Peer Review by lindsayt270 (United States of America)()

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Shattered Dream

By: Amelia :)


The paper tore once, twice, three times. I shredded it and scattered it to the wind. 
"Melinda what are you doing?" I turned to see my younger sister Emma tentatively walk over to me. 
"It's my rejection letter from Yale." When I said it aloud my chest felt heavy. There was no more hiding from my failure anymore. 
"Oh my god Mel. I'm so sorry, I know you really wanted to go there!" Although Emma's sympathy was innocent, I only made me feel more helpless. 
Staring at the littered paper around me, I thought, How do you repair shattered dreams? 


Peer Review

"I shredded it and scattered it to the wind."

I like the slight alliteration in the sentence; literary devices really do go a long way in making a piece of writing better! I also like the imagery, firstly with the angry connotations attached to the word shredded, then the imagery of the paper flying off into the wind, giving a sense of finality and regret.


In this piece, the ending line felt more like a rhetorical question, so in this case, the inquiry gives a sense of hopelessness. It implies that the narrator, the one in charge of the story, does not quite know the answer either, that the ending of the story will always be out of reach.


Reviewer Comments

This is such a real piece of writing, talking about a subject that a lot of people would encounter, yet it is still incredibly hard to deal with. Thank you for putting the despair of rejection in words!