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glass_raindrops (Tunisia)() reviewed:

When I Knew Right Where I Was, But No One Else Did

PROMPT: Flawed Memory

I would cut out "She remembers" and "I remember" in the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs and put the sentences in past tense. The idea of memory is already reinforced. Other than that and capitalizing 'was' and 'but' in your title,...

almost 4 years ago

mollyemmabarlow (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)() published:

Lost

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

Sunny. It had started off such a bright, hopeful day - a day filled with numerous oppotunites and brimming excitment for going to school. My young self - the one who had walked such different footsteps to the self I am today - had fumbled childishly about her repetitive morning routine. Eating breakfast, trying to get her hair into some order and then getting dressed. It was the same three things each morning in a varying order. The little girl...

Seeking Peer Reviews

almost 4 years ago

Demory (United States of America)() reviewed:

Lost

PROMPT: Flawed Memory

It's a great piece. You have a unique voice and you see the world in a really cool way. Well done!

almost 4 years ago

1

Demory (United States of America)() published:

When I Knew Right Where I Was, But No One Else Did

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

In my memory she said, "Go play." I heard the granted permission and took off. I was in a bigger world than I had known, and the chance to explore it had just been given. Even then I knew not to miss an opportunity for adventure.

But in her memory those words were not spoken. In her memory she turned around and I was gone. She remembers calling security and describing me in a panic. "She's four feet of innocence...

Seeking Peer Reviews

almost 4 years ago

1

Demory (United States of America)() published:

When I Knew Right Where I Was, But No One Else Did

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

In my memory she said, "Go play." I heard the granted permission and took off. I was in a bigger world than I had known, and the chance to explore it had just been given. Even then I knew not to miss an opportunity for adventure.

But in her memory those words were not spoken. In her memory she turned around and I was gone. She remembers calling security and describing me in a panic. "She's four feet of innocence...

Seeking Peer Reviews

almost 4 years ago

1

aharry01 (United States of America)() published:

Running

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

Running. Running.

What I remember most from that day was running. Running down the hill towards my front door. Looking down at the grass between my toes, the tickle of a perfect summer day. Feet poudning with my heartbeat. Warm wind whooshing through my sun-bleached hair--and then something odd...a sound. I hear it before I feel it. A gasp, a strange whoomp! that stops me dead in my tracks. A sudden realization evident on my terror filled eyes. The sickly...
Seeking Peer Reviews

almost 4 years ago

Helen Grant (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)() reviewed:

Purge

PROMPT: Lens Change

Beautiful and thought-provoking writing. And the emotion feels sharp, even through the third person narrative. Just watch that you're being consistent with your tenses - this piece skips between past and present.

I hope you're on the mend.

almost 4 years ago

Josephine O'Grady (United States of America)() reviewed:

Running

PROMPT: Flawed Memory

This is a very well-balanced piece that never shallows in tone. It's like a piece of a horror story, only relatable. Well done.

about 4 years ago

Helen Grant (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)() reviewed:

Emily

PROMPT: Lens Change

In regards to grammar, the only real thing is the use of tenses, because you flick between the two quite a bit. For the sake of clarity, you might want to consider putting the second paragraph into the habitual past...

about 4 years ago

1

RockSugar98 (Singapore)() published:

Emily

PROMPT: Lens Change  | GROUP: True Stories

Just like most girls, she was very, very concerned about her weight. After every Wednesday's swim class, she examined her dripping-wet anatomy bundled in the choking, form-fitting school leotard that bit into her skin. Every 5 min mirror session would end in the same conclusion: Gosh, what humongous buttocks I have!

Like most other high schools locally, girls wear a pencil skirt. Every morning, she looks into her cabinet and her skirt stares back at her in annoyance and fear....

Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

1
1

mollyemmabarlow (United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland)() published:

Lost

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

Sunny. It had started off such a bright, hopeful day - a day filled with numerous oppotunites and brimming excitment for going to school. My young self - the one who had walked such different footsteps to the self I am today - had fumbled childishly about her repetitive morning routine. Eating breakfast, trying to get her hair into some order and then getting dressed. It was the same three things each morning in a varying order. The little girl...

Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

1

Giuliana Centofanti (United States of America)() published:

Purge

PROMPT: Lens Change  | GROUP: True Stories

She kept going until she could feel the emptiness, until she could feel it in her bones. That bare feeling when she knows there’s nothing left inside - body or soul - and her it rattles, her body rattles. A shiver runs right through her. As the water splashed up she realized where her acne came from. Her ribs slid back and her knees buckled a little. Her mind wasn’t there, though. It was far away. Her phone, sitting on...

Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

1

Giuliana Centofanti (United States of America)() published:

Purge

PROMPT: Lens Change  | GROUP: True Stories

She kept going until she could feel the emptiness, until she could feel it in her bones. That bare feeling when she knows there’s nothing left inside - body or soul - and her it rattles, her body rattles. A shiver runs right through her. As the water splashed up she realized where her acne came from. Her ribs slid back and her knees buckled a little. Her mind wasn’t there, though. It was far away. Her phone, sitting on...

Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

Ella (United States of America)() reviewed:

Fertile

PROMPT: Lens Change

Overall, interestesting piece, and I look forward to seeing where you go with it!

about 4 years ago

1

aharry01 (United States of America)() published:

Running

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

Running. Running.

What I remember most from that day was running. Running down the hill towards my front door. Looking down at the grass between my toes, the tickle of a perfect summer day. Feet poudning with my heartbeat. Warm wind whooshing through my sun-lightened hair--and then a sound. I hear it before I feel it. A gasp, a strange whoomp! that stops me dead in my tracks. A sudden realization, terror filled eyes. The sickly sweet jawbreaker that had...
Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

1

aharry01 (United States of America)() published:

Running

PROMPT: Flawed Memory  | GROUP: True Stories

Running. Running.

What I remember most from that day was running. Running down the hill towards my front door. Looking down at the grass between my toes, the tickle of a perfect summer day. Feet poudning with my heartbeat. Warm wind whooshing through my sun-lightened hair--and then a sound. I hear it before I feel it. A gasp, a strange whoomp! that stops me dead in my tracks. A sudden realization, terror filled eyes. The sickly sweet jawbreaker that had...
Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

Raiquia (Singapore)() liked Fertile by raiyabb (Singapore)()

about 4 years ago

1
1

raiyabb (Singapore)() published:

Fertile

PROMPT: Lens Change  | GROUP: True Stories

At 16 years old, 160 centimetres (or 5 feet 3 inches), 60 kg (or 132 pounds). She liked that all these measurements included 6. 6.6.6. Oh no, the number of the beast! Such blasphemy!

In her school, no one had her name, which was convenient. She craved uniqueness in all things, and she was happy that that was present in her very name. No one would have to differentiate between her and another person who shared the same name during...
Seeking Peer Reviews

about 4 years ago

raiyabb (Singapore)() published:

Fertile

PROMPT: Lens Change  | GROUP: True Stories

At 16 years old, 160 centimetres (or 5 feet 3 inches), 60 kg (or 132 pounds). She liked that all these measurements included 6. 6.6.6. Oh no, the number of the beast! Such blasphemy!

In her school, no one had her name, which was convenient. She craved uniqueness in all things, and she was happy that that was present in her very name. No one would have to differentiate between her and another person who shared the same name during...

about 4 years ago