Peer Review by bibliophile (United States)

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Success is the First Step to Failure

By: CuriosityKilledTheCat


"You've always wanted this, haven't you darling?"
"Of course I have - why wouldn't I?"
I've always strived for success, right? And my favourite scent is that of fresh ink on warm paper - what could possibly be better? Because don't you love the feeling of feeling alive and awake and having a billion thoughts buzzing around your head? And don't you love the endless nights of tear-streaked faces and blood-shot eyes and "mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell"? Because I love it, I really, absolutely, definitely, most probably, perhaps, maybe, don't really love it?
People would always tell me: "Work hard, you don't want to grow up to be a cleaner, do you?"

But if someone asked me whether the cleaner has more ambition in life or if I do, what do you think my answer would be? The cleaner's got a family to feed and people to meet and laughs to laugh, but don't I have more? Don't I have a diamond-encrusted spoon upon a golden platter placed in front of me and a million connections with the eagles and the hawks and on-demand control of the world's events at my fingertips?

Perhaps I do, but doesn't the cleaner have it better? Because I'd rather have stability and love over success and fame any day - would you?

Whew, this prompt was pretty difficult. I find this way too rambly. What are your thoughts?

Message to Readers

Thoughts?


Peer Review

Woah. Although you did quite a bit of rambling (try using more commas and splitting some of your longer sentences into more than one sentence), you really embraced the power of question marks in this piece. It was weird for me to read so many questions in a row, but you did a great job filling those questions with description and intrigue. As I read your questions, I got more questions. Woah, that's a lot of questions! Having all questions changed your story more than I would have expected. It changed the overall tone of the wwriting, dor the better I think. Although it was a little overwhelming for me to think about doing, it flowed well when I actually read it.


Where can you turn some of your run on sentences into multiple sentences? Where can you add more commas? How can you make some of your somewhat irrelevant questions relevant?


Reviewer Comments

I loved reading this piece. It was nice to read something with lots of questions for a change. I hope this helps, and keep writing!