Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Woah. Although you did quite a bit of rambling (try using more commas and splitting some of your longer sentences into more than one sentence), you really embraced the power of question marks in this piece. It was weird for me to read so many questions in a row, but you did a great job filling those questions with description and intrigue. As I read your questions, I got more questions. Woah, that's a lot of questions! Having all questions changed your story more than I would have expected. It changed the overall tone of the wwriting, dor the better I think. Although it was a little overwhelming for me to think about doing, it flowed well when I actually read it.
Where can you turn some of your run on sentences into multiple sentences? Where can you add more commas? How can you make some of your somewhat irrelevant questions relevant?
I loved reading this piece. It was nice to read something with lots of questions for a change. I hope this helps, and keep writing!