hands run over my emotions, but I can't feel;
life is too difficult to translate into mere words
but when want calls, the pen must follow the heart's cry;
scratching out meaningless shapes that only add to this void of nothing.
I try to cling to something in this everlasting darkness
but everything is abstract; I weep as the ink mingles with my tears.
change is constant--nothing stays the same except for these tears,
these little droplets of saltiness that slip out when I can’t feel,
when I turn numb and lose myself in an endless abyss of darkness.
comfort, love, support, written out into concerned words
that bring momentary relief from this heavy burden only to be reduced to nothing
as I pull up my hood and curl up into a tight ball and cry.
I’m weak, weak, as I turn my back at the world’s cry
and let out all this coffee-bitter resent in these sticky tears
not strong enough to face myself, not strong enough to see that I am nothing.
and even as I get swallowed in misery, I know, I feel
that your taunts are not important. Those meaningless words
will not shape who I am--the only thing that can is the darkness.
this is lightless, this black, this is darkness.
no one, not even me can hear as I cry
in agony for help--so I write, hoping these words
might express the tenebrosity better than the tears.
maybe as I read my own writing I will learn to feel
for it is better to be miserable than to climb out of this darkness and be faced with nothing.
it’s there, but it isn’t; it clogs my soul, this nothing
creating shadows of ever growing darkness
twisting my perception of the world--everything I feel
being washed away as I cry;
I cry for the world, for the past. Watering my soul with tears
and burying myself in a sandpile of words.
a couple of letters strong together--these we call “words”
break them down and all you see are blobs and shapes that mean nothing.
but maybe these mundane shapes will plug this leaky drain of tears,
open a door and let in the light that will banish the darkness.
I will climb out of this chasmic pit and follow the light with a cry
of hope. I will learn to feel.
the shining tears are gone as I inhale these pithy words
learning to feel the warmth of the sun, the nothing in the pit of my stomach evaporating into something.
the darkness has turned to light: I cry the song of resilience.
Thank you everyone for your incredible support!! I kind of want to enter the poetry and spoken word competition and I saw a lot of people doing this, so: I would really appreciate it if you guys would tell me which one of my poems was y'alls favorite so I could better understand which one is the best (this one included)
Also if you have any better title ideas for this, I would really appreciate that!!! Thank you!