Peer Review by clos (United States of America)()

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Shattered Dream

By: Amelia :)


The paper tore once, twice, three times. I shredded it and scattered it to the wind. 
"Melinda what are you doing?" I turned to see my younger sister Emma tentatively walk over to me. 
"It's my rejection letter from Yale." When I said it aloud my chest felt heavy. There was no more hiding from my failure anymore. 
"Oh my god Mel. I'm so sorry, I know you really wanted to go there!" Although Emma's sympathy was innocent, I only made me feel more helpless. 
Staring at the littered paper around me, I thought, How do you repair shattered dreams? 


Peer Review

My favorite lines of this piece are the first and last lines Right off the bat they manage to convey so much emotion and thought into the piece. I got that feeling of isolation, confusion, and sadness. Not knowing what to do after the dream you have work for so long and hard is shattered only in a moment. Striking lines, good job!


It left me with this feeling of wanting so much more. And that comes as a result of your concise, effective wording. Revealing only the most essential information describing it vividly for the reader. SO much information is revealed throughout the piece that it makes you wonder what is going to happen to Mel. Is she going to step back, reflect, and tackle another challenge again? Or will she become shattered like the dream and cower in devastation. We know Mel was working hard and wanted to go to Yale more than anything.The story is set up so well that I think it would be fun to explore aspects if you were to expand this.


Reviewer Comments

Overall, you managed to craft an excellent story which left the reader on an inquiry, being that of how does one repair shattered dreams? And while not answered, it brillianty leaves the reader wanting more and to reflect on the events that lead up to this moment, and what a person can learn from working hard but still not getting results. There are a lot of great lines here, which if you choose to expand on it or take it as inspiration, then I am sure you'll do great! Have fun!