Avril

Canada

"It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your front door."

seventeen years old
joined June 2020
community ambassador alumn!

not really active right now :(

Message to Readers

in the dead of winter I long for the warmth of the sun and the wildness of the rain

in africa the sun

April 17, 2021


In Africa the sun.

    radiates lifegiving warm-th.  (warm-th. warm-th.)
    
    and to this rhythm the animals dance:
    the lions yawn the tigers bow
    the dwarffrogs paddle in the rivers. (warm-th. warm-th.)

    
it's the dance of the desert the jingle of the jungle the song of the savannah.  (warm-th. warm-th)
    
    
and in the wild wild African swamp beneath a leaf a little girl sleeps to the beat-of-a-drum.
   (beat-of-a-drum. beat-of-a-drum.)

    the monkeys sing a lull aby the lizards scale the trees. (beat-of-a-drum. beat-of-a-drum.)

    
it's wild gloriousandfree.



In Canada the snow.

    sparkles but do not touch it because it's-cold. (it's-cold. it's-cold.)
    
    the ducks spread the song and the animals flee: 
    geese to their triangles bears to their caves, even the lady bugs hibernate
    only the rabbits stay. (it's-cold. it's-cold.)

    
there is silence in the streets and groaning from the ground the weight of winter is heavy. (it's-cold. it's-cold.)
    
     and in the quiet quiet boreal forest with the pinecones and the evergreen trees a little boy sleeps in winter's hush. 
    (hush. hush. hush.) 

    the wind howls and squirrels freeze before they reach their trees. (hush. hush. hush.)

    is this gloriousandfree. why would someone say this is glorious or free.     



The snow falls silently. (hush. hush. hush.) (it's-cold.) But the African rain is thunderous. (beat-of-a-drum. beat-of-a-drum.) (warm-th.)

("God bless the rains"/"God keep our land gloriousandfree")
Not all of Canada is super cold all the time or even ever, but in the place where I live we have almost six months of winter. It gets really hard sometimes. In January and February there are often weeks at a time of below -30 C (-22 F) and we barely leave our houses. The sun goes down at 5:00pm and everything has this dark, barren feel. Thankfully the snow is melting now and it's the best feeling! I know there must be other struggles that come with living in a climate that's always scorching hot but it's easy to envy warmer places. 
Also - it doesn't really rain much here, but once I went to Florida and the way it rained there was incredible. I'm not sure if it actually rains a lot in Africa (I guess it would depend on the country) but I liked the thought of wild, thunderous rain.
Some notes:
There's a line in the Canadian national anthem that goes: "God keep our land glorious and free" but the way it's sung it sounds like "God keep our land gloriousandfree". And in the last line I referenced TOTO's song Africa. Also "beat-of-a-drum" was supposed to represent the rhythm of the falling rain if that wasn't clear. Although it's also totally open to your interpretation as well.
 

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  • April 17, 2021 - 11:19pm (Now Viewing)

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13 Comments
  • Mpm#1

    Ooooh I liked this a lot! It had such an interesting rhythm to it, and I loved the contrast between the two settings so much. Holy snickerdoodles batman, what part of Canada are you in?! That sounds agonizing!
    Re: Thank you! I really appreciate that! :)


    5 months ago
  • McK13

    re: thanks so much for reviewing!! It means so much to me and I will make sure to take in all of your really helpful suggestions. I will definitely include some additional sensory details! Anyways, thanks again! I really appreciate it :)


    5 months ago
  • beth r.

    re: aw thanks!


    5 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    re: np! It is lovely :) I'm sure you will!


    5 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    (ohmigosh 6 months of winter? that sucksssss. i live in australia, so it's usually pretty warm (tho it does go thru raining spells)) Wow, this is gorgeous! The rhythm of your piece is almost like a beating drum, which goes so well with your piece. Every grammatical exception fits so perfectly, it doesn't even feel like an exception. Wondrous job!
    Re: Oh thank you so much! :D Aaaah yasssss. It's gorgeous isn't it?


    5 months ago
  • Mespotz

    RE: Actually you didn't misread my writing lol; the thing is; I was trying for a bit of a trick; varied humor, I guess, because I intentionally spun it to make it seem like a human, and then end with a brief statement that would flip the whole thing over. I like to mess with interpretations like that :D So I totally get how you would think it would be my little sister if you didn't read the last line, because that was... how to phrase this? The bomb line? The punchline? Also, thanks so much for the review! I published the new edited version under the name 'staccato dewdrops'! Feel free to check it out and say whether it's better lol. This time, I don't have the restraints of no punctuation, so hopefully it should be.


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    RE: Lollll that’s hilarious!! What great timing! And yes, you know what, I think when I’m older I’m just going to move away to somewhere tropical for a few years (but then will I ever be able to come back to the cold after that is the question haha!)
    Haha thanks! Oooh how cool and lolll, but aren’t the prairies so idyllic? Hahah, yeahhh that’s definitely Ontario but idk, I guess you never want to live where you grow up cause you’re so used to it. I would love to be able to just go and be in nature without five gazillion people there too haha. But lol I live in the suburbs so I’m either dreaming of the city or the country and right now its the country- it’s just so perfect if you’re an artist (whether that be poet or painter) because everywhere you go there’s fresh inspiration! I guess cities definitely have a lot more to do but my favourite vacation wasn’t going to London (England)! It was going to the English countryside!


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    I love this! It's so descriptive and I could really imagine it all happening (I loved imagining the Africa part a lot because *sob sob* it is way too cold here!)


    5 months ago
  • Parisienne

    Also, cool LOTR quote!


    5 months ago
  • Parisienne

    Ooooh I love this! It's got a really evocative and compelling rhythm as well as being just so cool about all the places you mention. I'm so jealous that you live in Canada...I'm English so you can probs guess what that means about the weather near me aha.
    Gorgeous work
    Re: awh thanks so much..I never knew my voice would be considered nice but thank u <3
    Becca


    5 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: awww, thank you so much! That means a lot to me! :) Have a great day/night!


    5 months ago
  • Mespotz

    Oh this is beautiful! I love the repetition in parentheses; that makes it seem like a beautiful song... I would really like a recording haha this would be fun to read aloud :) That's one thing speaking can't do, though. It can't show the reader that 'gloriousandfree' is different than 'glorious and free'. This is gorgeous!

    RE: Thank you so much! It's actually my dog lol. Her name's Arya. She's a blond dog and is really furry. It's funny that you thought it was about a human; now that I look at it, it does kinda seem like that *facepalm* oops.


    5 months ago
  • Zirong

    "is this gloriousandfree. why would someone say this is glorious or free."
    This is so interesting, and even more so after I read your footnotes! I really like how you change the rules here. The italicisation, upper- and lowercase, use of different punctuations along with the format work together perfectly!

    btw, I envy how it doesn't rain much in your place though -- it rains here in Singapore almost every day! Not a fan of rains so I can be pretty desperate here at times XD

    re: so so sorry for this extremely late reply(was a bit busy this week)! Thank you so much! Your comments always make my day! Have a nice week ahead <3


    5 months ago