chrysanthemums&ink

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ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ᴄʀʏ
ɪғ ᴛʜᴇsᴇ ʜᴀɴᴅs ᴏғ ᴍɪɴᴇ
ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴏᴍᴏʀʀᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴄᴀɴ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛ
ᴛʜᴇɴ ɪ ᴡɪʟʟ ғᴀᴄᴇ ɪᴛ ɢʟᴀᴅʟʏ
ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ sᴀᴋᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ ғᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪs ʟɪɴᴋᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜ

Message to Readers

apologize for the big block of text and the rambling. just joined this group (yay!) even tho it's been a long time coming.

10/13 thoughts.

October 15, 2020

FREE WRITING

10

look at that rubbery sky, covered with a dreamlike film. when i try to reach beyond the roof of my house, my hand can only do the dreaming for me. around in circles, my feet trick themselves into imagining a future where all i wished for would happen. oh, would the world end for me? perhaps it is a good thing that reality doesn't bend to humanity's collective will. but will we not, for that endless sky to carry us past ourselves and towards salvation? what a pitiful person i call myself in my waking hours, yet even in my sleep. how many dreams will i have let go by now? straining towards escapism, if somehow i could turn back time and relive my life with this hindsight, i would carve myself a piece of that sky by my own will. however, life thrives on the lost passions of others, withered and wasted into a sunken middle aged nightmare. if i become such fuel, what contribution would i make, forever unhappy in this way? it is much better to remain in my escapist fantasy, never facing reality, needing others to validate my existence for me. i want i want i want / i need i need i need yet these two words equate to the same when your priorities add up to the same sum. in my blazing bones lies a dying dream, and i wish not to walk forward if only by trampling on the deepest desires of the me who existed only a second before. it takes an immeasurable amount of time for the universe to reconstruct my body yet i feel like i have not progressed at all. if i could be stronger, then i would be pursuing my dreams. yet i am weak. i am weak and i am safe because i look at the ground when i walk and because fantasies are different than dreams and i am stronger in one over the other. which world have i destroyed? i want to live in a reality where i get what i want, but does such a reality even exist if not for the preservation of my dream in the first place? how many worlds have i dreamed up if only to keep clinging onto this dead future, how many futures have i destroyed by unwittingly discovering? i've nowhere to go, but everywhere you go is forward if you face the right way. will i keep waiting, procrastinating on this execution? or will i bring the blade down, onto the chest where i hurt the most. scared of slicing the throat yet the most pained bleed out slowly. the sky bleeds out slowly, and i reach for it. 

but i can't grab it. i cannot. 


 
"any way is forward if you know where to face." 

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  • October 15, 2020 - 2:44pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • beth r.

    re: yeah go for it!


    7 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    I can't stop reading this
    "oh, would the world end for me? perhaps it is a good thing that reality doesn't bend to humanity's collective will. but will we not, for that endless sky to carry us past ourselves and towards salvation?"
    "i want i want i want / i need i need i need yet these two words equate to the same when your priorities add up to the same sum."
    HOW?!


    7 months ago
  • Paisley Blue

    wOAH THIS IS AMAZING!! such beautiful writing <3 I absolutely love your imagery. wow. this is stunning!! <3


    7 months ago
  • storie_bird

    Awesome: this piece holds much!


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: Ikr?? It was so cool. Thanks, I did have a great time.


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Glad I read the whole thing bc it's awesome!!


    7 months ago