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Message to Readers

this may or may not be very repetitive
(please please look at the footnotes for mee!!! thank you :D)

swimming through the darkness in a boatload of tears (footnotes please!!!)

April 6, 2021

hands run over my emotions, but I can't feel;
life is too difficult to translate into mere words
but when want calls, the pen must follow the heart's cry;
scratching out meaningless shapes that only add to this void of nothing.
I try to cling to something in this everlasting darkness
but everything is abstract; I weep as the ink mingles with my tears.

change is constant--nothing stays the same except for these tears,
these little droplets of saltiness that slip out when I can’t feel,
when I turn numb and lose myself in an endless abyss of darkness.
comfort, love, support, written out into concerned words
that bring momentary relief from this heavy burden only to be reduced to nothing
as I pull up my hood and curl up into a tight ball and cry.

I’m weak, weak, as I turn my back at the world’s cry
and let out all this coffee-bitter resent in these sticky tears
not strong enough to face myself, not strong enough to see that I am nothing.
and even as I get swallowed in misery, I know, I feel
that your taunts are not important. Those meaningless words
will not shape who I am--the only thing that can is the darkness.

this is lightless, this black, this is darkness.
no one, not even me can hear as I cry
in agony for help--so I write, hoping these words
might express the tenebrosity better than the tears.
maybe as I read my own writing I will learn to feel
for it is better to be miserable than to climb out of this darkness and be faced with nothing.

it’s there, but it isn’t; it clogs my soul, this nothing
creating shadows of ever growing darkness
twisting my perception of the world--everything I feel
being washed away as I cry;
I cry for the world, for the past. Watering my soul with tears
and burying myself in a sandpile of words.

a couple of letters strong together--these we call “words”
break them down and all you see are blobs and shapes that mean nothing.
but maybe these mundane shapes will plug this leaky drain of tears,
open a door and let in the light that will banish the darkness.
I will climb out of this chasmic pit and follow the light with a cry
of hope. I will learn to feel.
    
the shining tears are gone as I inhale these pithy words
learning to feel the warmth of the sun, the nothing in the pit of my stomach evaporating into something.
the darkness has turned to light: I cry the song of resilience.
words: feel, words, cry, nothing, darkness, tears.

Thank you everyone for your incredible support!! I kind of want to enter the poetry and spoken word competition and I saw a lot of people doing this, so: I would really appreciate it if you guys would tell me which one of my poems was y'alls favorite so I could better understand which one is the best (this one included)
Also if you have any better title ideas for this, I would really appreciate that!!! Thank you!

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  • April 6, 2021 - 3:38pm (Now Viewing)

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8 Comments
  • Nyla

    RE: Aww of course! Wow, really making me smile like crazy that you think I'm sweet!! Thank you and I'm so glad it was encouraging because I love reading all your poems and definitely would love to see more and more and more... :)


    5 months ago
  • Nyla

    To echo what Jason_claire :) said, this reads so effortlessly. Like it all just connects so amazingly and even though it was a restrictive form, you didn't let it stop you from getting those super unique descriptions in there! Like "I weep as the ink mingles with my tears." wow! "Watering my soul with tears" like you are just the queen at figurative language! I also really loved the line "a couple of letters strong together--these we call “words”" The overall message was really well conveyed. As for title ideas hmm, I like what you have so far, maybe something like "stabbing words" -loll told you I'm terrible at names! Also ok I would totally search through all your poems and tell you what one I like the best but hahaa I don't trust my own judgement half the time loll!
    RE: Of course! I really mean it! (same with this piece :)
    Awwww thank you so so much!! That means a lot to me as well! I'm so glad you liked it since it was really different to what I've been writing normally haha! :D


    5 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: okay, thank you! :) :)


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: yeah, you did mention that he said he would be coming back soon, so I was hoping you might have an update. Let me know when you hear something! :) I hope for you that he comes back soon!


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Re: I’m well, thanks! Aww, really? It makes me happy to think that I’ve encouraged even one person. :)
    Heard anything about Mingi?


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Hey, Ari! How are you doing today?


    6 months ago
  • Jason_claire :)

    replying- You're welcome! Good to know I wasn't the only one struggling . . . .


    6 months ago
  • Jason_claire :)

    Wow, this is so good and seems so effortless! Trust me, I tried this prompt and it was super difficult.
    replying- Hahahahaha, I know right?!


    6 months ago