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.audrey michelle.

United States

.hi.
.im audrey.
.writing.
.reading.
.volleyball.
.art.
.i stand by the cold is better than the hear :D.
.chat if ur bored... idk... im bored!!!!.

Message to Readers

I would like feedback on how I can write better in third person, how I can use better vocabulary, and on how to make my writing better. Thank you!

Moving up to NY

November 10, 2017

PROMPT: Lens Change

1

GROUP: True Stories

    Stressed, was what they all were.  Packing boxes, emptying the house, and more stress.  One of them, Audrey, hated it all.  Pennsylvania was her home and leaving shouldn't be an option, but it's they only that the family had.  

    Audrey and her sisters helped the movers and her parents pack up boxes, wrap up delicate items, and clean up the house.  Nothing is recognizable without the furniture, but this was what had to be done for her dad's job.  The stress went on beyond imaginable, but they would make it.
    "We will make it up there..." Audrey thought confidently.  

    The big drive was that faitful day where they would leave all that they had known behind.  Anything that could fit in the car was packed in tight.  There wasn't a lot of room, and Audrey needed space to stretch out her long legs, but there was no space.  

    The drive was long and butt-killing.  Four whole hours in that car, and they didn't move into the nice big house.  Instead, they had to stay at a old country club called the Fort Organge Club.  It looked nice, but the dorm-like rooms were incredibly small and in not the best condition, but everyone would make it through.  Not to mention, the family has a small white dog named Sam.  That was the worst part about living in the FOC.  He was locked in the bathroom because there was no where else to put him; we all felt terrible, but it was only for a week.

    They made it through the tough process of moving, but after a year in NY, they moved back to PA.  That journey was interesting...
This was hard!  I had to tell this true story in past tense and make it in third person!  I loved the challenge, and thank you to the True Stories Group for this prompt.  

And the girl named Audrey is me, and, yes, my name is Audrey.

Hope you enjoyed!

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3 Comments
  • Quille

    You're totally welcome and I'll definitely check out some more pieces; I really enjoy doing this :DD
    I'm glad you didn't mind the long comment, btw, I don't mind them either, but a lot of people apologize for them XD. Also glad I wasn't too critical *huge sigh of relief* :)
    If you want to check out any of my pieces, that'd be fine :)
    :DDDDDD


    8 months ago
  • .audrey michelle.

    u were not too critical!!!!!!!

    thank you so much for writing a big comment on this piece :D

    ill comment on something u want me to read an do a big comment :D

    and if u want to check anything out, there r 184 other pieces to check out :D

    thank u!!!!!


    8 months ago
  • Quille

    Hi :) I guess this is your prize comment; unless there's another piece you'd like me to check out :D
    This piece is soo relatable to me!!! My family moved from PA because my dad got transferred at work, but we wanted to move here anyway and never left :) I also have long legs and hate car-rides, especially when I have a cat on my lap, a bucket of fish by my legs, and a pile of blankets shoved beside me :D
    I think you did a great job writing this piece in third person & past tense, but there are a few spots where that drifts. 'We' all felt terrible should probably be 'they' :D Sorry if I sound overly critical, I don't mean to; just trying to give honest feedback :).
    Also, personification of yourself from the third person perspective is really well done. That's a really hard thing to do, so you should be proud of yourself for doing it so well :DD
    Fantastic job with this :DDDD
    Keep writing <3
    ~Quille
    P.S. Did I mention that this is really, really good? :D.


    8 months ago