Vanilla

India

Circumlocution is my revolution!

Message from Writer

I'm Vanilla, but I prefer chocolate by a mile. Vanilla is also an adjective, which pretty much describes me. I love to write, and I love to review! cheers :)

Peer Reviews

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2020

The poet's writing style is brilliant. The phrases in this poem could easily inspire a crowd to rise up against injustice and ask for their rights. I would really encourage you to perform this poem as spoken word: your metaphors accompanied with meaningful pauses will make a listener pay attention, really pay attention. The poem has a voice and movie of its own, and you should totally use that to amplify the message here, and perhaps even give that message a purpose. I hope you keep writing and I look forward to reading more of your work!

3 months

blood is not blood it is memory

PROMPT: Chunyun

I've read your piece thrice and I think I'm just beginning to notice the intricacies, like the one word line breaks, the imagery of bravery and hope and pride. That's so cool, it feels like your sculpting your writing as if it a statue, paused in time and emotion. I'd love to read more! Keep writing!

6 months

AI World- Prologue

PROMPT: Science Fiction Competition 2018

It is a great piece. I would suggest to include some more imagery and visual, tactile, sensory details, as it would make the story easier to imagine. Also consider better word choice at a few places, maybe where I've highlighted. For the story and the plot, it is very interesting to see an AI interact, especially in a negative manner with the protagonist. Also, please remember that this was just feedback, and it is totally up to you to make any changes. Good luck for the competition!

about 2 years

Move Mountains

FREE WRITING

This is a great piece, and I love the way you have in verses the seeming end and beginning. You can probably try to introduce some backstory to this piece, which can help the reader realize the events that bring the story to this point. Your descriptions are quite powerful, and I would suggest that you focus some words on the features that are likely to stand out, like the roads or buildings or anything that is (or was) prominently in the setting. For example, in the first line, 'the world is toned yellow' what exactly does the world refer to? The sky, the earth, the smoke? It might make your story more visually interesting to the reader. I would also urge you to expand your story and the girl's character. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Options: Anything a Teenage Girl Should Understand

FREE WRITING

This is a great piece! I loved the structure: a bit of mystery at first, a reflection and comparison to what it felt like. However, I felt that the ending could have taken a turn to indicate what choice the character was inclined towards. Or maybe this is the best. I was slightly confused in the middle, where you say 'or I could fall for the one that kills my personality'... does this refer to the deck of staying or leaving? If it refers to staying, then I suggest you replace 'or' with 'and'. If you would ever expand this into a story, I would be eager to read it! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Hang My Ego

FREE WRITING

I like the story is introduced, a little reflections mixed with a little plot. You seem to have a strength in writing in first person, seeing that the piece focused on every thing, and not just the character. However, it might just be me, but the story seemed a little abrupt; it seemed to jump from scene to scene. For instance, why was the character (with her friends) on a mountain? What were they doing there? Who is the girl that 'was hurt'? In the middle, when your character falls off the mountain, try adding a few thoughts of they fell. Was the snow too cold, too rough? Were they bruised or panicked? And when they reach the 'bottom', what exactly is that place? I was confused if it was metaphorical or real. Maybe you could just read some of these parts again and clear what is vague. I loved the ending paragraph, where you describe the character's guilt for its actions. There are some striking lines there, some of them even quote-worthy! It brings the story to a smooth landing, and justifies the title, which is great! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

The Need to Ask

FREE WRITING

This seems to me like a great flash fiction story! There is an idea, a suggestion, and the reader has made up their own story about the characters here, only to realise that the ending is something completely different! The entire mystery here revolves around 'you say the answer I want', which can lead to multiple different interpretations, mine might me obvious in the above answers. You seem to have a strength in writing open pieces, where the reader is not bound by words for their imagination. This is a great piece, especially by the number of words it conveys its story in. The characters has some sort of a relation here, that is beyond labels and ordinary customs. I enjoyed reading this! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

The Phoenix

PROMPT: Flash Fiction Competition 2017

This is a great piece! I love the contrast depicted between the two characters, her younger, livelier self, and her older, jealous, cunning self. It is realistic, as somewhere, sometime, we all have two sides to us. However, one side does emerge dominant, as indicated by the last line here, which is a perfect end to the story! I love the parallel you have drawn to the phoenix, which justifies the story's title. Great work! Good luck for the competition! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

A patron of the arts?

FREE WRITING

I really like the structure of the piece, in the form of diary entries that capture daily thoughts. It is simple yet complex, and follows the train of the writer's thoughts, which, just like ours, is muddled and a little a confused, and quick to jump to other topics. It reflects the way we usually think. Ultimately, the piece has a strong end as the writer establishes her identity, which is unique, self evaluating, and 'constantly changing.' To improve, you could add some activities that the character does on that day, which provoked her thoughts. I really enjoyed reading this! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Thunderstorm

PROMPT: Slow Seeing

The way the piece flows is really commendable. I like how there is a gradual build towards the growing thunderstorm, which is something like a climax of this piece, which gently and very smoothly recedes into normalcy again. The end meets the start. One thing that I would really like to know in this piece is the landscape and the setting. Is it country or city? Rural or urban? How are the people affected? For example, rain is only welcome for the first two minutes in our city, after that, it is an inconvenience. How do you (the narrator) and the public react to it? I think some reflections might add on to the piece, but it is just a suggestion! This is a great response to the prompt. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Into the Night

FREE WRITING

The introduction does a great job of pulling the reader in, by creating an intriguing, mesmerizing setting. I love love your descriptions about the city and the moon, it almost creates a surreal place to be in. You might want to explain a bit of the backstory, since I feel that here is a really big mystery here, to keep the reader on its toes. I also admire the way you have framed your characters here, each one lost in their perspectives but also understanding the other's. This is great! I really urge you to expand it! The end is very smooth, very memorable towards the piece. Great work! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

The Tightrope Man

FREE WRITING

I was really struck by the description in the scene. There is a perfect balance (pun intended) of reflection and the action in the story. The start is really striking, describing a dangerous movement. The setting and description created is in perfect sync with the emotion in the story - 'a watery silhouette', 'an empty park', etc. Also, the last line leaves some lingering mystery, a weak cliffhanger. It really makes a great piece. I would only suggest you to add some details about the character that watches, but without diverting the focus of the story. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Off to Sleep

FREE WRITING

First of all, congratulations on your 100th piece, that is a massive achievement! Even though the piece seems quite simple, the personification of Safety and Fear is done so beautifully, weaving a deeper story. One can almost imagine Safety and Fear as real life characters, perhaps it can also be based on the character's parents, along with her inner emotions. I also really like the descriptions, they were clear and vivid, not too many or too little. I would love to know the backstory for this piece! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Country Fair

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

I really like your description! It is filled with fun and is very lively! I suggest the correction of some small grammatical/spelling errors, which I have highlighted in the piece. You can also consider adding some reflections and thoughts of the character, how does he/she feel? Also, what time does this happen? Is the character alone? These points made curious, and made me want to know more! Great use of visuals, I love the comparison between the Ferris wheel lights and the stars! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Comfort Cookies and Her

PROMPT: Returning

I would really admire the flow in your piece, at no point did I feel lost or disinterested. I like the way you have associated your memories with the place, both sweet and bitter, which is a great response to the prompt! The adjectives are well used, enough to help the reader visualize the setting. In fact, I feel that your story and memory are so powerful that the reader can do without having to know the characters or their relationship. Great work! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Broken Beauty

FREE WRITING

The piece is really intriguing! You really have a strength of using various words to describe! At every point in the story, I was compelled to read forward. The rich adjectives, and the setting create a somber atmosphere, perfect for your plot. If I had to suggest anything, it would be to add a little reflections of the scene of the hunter and the stag, what are they thinking? This also reminded of the series 'A Court Of Thorns And Roses' by Sarah J. Maas. It is a great series, and begins in a similar way! Looking forward to read more! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

The Struggle of Survival

FREE WRITING

It might just be me, but I did not really grasp the story around here. Whom does the first sentence exactly describe? What is the screeching? In the last sentence, 'the prayers replied', does this mean that the struggle was over? Or 'was it me with a hiccup?' mean that it was merely a false hope. Maybe you can try to resolve the mystery in a few words, that would be truly impressive for a flash fiction story. Don't forget that it needs to be easy to grasp and effective! All the best for the competition! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Walk To Work

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

This piece makes a common setting more real and vivid. I suggest that you pay a little attention to grammar, I have highlighted a few grammatical changes that you can make. Also, I felt that you can describe the character's actions, like where it was walking or standing, to give the reader a vantage point to imagine the setting from. I really like the way you describe the surrounding using common adjectives, it lends a sense of normalcy to the whole bustling atmosphere. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Sick

PROMPT: Other Worlds

I really like the way the story flows from simple mystery and the desire of a child to help a sick parent. I can imagine her looking for the book in the dusty attic, and then cuddling up next to her parent with the book and reading to him. You have really done a good job with the prompt! I love how you use your imagery and personification, especially in the part where the the book's spine cracked 'like one's spine after laying down for a long time.' This piece shows me the simple joy of reading a book, which is effectively described. Great job! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Home

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

Something about the last sentence assures the reader that however this place is, reeking of cars and illegal herbs and shining like chalk drawings, it still is home for the writer. You have chose your nouns well, 'piss, smoke, herbs', 'garbage, streets, graffiti', you can try to add adjectives to expand your descriptions. It is a great piece. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Ashes, Ashes

PROMPT: Open Prompt

The piece offers some kind of imaginative horror which is very interesting to read. However, I am not able to figure out the distinction between his body and 'him'. There is a lot of mystery that makes an interesting plot and makes me want to know more. Like in the second paragraph, the violinist is blamed for this happening. Who is he? What exactly happened between Brian and his parents? I urge you to expand this and fill out the backstory! Also, what I really found interesting was when you used the rhyme, 'ring around the roses'. The poem was actually used to symbolize death in the Black Death or the Plague. In the end, 'Ashes, Ashes' was used to signify the ashes of the corpses and 'We all fall down; was exactly what happened. This piece talks about the poem, and the disconnection between his body and him is kind of similar. That's great! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Red Umbrella

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

I really like the poem, the aesthetics and the theme. The last two lines, when the poet's reverie breaks off when there is shade, is very interesting, because usually it is the opposite. Great poem! It somehow convinces me that I don't need to know the story, the plot, the characters, but only this moment here. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Headless

FREE WRITING

Your idea does seem really interesting! I urge you to develop it further, and maybe you can make it different from the existing fictional species, like werewolves, vampires, faeries etc. Try to define their purpose, their powers, their weaknesses, their life span etc. Don't be restricted and let your imagination loose! You can probably come up with an entire species or population. In this piece, try adding a few reflections, it can add to the mystery by spilling hints and give the reader of the intensity of the actions, for example, what does being Headless really mean in their world? Develop your idea! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Playground

FREE WRITING

I like how you have written the piece from the point of view of a young girl, unassuming and unknowing. The descriptions are simple and easy, just how someone young might see. You can try to express what the girl feels towards her mother (especially when she pulls her away, is the girl angry or sad with her mother?) Probably you can also explore her curiosity further, and elaborate on the questions she has about the workings of the world. It is a great piece. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Rusted Bridges

FREE WRITING

The poem has indeed a very strong message. I also like how you have rhymed it and made it lyrical, and also italicised it. But, it seemed to me that the end is a little abrupt. Maybe you can write in a couplet or two to tone that down and give it a smoother landing? Just an idea. I really like the idea that the poem conveys. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Raging heat

FREE WRITING

This poem is very beautifully written. I guess to improve, you can maybe make the structure uniform. For example, the rhyming scheme changes from abbb to ccdd, you could try make that similar. Also, the words 'raging heart, heartbeat' is very effective, you make a line break or something similar to emphasize. I look forward to reading more! Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Sickly Sweet

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

The three senses of smell, touch and taste are described really effectively. You can try to associate some memory with this, since the character didn't like the drink, but had it anyway, there could be some reason. I like how this piece is simple, and that there is a lot of scope for visual, but it is different to read a piece where the focus is on the olfactory, gustatory and tactile sense. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Shower Thoughts

FREE WRITING

I think that this piece, is really true. I really like how you have made interpretations from your experiences in the shower. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Sixty Degrees in July

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

This piece is really nostalgic and imaginative and interesting! The writer has compared a rainy day to the smells and sights of his memories, which is amazing to read! I love that your descriptions are so unique, I don't think I would have read another piece like this. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

The Sound of Gravel

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I really like the way this piece has been written. There is a lot of sensory description about the setting, which is quite intriguing. There is a lot of memory and mystery in this piece. It feels nostalgic and memorable. It also weaves a mysterious backstory. I look forward to read more. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Simple and True

FREE WRITING

This seems to be like the beginning of a long story, where we approach earth and gradually zoom in on the girl to know her story. We notice the things around her and the busyness of it all, but yet this girl, with a simple heart intrigues us. I suggest you give a few details about the girl to help the audience make a clear picture, but then again, it can also be great to let the readers imagine as they want to. Keep writing!

almost 3 years

Greyness

PROMPT: Your World in Three Senses

I love how you start with the sentence, 'It's a beautiful morning', even though it actually isn't. A city is something many are familiar with, but have not realised it. Urban life is usually considered fast-paced, electronic, full of neon lights and life. But we often forget that it is also toxic, polluted, noisy, and sometimes can make you numb. It is a great piece! I think you have made use of all senses, which actually transports the reader to the world you are describing. Keep up with the great use of adjectives! I look forward to read more. Keep writing!

about 3 years

And For the First Time

FREE WRITING

I found this piece really refreshing! The sounds and views this piece offers is different yet nostalgic. The descriptions are quite vivid, and I can feel the wind against my face. You really have a way with your words! The character can almost be anybody, which makes a greater connect. I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

The Mystery Person

PROMPT: All in a Minute

The narrative is quite interesting, one that promises adventure and mystery. I feel that you are moving too fast, unless you have a particular purpose. It is a great response to the prompt, but I think you can describe more minute, physical details. Like what it was to run immediately? Or to find a bony hand touch you from nowhere? You really describe the setting well, 'like the wind', 'leaves of yellow and red', 'warm bony hand'. Keep writing.

about 3 years

Entering the Graveyard

FREE WRITING

I was intrigued by the first line. I have rarely read any poems about a graveyard, and this is really great. The language is strikingly poetic, which is really attractive and imaginative for the reader. The parts where you (the narrator) imagine 'aching wrist', 'her veins', 'her ear', shows that there is still some belief lying with the dead. I really look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

It Matters How This Ends

FREE WRITING

I love the poem! The rhyming words and the easy language makes it simple to understand and impact. Yet, the anonymity in this poem makes it more easier to imagine and relate to. Mankind thrives and survives on hope. I really hope you write more like these. Keep writing!

about 3 years

Closing Remarks

FREE WRITING

I really like what you've done with the characters, especially James, creating complexity and making them realistic, and therefore easy to believe in. I would suggest that you check a few grammatical mistakes. But, I urge you to develop (if you haven't already) a backstory, since I am really curious about the plot and characters. I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

In A Coma

FREE WRITING

I love the usage of short sentences in this story! It sets the pace, and give the reader an adventure. Adjectives make the story come alive. I suggest you can add more reflections of the character, the reader would like to know the thoughts. Was she befuddled, confused, angry, scared? What does she think of the lady? But then again, I like the idea of leaving the reader in the dark. Most books aim to introduce their world sooner, but keeping the reader engaged in figuring out the backstory, is also a great plan! This piece also reminded me of 'The Host', a great book by Stephanie Meyers, where it describes senses and memories in a similar way. This piece looked like an extract from a novel or a story, is it? If it is not, I really, really urge you to make it one as I am sure it will make a great plot and story! Keep writing!

about 3 years

fallingforyou

FREE WRITING

I love the way your sentences are structured and italicised, you really do it well! I would suggest to have more line breaks and paragraphs, and try isolating sentences to have more attention drawn to them, especially if it is a descriptive or italicised line. Most find it easier to read in pieces, and it also lends a certain pace to the story. And I love, love how you turned a song into a story! When I realised in the end that those were actually lyrics it shows how we can think the same things! It is very romantic, yet so straight from the heart that I couldn't stop reading. Keep writing!

about 3 years

A Step Closer

FREE WRITING

I love the simplicity of the piece, and I think that's what makes it philosophical and profound. You have really summed up these moments in life that are mostly overlooked in our daily observations. Yet many can and will be able to connect with this, as I have done. This makes this piece a great and easy read! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Lady Twyla

FREE WRITING

I love the way this story has been written, especially the descriptions which make the reader imagine! However, try to not make it too descriptive, as that might distract one from the plot itself. It is a very interesting plot with an amazing pace! You should definitely do another one, it would make a wonderful story! I am very curious about the backstory, especially about Lady Twyla. You really have a strength in developing characters, I am sure the Lady and the King are going to turn out complicated and realistic! I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

A Melancholy June

FREE WRITING

This is a really melancholic piece. I hope that you are better now. Also, try finding some ways to involve some distractions, for the character here, by getting a book, or getting interested in a TV show :) Also, for this piece, try finding the reasons you might be sad, apart from the memories. Try forgetting them, try making new ones. Or the best, make a new novel out of this piece! Just an idea! Keep writing!

about 3 years

The Queen

FREE WRITING

This is a great piece! I loved the complexity of the main character, her mixed guilt and determination, her thoughts and observations! I have so many questions running about the war, Adrienne, and the character becoming the queen. Sentences like 'the way her amulet glowed with power' gives your story a mythical and fictional touch! Also, welcome to WriteTheWorld! There are several prompts that you can check out, especially the competitions. You can also give and receive feedback (peer reviews) and comment on them. I'm guessing that this might be your first peer review, so don't hesitate to comment your thoughts! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Escape

FREE WRITING

This is a very different and imaginative piece! And quite entertaining! I suggest you add some description and reflections, and some details about the villain, hero, and the scene where they are set, to make your story come to life and let the reader keep guessing! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Trauma

FREE WRITING

The piece has an eerie setting and combined with the sudden presence of something threatening, it is powerful. Try using adjectives to make your scenes more lively, in a 'show, don't tell' way. Let the reader know a little about Asgol, to know how intense the scene is. Is he scared of the angel, angry, defiant, or wary? Using little details, the angel's eyes, his glory, etc, can help the reader visualise. Keep writing.

about 3 years

Emergence

FREE WRITING

At first, I was surprised to see that this long piece could be about such a small process. But as I read it, I realised how keenly and beautifully the writer has described each step in the process. It reminds us of beauty of nature, and that it is present in even the smallest things, here. My only feedback to you would be to keep writing!

about 3 years

It Pours

FREE WRITING

It is short piece but creates enough mystery for a novel. There is some great description that makes Laura and her world imaginable by the reader. I would strongly urge you to expand this. Try to add more to her world, like the geography. For example, rains wouldn't be very frequent in her part of the world or else she would be quite used to it (I think). Keep writing!

about 3 years

Without Myself

FREE WRITING

This poem is a very honest and poetic way to express how we might be weighed down by everyday life. I love the poetics used here, the repetition, and the rhyming lines in each stanza. Keep writing!

about 3 years

Drive Away

FREE WRITING

I am struck by the use of short sentences in this piece, it really sets a pace to the storytelling. Also, the story if full of mystery... it leaves me wondering. Who is Camilla? What did she do? What was the author's fault? I really urge you to expand this. I also really like the personification and description seen... it gives some colour to the piece. I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

Butterflies and the What Might Have Been

FREE WRITING

I was first struck by the title of the poem! To me, the title presented all the hope in the world (since I associate 'butterfly' with positivity). However, when I read it, I understand (I try to) what the writer actually means! The comparison of the terror in everyday life is very striking! I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

A Minute in February

FREE WRITING

I strongly urge you to expand this! You really have a strength with descriptive words, which makes your piece come alive in the mind of the reader. I would love to know more about Cassie, maybe you can try describing her as well? Also, I really like the title to this piece. Please keep writing!

about 3 years

Under the Yellow Umbrella

FREE WRITING

I love the writer's use of adjectives, 'tight cord', 'uphill battle', you really are a master of adjectives. I found the piece very gripping, but I think it would have been easier to read if the writer had left some line breaks in the middle and tried writing shorter sentences. I loved the piece for its originality. Looking forward to read more!

about 3 years

The Dimming of the Stars

FREE WRITING

I really love the way this piece is penned (rather, typed), especially the indentations and the dialogues. There is too much mystery, (is it an extract from your book?) and I'm very curious about what happens and what has happened. Why does the speaker move on? Also, consider adding a little reflections of the speaker here. What does the speaker feel? Angry, or sad, or nostalgic, or numb? I look forward to reading more! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Dandelions

FREE WRITING

I really like the poem for its uniqueness and style. Comparing something so philosophical to something so physical is indeed very interesting. However, try making the comparison between the two a little more clearer. Try indenting or leaving lines to emphasize some lines and make a better flow. I love the metaphors in the poem! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Captured Feelings

FREE WRITING

The poem is very true and moving. The way the lines have been indented create a subtle flow that helps the poem. There are some deep metaphors and references and alliteration that complete it as a poem! I look forward to read more. Keep writing!

about 3 years

Sister Stars

FREE WRITING

I really like the piece for its originality and thought, and it seemed like a beautiful folk tale. I strongly urge you to expand the piece more. Who were the sisters, what were their characters? How would they look physically? Who are the King and the Queen and why are they? Why is Dawn the weakest and Day the strongest, maybe you could explain these points. Why did Dawn return? In the end, how did they divide their rule? These points were what intrigued me in your story, what I want to know the most about. I look forward to reading more!

about 3 years

the queen

FREE WRITING

The piece is great! It suffices as a short story, leaving the reader to form theories, and is also great as a novel-opening! I am eager to read more! The descriptions are perfect to allow the reader to imagine the setting, but be careful, since you seem to have repeated some of the adjectives (especially of the queen and the crowd) and too many adjectives could distract. Nevertheless, I am curious about this historical fiction! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Three Words

FREE WRITING

This piece seems like the beginning or prologue to a very thick novel! If it is, it is an amazing start and the amount of mystery and suspense it generates is fascinating. The paragraphs are wonderfully worded, with some of my favourite phrases being the ones I have highlighted. I would love to read more on this! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Resistance

FREE WRITING

This piece seems to be largely influenced (I think, since you have added words like, 'fence' and 'government' (erudite) and 'starving' (factionless)) by Divergent by Veronica Roth, since you mention it in your bio. (I'm a fan too!) The piece is well worded, but would perhaps be a little vague to someone who has not read the books. If you are inspired by the series, and I would love to know how you would describe the other factions. Keep writing!

about 3 years

The Girl I Used to Envy

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2017

The poem is truly beautiful. And speaks about the true joys that are sometimes lost in envy or in pride, like the characters of the poem. I look forward to reading more of your work!

about 3 years

Scars

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2017

The poem is truly about heartbreak. The first stanza is very strong, making the description of the mental chaos very straight yet poetic! Later, the tone is a little more emotional, and a little vague, where you can elaborate. The language of the piece is very convincing. I look forward to reading more! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Hiding From Hitler

FREE WRITING

The piece offers a different take and has a lot of originality relating to the subject of the holocaust. Try doing some background reading on other historical fiction books on the same, like the Diary of Anne Frank or The Book Thief, or The Morning Gift (Eva Ibbotson). I love the way your story carries out, a fast, non stop action, but consider adding some reflections of the character. How does she feel about her parents leaving them behind? What does she plan to do next? I am really curious, especially after the painful cliffhanger! Looking forward to read more!

about 3 years

Tell yourself a story, once in a while.

FREE WRITING

The poem is a really fresh read! A different perspective, and it manifests the different thoughts that run through our brain in a day which we hardly notice. In fact, it also describes what most writers think outdoors, and it also seems to reveal the secret of their writing and inspirations! Keep writing!

about 3 years

Coffee shops

FREE WRITING

I love the piece, especially the beauty of the structure of the poem. There are so many quote-worthy lines with succinct meanings. Keep writing!

about 3 years

Humanity

PROMPT: The Subject that Matters

The piece offers a really different perspective, which is a great thing! Today, most of high school is concentrated on getting grades and degrees for further colleges, but in the process, we forget to learn some of the major values, especially in an environment of a school, which reflect on later in life. Keep writing!

about 3 years

my lover's ribcage

PROMPT: Synchronized Sounds

The title is intriguing (ribcage: which has lungs AND heart), which is what made me click on the poem. I love the originality here, the short alliteration in words which makes the poem a quick read, yet a deep poem. I also wish to read further, after the last line, 'he heeds not the lonely light', where I love the 'lonely', comparing him. Keep writing!

over 3 years

The Wild Kid

PROMPT: WILD

The poem is short, strong response to the 'wild' prompt! I really like the simple, easy words that grow to a deep, yet light, meaning. My only advice to you would be to keep writing!

over 3 years

To Be Human

PROMPT: Poetry and Spoken Word Competition 2017

The piece is really strong, structurally and literary. As I read through, I felt that the writer had a lot of places which could be emphasized more, especially the strong sentences. Do that! Try capitalising, making the font bold, isolating sentences, anything that grabs the reader's attention, and makes them want to read it again! Keep writing!

over 3 years

As The City Burns

PROMPT: Becoming Human

I really like how the poem explains this idea of fire and destruction without any exaggeration, especially when descriptive poems do tend to. I feel that this is a part of a larger poem or ballad, and am really curious if there is one. If not, I urge you to write one! It would be very interesting - about the back drop of the characters, the back story that gives rise to this poem! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Alone Again

FREE WRITING

The poem describes a really unknown feeling, subconsciously felt but unrevealed, which is very original. Consider tweaking the structure a bit, to drive attention to certain parts, like 'overwhelmingly strong,' 'alone', 'death', by highlighting them or arranging them on separate lines, perhaps. Keep writing!

over 3 years

Attack

FREE WRITING

This is a really interesting piece! I really urge you expand this and continue the story! Also, consider adding a few descriptive and visual adjectives in this piece, which may make it easier to imagine. What is the town like as she bikes through? What is the cafe like? What does the rubble look like? I look forward to reading more!

over 3 years

Pupusas

FREE WRITING

I really like the poem, which describes this small but significant memory. I hope that the writer would expand this and provide more details from that memory, and what happened next. Keep writing!

over 3 years

Words Cause Wounds

FREE WRITING

I really like the structure of the poem, especially when you have repeated some points for emphasis. However, I would urge you to consider adding a few elements that would distinguish your poems. I look forward to reading more!

over 3 years

Passion: Mythical Creature or Human Trait

PROMPT: WILD

I really like how the writer has created a mythical form of passion, which is deadly and fearsome, which is really imaginative! I like the idea of describing it as a creature, and you really have a strength of using adjectives. Maybe you could talk about where you find such passion or what happens if one is passionate. I would love to read more, keep writing!

over 3 years

I Remember

PROMPT: I Remember

I like how the piece is in parts, drifting between different memories. I love the way the writer has ended, bringing back all memories to drowning as the most vivid memory. I am curious for what would be written after this! Keep writing!

over 3 years

stories of sanctuary

FREE WRITING

I like how smoothly the poem reads, and how you have described your love for stories, especially in times of hopelessness. I would love to read more on this, perhaps how some character makes you forget something or how some place makes you forget where you are. Keep writing!

over 3 years

Real

FREE WRITING

The poem is very 'real'! I loved the structure, where the writer isolates words to put more emphasis on them. Perhaps the writer can elaborate more on where you find 'them' or what 'they' do, or maybe this is the best. I look forward to reading more!

over 3 years

Melia

PROMPT: Becoming Human

I really loved the poem! The way the writer has presented the tree in different seasons, and its immortal life is fascinating! There is some amazing anthropomorphism, that makes the object come to life. I really look forward to read more!

over 3 years

Sanitation and Development in Indian Schools

PROMPT: Op-Ed Competition 2017

The piece effectively describes the lacking condition of some Indian schools, and how it impacts other aspects as well. All the best for the competition!

over 3 years

Happiness

PROMPT: Emotion by Association

It is a positive poem, with an interesting description of what happiness feels like. I feel that you can add more about happiness and joy, and your fears or hopes associated with it. Looking forward to read more!

over 3 years

Something We Can't See

PROMPT: WILD

The poem is a really different and creative take on the prompt, describing a 'wild' person. I liked how the writer avoided their physical appearances, and described them just by their pain. I look forward to reading more!

over 3 years

Dilemma

FREE WRITING

The poem is a striking description of the minutes (or seconds) before we take a decision, out of a dilemma: the things that rush to our mind, that pull us away or shove us towards a 'yes'. I enjoyed reading it! Keep writing!

over 3 years

The Masterpiece

FREE WRITING

The writing style is simple yet beautiful. I love the way you have described his passion to paint. Even though you haven't described the characters, one can feel the love. This piece reminds me of a character called Julian from 'Lady Midnight' by Cassandra Clare! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Seasons (REMASTERED)

FREE WRITING

This piece reminds me of the poem by 'The Human Seasons' by John Keats. The idea of the poem is really imaginative, but for the structure, I suggest you put them in order of the seasons, like spring before summer. Keep writing!

over 3 years

The other side

PROMPT: Open Prompt

I truly loved your writing style. The descriptions, adjectives, and colourful verbs make the piece come to life. I look forward to reading more!

over 3 years

I was born

PROMPT: WILD

I really like the poem! This was a different take on the 'wild' prompt, and very imaginative, to associate oneself with the word 'wild'. I look forward to reading more to this! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Paper Dreams

PROMPT: Becoming Human

I loved the piece! It is so poetic, and the commas in each stanza builds up to a climax. I am left feeling dreamy. Thank you for writing this!

over 3 years

Series of Inquiring Quartets

PROMPT: Beyond Reason

The piece is amazing! Really, there is wonderful imagination and observations! I love the last quartet, and I love them all, and it was a really nice idea to base each one on a theme, and write them openly! There is some ambiguity in the middle which you could clear up. Keep writing!

over 3 years

A Conversation with My Personified Conscience

FREE WRITING

The piece is really intriguing! The structure of a conversation highlights some kind of honesty and reality in the piece. There is a lot to elaborate on; to create a full fledged story. To improve, maybe you could make the piece a little clear, like express the actions that made the speaker think like that, the back story, even though it is an honest confusion. Keep writing!

over 3 years

Drowning Delft: The Sinking of Shores

PROMPT: Foreign Correspondent Competition 2017

The piece starts very interestingly! The writing style is also very impactful and intriguing. The descriptions of Delft is effective. Check the grammar at some places, and some facts. There is a lot you can add about the situation, but stay specific to Delft and Netherlands. You have used many figures, but make sure that they are actually pertinent to the piece. Please keep writing!

over 3 years

Rich American Coffee

PROMPT: Invented Cartography

This setting is a really great way to start a story. You could add more description here, like the surroundings, the neighbours, the buildings nearby, which will be a part of the plot. Keep writing!

over 3 years

The Ghosts

FREE WRITING

The piece is amazingly written! The italics and the structure is planned, and the short sentences create the desired effect! I look forward to reading of your pieces!

over 3 years

I Walk

FREE WRITING

The piece is very refreshing, and provides a great point of view of another species! I suggest you space out with paragraphs, which can give more structure. I urge you keep writing such imaginative pieces!

over 3 years

The Syrian Conflict

PROMPT: Foreign Correspondent Competition 2017

The piece is really strong! It is well explained, which make it easy to comprehend even by one who is not at all aware of the conflict! The addition of small accounts and incidences underlines the gravity of the situation, which is great! Keep writing!

over 3 years

What is life?

FREE WRITING

It is a really interesting piece! It speaks about the questions that are posed by one at some point of time. I would advise you to pay attention to a bit of grammar: Capitals and full stops and commas. That would really polish your piece! Also, keep writing!

over 3 years

The Lonely Mountain

PROMPT: Becoming Human

This is a great work! You could add some more visual details, but perhaps this conveys your point effectively. I love the use of comparison of the mountain and its point of view! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Overdramatic

FREE WRITING

The piece was really fun to read. It's brave that you wrote such a long piece! I love the style of writing: the protagonist talking with the voice in its head. I would have thought that the piece was hackneyed, but not at all! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Person Suit

PROMPT: This I Believe

The piece shows originality. The topic is new and a thought provoking one. I urge the writer to write more!

over 3 years

I Believe

PROMPT: This I Believe

The piece is really beautiful - one that captures the 'essence'. My only advice to you would be to keep writing!

over 3 years

The Spiders that Crawl in her Hair

PROMPT: WILD

I really loved the piece! There is some amazing originality! There is a particular style you have experimented with, uneven stanzas and little adjectives, and more of metaphors and similes, which makes it so interesting to read! can only advice would be to never stop writing!

over 3 years

A Story Best Untold

FREE WRITING

The poem is a very expressive one! I feel that there's more to it, and I'm curious to read it! My only advice to you would be - to use the space for expansion of the poem, there's a lot more that the reader would like to know and to keep writing!

over 3 years

Incomplete

FREE WRITING

The poem is a really strong one, and gets across the point it wants to convey, which is a wonderful thing through words! I feel the writer can expand on this, as even in the last stanza, there are only two lines instead of three as the pattern. I love the poem for its fierceness. Keep writing!

over 3 years

A Certain Beauty

PROMPT: WILD

The poem has used some amazing words! There are many aspects of the poem which can be expanded - like the 'raw freedom' and the 'poisonous charm' - like show and don't tell. Looking forward to read more of your work!

over 3 years

Snow

PROMPT: What Came Before

I love the writing style; full of mystery and language. If you want to draw attention to Jocelyn's black race, you could perhaps add that; but I suggest you to be careful on the topic of racism. The writer has used a lot of interesting sentences, 'melty fingerful', 'forty-fifty time', keep those up! i loved this piece! Keep writing!

over 3 years

Fall

PROMPT: Becoming Human

The poem is written with an amazing imagination; to look a single leaf from a tree to imagining it falling, but in love. I would recommend to use punctuation, it would embellish it! Especially in the end, I would suggest a full stop, it would give a lasting impression, rather than make it appear incomplete. But this does not in any way decrease the meaningfulness of you poem! I would smile to read more of your work!

over 3 years

Brainless

PROMPT: 1 Photo, 100 Words

The writer has a really good flow of writing and a way of describing simple moments. I would suggest to clear up a little ambiguity in the middle, but the piece as a whole is enjoyable to read!

over 3 years

The Face of a Cliff

PROMPT: Becoming Human

The poem is fun to read! The writer creates a mysterious aspect, but ends it on such a simple note, which makes an 'Ahh!' effect. Thank you for writing this!

over 3 years

Dear Mouse

PROMPT: Signing Off

This letter is an amazing piece! It brings on a sense of ambedo, in a striking way. The writer does not forget to use the all time 'Hope' in her piece, and the reader is left feeling hopeful for the future. I could suggest nothing for the 'time' paragraph, for each sentence was beautifully sculpted! Thank you for writing this! My only advice is to, 'Keep writing!'

over 3 years

Words: Revolutionary and Meaningless

PROMPT: Paradoxical Phrasing

The writer beautifully captures the meaning of words, only using words! My only advice to you would be to keep writing!

over 3 years

The Silent Ones

PROMPT: Signing Off

This is an amazing piece! You have some serious descriptive skills. Each sentence is beautifully crafted! I have really connected with this. My only advice to you would be to use more paragraphs that would throw more light on each sentence, since your lines are so meaningful that each one of them should be understood before the reader moves on. Thank you for writing this.

over 3 years

Through my Shadows and Light

PROMPT: Why I Write

I love this! I love the structure, but I love the words more! It is difficult to say something through poetry, but you have accomplished it amazingly! My only advice to you is- Keep writing!

over 3 years

Guilt

PROMPT: Emotion by Association

It is a lovely poem! I love the way you have used small case to emphasize on the depressed and low feelings! Keep writing!

over 3 years