Nyla

Canada

15
She/her

Message to Readers

Hope you like this! (slightly revised version) As always, any feedback is amazing- especially because I'm not sure what I'm doing half the time XD! Have a great day/night :)

Night

March 24, 2021

Laying on his back, Yousef stared at the stars, trillions of miles away. The warm and giddy hues of white, yellow, and orange seemed out of place against the ferocious navy blue; as mismatched as if a five-year-old had clothed the universe. But creation has more order than that, and so the lights are no match for their evil canvas, and without squinted eyes are dismissed as a piece of dust clouding the cornea. Crooked branches rustled in the feeble wind, barely visible against their dark background; trying to stay put but being tormented by a power far greater. As Yousef splayed his thin limbs across a cold patch of Earth, watching the shadows he owned shape-shift, he contemplated existence; remembering everything leading him to this moment. Skydiving in Fox Glacier, New Zealand; hiking in Camino de Santiago, Spain; finding his true love in Florence, Italy; dancing with her in Prague, Czech Republic; losing her in Bruges, Belgium; and now, somewhere in Russia, he lay trying to escape death. But the sun had left long ago and little did he know, darkness would never release him from its tight grasp.

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19 Comments
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    re: thank you so much! i love seeing responses to my work.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Okay, that's cool. I think that mustard yellow can be a very nice color on some people. I love what you said about neon yellow it was quite endearing. I don't remember going to Israel when I was very young but when I was about 10 I spent the whole summer there. It was all right, but I'm not much for travel, and I have so many family members I can't keep track of all of them. Since my mom married very late, I only have a couple of cousins close to my age, but my brother and I got along well with one of them. Still I prefer to stay in the US. I live in northern California so probably not what you immediately thought of when you saw the word California. I like it pretty well here, and in my area our weather is second only to Southern California in the US (we get a little warmer and a little colder), but I think someday I'll move to one of the southern states like Tennessee or West Virginia or Alabama.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Wow, that's fascinating! Yeah I know lots of the Middle East in general is a bit mixed. My mom's family is pretty dark, but there are some Arabs with very light skin, and there are Jews there who have red hair. Then again I guess Pakistan is kind of South Asian, which I don't know much about. I didn't think about how skin tone would influence the colors you can dye your hair. I think it might be more important to think about the warmth/coolness of your skin rather than how dark it is, but both probably influence it. I'm lucky to have an Arab undertone but Irish overtone, so almost every color works on me, especially jewel tones. Yellow is one that isn't the best, which isn't a big deal. And yeah Alex looks kind of ethnically ambiguous in northern California where there are lots of Mexicans and Indians and very few Arabs, but in Israel, he fits right in with me being the one who doesn't look quite right.


    6 months ago
  • McK13

    Re: omg you are so sweet!! Oh, there were a few basketball references with "Home of the mamba, home of the king" since Los Angeles is home to the NBA players, Kobe Bryant and LeBron James and those are their nicknames. But overall, there weren't too many mentions about basketball, even though I really follow the sport since I've been playing for 6+ years and really enjoy it! It's great that you follow the Raptors at least! hahaha yes, I can totally relate since I'm always trying to think of random thoughts in bed so I can go to sleep lol, that makes a lot more sense! omg lol that would have totally been me saying that! I feel like I'm always super confident when I shouldn't be because I'm far off from the actual answer and then when my answer is actually pretty good, I'm not confident at all LOL. I know right, spoken word artists are so amazing!! Once COVID is over, I really want to go to an actual live show of one :) Yes, definitely!! New Zealand sounds so awesome! Wait, what, really?! Was the snake heavy? I would have been so freaked out lol and I still would be! Yes, I certainly do not need any random encounters with snakes! And now I'm looking at these gorgeous pictures of New Zealand, it's so pretty!! Maybe, I should move there when I'm older... lol


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Oh, and my twin brother is more like you where his skin is almost as dark as my mom's but has a very straight, European nose.


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Oops I just realized I typed "ran" instead of "tan". That's interesting how you are tan. Is your dad Pakistani too or European? My dad is so painfully white XD he can't be in the sun for more than ten minutes without turning into a lobster. Yeah, my nose is far from a button. From the front, it's not too noticeable, but my side profile has a very clear Mediterannan, bumped nose. For a little while, I was insecure about it, but I'm trying to remind myself that just because it's not small or European doesn't make it unattractive; it looks kind of powerful if you think about it.


    6 months ago
  • McK13

    As always, you have done such a fabulous job at incorporating so many details and really letting readers into your character's world!! There are so many beautiful sentences that bring the story to life but my favorite has have got to be "as mismatched as if a five-year-old had clothed the universe" because of how descriptive and original it is! And I also love the ending when you say "But the sun had left long ago and little did he know, darkness would never release him from its tight grasp" because that just leaves me wanting to keep on reading more and more!! Lastly, you completely nailed the prompt :)


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Ps. I feel like a kindergartner with my questions, lol.


    6 months ago
  • Rohan’s Defender (Semi-Active)

    Woah... this is amazingly written! Wow, Nyla, your descriptions are phenomenal! I think my favorite line is the second sentence; “as mismatched as if a five-year-old had clothed the universe” is just breathtaking. This piece is stunningly vivid and the tone.... those last lines got me. Wow. Wow wow wow, amazing work!!
    Re: haha, well, who doesn’t feel like that during Covid? :) But anyway, my favorite color is turquoise; ooh, those colors are beautiful too! I love a lot of different colors, you know? Coral is also one of my favorites.
    What is your favorite animal? Do you have any pets?


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    I left a review ;)


    6 months ago
  • barelybear

    This is so amazing! I love the tension and the mysterious atmosphere you’ve developed. I was completely hooked.
    Re: thanks ahah - I was super proud of some of those rhymes :D
    And POTATOES* ARE THE BEST GIFT TO HAVE EVER GRACED THIS PLANET smmskabanjsk.

    *not sweet potatoes, the abomination that I only included because the rhythm fitted perfectly :p
    Anywaysssss, hope you have a great day :)


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Oh that's interesting! I think I look almost completely white except for my nose, body hair XD, and while I'm pale I ran instead of burning. Thank you!


    6 months ago
  • don't you see the starlight (#TS)

    " finding his true love in Florence, Italy; dancing with her in Prague, Czech Republic; losing her in Bruges, Belgium; and now, somewhere in Russia, he lay trying to escape death" WOWOWOWOW. like, the pain of that. and that conjures up dreamy landscapes and stories
    re: your comment made my day! i got so excited seeing that. i appreciate the feedback so much! ;)


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Thanks! Oh good lol :P But anyway that's why I kept adjusting my hoodie! Yess they're amazing lol :P And no problem! Ok :D


    6 months ago
  • Avril

    Oh wow this is brilliant. I especially love the part about his true love. So intriguing!!
    Re: thanks! And yeah, aren't kids the best??


    6 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Yesss totally that is exactly what I would do! Sometimes I would manage to keep a straight face and I was so proud of myself XD


    6 months ago
  • SamRose

    Re: Lol yep that is what I would do, but I would stick my book under my pillow and pull my covers up to my chin and try not to laugh XD


    6 months ago
  • Writing4Life

    Re: Thank you so much! Are there any pieces you'd like a review on? (OHMYGOSH NYLA THIS IS AMAZING! ILISM!)


    6 months ago
  • Parisienne

    WOW!!!! This is incredible Nyla. You really brought this prompt to life I especially loved it when you said 'finding his true love in Florence, Italy; dancing with her in Prague, Czech Republic; losing her in Bruges, Belgium; and now, somewhere in Russia, he lay trying to escape death.' I just want to read more!!!<3


    6 months ago