Compress, compress, compress
Scratch, bite, push, shove
Force, force, force
I tried to be myself
I tried to relax
Tried to talk without pretense 
And show you what I was thinking

Scorching, hot, unforgiving desert
No water to be found
Just scorpions’ pincers
And cacti spines 
You can be really disgusting sometimes 
Even though you want me to think I am 

Where is the shame
Where is the humility
How much hypocrisy can one person indulge in? 
I should be...

Insecurity 
Falsehood
Hide from your own voice
The world is a scary place 
Guilt compounded 
Fears abounded 
20 years deep and 
You’re going down, down, down

Insecurity 
You never heal those wounds
They cripple you more and more
You drink to hide from your own voice
You’re going down, down, down

I remember when we watched movies together
You were lost in the script 
The drama and the grandeur
Now you’re gambling and dousing yourself in smoke
-monsieur, you’re going...

I’m always crumbling
Constantly pouring tears
Into the soft cups of your ears
I’m always leaking
Always seeking
To be better than I was yesterday

There’s something about me
That nobody can seem to forget
I’m always leaving pieces
Of my heart in their hands
Hoping that some of them
Will be able to see
What I left them holding
Instead of ignoring
Instead of discarding
What I’m providing

I tell her, I’m always here for you
I’m here for...

Cool, black, oily liquid 
Dribbling down my spine
Until it sits
Heavy like ink
Decomposing my tailbone
Dissolving it into my legs
Numbing them coolly
Until I’m frail, pale
And want nothing 
Except to hide in the dark 
Away from all
To wallow in the 
Cool, black, oily 
Loneliness I feel
So isolated in my churning 
Fear

There are people who don’t acknowledge how they feel, ever. They ignore their feelings. They wall them off and never speak to them, because they’re afraid that what they hear might be too great a responsibility to handle. 

My mother and father both have their traumas. They sealed away their emotions because, at the time, they were too weak to deal with them. 
But being able to see this pattern of locked away emotions gives me power. Being able to...