears forming 
Prisoners of my own design  
Begging to be set free 
You ask me
Why? How? 
What made you do it?
Tell me lies 
But I,
I have no answers
I just wanted to protect you
I argued with myself
Didn’t know what to do
What to say
How to tell the truth
How to tell you 
That I had a secret 
One that could burn you.
So I kept it to myself
Didn’t tell anyone else 
But now, here we are
And you can’t trust me 
Anymore
And you don’t trust me
Anymore 
And you won’t trust me 
Anymore 
So you turn around to leave 
And suddenly, I’m falling, falling, falling 
Into Hades’s hopeless hands
Cause the fates have decided  ...

all his memories
burning in the dark 
a fire i can't stop
a tornado i can't escape
all his memories
tearing me apart
cause he had a piece of me
he was a piece of me 
all his memories 

Two steps forward
they said.
Wait for the light to shine down on you
i waited. 
I am an artist
a dancer. 
I am an artist
waiting to perform.
The spotlight is upon me
I pause.
The music flows through the speakers
I close my eyes and begin.
I am an artist
a part of the wind.
I am an artist
every move a piece of me
that has been ripped from my soul.

I promised you perfection
A love that’d last forever
I promised you’d never have a broken heart
Then you went and broke mine instead
I promised you perfection
But now I realize I didn’t just promise you I’d try
I signed away my life

Made a deal with the devil
Made a deal I can't take back
Signed on the dotted line 
And I'm trapped for life
I promised you perfection 
While cursing myself to a life of destruction

"But you won't leave, right?"

"Never."

I promised you perfection
A love that’d last forever
I promised you’d never have a broken heart
Then you went broke mine instead
I promised you perfection
But now I realize I didn’t just promise you I’d try
I signed away my life

I am the girl, 
    who sits with the crowd 
    yet rarely talks to anyone 
I am the girl,  
    who studies everyone she meets 
    yet never has the right words 
I am the girl,  
    who wishes she could speak  
    yet is too afraid to try  
I am the girl who keeps everything inside because she's scared to trust. 

breathe in
breathe out

"focus on what's in front of you"

right foot
left foot

"focus on what's in front of you"

dont show fear
dont show weakness

"focus on what's in front of you"

you are strong
you are brave

"focus on what's in front of you."

everyday i have to remind myself 

"focus on what's in front of you"

everyday i have to try harder

"focus on what's in front of you"

everyday i have to move forward

"focus on what's in front of you."

nothing will ever be the same
i cant go back
youre gone but ill be okay
as long as i keep going.

breathe in
breathe out

"focus on what's in front of you"

all his memories
burning in the dark 
a fire i can't stop
a storm i can't leave behind
all his memories
tearing me apart
cause he had a piece of me
he was a piece of me 
all his memories 

We were once hand in hand
But then I pushed you away
The line between right and wrong began to fade away
I couldn't even see good and bad 
All I saw was one thing ahead 
But I didn't want to forget the feeling I once had 
When we were hand in hand 

One day, one kiss, one time 
is all it took for you to break me. 
One cry, one tear, one heart 
is all it took for you to go crazy. 
One hard moment, one favor to ask, one thing for me
is all it took for you to walk away. 

Just once I asked you to love me, but that's all it took for you to shatter my fragile heart 

When you're out of things to read,
Scream.
When you're out of things to write,
Scream. 
When you forget who you are, 
Scream.
    Because really, they're all the same thing.

He lied to me. He lied to her. When I found out there was another, the burning flame that was once between us, gone... but I brought it back. All it took was one match to set his whole world on fire.

a tiny, pig-tailed girl
whirls
around the room
performing
for her sister,
a ballet dancer

an older sister
loving
her baby sister’s
innocent wishes
and how she kisses
her little stuffed frog

yet the child
whose dreams are wild
does not see
the hours
of pain
and tears shed

the ballet dancer
wants to warn
her protege
but can't,
she won’t
crush the innocence
in the girl’s heart

i set out to find my hopes and dreams,
but I'm being hunted by my enemy,
chasing me through the night and the day,
trying to rip the joy from my heart.
my enemy knows me better than everyone,
the secrets i hide,
who i truly am.
she draws out my fears and doubts,
plays with me as if i were a puppet,
she is someone i never thought would betray me.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        My Enemy Is My Mind.

Freedom is a dream
Something to be looked upon but never touched
As much as we long to be free,
It is just a fantasynet
A mirage
An impossible goal,
We live by rules and guidelines
We live in a society that tells us we are free to be who we want to be
Then turns around and judges us for who we decide to be
Freedom
An idea that we have in our minds
Something we can all have
But really we just lie to ourselves.

i am perfectly imperfect  
i make wonderful mistakes
and even though i'm flawed, 
i am still beautiful

Though i never said i love you
Apparently i did
And now i can’t get over you
Even though you broke my heart
And no matter how much i want to move on
My feet seem to be glued down

My mind has lied to me
Again and again
Everytime it says “you can make it on your own”
But my heart knows the truth
That i'm stuck on you

people say the darker it is the less you can see, 
but really the darker it is the more your imagination soars

Everybody needs someone else 
It's written in every story
All around the world
Nobody can make it through life without friends or family

They need someone to talk to 
To show them what they see
Someone to help them go through life
Someone to love them 

They need a compass when they're lost
Or someone to get lost with
A light in their darkest hour
A key to open their hearts

As people grow old
They'll meet new people and gain knowledge
But their childhood best friends and their first loves
Were the ones who molded them to be who they are
Though some may have been imaginary or stuffed animals,
Some only lasting a few months, while others their whole lives, 
They all left an everlasting impression.