Someone, wiser than me once taught me a very valuable lesson. Bravery lies not in who climbs the highest mountain without a hitch. Or someone who dares to stand up for themselves. Bravery captures way more forms than one can imagine. There is bravery in weakness.
You don't have to stand up and fight till your fists and knuckles bruise. The most important thing is to learn how to get up after you've been knocked down. Wipe that sweat off your forehead, dust your clothes and get up. Live. Truly live. Unapologetically.
You got a whole lot of fire left yourself. Reach out and catch that light. Light a match, a spark is enough to keep you going. Because it will follow you into the dark and the glow shall surround you like an aura. You owe it to yourself to get up and try. You owe yourself honesty.
In the face of adversity, you cower, you duck, you make yourself smaller and smaller. You take every blow as it comes your way. You believe you deserve it, so you don't fight back. You don't fight back actions, words, feelings. You take them in. What you don't do is let yourself feel what you take in. You reject the good and embrace the bad. That's what you've been taught to do. It is not your fault. Do not blame yourself for internalising your demons.
You're human, don't free yourself of negative emotions, just make room for something good too. Don't be afraid of hurting, of having sleepless nights where the only solution is crying into your pillow. Just believe that something better is coming. You need something to be good. So let it happen. If you have not known true happiness until now, time is not lost. You will find it, if not now, then someday. And if you found it, hold onto it. Cherish it. In the now.
If you lost it, however, you will regain it somehow, in some other form. If it helps, look back on the memories. If it does more harm than good, move on. Don't drown in quicksand, you have a right to fight it. In a moment of doubt take it back to the beginning and it all feels simple again. You survived today and you will survive tomorrow. Take a look at your hands. You're here. In the now. Touch your wrist. Feel your veins. The blood of your veins isn't pumping any less than it ever has. It's a sign. You're still breathing for a reason. You have hope, it keeps you alive. You are alive.