United States

est. 10/15/20

"take me with you, finished thing"
"too dizzying to love anywhere
but from a distance"

have an ineffable day!


Message from Writer

thanks to paisley blue, rwong, wisp, and crystalline galaxies for all the love and support.

scribble chums with remi'sgotinkstains, useless :), and Starlitskies.

i think i'm a broken umbrella?

take a deep breath and
let tomorrow dissolve
into today;


April 18, 2021

i am ten years old, where this is in the present and always will be, where my younger brother is my biggest adversary, where i know it’s a good day when mommy feeds us freshly popped popcorn and hot chocolate, where not understanding my homework feels like the world teetering on its edge. i am ten years old and everything and nothing matters at once.
the yamaha keyboard stands against the large picture window, facing our neighbor’s yard. i am ten, they haven’t gotten the bee hives yet. i am ten, we hadn’t trimmed our bushes to peer over and spy on them yet. i am ten, mr. bernfield hasn’t moved down the street with his three dogs yet. but nevermind all that, i am ten and i am facing the keyboard i can’t, nor ever, know how to play. i am clicking it on to one of it’s preprogrammed songs and the gentle sonata pours through the speakers. 

i start to dance, spreading my arms and attempting a half formed spin with my legs, throwing my body this direction and that. i close my eyes, pretend i’m a ballet dancer like i’ve always wanted to be. feel the music, become the music. when the crescendo comes, i dance over to the giant floor length curtains that obscure our deck from our living room. wrapping the heavy fabric around myself, i am a princess, a royal. this is my flowing ball gown, this is my ball, this is my kingdom. then the music rises one more time and i leap across the room, shedding my dress in mid air. 

now i am fourteen, where the world has lost it’s golden mask and everything seems a bit more grimy, more broken, more pathetic, where the future is the only thing keeping me going, where i have bigger things to worry about than failing a test or fighting with my brother. i am fourteen and time has sped up.

except for this present, this now, in tintin, my dad’s blue prius. it’s the island of sanity, at least that’s what the radio station calls it. i’m in the car with dad, sitting in the front seat. we are driving not to a destination, but driving only for driving’s sake. we have nowhere to go, so the island of sanity shall suffice. 

i glance at the radio and turn it up. it’s a classical song from the christopher robin motion picture. it’s just like any classical sonata or symphony or song, the violins rise and then fall back as percussion and woodwinds take over. still there, of course, the strings are tension, and there, again! the shrillness is louder than ever and then, and then. it’s calm now, the music, the island of sanity. we drive on, soon we will have to turn around.

kinda like this one! thoughts? 


See History
  • April 18, 2021 - 9:57pm (Now Viewing)

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  • astrea

    this is so beautiful!!

    19 days ago
  • Blue Jay

    I love this! It's such a good story, and it's very true as well. Amazing job, I reread it like 3 times :)

    23 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    miiiiiiiiiiir!!! heyyy i love talking to you!! :D if i could choose a new name for myself, it would DEFINITELY be elliot or quinn. elliot bc it's similar to ella but gender neutral, and quinn bc idk it's a fun name lol :)) it's pretty nice here, too!! it has been cold the last couple of days -- lots of little flurries and grey skies, mid-30 temp, but it's sunny rn and it's making my math classroom feel all bright and pretty!! so that's good :) i love the feeling when the breeze makes you shiver but when it's still the sun is beating down and you get all warm and cozy yet still a little chilly -- it's such a spring-y feeling!
    hope you're having a wonderful day :)

    24 days ago
  • rwong

    omg mir!! okayokay i feel kinda proud that i saw this in its drafting stage but wow did this piece blow me away. all your descriptions and imagery and the way you describe the age difference between ten and 14 and how you dance and how you move with the music and also at 14 how there's craziness but how the music makes you sane but also like its so beautiful and i can picture it just the way you've describe it and aslkjdf;;alksdfj i'm in love mir. oh and i'm aware i just wrote the longest run-on in the world...i think this piece of yours truly did blow me away and now i can't type a proper comment. seriously mir this is stunning and you should be vvv proud of yourself. okay imma stop here before i make a complete fool of myself writing a v non-sensical comment.
    oh and btw your message board!! broken umbrella right along side you :) sending all my love & oh text me bc school and wtw don't work *sigh*!! <3 <3 <3 <3

    24 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    re: good to hear from you too!! ahh hope you do well on the test :) you should be proud of this piece, it's wonderful! i can't get over it!! yeah it's not quite as nice here, it's been snowing/sleeting all day, and it's all grey and cold. which UGH i mean it's april. but also idrc because it's mn and it's not even THAT cold it's only like 34 degrees or something so we went outside for class... our wifi went out for a while which was interesting. apparently it was the whole district. i've been doing ok... there's been some stress the last couple of days with the shooting, and my anxiety is off the hook which is NOT fun but yk whatever.
    always glad to see you pop up in my notifs!! <3

    25 days ago
  • Paisley Blue

    oh man mir this is perfect. l honestly think this may be one of my favorites of your pieces... they way you connect it is so perfect. and the imagery, and the descriptions of the music -- it makes me feel like i'm there with you :) and the way you bring us into the present, where it is "grimy, more broken, more pathetic" EXCEPT for the moment of peace and happiness in your dad's car.... wow. it's brilliant, honestly. i love it so so so much <3 <3 <3
    hope you're doing well :)

    25 days ago